Meanwhile, back at the parlol (yep, it's changed again!)...
Lardlad finally stopped barfing after going about an hour non-stop. "Man!" he said exhausted. "That was some rough ****! Leap--I mean Cruj---I mean Spacey---can you get me some water?"
"Yeah...be right back," Spacey (it IS Space Tart now, right? )replied.
After awhile, Lardy was slowly recovering in the stockroom with Spacey's assistance. [Hey! She's just feeding him some water and applying a cold compress to his forehead! Get yer mind outta the gutter!]
Poor Eryk Davis Ester was stuck hosing off all that disgusting barf off the parlor's (changed again!) floor. As he was performing that thankless task, he began to notice something odd about the barf.
"Hey!" he cried. "There's something odd about that barf! It's coalescing into...a person"
Sure enough, T-1000-style, the barf formed the figure of a person. Worse, Eryk seemed to recognize the person it formed from his hazy memories of "Hot Summer Nights".
"Grife!" Eryk finally remembered the person's name. "It's.........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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...Lucifer Lass, the evil seductress from my dream with the bed-projection powers, only now she's made of Lardlad's barf!! What an odd sight, indeed!! the barf-creature growled threateningly at Eryk and it was then than Mondo Joe X Boy appeared on the scene in his super -action costume which consisted only of the tight little cute brown shorts that UPS drivers wear. "Fear not, lowly ice cream parlol employee! I will protect you from yon barfspawn!"
Meanwhile, at LMB HQ, Shadowplay in Candlelight Lass, Duplicate Man Boy, Looks that Kill Lad, Lost in Lust Lad and Seahorse were on duty when the cast of the Facts of Life attacked!!! First to strike was.....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Kid Prime interjection: Who else misses Shady?
Shadowplay in Candlelight Member August 24, 2002 06:26 AM
Time out ~
quote:
Originally by Space Tart: . . . retroactively inserting SPACE TART into the role they vacated and retroactively giving the beautiful blue-haired Tart the abandoned object-pulling-out of -asses power so that the story could continue without pissing off anyone else!!!
Well, thank-you, Space Tart. I was beginning to worry!
I MEAN, no way am I going to try pulling a hot tub past someone's sphincter. the very thought makes me shudder!
Shady Time in ~
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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"Hey, watch out for that fat girl!" but it was too, too late! Lardlass 2 had pouned upon Seahorse, immobilizing him before he could use his powers!
Meanwhile, Shady confronted Mean Queen. "You PEON!" Mean Queen cackled, "I could buy and SELL your ass with Daddy's money!"
Shady reached out silently with her morale-boosting powers and said, "Such a pretty, though slightly overweight young lady as yourself shouldn't have such low self-esteem that she has to go about bragging all the time!"
Meanwhile, Lost In Lust Lad found his powers completely useless against the butchness of Lesbian Lass! "It's all OVER for me," Terence thought, "unless....."
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
MLLASH Member August 25, 2002 12:44 PM the STORY THUS FAR-- a short synopsis to refresh your memory!
We open with an unkown megalomaniac plotting the demise of the LMB. This freak is keeping tabs on the LMB and knows their weaknesses.
In an Ice Cream Parlor, that sometimes is a Parlol, Space Tart and Lardlad come face to face with oafish Parlor employee Eryk Davis Ester, whom they recall from the HOT SUMMER NIGHTS adventure.
An eerie voice from the unknown speaks to Eryk and Lardlad does a mindmeld with him to reveal that Pornis (a foe from Hot Summer Nights) is still on the loose. Lardy also suspects Salad-Tosser Lord's involvement and eats a buttload of ice cream.
Eryk is then revealed to be an alternate-reality reversed-sex version of long-dead actress Esther Rolle. Ms. Rolle summons the Ghetto 5 to attack Eryk, Lardlad & Space Tart, but they are defeated by the timely arrival of the mysterious Repulso, who then seemingly vanished from the story.
Eating all the ice cream makes Lardlad barf for about an hour, and while he recovers in the stockroom, Erky notices the barf take on the form of Lucifer Lass (a villainess from the Hot Summer Nights adventure with bed-projection powers). Mondo Joe X Boy arrives on the scene wearing tight brown UPS shorts, vowing to protect Eryk.
