The Omnichronal Orrery of Phineas B. Fuddle

<slowly, a form materializes. It is Phineas himself, having recently left Legion World . As he fades in, an electronic, yet somewhat soothing, voice is heard echoing through the chambers of the Orrery>

...the Sun's place in the elliptic to the meridian; then that degree of the equator, cut by the meridian, describes the Sun's right ascension, while that degree of the meridian, exactly over the sun's place, is the Sun's declination. After the same manner...

<Phineas shouts>

Spacial tutorial off!

<the electronic voice ceases>

Temporal Regression Status!

<the electronic voice resumes>

Currently at level eight of twelve. Regressive chronometers retroactively engaged at

The Tobacconihilist ,
Cafe Cramer ,
Quislet\'s Law Firm ,
SHAKES bar ,
Rockhopper\'s Rookery ,
The Office of Security ,
Medicus Two ,
and The Statue of Cobalt Kid

<Phineas smirks>

Heh... I'll wager Exnihil had quite a surprise at Medicus Two... how the sins of our past come to haunt us, eh?

Bring up Seven O'Clock on Visual!

I would actually like to see the little sycophant's face when he saw where he was.

<Phineas looks up at one of the many panels of the Orrery's vaulted ceiling and watches the events of Medicus Two play out . Slowly his grin fades>

Back it up! Show Seven O'Clock again! <watches closely> What is he doing there? He's... leaning in to Cobalt Kid... something is not right, here.

Hmmmm... what does my little pawn think he's up to? Eight of twelve... he is making progress... but I feel that something is amiss. It may be time to activate the Secondary Protocol.

It may be time for my other pawn to be placed on the board...

<even as Phineas speaks the words, Exnihil suddenly materializes from his latest mission in time . Having been nearly drowned at the bottom of Shark Lad's tank, Ex is completely soaked and begins to gasp for air>

UHHHHH!

Uh huh... Uh huh... wuh...?

<he looks around confusedly... half in shock after his near drowning... half in awe at his new surroundings>

AND YOU!!!

<Phineas bellows across the hall of the Orrery>

Just what do you think you are up to, you insignificant flea?!!!

<He marches across the floor, his steps echoing through the expanse of the enclosure. He seizes Exnihil by his coat and swings him against a pillar>

We have an agreement... and you are dangerously close to violating our terms!!! Just what did you say to Cobalt Kid?!!!

<ex cringes in fear... how did he ever think he could get away with warning Cobie without Phineas finding out?>

Wh... what?

What do you mean... I'm doing the work... I am!!!

I just activated the ninth timepiece at Shark Lad's Tank!

<mimicking Ex in a simpering tone>

"meh... meh... meh...I just activated the ninth timepiece"

<drops Exnihil to the floor>

Listen to me, you fool... you may think you're getting away with something, but it's for nought. Whatever little plans you hatch... whatever attempts you make to divert the natural order... the Orrery will adjust for.

What do you think this place is?

This is no simple planetarium... within this edifice Time itself bends to one will... my own! If you think that you can alter the plans that I have lain out, you are sadly mistaken.

I know what you said to Cobalt... and even before a single rivulet could form outside of the course of my self-made stream, it was... corrected.

OFFICE OF SECURITY VISUAL!!!

<one panel of the Orrery ceiling lights up and plays out just a single snippet of a scene from earlier today : that of Cobalt Kid burning the message>

Your message to Legion World was incinerated by the very man you hoped would help you. Oh... you fool... did you think you were my only servant? Cobalt Kid is working for ME!!!

<Phineas watches as Ex's face sinks. The lie has worked>

Now... you will complete the task before you... three timepieces remain. Simply activate them, and I promise you... I do promise you... when Legion World is unwritten, you will survive... and have a realm of your own to rule.

Now... Away...

<Phineas waves his hand and Ex disappears . Phineas waits a moment, then his own face sours>

So... Cobalt knows... unfortunate... but not unanticipated. This must be addressed... but how?

I have tried striking against him before, but he has always prevailed. This time... I think... I strike against those he loves...

<Phineas smiles>

<Phineas walks to the rotating globe on the far west of the Orrery which describes the movement of Legion World. He considers it for a moment>

Hmmm... nine of twelve chronometers activated... not enough for a full rewrite... but a think a small test might be in order.

DISPLAY SUBJECT JBL1!

<a ceiling panel lights up and displays an image of a female Legion Worlder>

Ah... such a pretty thing... yes, you'll do nicely...

(pops in, wanders up to the bar)

Nice entertainment system. Great screens! Can we get the Devils/Fliers game on? I'll order a pizza.

No need... there is a DiGiorno in the freez...

what?

<Phineas turns to face the apparation and smiles>

Ah... the Event Horizon approaches.

Many strange things will be seen. Kent Shakespeare may appear in deep space demanding nourishment... Poverty Lad may quack like a duck... and Jailbait Lass... well... let's just see how I may punish this Cobalt Kid!

Away... I have a date with Jailbait...

<fades away>

<a moment passes>

<fades back in>

Or... rather... that is to say... oh, never mind... Away!

< fades out >

<having accomplished his erasure of Jailbait Lass from Legion World's memory, Phineas fades back>

<he stumbles slightly, weak from the energy he expended. He sits heavily into his chair, and watches the great celestial mechanism before him rotating>

Yes, the order is slightly different.

Mary Hatch!

Ha! Phineas, old boy, you are a devious one. <slaps his knee>

But why was it so difficult? SHAKES should be a seat of power... the fourth chronometer is activated there. Even with only nine of twelve, my power should be stronger than this.

<He Shouts>

TEMPORAL REGRESSION UPDATE

<a soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>

Currently at level nine of twelve. Regressive chronometer now engaged at

Shark Lad\'s Tank

Engaged? Are you malfunctioning? You mean retroactively engaged, correct?

Negative. Chronometer engaged in the present

Oh for the love of...! <Angrily, Phineas stands up> How did Exnihil align to the present?

Unknown. Shark Lad's Tank anomalous in current timeline

Anomalous...? How can there be an anomaly when I... when I... no...

<Phineas sits again, and ponders the repercussions of what this means>

settle down and have a pint. You've been so busy ranting you've missed the whole first period!

I pegged you for a Devils fan, and you didn't even notice that killer goal of theirs!

here. have some pretzels while I pour ya a pint of Keith's.

Yes, Kent Shakespeare… I do believe that a pint may be just what I nee…

NO!

<jumps up out of his chair and storms to the celestial mechanism>

Of course… how could I have overlooked such an obvious detail?

Mary Hatch is a research librarian! A vocation like that isn’t simply a career choice… it’s in the blood.

<scrutinizes the mechanism and finds what he’s looking for… a small steel wire has been snapped. He traces it backward>

No… No… No… No!!!

Mary Hatch… daughter of Niles and Esther Hatch… Granddaughter of Dr. Ezra J. Hatch… a genetic researcher! Tell me he didn’t work in the same lab as… <continues tracing> … oh, course he did!

<Phineas shouts>

VISUAL ON TIMELINE 22 MARK 7! TRACEBACK AND DISPLAY!

<the vaulted ceiling lights up and a scene from years prior plays out>

<Dr. Ezra J. Hatch walks through the halls of a genetic laboratory. He is a quiet man who generally keeps to himself, working studiously away on finding a cure for the Oomarian Flu. But lately he’s heard rumblings of strange goings-on. Talk of the bizarre research being conducted by one of his female colleagues. Genetic splicing… grotesque animal hybrids… bio-weaponry. He’s always been a company man but, if this is true, the lab has crossed a line that he cannot, in good conscience, let continue>

<he comes to the door of his colleague. Locked! Against all better judgement, Dr. Hatch looks both ways to see if anyone is watching, and jimmies the door. He walks into the darkened lab and quickly shuts the door behind him>

<a low hum permeated the lab, increasing the sense of uneasiness he feels. He sees a cage before him, with a small creature inside, breathing heavily. With trepidation he approaches and reads the label on the cage: “Psychotic Beaver”. What? Before he can process the thought, the animal suddenly spins around and throws itself against the bars, growling. Dr. Hatch jumps back in fear but, in doing so, bumps into a small glass tank behind him>

<the tank tips and before he can react, shatters on the floor. A small aquatic creature flaps wildly on the floor, gasping for air. Panicked, Dr. Hatch runs for the door not even noticing the label stuck to his shoe: SharkLad>

<The visual shuts down. Phineas sighs>

No rest for the weary.

If all of the timepieces were in place, this would not matter in the least. I could wipe the whole thing and start over, but I’ve acted rashly. In my haste, I didn’t consider the historical ripples of introducing a new character to this play. Now the entire fabric threatens to unravel.

<the soothing, electronic voice echoes again through the Orrery>

Temporal regression currently at level ten of twelve. Regressive chronometer retroactively engaged at:

Stuart Rathbone’s Masterpost Theatre

Well, thanks be for small miracles… but still not enough.

