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#938669 - 10/10/17 05:13 PM Re: The Oracle at Delphi [Re: Harbinger]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
Set Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.
Set  Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
Originally Posted by Harbinger
There's so much to comment on here set I'm almost giddy!

This I really enjoyable, from the individual Legionnaires on the Armoury Asteroid each dealing with their opponents using their brains rather than raw power - particularly liked the Tellus and Sun Boy's sections, and Brek dealing with his two by using his flight ring was inspired.


Even with his body numb from cold, as long as he could stay conscious, his flight ring could move him around! I vaguely recall Sun Boy doing something similar in a fight with Dr. Regulus (who was immune to his fire powers) and it seemed like a neat touch to have his new best friend ape that tactic.

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As commented above by Klar, it's pretty obvious that politics would come into the teams relationships, they seem to be moulded to play that part.

The Projectra scene with Ol-Vir initially bugged me to be honest but when I thought about it you have absolutely nailed her potential powers - she has previously removed all sensory stimuli from the Persuader, including touch, and also the description in the last series of canon described her abilities as manipulation of sensory data - and pain is definitely a feeling that she could possible create under that remit. The clever twist that Ol-Vir moving at super speed made her lose her control over him was well done - she may have an endless range but she still needs to focus her abilities so if the recipient isn't where she is focussing then they won't be affected - brilliant limitation to a crazy power set.


I was concerned that the illusory 'deaths' of Dawnstar, Ultra Boy and Sun Boy could come across as cheap tactics, in that scene, particularly, and that I might seem to be overselling her power, as well. Fortunately, Ol-Vir's reaction speeds and capability of leaving her range (which I arbitrarily limited), and her need to get him away from the city/planet, so that his heat vision attacks on her illusions wouldn't 'blow through' and kill people / demolish buildings behind them, gave her lots of challenges!

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The League were a pleasant surprise, particularly Mon El trying to reason with Titania - someone he once said needed chained up. Its an interesting point you raised there about the survivors of Korlon/Dryad and how they must have lost everything when their sun novaed and the survivors would be eking out their existence now. I wonder what sort of support the UP would offer? Lydda showing she doesn't need her abilities to take on a villain was great too - she came across as very capable and determined, which she must be to have hung around waiting for Rokk to make an honest woman of her.


I love Lydda, so that was easy enough. I may have a bit more of her left for later, I'll see where the muse takes me for chapter 3.

Yeah, that 'chains are good for this one' line always bugged me.

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In amongst a lot of great scene's the one with Myg and Tyroc stands out to me. Not only as it adds to Jeckie's imperious character but it was just really nice after all the action to have the two of them be friendly to one another. It made a great counterpoint to the violence just before it as well as adding another layer of character development and history to your story.


Thanks! I really enjoyed getting a chance to work with those two, because we've seen so little of them, and what we have seen has been kind of 'eh,' so I like getting to flesh them out a little, and take them away from whatever stereotypes might have gotten mixed up with them.

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Brainy has taken a pretty powerful team - very versatile and experienced - there's going to be fireworks!

The throwaway line that Drura had been reseeding Daxam's micro-organisms was class!


That was one of two things I thought about doing 'Encyclopedia Galactica' entries on, but since I hadn't been doing them consistently throughout the fic, it would have felt weird to start now.

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Ha, Phantom Lad! What a great surprise! And the reason for taking him - his exhaustion after the machine had done it's job is typical Brainy - nice one Set.

"as you’d know if you’d read my briefing…” Ha! Good line.


smile

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Your Quislet is intriguing and fun - the perfect mix for that character, reading your version (and also Raz's) makes me almost regret writing it out from my own fan-fic.


I had honestly forgotten him until now. He's not exactly my favorite character, but he's got as much a right to be there as anyone, and if I'm going to devote time to Projectra reminiscing about Val, whose been dead for ages, I guess I need to cowboy up and write me some Quislet! smile

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Neo-Ant engineers? Cool! very evocative and another great throwaway line. Things like this just add deliciously to the whole future vibe without forcing outrageous descriptions of wacky pseudo-scientific randoms onto us. Very neat!


Another thing I wanted to expand upon, but chose instead to go with a 'less is more' approach, rather than stall the action any further for an info-dump.

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The final battle gave us a nice focus on Nura which is always welcomed by me.


I love her sass. Because I've deliberately avoided using Shady so much (my unapologetic favorite Legion lady), I've been doubling down on Dawnstar and Dreamy, who also are supremely confident, in their own ways.


Wrapped Around Your Finger now complete in BITS!
#938670 - 10/10/17 05:27 PM Re: The Oracle at Delphi [Re: Harbinger]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
Set Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.
Set  Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
Originally Posted by Harbinger
Sorry, I just hit post by mistake there...

Brainy opening the airlock, and disabling the security and opening the other airlocks without tripping ant more alarms, and doing it quite casually just adds to how tremendous he is in this team. Also like Raz, you have a great handle on how to write him where he's smart, effective and not too over-bearing.

Anyway, the Naltorian death mark is a groovy cultural addition to an already rather odd culture. The Naltorian giving Nura respect well done, but then when I think about it really it's kind of expected as everyone from her world knows she will be a High Seer at some point.


That must be a crazy culture, and I'd love to see more of it someday! Imagine everyone knowing that you are going to be President someday? Or everyone knowing that you are *not* going to be President, someday... Yikes!

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I was a bit disappointed not to have read more of what Rokk and Gim were doing, though it made the battle scene a good length to read. Also, if you had followed my drawn out style of writing there we would still be in the airlock...