Meanwhile, Omega Man and Lash Lad are trapped in a Gender Stereotype Reversal Field down the street in a pub, shrieking about how dreadful it is. the defeated Ghetto 5 have retreated to the lair of their mysterious mistress Lisp Lass and are sent back into limbo by her. She then calls forth the cast of the Facts of Life and sends them directly to LMB HQ to attack.
While all this is going on, new LMBer Optimusmagnus is frolicking in a hot tub with a sexy, speedo-clad stranger who belongs to a team and seems to be aware of the mystery of the Parlor which is sometimes a parlol.
Our story left off at LMB HQ with the Facts of Life girls smacking around Shadowplay in Candlelight Lass, Duplicate Man Boy, Lost in Lust Lad, Seahorse and Looks that Kill Lad....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Lisp Lass is talking like Elmer Fudd but she is not lisping. "Thith would be lithping. A perthon who lithpth hath trouble pronounthing 'esses and soft cees'"
/end interjection/
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Meanwhile, Lost In Lust Lad found his powers completely useless against the butchness of Lesbian Lass! "It's all OVER for me," Terence thought, "unless....."
"unless I can find a GSRF. It might make me femme enough to effect Wesbian Wass er.. I mean Lesbian Lass."
Omniously LardLass I approached Duplicate Man Boy with a smug yet perky and cheerful smile on her face. Duplicate Man Boy, having suddenly forgotten his own powers and abilities could only back up against the LMB HQ console. As luck would have it, Duplicate Man Boy leaned on the hyper-red-alert super panic button. As every past, present and future member of the mighty LMB received the signal, the mighty klaxton filled the HQ with a deafening sound. It was a sound that filled the Facts of Life characters with dread. It was.....
Meanwhile:
Non-Sequitor sipped on his root beer float
Back to the parlol or parlor:
Mondo Joe X Boy in his sexy tight brown UPS shorts approached the barf-formed Lucifer Lass, flexing his amazing pecs as he walked. "Begone you cheap imitation of a Kevin Smith creation!" "And how will you make me leave?" snarled Lucifer Lass as some partially digested pistachio ice cream ran down her neck and into her bossom. "With this!" cried Mondo Joe X Boy reaching into his costume and pulling out.....
(two cliff hanging endings in one)
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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But Lisp Lass sounds better than Speech-Impediment Lass, and fuddspeak is more fun to write than actual lisping (to me!)
[/interjection]
[more interjection] have you ever seen Sister Wendy? She is a British nun who reviews art. She also has fuddspeak. Once she said the Wefowmation weft Wome wealing!"
Is Lisp Lass weally Sister Wendy? A short fat nun with thick glasses. Hmmm [/end more interjection]
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 25, 2002 11:23 PM
As every past, present and future member of the mighty LMB received the signal, the mighty klaxton filled the HQ with a deafening sound. It was a sound that filled the Facts of Life characters with dread. It was, strangely enough, a recording of Lisp Lass saying, "WEWEASE... the SECWET WEAPON!"
Puzzled by this incoherent command from their mistress (since they didn't know what the "secwet weapon" referred to), the Facts of Life Five just stood there stunned.
Suddenly all power went off in the HQ. And then suddenly, a humming sound, then an explosion as a hole ripped open the fabric of space and time, through which came the Ghetto Five!
Esther Rolle says, "Try and banish me to limbo before I've achieved union with my other selves, will you? Clear out these hussies, boys, then we'll deal with LMBer's ourselves."
Meanwhile:
Non-Sequitor scratched his nose as he sat on the beach in Spain, and contemplated Godel's Incompleteness Theorem.
Back to the parlol or parlor:
"With this!" cried Mondo Joe X Boy reaching into his costume and pulling out a package that he'd been on his way to deliver when he heard the trouble in the ice cream parlor or parlol or whatever.
But before he could open the package and use it's contents, a bed appeared out of nowhere, and flattened the barf manifestation of Lucifer Lass.
In the doorway stood... the true Lucifer Lass! Dressed in her new, all leather costume (well, what little of it there was was made out of leather), she seemed more vicious and more full of hatred for the LMB than ever.
"Eryk Davis Ester must die!" she screams, "...and then I will deal with that traitor, Space Tart!"
Meanwhile, Repulso was...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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