posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 30, 2002 05:34 AM
"Oh, come on, guys," said the last member of the group, a redheaded bombshell by the name of Space Tart!
"Would you do it for a Scooby-snack?" Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II says.
"Ruh-uh!" Scooby-Lard says.
"How about two?" she asks.
"Roo Rooby Racks! Rokay."
And so the intrepid five walk up the path towards the old castle. Once there, Turns-You-Into-a-Country Fred (who, as should be obvious, is the spirit of Clothes-Fall-Off Fred in possession of Turns-You-Into-a-Country-Kid's body, as was revealed during the Five-Page Gap), knocks on the door.
"Like, there's no one there. I guess we can leave now," Omega Man says after a few moments.
But as he turns to walk back down the path, a loud creaking sound indicates the door of the castle is being opened.
Soon, the five are greeted by a somewhat stooped-over elderly man-servant who speaks to them in an eerie voice, "Come!" the five follow him into the depths of the castle, noticing the many creepy items strewn throughout. Suddenly they find themselves in a reception hall, but the manservant who was guiding them seems to have disappeared.
A new figure enters the room, and says, "Greetings! I hope you will forgive the lack of manners of my butler Eryk. This castle used to be a major tourist attraction, but we don't get many visitors around these parts these days, since the Pornis has been scaring people off. My name is..."
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Kid Prime interjection: I always felt like the LMBP Scoobyverse got retconned out too quickly. One of these days, I have to finish that sub-story in a Onevision.
LARDLAD Member August 30, 2002 11:11 PM
the room, and says, "Greetings! I hope you will forgive the lack of manners of my butler Eryk. This castle used to be a major tourist attraction, but we don't get many visitors around these parts these days, since the Pornis has been scaring people off. My name is...">
...but the figure's sentence is never completed as time is completely frozen.
Retcon Girl playfully steps out into the midst of the frozen characters doing a little twirly dance between them all.
At last, she stops and speaks to her lover and previous wielder of the Retcon power, Floyd. "Gawd, I loathe Scooby Doo cartoons! They are SO formulaic! Even if I weren't mistress of all time, I could tell ya that the guy about to introduce himself did it!"
"Yeah, hon," Floyd said. "Too true. So what are you gonna do about it?"
She thought for a moment and then said, "I'll restore the previous continuity, I think....except maybe I'll reverse everyone's sexual orientation. You know, just for kicks! Only...everyone will switch back to their real sexual orientations permanently when someone says the phrase, 'Spank me until you get all the naughty out!' But everyone will remember everything they did during their inexplicable reversal and feel really uncomfortable about it!"
"Ooooh-KAY," Floyd said bemusedly, "you're getting really out there on me...but whatever floats your boat..."
With a spritely giggle, Retcon Girl says, "okay...everything will be as it was before the universe was destroyed with the exception of the stipulation I stated above. Make it so!" And she waved her wand and the universe was restored.
In the backroom of the parlol (for the ephemeral nature of the parlor/parlol was never fixed because of this retcon), Lardlad and Space Tart suddenly found themselves uninterested in each other. As they awkwardly put their clothes back on, they heard a commotion approaching the place from outside. As they returned from the backroom they saw though the front windows.........
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 30, 2002 11:52 PM
As they returned from the backroom they saw though the front windows the new memorial to Explosion-Reversal Lad that had just been built.
"That was fast," Lardy says, "we just had time to get back down here and take off our clothes before they constructed it. I wonder how they got it up so fast?"
Space Tart suddenly noticed something. "Lucifer Lass! Where'd she go! She was lying here unconscious when we came in, and now she's gone! Darn, I knew we should have tied her up or something!"
"Yeah, but we didn't have any rope!" Lardy says.
"Oh, I could of pulled some out of someone's ass or something. I wonder where she's gone?"
Back in LMB HQ, where Repulso had just walked in on Looks that Kill Lad and Penny...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Back in LMB HQ, where Repulso had just walked in on Looks that Kill Lad and Penny...
...Repulso said, "Paul! You're with a woman? Aren't you gay?"
Paul sat confused, "I was gay...but now I suddenly want a woman!"
"A woman!" Penny snarled. "How dare you?!"
Repulso said, "okay, I'm confused."
Paul explained, "oh...Penny! You see, Repulso, Penny's not a woman...she's a MAN, man---in drag!" He pulled off Penny's wig and the scarf that had covered 'her' Adam's apple to illustrate the point.
"Oh," Repulso now understood, "so you WERE gay and had just laid this drag queen, but now you're NOT gay and want a woman. Fair enough." Then he continued probing further, "me, I'm not sure what I was before, so I don't know who I should want now."