DISPLAY SUBJECT SL1!!!

<a ceiling panel lights up and displays an image of a Legion Worlder>

Phineas! I am here! I demand...<a cloud goes over his mind with each moment he spends in the Orrery>...I...what is your bidding...my master?

now that's what I call service!

how about a bucket of chicken wings, spicy but flavorful... a meatball sub from Decarlo's on Delaware Avenue, and get Phinny soem green tea... he really needs to unwind and relax a bit.

Thanks, Dark Lard! I'm Tivoing the game so you can watch it after your shift is over.

Ah... the prodigal son returns.

Welcome back to my side, DARK LARD.

Do not mind Shakespeare, he manifested several days ago in the Orrery and, as he presents no threat, I keep him about to cheer my ill temper.

And ill my temper is!

Look! <points to the celestial mechanism> All we have worked for... your return from the future to help me usher in our new age.. all of our carefully lain plans... are threatened.

The patchwork history that I put into place by erasing Jailbait Lass is now coming unwoven. I must... correct this <looks again to the image of Shark Lad>

The timeline must be righted and, as yet, two chronometers remain inactivated by that fool, Exnihil. And there is something else...

Someone has remained immune to the alteration altogether... retained the memory of the unaltered timeline. Look closely, DARK LARD... <shows him the knotted coil of the mechanism> Does not this not seem familiar... especially to you?

Somehow... LARD LAD REMEMBERS!!!

I have no idea how this could be, but... you ask my bidding?

I bid thee... kill Lard Lad.

Kill...Lard Lad? But if I kill him...I kill myself!

Ridiculous! Lard Lad is not you!

Lard Lad is who you were! And who... you never will have been!

You and I are the architects of a new history... one that won't involve any of the ridiculous trials and tribulations that he went through to become you. None of his pain... none of his weakness.

The DARK LARD you are now is the DARK LARD you will have always been. It shall be rewoven as such. Killing him merely hastens the process of revision.

...yes...YES! His weakness sickens me! I would relish ending his miserably wretched existence! I should have realized that your great powers over time would protect my existence from such paltry technicalities as linear existence!

I will gladly destroy him! However, he is surrounded by LMB right now. As powerful as I am, I feel I'm currently no match for their combined defense. How shall we stack the odds more in my favor?

chill guys! you're missing the game!

Sit!

DL, how about a pint of a nice dark stout?
Phinny, you look like you could use a... blond ale.

sit. drink. relax, dudes!

<nods toward Kent> Can I kill him, too, Master? <grins>

are you kidding? I had good money on the Devils... you can't do any worse than what my bookie's gonna do.

No... <grins>... as I say, Shakespeare does amuse me... though he, at times, speaks out of turn.

<Phineas projects a chronal bolt toward Kent, freezing him in between moments, a beer half raised to his lips>

I will deal with you later, jester.

Now... this power increase you desire, DARK LARD... I've an idea...

now wait a min--

<brrr.... does captured Han Solo impersonation>

<Phineas smiles>

Even in stasis... you bring a smile.

Now, you may not have noticed, DARK LARD... and I'm trusting that you did not or I would suspect you of betrayal... I jest, I jest... but when you arrived, I noticed you had the stink of the "Green" upon you.

As you left the LMB, the one known as "Quank" tagged you, as it were. It is no great matter, as even if they were to find us they could not enter as the entrance itself exists one femtosecond in the future.

Alone... this energy is powerful enough for nothing more than a homing beacon... but... if we were to...

<Phineas makes an odd gesture, as if he were plucking threads from the air>

...reconstruct this energy as a continuous sequence from the moment you left... replicate it, moving backward through the continuum... and fold it again on itself... and again... and there...

<Phineas make a gesture with both hands toward the DARK LARD>

You would possess the energy of a hundred Quanks! And indeed, old friend... you do.

<places his hand on the DARK LARD's shoulder in gesture very nearly resembling friendship>

Godspeed, DARK LARD... you know what must be done.

When all of this is over... I swear... we shall rule this world together!

<sharing a momentary triumphant glance with the DARK LARD, Phineas smiles to himself at how readily the physical world lends itself to lies>

Now.. to the task at hand...

<looks at the celestial mechanism, which is now grinding badly>

...can I just let it be?

STATUS!!!

<the soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>

Currently at level eleven of twelve. Regressive chronometers retroactively engaged at:

The Tobacconihilist ,
Cafe Cramer ,
Quislet\'s Law Firm ,
SHAKES bar ,
Rockhopper\'s Rookery ,
The Office of Security ,
Medicus Two ,
The Statue of Cobalt Kid
and Stuart Rathbone’s Masterpost Theatre

and actively engaged at:

Shark Lad\'s Tank
and The Former LMB Clubhouse

<Phineas is apoplectic>

Another one in the Present?!!! What is happening here?!!!

No... I can't wait for Exnihil to get to the twelfth, I need to address this now!

<Phineas fades away >

<having accomplished his chronal erasure of Shark Lad and been weakened far less than when he had erased Jailbait Lass , Phineas fades back into the Orrery in high spirits>

Oh, what a beautiful Mooooooorning....

Oh, what a beautiful Daaaaaaaay...

Well, hello there, chronally static Kent Shakespeare apparition...

<pats him on the head>

Hello there, soothing electronic voice...

<the soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>

Hello there, Master

Hello, my wonderful, now fully-righted celestial mechanism...

<the celestial mechanism grinds horribly, four of the orbs are rotating backward, and one has broken off entirely. Phineas stops in his tracks>

WHAT NOW????

<he inspects the mechanism>

Mary Hatch... trace back to her grandfather... yes... genetic experiment... Naked Mole Rat Lad... and forward... wha.. oh, for the love of...!

<Phineas shouts>

VISUAL ON TIMELINE 41 MARK 9! TRACEBACK AND DISPLAY!

<the vaulted ceiling lights up and a scene from years prior plays out>

<the visual shuts down. Phineas is at a loss>

So...

Let me think...

Bob didn't become the Gay Green Giant... so... no Primary Color Gang? Or... they still were there but... during the clubhouse attack, he wasn't there to destroy it... and therefore they were captured?

What does this mean to Vivian? The Witches of Avalon? Yellow Kid's fortune?

<phineas shakes his head violently>

Ex has only activated 11 of the 12 chronometers... so I can't wipe the whole thing clean... I... I've got to go back out there.

DISPLAY SUBJECT GGG!!!

<a ceiling panel lights up and displays an image of a Legion Worlder>

<'ports in from battle with Lard Lad as Phineas watches his latest images>

I...I've failed, Master. It seems my younger self is invulnerable not only to your timeline alterations, but also to chronal power enhancements.

<bows head> I am sorry.

<Phineas seeths>

Oh, stand up, DARK LARD! Now is not the time for deference... well... perhaps a small bit. Thank you.

<collects himself>

What is it about him?!!!

Immune to timeline alterations... to chronal enhancements... it makes no sense.

DARK LARD... you lived his life, is there anything... any time you remember that he would have come in contact with a large degree of chronal power?

Chronal energy? That sounds vaguely familiar--there werer several of us...we fought hard against all these time fluctuation...until, one-by-one, everyone was eliminated...until there was only...me. I--that's as specifically as I can remember....

<sarcastically>

You fought hard against time fluctuations, did you?

And, one-by-one, everyone was eliminated?

DARK LARD, YOU FOOL, YOU ARE REMEMBERING THIS BATTLE!!!

<phineas settles>

Oh, I'm sorry, DARK LARD... it's not your fault, the way the timeline is fragmenting, anyone could be guilty of memory lapses... well... not me... but, anyone else, certainly.

Come... let us strategize about what must be done with the Triple G situation...

<they retire to the war room of the Orrery>

<steps in, slowly becoming less transparent but not tangible. The security systems do not hinder or even record this visitation>

The Orrery!

Do I remember this place? Or did I dream of it while suspended between life and unlife?

I remember this Phineas... but does he remember me?

I...

do not know.

I must have answers before I face Phineas, whoever he is. or was.

But where?

<walks out, fading away just as Phineas glances behind himself, glimpsing no more than a momentary blur out of the corner of his eye>

<Phineas emerges from the war room of the Orrery with the DARK LARD, laughing with affected camaraderie>

Hah, thank you, old friend... that was such a simple, yet elegant, solution to the TripleG dilemma!

<the celestial mechanism begins to make an awful sound, almost a moan, as several of the gears begin to seize up>

But... I must wait no longer... the clubhouse beckons...

<Phineas fades away >

<fresh from his erasure of TripleG\'s role from the new timeline, Phineas fades back into the Orrery. He pauses, just a moment, warily, and listens to the sound of the celestial mechanism. It's smooth... no grinding. The orbs flow in smooth arcs, the pendulums sway at an even pace. He begins to laugh... quietly at first>

Hmm... hahmmm.... haha... haHA... HA HA HA HA HA!!!

