posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 01, 2002 10:47 AM
Meanwhile, at the parlo, the one called the one wondered what Salad-Tosser Lord was laughing at, but she figured he must just be happy because they'd prevented Pornis from destroying the parlor and thus preventing her from ever regaining her powers. After all, that was his objective in attacking, wasn't it?
Anyway, she decided, before she gets around to destroying Pornis (which, as you will recall, is her general motivation and led to her misconceived plan to destroy all nads in our last adventure), she must first exact some revenge on the one who defeated her last time. And so she sees him there in front of her: optimusmagnus, whose ability to summon old cartoons led to her being "pitied" by Mr. T, licked excessively by Dino, and to have her butterfinger taken away from her by Bart Simpson. Once transformed into Lisp Lass, her vendetta against optimusmagnus took the form of an irrational fear of TV characters generally, and hence her desire to destroy all former sitcom stars.
She swoops down in the direction of optimusmagnus, believing that nothing can stop her from exacting her revenge. Unfortunately, as he is standing next to Captain Lightbulb, Pornis sees her swooping down and thinks that she is trying to prevent him from obtaining his actual target, which lies in the Captain's Speedo. He fires his strange sticky fluid in the direction of the Captain, hoping to prevent his arch-enemy from taking it.
But the one sees the shot from Pornis and swoops down even faster, more determined than ever to catch the one she seeks revenge on. She arrives just seconds before the shot from Pornis, snatches her target up in her cloak, and teleports off to her secret lair.
Meanwhile, the hordes of Pornis, no longer having the Smurfs to impede their progress, march over the figure who has now been encased in a sticky cocoon, and carry it off to their masters spaceship, as the LMBer, hopelessly outnumbered and spent, watch helplessly.
"We've got to pursue them," Space Tart says.
"Can't..." Lardlad says. "I'm too weak... we'll need reinforcements..."
Meanwhile, in the lair of the one called the one, she drops her hated foe whom she has just captured on the floor, and prepares to give him a big taunting villain speech, when she realizes that she grabbed Captain Lightbulb by mistake!
Meanwhile, back at the parlo, the reinforcements the LMBers need arrive in the form of the duplo-LMB and the members from the Hootchie Hut, plus the members of Captain Lightbulb's team he's been trying to get optimusmagnus to join.
One of them introduces the team and it's members...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
KP Interjection: The origin of the LMB's erstwhile allies, the Light Brigade!
LARDLAD Member September 02, 2002 12:39 AM
One of them introduces the team and it's members...
"Hi, I'm the Flasher! And these are the other members of .. the Light Brigade! Captain Lightbulb, our leader, gathered us together to fight the forces of evil! When I undo my robe and expose myself to a foe, he or she is momentarily blinded! While the foe is incapacitated, I can, I dunno, pimpslap or kick them in the 'nads or something or just let one of my other teammates pummel them! To my left is........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 09:51 AM
"To my left is Porta-John. Once inside any portable toilet, he can teleport inside other portable toilet anywhere in the world! He can also summon the mystical Prima-porta-potty from anywhere, so that he always has a means available for teleportation, and which can also be used for various other mystical effects. the young lady there is known as...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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....Dormant Damsel. She's been in a coma for about 10 years, but she's the heart and soul of the team, ala Jean Grey in the X-Men!
When the going gets tough, we just, sorta... throw her at the enemy and hope they trip on her or something! the chick beside her with the enormous rack is.....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 04:44 PM
the chick beside her with the enormous rack is Antler Lass. She was injected with DNA from an antelope and..."
Before the Flasher could finish explaining Antler Lass's powers, or introduce the other two members of the group, though, something completely unexpected happened, which had the potential to change all of them forever. Suddenly...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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... Non Sequitor appeared, screaming "Spank me 'til you get all the naughty out"!!!
This, of course, lifted the sexual-orientation reverse that Retcon Girl had created when she did her last retcon of the story!
"WOW... suddenly I'm horny for Space Tart again!" Lardlad said.
Spacey grimaced and replied, "But I'm STILL not horny for you. Oh well, I've always been a bit bi anyway!"
And then the final 2 members of the Light Brigade were introduced.
"This is Eunice or ROBOTWOMAN as we call her. When she was 80, she had her brain transplanted into the frame of this voluptuous female robot body. She's an old-school rich southern belle".
"Hey, sugar! It's a pleasure to meet ya'll! Could one of you big strong strapping fellows go fetch me some iced tea with lemon?" Robotwoman rubbed her shiny metallic ass on Lardled's thigh as she asked.