Then Penny suddenly realized, "I suddenly realise that I want a woman now, too...who's dressed like a man!"
As they all started scratching their heads, back at the parlol, Lardlad and Space Tart suddenly saw the newly-constructed statue destroyed before them as the hoards of Pornis attacked!
Lardlad's jaw dropped and he said to Spacey........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Lardlad's jaw dropped and he said to Spacey, "Rut-Roh er.... I mean Ut-oh!"
Meanwhile:
Non-Sequitor just completed his gig as DJ at the Retro Rave party.
Back at the parlor or parlol:
Space Tart screamed as the hoards of Pornis began to concentrate their attack on her. Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II came running on the scene, dragging with her Mondo Joe X Boy, Captain Lightbulb and Optimus Magnus. the five LMBers stood back to back ready to face the onslaught of the hoards from Pornis.
Somewhere hidden from the sight of upstanding citizens everywhere, Lisp Lass and Salad-Tosser Lord watched the attack on a monitor. "If the Hoawds of Pownis succeed in threiw attack, aww of ouw hawd wowk wiww be wuined!" "Yes" replied Salad Tosser Lord "unless we save the LMBers, our own evil schemes will be thwarted. Here is what we must do Lisp Lass......
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 31, 2002 08:01 PM
As Salad-Tosser Lord explained his plan to Lisp Lass, Non-Sequitor suddenly became interested in what was going on with all those weird people he'd met a few weeks ago. By chance he was sitting next to Editorial Eddie, who was an expert at keeping track of such things, and so Eddie told him:
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
Well, basically, we've got at least two major villains running around, Lisp Lass, who oddly enough, doesn't lisp but talks like Elmer Fudd, and some guy in a dank, rat-infested basement who has files on the LMBers and knows their weakness and stuff. We don't know much about the guy in the basement, but we might have found out something had the Scoobyverse not ended just as he was about to reveal his identity. Anyway, there's also Salad-Tosser Lord, who seems to be working for both of them, but is probably playing both of them for a fool since the voice in Eryk Davis Ester's subconsious said that he's the real evil force in this story. Anyway, he released Pornis to attack the ice-cream parlor, which is sometimes a parlol, on the command of the guy in the basement, and is now advising Lisp Lass on how to prevent Pornis's attack. Yep, he's definately got something up his sleeve.
Anyway, Lisp Lass's main motivation seems to be to kill ancient TV sitcom stars, for some unknown reason, and she already has killed Frankie Muniz, also known as Explosion-Reversal Lad. Apparently, she got the information about his one weakness, X-ERL, from the guy in the basement, who released his files on the LMB to the underworld generally. Someboyd with access to those files is most likely behind a plot that made Lardlad sick on ice crean, as well.
Okay, so we've also got this whole subplot about Eryk Davis Ester, who appears to be little more than a nincompoop, but is apparently really important, and at least two gender-reversed alternate versions of him, Lucifer Lass and Esther Rolle, are running around trying to kill him or re-unite with him or something. I'm betting that gay mini-EDE from the Pornisverse saga is running around here somewhere, too.
...And then there's the fact that Captain Lightbulb, whose new costume consists of speedos, has apparently formed his own super -team and is trying to lure new LMBer optimusmagnus to join him. Explosion-Reversal Lad was apparently a member of his team, and others are supposed to meet them at the ice-cream parlor, so I bet they'll be showing up pretty soon. Oh, yeah, and since Captain Lightbulb still has sewn into his speedos the continuity stabilizer from the Hypertime Bar (since his removal of the equipment was retconned out), I'm betting he's immune to the strange change which has suddenly made everyone switch their sexual orientation. But since optimusmagnus, who he's been coming on to pretty strong, is not immune, he's going to end up more frustrated than ever. Poor guy!
Hmm... is that everything? Well, there's probably more things going on, like the mysterious appearances of Repulso and Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II, but we can pick those subplots up later. That's plenty for now!
After hearing what Editorial Eddie had told him, Non-Sequitor began playing Solitaire with a deck of 51.
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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the hoards of Pornis began to concentrate their attack on her. Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II came running on the scene, dragging with her Mondo Joe X Boy, Captain Lightbulb and Optimus Magnus. the five LMBers stood back to back ready to face the onslaught of the hoards from Pornis.>
But the hoards missed one LMBer...Lardlad! Between saying "Rut-Roh", er, I mean "uh-oh", and the hoards surrounding Spacey and the reinforcements, Lardy had used his power to teleport to LMB HQ to get a secret weapon. Finding what he needed, he 'ported back to the parlol right on top of the serpentine Pornis.