It worked!!!

DARK LARD, you were right... the answer was not to wipe him from existence, as I did with Jailbait Lass, or kill and replace him as I did with SharkLad, but leave him be... and change everything around him!

Once the land where his Supervillain Outfits and Accessories Emporium once stood was gone, Bob never rose to prominence... he never joined the Primary Color Gang... never destroyed the Club House... never reformed. There was no need. He lives in some dank corner of a swamp with his Survivalist comrades.

In his place, a new fellow entirely was woven, a MetroMicro-Man, or somesuch.

...And the ripples!!! Oh, the ripples were beautiful. There is a whole new crop of LMBers woven into the fabric... oh, don't worry, they'll be wiped themselves as soon as Exnihil activates the final chronometer... but for now, the timeline is stable.

Go get some of Shakespeare's ales, DARK LARD... I don't think he'll mind <knocks on the chronally static head of Kent Shakespeare>... I think a celebration is in order!

My poor, poor Phineas.

With everything you think you accomplish, your ultimate goals slide father from reach.

You have earned my pity.

<the next day, after having celebrated with the DARK LARD, having finished off all of the anomalous ale brought by Kent Shakespeare, Phineas is sleeping in, taking a well needed rest after his week of non-stop physicality>

<suddenly, he is awakened by a huge boom>

Snnnxxxtt... huh... what was that?

<BOOM>

What is going on here?

<BOOM>

EXTERNAL VISUAL!!! NOW!!!

<the vaulted ceiling lights up displaying a chaotic scene of attack just outside the Orrery>

What... what is this insanity?

<a soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>

It is the usual weekend strafing run of Bob's survivalist speed bikers, master.

Usual? How long has this been going on?

For the past five years, master.

Five years?!!! What are they doing? Attacking? Have we sustained any damage?

Negative. The gang is unaware of the interior of the Orrery. The believe this is merely a small moon. This is their form of entertainment. Though they have recently graduated to plastiques, as yet, they do not have nuclear capability. Their attacks have never dented the Orrery's exterior.

And yet they keep it up... why???

Their leader, Bob, has described it as such: <the voice of the man who would had been the Gay Green Giant in the original timeline is heard> "Boys will be boys"

<Phineas sighs>Time alterations... it is not all gravy...

<BOOM>

<A tile shifts slightly on the floor of the Orrery. Naked Mole Rat Lad pops out of a hole underneath>

Oops! This isn't the Library.

<looks around the impressive structure>

Wow! This is really something! I wonder who lives here.

<BOOM>

Gosh! What was that?

<NMR Lad hears the master of the Orrery barking orders to a computer. He listens for a while.>

"Time alterations?' Golly, I better get out of here!

<burrow>

<suddenly, a soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>

Final Regressive Chronometer retroactively engaged on:

The Island of Marzal

<Phineas is puzzled>

Marzal? No… the twelfth chronometer should have been activated at Varalent’s Variable Villa… what has happ…? <shakes his head>

Eh… no matter… so much has been rewritten in the last week, perhaps the Villa is now on that back water island.

Jailbait Lass is gone, replaced by Mary Hatch. Even that little whelp, Everyday Girl, has now forgotten her… her own mind replacing Jailbait’s actions with those of Holly Honey. Shark Lad is dead… his own place taken over by that Naked Mole Rat creature! Ha! Triple G is relegated to obscurity… wasting his time with those ineffectual speeder bikers in pointless bombing runs. The mighty Cobalt Kid is a shell of his former self… crippled by his unexplained longing, he’s become nothing more than a selfish tyrannical egotist… Cobaltus, indeed! And… an unexpected benefit… Space Ranger himself is dead. I can’t begin to trace the labyrinthine events that brought about that boon, but the fact remains, he was never brought back to life in this timeline! Add on the collapse of the Office of Security, the new batch of silly, half-trained LMBer’s, and the ever fragmenting base of the original core… and this has been a very productive week for mother Fuddle’s boy!

Finally, all of the changes have taken hold…

LEGION WORLD IS MINE!!!

<as if on cue, the celestial mechanism slows its motion as all of the orbs begin to rotate in the opposite direction>

Even now… the celestial mechanism begins its true purpose… the regression of Legion World to its very moment of creation!

<As the thrill of triumph races through him, Phineas pauses just for a moment… looking again at his ostensible partner, the DARK LARD. While he has aided the battle, ultimately, Phineas knew that there would come a time to make him a casualty of the war. There is no room for two ultimate leaders, after all. The time has come to eliminate this pretender to the throne. Phineas quickly adjusts his demeanor and lies to the DARK LARD>

But… eh... there are a few hold outs… which must be dealt with… by you, DARK LARD!

Do NOT fail us again.

<closes his eyes and senses the location of the remaining original LMBers>

This time they are hiding in the Tesseracts. All of the most powerful LMBers have been eliminated or had their histories changed to make them less of a threat… only Lard Lad remains.

But… eh… I cannot physically enter the Tesseracts or we risk having all of our changes undone. So you… my Dark Warrior… and soon to be <the words briefly catch> Co-ruler of the new Legion World, must enter the Tesseracts and… kill Lard Lad.

This time… I have seen our future, and I assure you… you will be victorious!

Yes...yes. He is everything I hate about myself! It will be a pleasure to wipe out his miserable existence! I require no power boost--in the end I've always had the superior power, and it's all I've ever needed! Lard Lad will be destroyed--ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

<laughs maniacally and 'ports to the Tesseracts >

<DARK LARD returns, but his entry is prevented by a newly-erected force field>

What?!?! You bar me from here?!?!

YOU'VE FAILED, FUDDLE! I'LL FIND A WAY IN, AND WHEN I DO--I'LL KILL YOU!!!!

<phineas watches an external projection of the DARK LARD pounding on the outside of the Orrery. He laughs quietly to himself>

Ah... DARK LARD... you do disappoint. Why couldn't you just have killed Lard Lad and retroactively killed yourself? No matter... pound away... if five years of explosive assault at the hands of Bob's speeder bikers couldn't punch through, your own efforts are like just so much noise.

<turns to the celestial mechanism>

And I have bigger fish to fry than you right now...

<throws a switch and the orbs begin rotating even faster>

Let the death knell of Legion World.... BEGIN!!!!

<all of the panels of the vaulted ceiling light up, displaying scenes of carnage all around Legion World, as eleven of the locations where Phineas had installed his regressive chronometers now act as epicenters for the chronal regression. Legion World truly is dying>

Yes! YES!!! Expand across the globe!!!

Unite as one and wipe this accursed world from history!!!

<notices Varalent's Variable Villa, untouched>

Wait a moment... I thought that was on Marzal, now? Is it not...?

we're in the ... what is this place, anyway?

Gosh, it's that observatory I accidentally burrowed into on my way to the library with the really angry guy!

<turns and looks back into the tunnel>

Say, aren't you guys coming too?

<approaches the celestial mechanism and finds the wire that represents the Variable Villa. He traces it... to no avail>

No... this isn't right... there is no connection to Marzal...why...

WHY IN THE NAME OF PHINEAS B. FUDDLE DID HE GO TO MARZAL???!!!

<he finds the wire that represents the island of Marzal. He traces it and finds that it continually thins, before disappearing altogether>

This place doesn't even exist in this dimension!!!

<looks up at the vaulted ceiling again and sees the DARK LARD continuing to pound>

I... I think I've made a miscalculation here...

<climbs through>

CHARGE HIM, LMBers!!!

<Comes out of the tunnel projecting a green energy shield in front of the swan boats...>

Ring scan the area report all sentient life forms... Other than our party...

<Levitates out of the lead boat.>

SURRENDER, FUDDLE, OR BE DESTROYED!

<phineas spins around>

How...?

<reactively, without thinking, he spins halfway to the right and projects a chronal cone around the celestial mechanism. No matter what happens... it must be protected>

<he then turns to face the underground assault>

Surrender? Oh my dear... I should think not...

<grins evilly and steps forward>

(Whoa! Remind me not to get Pagan Lass angry. Golly! This is exciting! That celestial mechanism sure is something. I wonder what it looks like from the inside.)

<starts to burrow towards the mechanism just before Fuddle throws up the chronal cone>

(That was close! Now let me see what this thing is made of. <snicker> Wouldn't it be funny if it was made of tubers?)

Eat some Lard Force, Fuddle!!

<fires energy blast at Phineas>

Crocodiles!

A pair of 30 foot long crocs appear, one on each side of Fuddle. They lunge for him simultaneously, jaws agape!

Phineas leaps into the air and lets the Lard Force hit Pagan Lass's conjured crocodiles.

You don't even begin to understand what is happening, do you?

LOOK!!!

<he points toward the vaulted ceiling>

Even as you come to my home to threaten me, your own world is dying.

You're too late!!!

Mary, stay safe and out of Phineas' line of sight. I've got some superheroing to do...