"Eunice! You know you can't drink iced tea anymore!" Interjected Capt. Lightbulb. "And the final member of our group is......"
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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"And the final member of our group is Nobody!" stated Captain Lightbulb pointing to an empty area. the LMBers looked puzzled. Suddenly from the empty area came a voice. the most sexiest male voice in the world. "Hello LMBers and especially Joe Mondo X Boy in your tight sexy UPS shorts" the Flasher explained that Nobody had been a holostar who specialized in adult genre holo and had been caught in a strange ray beam which had turned him both invisible and intangible permanently.
Nobody interrupted "Yes you can all hear about my origin later because this is not Captain Lightbulb. I saw the One formerly Lisp Lass swoop of with the real Captain Lightbulb!"
"You'll never catch me!" Exclaimed the fake Captain Lightbulb as he began to run out the parlo (no longer the parlor or parlol) door. But Antler Lass stepped in the way and ensnared the fleeing faux hero in her enormous rack. the heroes crowded around. Space Tart noticed that the pseudo super was wearing a rubber face mask fo Captain Lightbulb. "How come we didn't notice this right off? It is so obvious." exclaimed Lardlad.
As the rubber face mask was pulled off, everyone gasped. Someone muttered under his or her breath "Zoinks!" "Why it's really.....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 05:53 PM
"Why it's really Eryk Davis Ester!"
"I wondered where he'd gotten to!" said Nobody, to nobody in particular.
"I... I was just trying to help..." Eryk says pitifully. "I thought if I'd took Captain Lightbulb's place and stuff after he was kidnapped, and helped you guys out and stuff... maybe everyone wouldn't always think I'm such a loser and stuff..." He began sobbing. "Plus there's all these crazy people who claim to be alternate version of me who are trying to kill me and stuff, and I thought maybe I'd be safer in a disguise. And anyway, Captain Lightbulb is pretty easy to impersonate... all you gotta do is come up with some dumb idea periodically and desperately pursue every hot guy and stuff... And, for some reason, I share is retcon immunity, though I don't know why..."
After hearing his pathetic story, the LMBers decided
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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"Why, he's a master of disguise"! squealed Antler Lass.
"He would be perfect for our team!" agreed the Flasher.
"And he's such a cute li'l tadpole" Robotwoman cooed as her cold metal fingers carresed Eryk's cheek.
"That settles it!" Nobody declared. "With Dormant Damsel abstaining, as usual, it is otherwise unanimous-- Eryk will be the newest member of the Light Brigade! His code-name will be....."
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 11:28 PM
"His code-name will be... uh, howabout Boy of 1000 Faces?"
"Kind of wordy, dontcha think?" the Flasher asks.
"Well, it'll do for now. We'll think of something better later on!" says Nobody.
"But... like I said, anybody can pretend to be Captain Lightbulb! He's pretty darn easy to do!" Eryk complains.
"Oh, stop being modest, Boy of 1000 Faces, you're our new Master of Disguise, and we have every faith in your ability to contribute to our team! Plus, you look pretty damn fine in the Captain's outfit!" Nobody says.
"Okay, so what she we do now!" says Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II and Dopple Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II simultaneously, which leads to the LMBers noticing their dopplegangers and a whole explanation about how they were created.
"Well, it looks like we're going to have to split up," Lardlad says.
"Yeah," says Dopple-Lardlad. "Once Pornis figures out he grabbed optimusmagnus by mistake, and the One has Captain Lightbulb, he's going to be pretty pissed off."
"So, what we should probably do," Lardlad says, "is send one team to infiltrate the One's lair, in a kind of Espionage Squad kind of thing, while the other teams tries more of a frontal assault on Pornis and his hordes."
"Yeah, Boy of 1000 Faces here can easily infiltrate the one's lair by disguising himself as the One's former agent, Lucifer Lass, who is returning the rejoin her mistress! That should be a piece of cake for him, since she is an alternate universe, red kryptonite, gender-reversed clone of him to begin with!" says Dopple-Lardlad.
"Okay, so now what we have to do is pick the rest of the teams, and we could probably even call for reinforcements from the LMB headquarters. After all, the more's the merrier!" Lardlad says.
While they were planning this, however, unknown to all of them, Turns-You-Into-a-Country Fred was...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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After the transformation was complete, TYIACF said, "Omega Man should ever have been turned back for reasons that only I know. Sleep well, France...for if you ever change back, there will be HELL to pay"
Then TYIACF went back to his regular job as a full-time gigolo.
Meanwhile, back at the parlo, a few LMB reinforcements had arrived........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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