"Though I find you strangely attractive all of a sudden, I've gotta stop you!" Lardlad pulled out a large, square-shaped wrapper with a distinctive circular shape visible within. As Pornis tried to buck him off, Lardy opened the wrapper and unsheathed the single item it had contained. Lardy pulled it over Pornis's large head, all the while carefully squeezing the item's small protruding part. Methodically, Lardy pulled the item downward to cover most of Pornis's serpentine form. Then, Lardy was thrown off as the bucking became too much.
Pornis's hoards watched agape as their master writhed and struggled and seemed to start shrinking. They ignored the heroes entirely.
"Quick, Lardy!" Space Tart cried. "That thing isn't gonna hold Pornis for long...not with Felice Acio there to help him! 'Port us outta here!"
"Okay," Lardy gasped, "but I'm almost outta gas from those last two 'ports...I dunno how far I can get us!"
"Just do it, Lardy!" she screamed. "He's bursting out! the blast from his eye is too powerful!"
"Okay...here goes nothin'..."
And then they all disappeared. They reappeared about a block away at the Hootchie Hut.
"Hey!" Mondo smiled. "There are bound to be more LMBers inside!"
"Yeah, reinforcements!" cried OptimusMagnus.
As they ran frantically to see who was inside who could help, Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II suddenly stopped dead in hr tracks. "Wait! Where's Captain Lightbulb!"
Suddenly, horrifically, the five realized that CLB somehow hadn't made he trip.
"Oh, God!" Spacey exclaimed. "He was the target---or should I say, what was in his Speedo was the target!"
"Rut-roh...I mean 'uh-oh'!" Lardy despaired.
Meanwhile, Salad-Tosser Lord laughed as......
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Kid Prime interjection: I AM very proud of this post, even though it DID spawn the creation of the LMB... uggh... dopplegangers...
optimusmagnus Member September 01, 2002 12:56 AM
>>"Yes" replied Salad Tosser Lord "unless we save the LMBers, our own evil schemes will be thwarted. Here is what we must do Lisp Lass......>>
And then he began to whisper frantically into her ear, a devilish and delirious smile transforming her lips as he explained what she must do.
Meanwhile, at the parlol(r?), the members of the LMB present had their hands full. Pornis had blasted Mondo Joe X Boy and Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal against the wall, stuck in his viscous white fluid. However, Space Tart and Lardlad (who was still feeling queasy) were mounting a counterattack, trying to capture Pornis with an extra-large human-sized spermicidal condom she had pulled out of Eryk Davis Ester's ass. Nearer the entrance, Captain Lightbulb and Optimusmagnus were barely holding their own against Khan E. Lingus and Felice Acio.
"Quick, Optimusmagnus, I have another brilliant idea! Use your cartoon-projection powers, NOW!" Captain Lightbulb shouted, the lightbulb on his speedo glowing furiously.
"But Cap, I don't have time to change DVD's! They'll be on us in a second!" Optimusmagnus shouted back.
"I don't have time for your excuses, man1 Just do it, or we're all dead!!!" Captain Lightbulb replied.
"Okay, okay," Optimusmagnus punched the play button and concentrated. All of a sudden, 100 little blue Smurfs converged upon Khan E. Lingus and Felice Acio.
"Smurfs? the best you can do is SMURFS???" Captain Lightbulb slapped his hand to his forehead as Optimusmagnus turned red with embarrassment.
Meanwhile, as all of this tumult was going on, a form was climbing down from the roof of the ice cream parlol to the inexplicable changing sign. "Soon, my pwetties, vewy soon, aww wiww be mine!!! You thought that by taking pawt of my soww, the pawt that enables me to say the lettews aww and eww, that you could keep my twue powews hidden away fwom me fowevew! You thawt that by tuwning me into Wisp Wass that I would then nevew be abwe to find the souwce of my twue powew!!! But now, my powew is finawwy in my GWASP!!!" Lisp Lass wrenched the rotating letter R/L at the end of the sign free.
Captain Lightbulb felt a cacophony of pain pounding into his consciousness as he looked up and saw Lisp Lass with the letter(s) in her hand. "Oh NO! OH NO NO NO NO NO! STOP HER, MY LITTLE SMURFS!"
Brainy Smurf suddenly looked up. "Only Papa Smurf can say stuff like that, and you're not Papa Smurf, and I'm going to tell Papa Smurf that your said that just as soon as we get finished with this battle, and you're going to be in so much trouble, and..."