<flies into the sky, magnetically ripping apart anything he possibly can and hurling at Phineas. Cobalt's goal is to create pure chaos and destruction at first>

So a personal attack on me through someone I love? That deserves a real ass-kicking though.

<flies at top speed from Phineas behind. After all, Cobalt Kid fights dirty>

Here you go Phinny!

<punches him right in the back of the head with full magnetic force so it feels like super-strength>

<though it is effective, Phineas's protective chronal energies knock Cobalt backwards with a jolt>

C'MON, YK and Stoopid Cat--you've gotta make us some time in the past...

Ugggghhhh!!!

<falls to the floor from Cobalt's blow>

Ah... General Cobaltus! Haven't I done enough to you yet?

<eyes Mary Hatch>

Apparently not...

<Slides to one side of a swan boat, and takes careful aim at Phineas's knees...>

Click-Click BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

<Naked Mole Rat Lad scurries around the innards of the celestial mechanism>

Yikes! The team sure is putting up quite the fight.

Ewww! That looked like it really hurt Cobalt! Gee, I wonder if Mary would reconsider our dinner date if Cobalt is out of the picture - tee hee - Oh, Naked Mole Rat Lad, you are such a salty fellow.

<turns left and right a few times and ends up at the heart of the mechanism>

Now this is something. I mean, I've created some pretty complicated burrows, but, I mean, wow! I wonder what it's for, anyway?

RING! ENGLOBE HIM AND REMOVE ALL THE O2 FROM INSIDE THE SPHERE...

A green energy globe ensnares Phineas...

<phineas falls to his knees, shot by EveryDay Girl>

ARRRGHHH!!! The Everyday Whelp!!!

Why did I let that one go?

<fires a chronal blast at her, effecting regressing her to her birth and recreating her as "Everyday Boy">

<he is then ensnared by Abin Quank>

<phineas reaches into his pocket and pulls out his gold watch>

Yellow...

<he tosses it through the Force Field and hits Abin's head, temporarily breaking his concentration as the field wavers>

<phineas runs to his war room to barricade himself>

Too... powerful... underestimated them...

RESTORE!

The chronal effects of Phineas's blast on EDG are reversed and she returns to normal, but Pagan's hastily cast spell is too powerful and Phineas's shot out knees are also restored...

<runs behind Phineas to the war room barricade>

Help me blast this thing open, guys!

<phineas arises, his knees again unscathed>

<closes his eyes and concentrates...>

You can do this, Phineas...

Take out the leadership... and the rest will fall...

Stand Aside!

Pathway!

<A gap appears in the barracade, but it only goes about half way thru...>

My Mystic Energy is running low with Stoopid Cat not here...

<even as the the LMBers blast at the door, phineas lets the barrier drop. He focuses his entire will toward Lard Lad, pummeling him with chronal energy>

THIS... ENDS... NOW!!!

DIE, LARD LAD!!!

<watches EDG transformation in EDB and back>

Gosh! So that's his game! He's using this machine to transform LMBers into something else! Wait, no! Not just LMBers but Legion World itself!

<pauses to think>

Cobalt was going on and on about Mary being someone else. Could I too have been changed? Maybe the kacks were right. Maybe I am meant to be something more that just a Naked Mole Rat. Question is, just what am I supposed to be?

<As the Barrier Drops EDG again takes careful aim, this time at the center of Phineas's chest.>

These concussion rounds should knock him down...

Click-Click BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

**Yowl**

Pagan! Where are you Pagan?

There!

<Leaps to Pagan lass's shoulder.>

**Yowl**

Whoa! That was weird! Maybe I should use an old trick...

<'ports behind Phineas, claps him on either ear>

With one large difference, Fuddle...

<Pagan reaches up to her shoulder and strokes Stoopid Cat.>

I have my familiar... I shan't run short of power again.

Abject surrender on your part would be advisable...

The miniature comm device given to Lard Lad way back during the search for Clyde's killer buzzes in his ear. "Lard Lad! Plan B is in place. I set a chronal beacon into the moment when this thing first appeared in the sky. This time time is on OUR side"

Launching himself into the air on a pillar of whirling Spin energy YK dives straight for the moving roatating geared thing spinning slowly over everybody's heads.

Arms stretched wide, sweat popping out on his forehead YK surrounds one of the orbs with spinning whirling bright yellow/white energy. Tornadic wind speeds and spinning forces pull at the spheres. Loose papers and objects spin madly careening wildly through the air in the upper reaches of the vast room.

<Abin stands up, with Fuddles gold pocket watch in his hand.>

This antique looks important Fuddly Duddly...

<Drops the watch to the deck and stomps on it, shattering the case and sending gears and springs flying.>

Oops...

Surrender?

You are fools! What difference does my surrender make when Legion World itself shall die tonight. Even if you strike me down, I shall rise again at the moment of Legion World's rebirth.

<the vaulted ceiling shows the chronal whiteout expanding across Legion World>

It is nearly over.

Yeah, YK! <looks thru Orrery's viewers to see LW's white-out slowing noticeably> YK is slowing things down! Unfortunately the most crucial parts of the mechanism are heavily shielded! If only...<looks around>

...hey, where's Mole Rat?

Yellow Kid!!!

Away from that!

<splits him into four chronal replicates>

There. Now let's see how difficult it is to control your movements across four bodies!!!

Speeder bikes growl and roar insanely loud as seven new brightly clad figures burst out of the mouth of the tunnel. "Yellow!" One screams and they launch high into the air toward their nemisis firing their automatic weaponry, the explosive ammunition sprays across the Orrery 's device and the far distant wall.

The Spin force grabs the first of the bikers and sends him spinning toward the surface. Explosions surround him as his hunters attack full force. Energy weapons play across the clancking, rattling slow motion orbs.

<suddenly from the past , Exnihil appears within the war room. Outside in the hall of the Orrery, he hears the battle raging on>

So... it's begun already...

<NMR Lad's stomach begins to grumble>

I sure am getting hungry. I wish Mary and I had met up for dinner.

hmmm ... it's funny, some of these wires and tubes kind of look like the tubers from my indigenous East Africa. I wonder if the symbiotic bacteria in my intestines would help me to digest them as easily as the fibers in a tuber.

Gee, what a silly thought!

<catches back up to Phineas in the confusion>

<socks Phineas with a left cross>

Think ya can fight a guy who's only got one hand?

Aaarrrggghhh!!!!

[Linked Image]

Gggrrraaaahhh!!!

[Linked Image]

What? Who? Where am i?

[Linked Image]

Raaarrr!!

As one they fall toward the floor. Also as one the Spin power fires up and four bright white funnels of raw energy form, blindingly bright, whirling at super speeds (still sub light), three Yellow Kids and Yellow King attack the device overhead bathing it with broad strokes of energy.

<to Lard Lad>

Not I... but one who hates you even more...

<suddenly the force field of the Orrery gives way, as the DARK LARD punches through>

<smiles> You think he hates ME more? Well, we're about to find out!

Phineas!!!

<swoops down directly for Phineas>

On second thought, maybe that isn't so silly ... Mr. Yelly sure wanted this thing protected. Maybe if I can make things right again if I give the machine a chomp in just the right place. Let's see.

<NMR Lad grabs the largest wire he can find and ...>

VVVVVVVVVVVVV
celestial mechanism
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Let's see if that does anyth ... YOW!

<NMR Lad is suddenly hit with a blast of chronal feedback, sending him rocketing out of the mechanism and sprawling across the Orrery's cold tiled floor next to Mary>

Did it work?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

<shouted as phineas simultaneously sees the DARK LARD swooping down, and the Naked Mole Rat Lad chew through the cable>

Cliffhanger... to be continued tomorrow...

"YELLOW KID!! I'm coming for YOU!!" MetroMicro-Man shrinks down to tiny size aas he launches himself at his quarry.

BOOM!!

Crash!!

Boom! Boom! Boom!
Boom! Boom! Boom!
Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
Explosions rip across the ceiling of the Orrery.

<becomes visible and audible>

Phineas... you have been here before, do you not remember?

This is but an echo of defeat after defeat after defeat...

Across the chronoverse, you retreat from one failed scheme to another. None of them ever work, and all your petty victories are unwoven in the end.

You may have thought you could escape by forgetting... but see? Your failures follow you, memory or not.

End it, Phineas. These Legion Worlders are not the foe that defeats you time and again. You are.

(echoing from another chamber, the loud shattering of ice can be heard. Soon, the door smashes open)

 PHINNEAS!!!!!!!!!!

YOU made me miss the end of the game! AND you made me spill my beer!

You'll PAY for that!

(charges forward)

[aside]Who won, anyway? [/aside]

<enters after seeing Exnihil outside>

Sorry guys, but a quick distraction! Guess who I found? He's okay--Exnihil is alright!

<side by side with Lardy and Abin>

This looks like the endgame is at hand, gentleman...