I did feel like I was losing track of people, at times. Dividing the team into solo fights for the LSV fight at the Armory of Ancients plays more to my strengths. Trying to figure out who is where and the various interactions between interlocking battles between a half-dozen Legionnaires and various bad-guys is hard! smile

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Quislet dealing with the Imskians by crashing into Gim was funny as was Gim then apologising for it.

The Oracle must have known he was going to be defeated, surely, so I wonder if that's what drove him over the edge? His battle armour was certainly effective, and luckily for him was non-metallic.


He did not! I'll get into that more, with the beginning of Chapter 3, but his 'brilliant' idea for staying half-awake all the time so that he can live a constant waking vision is not quite as reliable as he'd hoped...

Still, he did get some things right. His battle armor being non-metallic (and insulated against electrical attacks, among other things) was not a coincidence!

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Having a telepath on site with a sleep ray was a sneaky - these subtle abilities are always the tricky ones to defeat aren't they? Quislet being almost taken out by the telepath was unexpected, I would have thought that that sort of attack wouldn't work but then there is a consciousness so why not? Drura's comment about having forty trillion brains really highlights how alien she is, and also how effective she can be.


Soma was originally going to be called 'Miss Morpheus,' but I felt like, with Lightning Lady in the first chapter, and some other stuff going on, I might be dipping too deep into my trend of making all my memorable new characters ladies, and so the Oracle's 'shop' was more dude-heavy, and 'Miss Morpheus' became 'Soma.' After all the uses of beta-wave-inducing sleep technology I'd been tossing around willy-nilly with those neural restraints, it only felt fair to have that technology being used *against* the Legionnaires, and it made for a nice attack that could take out several Legionnaires without necessarily killing anyone. (That said, I'd already established that Coluans were immune, with Questor, and it just made sense that Somahturans might be as well. Quislet obviously was, but he's still got a mind in there, so a more direct telepathic attack seemed more likely to work.)

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Brainy being Brainy and playing to his strengths by raiding the Oracle's data while his teammates dealt with the physical threats was another nice moment for him. Dream Girl accidentally elbowing and standing on Jo and Ayla was funny. In the end it's clear that there just isn't enough fire power on Delphi to take ot a big team of Legionnaires, and the Oracles eventual defeat is nicely done using teamwork and a little strategy.

I was really impressed by the team saving as many of the Oracle's staff as possible - excellently done. And the final moment with the death marked Naltorian was tremendous... I save thirty eight people! Sperb!


Thanks! I was concerned that I'd gotten a little treacly at that point!

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The exchange between Rokk and Dreamy at the end was tense - and is it in canon that somewhere, Nura's meddling led to the creation of a Time Trapper?


I was just going with that idea that all of the Legion's messing around with time back in the golden and silver age (mostly involving Kal and Kara) might have led to drawing the attention of the Time Trapper, if not actually forming it, and that Nura, as a Naltorian, might know more about such things than Rokk.

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Set, you have excelled, this is a great read, enjoyable, exciting, funny, action packed, even poignant, in fact everything a good story should be.


Thank you so very much for the kind feedback! I am smiling as I type this!

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I really hope that this means we can expect more, more, more!


One more chapter to go, although Brainy's now got the information he needs, so it's going go fast and furious now!

I'm glad you liked it! Thanks again!


Wrapped Around Your Finger now complete in BITS!
#938671 - 10/10/17 05:34 PM Re: The Oracle at Delphi [Re: Invisible Brainiac]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
Set Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.
Set  Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
Originally Posted by Invisible Brainiac
WOW. Powerful ending, Set! that whole business with the heroic Naltorian lackey... did he even want to be a villain? or was he just resigning himself to fate?


I was going with the thought that he'd known since he was a teenager that this was how he was going to die, and he just did what he had to do to end up in this place, at this time, where he'd already seen what was going to happen. Given the Oracle surprise at his defeat, I'm guessing they didn't talk much about the specifics...

And I didn't even bother to give the guy a name. Bad, Set! smile

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Gim recognizing the Imskian tubes was a nice touch

Especially liked Quis and Drura in battle, and Cham’s surprise appearance - a very Brainy move.


Cham was another case of a character that I hadn't gotten around to, and having him away on Espionage Squad business only 'paid off' if I later unveiled him as having infiltrated somewhere cool, like Delphi itself! (And in the Oracles rantings, he mentioned wanting to punish whichever customer gave up his location, so even the Oracle had no idea that there was a Legionnaire *on his station*!)

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also loved the banter at the start, with Brainy being “one of the guys”

I was about to quibble that Drura hadn’t gotten much action, like Gates, but you have them both great scenes

can’t wait for more!


Drura was a last minute addition, as I was adding characters that had been suggested to be Legionnaires in recent years, like Night Girl and Chameleon Girl, and remembered that Drura, during her visit to the 21st century, was suggested to have been a Legionnaire. So I ran with that, since the team needed a few more ladies, and I wasn't using Dragonwing, Harmonia Li, Glorith and Comet Queen.

Thanks for the feedback! One more chapter to go!

Which may or may not be titled, 'One Ring to Rule Them All.'


Wrapped Around Your Finger now complete in BITS!
#938818 - 10/14/17 03:49 AM Re: The Oracle at Delphi [Re: Set]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
Set Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.
Set  Offline
I swore I'd die for you, I never meant like this.

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,079
I lied! Chapter three will be named;

Wrapped Around Your Finger and it starteth noweth.


Wrapped Around Your Finger now complete in BITS!
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