"SIWENCE, FOOWS!!!" Lisp Lass's voice echoed from outside, where she was eating the mystical letter. "Soon, I wiww bw whowe once (chomp chomp) again! (swallow) Aww you EwwMB'ews (chomp chomp) thought that you could defeat me fowever (swallow) by ewasing my memowies (chomp chomp) and hiding my true powers in this letter, keeping my from saying (swallow) my R's and L's correctly forever! You pitiful, insignificant FOOLS!"
Optimusmagnus looked over at Captain Lightbulb, who was visibly paling. "What's she talking about? Isn't she just a corny Elmer Fudd rip-off?"
"No," moaned Captain Lightbulb. "None of you remember this, but since my perceptions are immune to all retcons and reboots, I do. There was a huge battle, and the only way to stop her from finishing her heinous plan was by turning her into Lisp Lass, removing her from her awesome powers AND her R's and L's in one fell swoop. Oh God, I thought this day would never come..."
"NOW, BOW down before your new lady and mistress, fools! Bow down before the greatest power in this universe!" the woman formerly known as Lisp Lass laughed maniacally. "BOW DOWN BEFORE the AWESOME POWER of the ONE CALLED the ONE!!!!!!!!!"
[ October 19, 2003, 05:45 PM: Message edited by: Kid Prime ]
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
optimusmagnus Member September 01, 2002 01:01 AM
And then Continuity Lad, smiling at both Lardlad and OpMag's intuitive use of the same giant condom, retroactively erased Optimusmagnus's arrival at the Hootchie Hut, thus allowing him to stay at the parlo with Captain Lightbulb, keeping virtually everything in the same continuity. Smiling contentedly, he picked up his popcorn and Twizzlers, settling down to watch the rest of the show.
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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And then Continuity Lad realized in an epiphany, "Wait! There is ANOTHER explanation!" And so... the heroes who'd arrived at the Hootchie Hut finally went inside as they recovered frm their shock. Inside, they saw their comrades Faraway Lad, Lash Lad and Hummer Lass huddled around someone who lay collapsed on the floor. the new arrivals rushed to see what's the matter.
Spacey was the first to recognize the collapsed comrade. "Oh---Duplicate Man! What's wrong with him, Lash?"
"I dunno, Spacey," he responded. "Just before he collapsed he said something about their being a disturbance in the 'Duplicity Force' or something!"
"Unnnh!" Dupe grunted as he awoke. Then, he looked at the new arrivals in a mixture of horror and awe. "You five...you're not right!"
"Huh?" they said confused.
"Yes," Dupe continued, "I sense that you are dopplegangers created because Lardy tried to 'port without having any fatty foods to fuel the trip."
"Dopplegangers?" OptimusMagnus said puzzled.
"Yes.. the real five of you are still at the ice cream...uh...place."
"Does that mean we're evil or something?" Dopple-Spacey despaired.
"No," Duplicate Man assured her, "just copies."
"That means the real deals are still in deadly danger!" Dopple-Lardy exclaimed. "But...why wasn't Captain Lightbulb duplicated?"
Dupe thought for a moment and finally concluded, "must be that thingy he's got in his Speedo...I guess it protected him from the effect."
"Still," Faraway reminded them, "we've gotta go help our pals!"
Dopple-Lardy recalled suddenly, "quick! I remember that I, or rather, the real Lardlad has a secret passage from here to the ice cream place!"
"Let's go!" Dopple-Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II cried.
So the Dopples of Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II, Lardlad, Space Tart, Mondo Joe X and OptimusMagnus) and the LMBers thy met at the Hootchie Hut (Faraway Lad, Lash Lad and Hummer Lass) all raced to the passage.
Meanwhile, at the parlo, the one called the one.........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Yeah...all ya have to do to fill in other seeming inconsistencies is assume that the LMBers at the parlo thought the 'port totally failed and in desperation, Spacey pulled the condom out of someone's ass hoping repeating the same tactic would delay Pornis again! And Lardlad was REALLY feeling sick after that failed (or so they thought!) 'port!
Nifty, eh?
<<>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Damn. I'm gonna miss writing that fuddspeak! But that was a brilliant way to tie Lisp Lass into the One Called the One and the mystery of the parlol/parlor!
[/interjection]
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 01, 2002 09:44 AM
<<>>
Wow, you guys are good!
Just one question: What's become of Lashlad, StuRat Lad, and Omega Man? I assume they're the ones who built the statue for Frankie, but where'd they go after that?
...And I've got an idea for how to undo the sexual orientation reversal when the time comes, but you guys should have some fun with it first...
<<>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 01, 2002 09:58 AM
<<>>
Okay, so I just noticed Lash Lad is one of the LMBers at the Hootchie Hut, so that explains where he got to. But that still leaves StuRat Lad and Omega Man unaccounted for!
<<>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
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