Ready when you are...

<helps Moley to his feet>

You did good, Moley. The tide may be turning, but the danger isn't over yet.

<watches as the Dark Lard moves towards Phineas>

Be careful Cobie...

Foul villain! You still need to pay for what happened to Clive! And Tomahawk! Even Gary Concord! And who knows how many countless others!

(still catching up from being frozen)

Gary Concord is gone?

Is that really a bad thing?

(addresses Lardy. Cobie and Abin - but not standing along with the in case the villain has an area-effect weapon)

Whenever you're ready, gents! Let's take this blowhard down!

Agreed Kent. Good to see you back too, I was wondering where you'd gone off to. After months of hunting for his 'Traveler', we finally found him.

Oh, and just so you know Phinny, I'm totally nabbing the 100 post milestone in your final battle thread. Suck on that!

Slugs fired by the bikers rip across Yellow King [Linked Image]

slamming his force field hard throwing him against the outer walls.

3M streaks into Yellow Kid's [Linked Image]

energy wall firing a miniaturized energy pulse gun that wildly distorts the field and slams headlong into YK which in turn drives both of them straight into the rotating orb Yellow had been trying to break. Stunned, he falls the distance to the floor and lies unmoving.

"I don't know what the hell you're up to but you're mine now!" Mike cries.

The two YK dopplegangers [Linked Image]

look around at the confusion [Linked Image]

and the attacking gang of color coordinated bounty hunters and turn their attention away from the rotating spheres.

Golly! That was really quite a jolt.

<becomes aware that Mary is helping him up>

Oh, um, thanks Mary. You're really so, um, kind.

<blush>

Say Mary, maybe when this is all over, you and I can still have that dinner.

*busts in suddenly and realizes that Phineas B. Phuddle is WAY cute*

GOLLY!

Fellas, I've got an idea. I need you to cover me for a few minutes. Using my magnetism, I'm going to try to grab all of these chronometers, and if possible, rip them off--even to shreds.

But it will be quite a strain, and it might take a little time.

But just look outside...Legion World is on the verge of destruction. The whiteout...I think I can stop this whiteout effect.

<rises high into the air>

Well, here we go. Watch my back...

<magnetically begins pulling chronometers towards the center of the Orrery with all of his strength and concentration; he focuses every bit on this, closing his eyes--the strain is tremendous>

Gotta give Legion World a chance...so we can kick this guys ass once and for all...

<unaware of Cobalt Kid's plan, phineas is preoccupied with the descent of the DARK LARD. Thinking quickly, phineas reaches out toward his attacker, locates the precise point in time where the DARK LARD had severed Lard Lad's hand, and backward weaves DARK LARD's history to bring that moment forward. In an instant the DARK LARD finds that his own hand is severed. He falls to the ground, writhing in pain>

<phineas turns to Kent Shakespeare>

Oh... and Shakespeare... in this timeline the Flyers and the Devils aren't even in the same Division!

<even as the DARK LARD falls, Phineas directs his attention to the celestial mechanism, now a mass of sparking electricity>

Fools!!! The mechanism was just a means to an end. The process is already underway. The chronal regression of Legion World is not abated! Even as you waste you time here, Legion World itself is dying... or being reborn!

I don't...think so...Phinny...old buddy...

<Cobalt continues to concentrates as the various LMBers stand between he and Phineas, flyers in the sky, and the others on the ground; the strain is tremendous, as the chronometers energy has a resistance that is made of pure time and space>

You might kill us all, but you won't kill Legion World...

<and suddenly, Cobalt rips all the chronometers towards the center, tearing apart their control over the mechanism and halting the whiteout effect>

AAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

<Cobalt falls to the ground with the chronometers hitting the floor by his side>

<phineas sees ex's mistake and takes full advantage>

Ah... Exnihil... at least one son does not disappoint.

<phineas, in a last ditch effort at salvaging his advantage, projects a bolt of chronal energy about the separated Mary. It settles upon her in the shape of an hourglass... and begins to contract>

So are punished all who challenge Phineas, Cobalt Kid!

Yellow King [Linked Image]

stirs on the floor where he'd fallen moments earlier. He looks up at the wobbling construction above him smoke rising from the surfaces of some of the spheres, lightning arcing between them.

Across from him a black and purple armored guy was struggling with someone trying to put handcuffs on ..himself..wtf?..

Two more versions of himself..at least they looked like "himself"..were in a hand to hand struggle with a handfull of bearded and mustachioed guys dressed in orange battle armor.

"Who the florg is this guy?"

NO!!!

Mary!

Dammit, Ex, what are you doing?!

<begins pounding on hourglass of energy but to no avail; he is exhausted from the destruction of the chronometers>

Phineas...bastard...

<pounding>

Mary, hold on! Lolita...Jailbait Lass...?

<in his panic, memories from another timeline seem to be returning as he touches Phineas' chronal energy>

(Kent tackles Phinneas, tumbling him onto the floor. Outclassed in wrestling ability and overpowered by Kent's near-K-level strength, Phinneas is unable to shoot further beams)

It's the Penalty Box for you, old chum!

(calls out to the stirring YK)

Yellow King! Free the damsel from the hourglass! We can sort out the identity stuff later!

c-cobie...!

Please, help!

<tries to get out but the chronal energy burns her hands>

Oh God, I should have never left the library...but no...no, if this is how I go...I go...an LMBer...?

<looks panicking at Cobalt Kid, but the hourglass continues to shrink in size. Ultimately, she realizes there is little she can do>

Cobie! I know you're exhausted and distressed, but we need to further immobilize Phinneas!

I need you to peel apart some of the chrono-shielding the Orrery is made of, and create manacle-gloves to seal Phinneas' hands in!

Only you can do it, Cobie!

Mary! No!

Don't you hurt her, you bastard! Don't you do anything to her or I'll ... I'll ...

COWABUNGA!!!!

<suddenly Naked Mole Rat Lad flings himself at Phineas. He is bristling with chronal energy from the feedback he was bathed in after attacking the celestial mechanism>

I won't let you hurt ANYONE EVER AGAIN!

<NMR Lad firmly plants his prominent chronally enhanced saber-teeth into Phineas rather prominent arse>

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!

<still kicking and fighting against Shakespeare's hold>

Does this insult never end? A jester... and a mouse!

Clenching his fista and grimacing with pain he focuses the power of the Spin intensely on the hourglass. The air ripples with the heat as the spin gets stronger, intensifying, narrowing, focusing, pushing..and the hourglass stops shrinking. Fairly glowing with yellow power the shrinking of the hourglass completely halts.

Sweat beads as he concentrates, his arms tremble, he closes his eyes and pours himself into the effort and slowly, so damned slowly, the hourglass begins to grow. Heartbeat by heartbeat it gains in size as YK pushes the power more intently than ever in the attempt to reverse the passage of time in such a narrow focus.

(Kent repositions himself to stay out of NMRL's way, while still keeping Phinneas pinned)

You can do it, King! You can save her!

<still keeping his teeth firmly clenched on Phineas's arse>

(This is rather unseemly, but whatever that chronal energy I absorbed is making me sense that this is the right move)

<bites down harder>

(Sniff, sniff ... do I smell funyons?)

Spotting his other self fighting to save Mary, [Linked Image]

WaKboot Yellow Kid rushes to his side and pours his own portion of power into the work. The hourglass glows bright yellow bordering on white light as it enlarges.

Across from them, "DamnitMike! I'm not the bad guy here. Hell, I'm not a bad guy anywhere! Look at the damned Legion ring and quit trying to shoot me. God that's annoying. It's a distraction I don't need!"

Micro-Man looks around at the burning, smoking ruined structure, the colorful people blasting one another, the other Yellow Kids..what was that?..other Yellow Kids?

<hears Kent's words and realizes he's right>

Hang on Mary! Yellow Kid--King--will help you!

<rushes to Kent's side>

But maybe I can help put down Phineas once and for all--and stop his hourglass that way!

<runs towards Phineas, his panic becoming a rage; General Cobaltus would surely kill him where he stood...but by now the true Cobalt Kid has resumed his role in the timeline>

(aside)
Hey, nice grab on that milestone Cobie.
(/aside)

Go Cobie! Do what you can to save Legion World!

*choke*

I hope...we aren't together at last only to be ripped apart!

<seeing the course of events transpiring, Ex realizes that of course Phineas lied. Cobalt is still on the side of right. He lunges forward and grabs Cobie>

No! This is not the way! There is only one way to get rid of him permanently. He was inside your head, possessing you just as he did me...

...and one other!

Who?

WHO!?

How do we finish this bastard once and for all, Exxy?

<looks at Ex, as as time grows ever more of a commodity, decides to forgive the earlier mistake>

You're right, Ex. That's how maybe we can defeat him! But who else--Lardy? Was there another?

"Mike, back off. I've got to help."

Now all four of the time diverged Yellow Kids stand together investing their full power into the effort to expand the hourglass back to it's normal size. It grows bigger..bigger..

"MicroMan! Crack this egg!"

MicroMan's power grows greater as he shrinks smaller. He leaps into the air and with his jetpack thundering he shrinks smaller and smaller as he flies at the hourglass. He fires his micro-energy blaster and strafes the structural corners blasting them to shards.

Swiftly and unseen, the micro-hero slams full force and with zero-point super strength into the glass of the hourglass. Glass explodes outward from the impact shattering it into a bazillion bits. Pieces fly everywhere.

Cover yourselves!

Cobie, try to direct the flying pieces - especially away from Mary!

"Wait..."

YK is grabbed by the whirling energy and whipped into the air.

....

Yellow Kid is grabbed by the spinning energy and whipped into the air.

...

The Yellow Kid is grabbed by the vortex of energy and whipped into the air.

...

Yellow King is grabbed by the brightly glowing energy and whipped into the air.

Four voices that sound alike all shout together, "I can't control it!"

<to Cobalt shouting amidst the falling debris>

No! There was no other... Phineas possessed me to try to kill you... just as he possessed you to kill Lardy. The cycle ends there.

Lardy doesn't even know it, but the time he spent on Marzal... the whole time he was absorbing chronal energy.

You fight fire with fire and... trust me... you fight Time with Time!

Of course!

And if there is one thing that time cannot truly erode, it is the Lardforce!

Brilliant, Exxy!

But where have the two Lardies gone?

<spies Mary's hourglass being shattered>

Mary!

<shouting her name inadvertently causes NMR Lad to release his teeth from Phineas's arse, sending him sprawling to the ground. Struggling to avoid the falling debris, he races over towards Ex and Cobalt>

Say fellas, I know I haven't absorbed as much chronal energy as Lard has, but biting the celestial mechanism flooded me with quite a bit. Is there anything I can do with it?

You might be able to help keep Phinny contained until someone can find LardLad!

Keeping this worm pinned isn't as easy at it looks, ya know...

*unnnhhh*

<Lardy had been blindsided by some of the falling time mechanism and is pinned>

C-can't concentrate enough to 'port out...someone...get this thing...offa me....

"I got it big guy!"

Mike drops to the floor in his tiny super powered size, grabs the huge gear with one hand and flips it over and off Lard Lad.

Sprouting from a spot on the floor to a fully grown super hero in an instant he grins, "Great to have ya Leader Man type guy. Better late to the party than never, eh?"

He turns to his battered men who are now done with the fight with the numerous Yellow Kids and starts giving new orders, "Jim-MEY!! It's him." He points at Phineas being attacked by Kent and Cobalt. "That prick's due for an Extreme Makover!"

The boys all grin and turn up the power switches for their battle armor. Energy crackles around the small group.

Th-thanks, Triple G...er, I mean Triple M--ow, my mother-sprockin' back! Now, what the hell did Ex want me for?

Is there any way I could try to contain Phinny?

D-dude, Lash--you can do better than that scumbag! When all this is over, we're gonna find you a proper hottie!

<fades in>

It was your time in island exile, Keeper of the Lard, that has imbued you with the very power over time that is needed to best Phineas.

You can fight his time powers head-to-head, but most importantly, it is within your purview to choose the best time to strike. Choose wisely...

<fades away>

<In between Posts 100 and 101 a chronal energy burst shunted the entire Quank Clan 24 hours into the future. They have just emerged from the chronal rift.>

HUH?

Abin! Good to see ya!

(still struggling to keep Phinneas pinned)

a little help would be appreciated!

...and there are probably survivors under all the debris of the shattered hourglass.

Green Energy Bands form around Phineas along with a green gag.

That should hold him...

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
...and there are probably survivors under all the debris of the shattered hourglass.

Levitate!

<The shattered remains of the hourglass float into the air and move off into an unoccupied corner where they deposit themselves in a large pile.>

Excellent! Just make extra sure his arms can't get free to shoot more chronal blasts!

Exxy believes Lardy's the only one who can zap him for good... but Lardy's still trying to figure out what to do with those new chronal powers he has.

Abin, Dearest, If I may?

Restrain!

<A shimmering golden aura forms over Phineas and hardens into amber.>

He can breathe in there but that's it...

Now... What about Mary?

Even that won't hold Phineas for long, Pagan. I need someone to help me access these chronal powers over time--time? Tim! Someone get me Time-Teller Lad! He's here, somewhere!!!

<fades in>
You need no one but yourself, O Guardian of The Lard.

The power and the wisdom are within you.

<concentrates, and solidifies hand long enough to lift Lardy's hand and hold it to his heart>

Who...who are you?

I am but a triffling spirit, one who has seen too many a cycle of power and corruption played out by a series of tormented spirits who refuse to rest.

Who I am matters little, in the grand scheme of things.

You, Lard Lad, are who matters most at this moment. Within you, you know exactly where Phineas belongs.

Quote

Originally posted by Naked Mole Rat Lad:
<spies Mary's hourglass being shattered>

Mary!

<shouting her name inadvertently causes NMR Lad to release his teeth from Phineas's arse, sending him sprawling to the ground. Struggling to avoid the falling debris, he races over towards Ex and Cobalt>

Say fellas, I know I haven't absorbed as much chronal energy as Lard has, but biting the celestial mechanism flooded me with quite a bit. Is there anything I can do with it?

<Spotting Moley across the room Nobody and No One rush to his side, laughing uncontrollably.>

Dude! We told you to bite his ANKLE! Not his Arse! Still you're way kewl now! She's gotta throw Cobalt over for you Dude, she's gotta!

(tends to the wounded freed by Pagan Lass, but still keeping an eye out in case Phinneas manages to escape)

(finds Mary, and treats her wounds)

She'll be fine! Just a few bumps and bruises.

Quote

Originally posted by Ghost Girl:
I am but a triffling spirit, one who has seen too many a cycle of power and corruption played out by a series of tormented spirits who refuse to rest.

Who I am matters little, in the grand scheme of things.

You, Lard Lad, are who matters most at this moment. Within you, you know exactly where Phineas belongs.

Gods...I wonder who she is?

There you are, Tim! Despite what she says I've little knowlege of chronal energy...I knew I would need you with me! I've learned my lesson over the years, Ghost Girl...a man is nothing without his friends. I'm sure that's a lesson DARK LARD never learned....

Tim...take my hand and help me access the power...

<Time-Teller Lad does so and the two of them close their eyes in concentration>

Whether alone or with your friends, Lard Lad, I know you shall do it!

Ohmygod! Miss Ghost is like My here?

....she was... I sensed her before the hourglass exploded.

<concentrates>

Yes, she is very close by...

Oh. My. God!

I gotta find her...

<tries to concentrate, but his mind wanders to the Ghost Girl>

I can't be...Dru...can it?

<to Everyday Girl> A locket, young one. Look for the locket...

<to Lard Lad> I... recall no Dru.

I cannot recall interacting with the living in many a century... If this 'Dru' was a spirit who journeyed onward in recent years, I would not know her.

...unless she had died but had yet to move on. But I have detected no such spirit here. I am sorry, Lad of the Lard.

O-Okay...

<sheds a tear and continues meditating with Tim's help>

Help me access it, Tim...it's very different from the Lard Force.....

(still tending to Mary)

umm... did somebody mention a locket?

I've got the locket right here!

<holds up the locket containing My Wee Fem>

And I'm okay--all the Yellow Kids did it, they saved me!

<runs to where she can see Cobie and the rest>

Be careful all of you! Britney, I'm not sure what I need to do with this locket!

Ohmygod! Have you like... opened it?

I'm ready when you are, Lardy--I'll follow your lead. Looks like its up to Tim, Ex and me.

Lets remind this son of a bitch who he's screwing with.

<with Time Teller Lad> Yes! There it is! I can access it!

Ex--where are ya? What the @#$% do I do, now?!?!

Brit, I've opened it but not fully. Let me do it now.

<and suddenly, Mary opens the locket fully, and a line shimmers forth!>

I...I...oh my God, do you see it?

<to Lardy>

His biggest mistake, Lardy, was not considering the one place on Legion World that was itself, chronally unstable... the island of Marzal. It was there where, through sheer will, I forced his time jumps to send me. That's where the 12th chronometer is and that's where you need to focus all of the energy you absorbed there. In your mind's eye, you've got to go back, Lardy, you've got to go back!

<Looks over at Phineas and at the sparkles which are she realizes are dangerously close to him...>

Freeze!

<But she's a half a micro-second late...>

Marzal....

<remembers his time on the island, tries to find something about it to focus on>

What were my strongest memories of my time on Marzal...

<the sparking time fragments hit the amber, and, in the smallest fraction of a second, Phineas seizes upon it>

YES!!!

<the amber shatters and Phineas leaps forward... not toward the LMBers, but to the mechanism itself>

<as raw Time flows into Phineas, his very body seems to grow>

Power!!! Need More POWER!!!!

If it's power he wants... It's power he'll get.

Legion Worlders... Hit him with everything you've got... overload him!!!

NO! Someone, STOP PHINNEAS!

Lard Lad.... you can do it.... You MUST do it...

<As Phineas leaps towards the time mechanism, EDG reacts instinctively...>

Click-Click BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BALM!

Good shooting, Brit!

<memories swirl in his mind of the contest>

It was Foxy...Floating Foxlike Creature! With all the turmoil there and all the crap I was going through since my resurrection...I made a great new friend! And together, we dominated the game!

<remembers their strategy sessions on St'Balla beach...the mountains, the clear blue water, the green grass...>

<opens eyes, they glow a bright white>

I've got it! Everyone--outta the way!!!

Crap on a Stick! Wot a Revoltin' Development this is! I'm still a Cack! And I speak in Fricking Pink!

<Pulls out her Katanas and flies after Phineas>

Somebody's payin for this crap and you're ELECTED! Nasshead!

<Ex shouts to Lardy...>

Yes... you've got it... follow my timeline backward as your guide... choose the moment.... the moment he can't escape from...

What a time to lack energy-based powers.
maybe I can find and revive one of the YKs!?

(looks around)

where did they go, anyway?

<Sees Lardy and Exnihil, veers away>

Better part of valor time...

<Phineas pulses with the power of infinite Time and Space>

I AM TIME!!!

I AM THE UNIVERSE!!!

I...

AM...

PHINEAS!!!

<focuses his gaze on Phineas as the power builds up inside>

That's it--I got it, Ex! Get clear, MY!!!

<sees her move to the side and smiles>

Eat THIS, Phinny!!!

<massive chronal beams shoot from his eyes>

ffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttt

Yes.... and so must all evil dreams die...

If you will not trust yourself, then let your friends guide you, Lard Lad. Let you undo the dark dream once again....

Wow!

way to go, Lardy! We all knew ya could do it!

but.... did it work?

Now where're Brit and Lo?

Holy cow... he's gone!

You did it, Lardy... we all did it!!!

Brit and... who?

okay, we're still in unsecured condition.

Pagan Lass, can you verify if Lardy and Exxy were successful in getting rid of Phinneas?

Everyone else, we still have missing LWers to locate! But keep your guard up until we know Phinneas' fate!

Yeah, we...did it--all that chronal energy...gone.....

<faints>

Lardy!

(rushes to his aid)

(tries smelling salts)

are you still with us, hero extraordinaire?

<a soothing electronic voice sounds through the smoldering debris of the Orrery>

Master... master?

Query... Location of Phineas B. Fuddle... Query...

<the vaulted ceiling lights up on one of the few panels still intact and plays a scene from five months prior...

on a desolate island... >

<above them all>

Don't worry, Kent, I'm fine!

Thanks for taking out the only one who could've stood in my way!!!

H-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!!

<brings the whole Orrery down on the exhausted LMB>

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
Brit and... who?

okay, we're still in unsecured condition.

Pagan Lass, can you verify if Lardy and Exxy were successful in getting rid of Phinneas?

Everyone else, we still have missing LWers to locate! But keep your guard up until we know Phinneas' fate!

All I get is... SHIELD!

I can shrink out of this but what about the others?

<erects a magnetic shield to protect the LMBers>

I can hold this for a few moments, but watch out for the Dark Lard!

And helluva a job, Lardy!

MMM-

I don't know you, but you seem to be connected to the Yellow Kids! Can you bring them to our aid?

You will NOT stand in DARK LARD's way!!!!

<blasts Triple M and Pagan Lass>

<holds on to Cobalt Kid as he erects a magnetic shield and the Dark Lard descends on them>

Oh God...Oh...

...

...

Wait...I...remember...?

<and suddenly, with Phineas gone, the changes he made to the timestream gradually begin to wear off>

Cobie! Lardy! Sharky! Everyone!

<looks at Cobalt and smiles, and remembers everything she experienced as Mary Hatch>

I remember it all! I'm normal again! I'm back--Jailbait Lass!

<addressing Dark Lard>
I shall.

There has been enough evil for one day, young being.

I am beyond your power to harm, and I stand against you!

Ohmygod! Hey Lard-Butt!

Click-Click BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BALM!

At long last---you will all DIE!!!

<blasts Kent and Cobalt>

(leaps at DL, hoping to wrestle/pin him as he did Phinneas)

<gets hit but rebounds quickly, adrenaline pumping>

I've had enough of you, "Dark Lard"! Everything about you is what drives my best friend to doubt himself. Look at how far he's come! You're obsolete--you'll never exist!

<unleashes magnetic sonic boom back at the Dark Lard, bringing a cadre of debris flying his way>

Triple Fatburners and a TREADMILL!!

<Dark Lard begins sweating profusely and visibly losing weight.>

<blasts Kent and Pagan with great ferocity>

FLEAS!

You've only tasted my power!!! You will all DIE!!!

<his purple energy radiates everywhere, and they all feel the entire moon shake>

<phases close to Dark Lord, reaches out her hand towards his face, but remaining immaterial. As her hand passes through Dark Lard's head, he experiences a moment of intense cold paralysis, and he shudders at the anger in her nonliving eyes>

I can do much worse to you. Corrupter of the Lard Force.

Stop this. Now.

"Hokey smokes that hurt."

Yk sits up in the rubble, a little steam rises off him, hie eyes are a little dilated and unfocused.

Micro-Man moves to the Kid and reaches out, "Ok Kid, you're not MY Yellow Kid, I get it now. C'mon let's go kick this guy in the chronal nards."

"Aaight! 'sup?" breathing deeply his eyes slowly start to focus on Kent.

<Flies in at hyper-speed and slams full force into Dark Lard!>

You! It Was YOU!

Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(What the hell is going on?)

Aaaarrrgggghhhh!!!! You DARE?!?!?!

<blasts the apparition and it weakens her>

Even now, I'm hurtling this moon directly into your beloved Legion World!!! Enjoy your and Legion World's last moments, LMB!!!

Ah, Ranger! I shall enjoy sending you back to your grave!!! 

<boxes him in the ears with full Lard Force in his fists>

(staggers from DL's blast)

youch... Haven't been hit like that since I hogged Miss T's blanket...

(starts to re-attack)

Waitaminniit! We're forgetting the obvious! We're fighting a being of Pure Lard.... I know what we need!

(vanishes through an unseen extra-dimensional doorway)

Blam! Blam! Two explosive rounds explode on impacting LL's force shield.
>click<
>click<

Crap. I hate it when that happens.

Well, nice knowing you LMBers. And Lolita, just so you know--what I said in that timeline. I meant every word.

<flies up into the sky, looking towards the moon>

I'll handle the moon. I always said everything I'd ever done was for Legion World. Time to prove it.

Sweet as sweet...

<flies off at top speed towards a hurling moon heading towards Legion World--something so crazy, it almost doesn't seem real>

*under some rubble*

Unh...not again.

<looks up>

Shit...it's Evil Me! Too...to exhausted to do anything, god help 'em...

<struggles to look around>

Wh-where's Rocky?

<shocked that this "Dark Lard" could even make her feel any sensation a little bit>

Was that... pain? No, more like an itch.... Insects may sting as a distraction.

Your worst bite shall do nothing to me, Dark One.

Surrender now, or know my full wrath!

<flying at top speed, Cobalt focuses his control over magnetism more than he ever has before; the moon is really moving towards Legion World yet--the very act of doing that would cause a disruption that would surely destroy Legion World itself. But it is now beginning to shake, and that is disastrous enough>

All I need to do is hold it in place until what Dark Lard has done has worn off. Then all will be safe.

<he continues to concentrate doing exactly that. Blood begins to run from his nose and he is drenched in sweat>

Haven't come this far making amends with everyone...just to...check out now...

<Spins and hits D-Lard with an uppercut>

No graves today...

<Blocks a punch>

You're sweating... and shrinking...

Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(And Stinking...)

<feels Cobalt's magnetic resistance>

<smiles> It won't be enough, old friend...<exerts more counter-force>

I fear no nameless apparition!

<blasts her with full Lard Force blast>

<Smacks Dark_L AGAIN...>

Time to go help my PARTNER!

<Flies out and loops around the Orrey...>

You Pull Cobie... I'll Push!

Truth and Justice shall Prevail
(And a one... and a two...)

"Watch this!"
Reaching around for large-ish chunks of rubble Yk throws them as high in the air as he can manage and grabs them one by one with his power and creates yet another vortex, this time of stone and concrete.
"A new trick"

Once it's spinning suitably fast, and rather quickly too, he directs the funnel at Dark Lard and savagely throws stone and twisted metal at DL. The materials smash and pound at the shield with speed and fury.

Behind Yellow the Micro-man tosses ever larger pieces of rubble into the Yk's spinning weapon of destruction.

(re-enters through extra-dimensional doorway)

okay, it's worth a try....

(readies ingredients)

Okay, you call yourself Dark Lard, eh? Well, lets see how a Lardo like you likes THIS!

(spashes Dark Lard with a fresh vegetable-health tonic)

Ha! It may not hurt, but something so healthy, so...organic is bound to sap away at any Lard-based powers!

Nor YOU, Daxamite!

<gives Ranger double the force blast he gave Ghost Girl>

I'm not going anywhere until I smash this moon into Legion World!!!

<sees Space Ranger and smiles>

Good to have you...by my side...buddy...

<with Ranger's help, Cobie is able to further hold the moon in place outside the orbit of Legion World>

Now we need Dark Lard to be taken down and we'll be okay...

<muscles strained like never before in his lifetime but the Ranger's presence has given him a renewed sense of optimism>

Ranger, if we live through this...how's about we restore the Security Office to what it once was...for old time's sake...for Sarya...

<trying to distract himself, Cobie continues to talk>

<notices Kent's veggy tonic>

Ummm...tasty! Fool! You mistake me for the simpering idiot in the rubble below!

<brings inertron pendulum down on Kent>

Hmmm.... If I can access the Orrery's navigation systems, and re-route the Orrery's gravitational flux capacitors, I might be able to....

well, it's worth a try..

Okay Fat Boy... Let's see if we can burst your baloon!

Jabs both of her Katanas into Dark Lardy's Butt!

(reacts to pendulum)
Ouch!
(slumps into the rubble)

<helps Lardy up>

Heya, Lardy. We're coming down to it now...I'm not sure what's left of us after Phineas can stop Dark Lard...

Other than trying to draft some additional outside help, I'm running out of suggestions! But if you have a plan, now's the time to tell it...

<attacks Lardy, attempting to stab him through the ribs with a leap>

Base villain! Thou art a foul, mockery of a true hero!

G-good to seeya, Lo...be a minute, 'kay?

<crawls through the wreckage, finds Rocky injured and barely conscious>

Rocky! Thank the gods you're okay!

<lifts rubble off Rocky and cradles him>

...thanks the gods....

<continues to focus on holding back the moon>

Phineas brought the Dark Lard here through his powers of time and space...maybe the natural properties of Legion World can be used against him...?

<rips off shirt, which is soaked with blood and sweat>

Starting to have trouble breathing...coming down to it now...and lo, there shall be an ending...

Reflection!

<Everything Dark Lard does begins reflecting back to him...>

<speaking from Dark Lard's mouth>

Keep attacking, Legion Worlders! I do not know how long I can hold him!

<pulls katanas out, kicks My away and hurls her katanas at her>

Ah, Roy! I liked your face better the other way!

<blasts him with a scorcher to the face>

<strengthens force field>

<focuses back on moon>

More resistance! But not enough! You will fail!!!!

<concentrates on moving the moon back toward Legion World>

Outside...

No Fricking Endings Today Partner...

<Redoubles his efforts and the Orrey slowly begins moving away from Legion World...>

Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(Stupid Fricking Thing is HEAVY!)

(wounded, but having feigned more serious injury to escape D-Lard's attentions, Kent now slowly crawls for the Orrery's navigation systems)

If ever we could use the LMBP Spectre, or Reboot, or Viv, it would be now...

<ducks another blast, helping Everyday Girl to her feet>

Hey Brit...look out!

LARDY!!

Bob swells in size swiftly growing to a 30 ft. angry giant. He steps in and drives a powerful fist into the force shield, rapidly smashing at the field he slams it wildly.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

<falls backward in pain from the burns to his face>

No! No, no, no!

<holds hands to face>

...everything i've worked for...gone...?

...no...if I die today...I die a Legion World citizen...a friend of the LMB...

Rocky...<looks up for a moment>...I-I'm sure they'll pull us outta this, but that monstrosity up there...he told me he never opened his heart again after Dru died, never let himself love again...<tears up>...and he's right. I've been afraid of, well, hurting myself and others--especially the one who's become so dear to me...

Rocky, there's something I have to tell you now.....

That's it, Ranger! Keep it going!

<continues holding the moon; his concentration is locked. He will not budge, his willpower will not break>

You won't be me, Dark Lard. That much I guaranty. I will not falter, I can only beat you, or simply die...

Resist, will you?

No, Dark Lard, control your body is mine!

the more you struggle, the more you lose control, Dark Lard...

<right by Lardy holding Rocky, watching on>

Do it, Lardy! I know its hard, but you must! Whatever happens I'm glad I did. You need to do the same...

"How do we crack that @&%!! shield!" Bob shouts as he pounds away at it with a chunk of titanium-steel support girder he'd picked up from the rubble.

(finishes wiring the navigation and artificial gravity systems)

Hang on, everyone!

(The Orrery lurches forward and movement starts to become more difficult)

Hold on! I'm going to use the Orrery's artificial gravity to partially repel the moon!

<weakening>

Too...much...got to end this!

I'll destroy you ALL!!!! Even if I take myself out with you!!!

<begins building up to critical mass>

...<watches on; there is nothing left any of them can do. It must end--now>

NO YOU DON NOT!

<freezes Dark Lord's nervous system completely>

<down in the rubble>...I'm in love with you, Rocky! No matter if you feel the same way or not--it's how I feel! <kisses him>

(aims the now-heavy Orrery like a billiard ball at the moon itself)

The bounce should give Cobie and Ranger the critical mass they need... even if none of us walk away from it.

"What?"

Bob stops a swing and stares at the immobile Dark Lard.

Hit him, Bob!

It's been so long since I've possessed anyone... I don't know how to use Dark Lard's own powers effectively while I'm in his body. It's up to you Legion Worlders!

Lunar impact in two minutes!

<begins to shimmer as Bob hits him>

Wh-what? Can't feel anything...the Ghost Girl...

<looks down, sees Rocky and Lardy in the rubble>

He--he did it?

<smiles and his form begins to change>

....farewell....

<Cobalt and Ranger feel the resistance to their efforts cease>

<DARK Lard coalesces into a formless yellow glob and drops to the Orrery's floor>

Bob looks over at Kent and nods. He points to the hole in the roof Lard Lad had made several pages ago.

He takes a stance, steps into the swing and whiff!!

"Gaaahh!! Just when I swing for the fence!"

<and suddenly the resistance gives out; the moon is safe; Legion World is safe; Cobalt and Space Ranger did their job--they held Legion World safe and sound until Dark Lard was phased out of exisence>

Not a...not a...not a bad job, eh, Ranger...?

<begins to faint slightly, but Space Ranger rushes over and catches him>

...heh...won't let myself faint...but maybe you could give me a lift back to Legion World? Or even a shirt?

Bet the party in the streets of Legion World tonight will be killer...

<again almost faints, but stays awake, though he lets Ranger carry him>

<strained from such a lengthy possession, Ghost Girl fades away. As she goes, she salutes Everyday Girl and Lard Lad>

We will meet again, my friends...

Quote

Originally posted by DARK LARD:
<DARK Lard coalesces into a formless yellow glob and drops to the Orrery's floor>

...true-friend...

(frantically tries to reverse course)

40 seconds!

I can't reverse it! We're still going to crash! Evacuate! EVACUATE!

30 seconds!

Quote

Originally posted by DARK LARD:
...true-friend...

wait... if I can just....

yes!

"Bob? Where have you been? Man, I'm happy to see you."

YK stumbles to his knees, burnt from the massive expenditure of power last few days have forced on all of them.

"Hey, you think you could get me a ride to Medicus? I don't feel so good." he mumbles as he fades out and all but melts to the floor.

Ladies and gentlebeings, prepare for a lunar landing.... we may have a bit of a bumpy landing, but we won't be crashing at least.... 10 seconds...

<smiles at Lardy and Rocky, then turns around to survey the damage>

Whose hurt? Whose injured? We need to take a roll call, and find out who is missing!

<suddenly her omni-com goes off; she is hit by an overwhelming sigh of relief, as it is a familiar and welcome sound>

Hey...its Holly Honey! Word just went out across Legion World! This whole battle was broadcast! They watched out every move!

They\'re celebrating in the streets!

BUMP!

The Orrery has landed.... Welcome to the lunar surface.

Let's triage our wounded and wrap this up.

Well done, all!

"Yellow's ok. Mostly. Let's get him checked out though. He was smoking there for a while, that can't be good for you."

(gives a field exam) seems okay, but Dr. One will want to run some tests.

BTW... Good to see you back again, Bob!

>puzzled look<

Kent, this is a Protean, and he's my friend...I think he must have been possessed by the DARK LARD. Can you get him some medical attention?

Ghost Girl mentioned something about a rash of possessions. That's what she was here to oppose... hmmm....

It, er, he's gone catatonic... sort of like a Protean version of shock/coma, to protect a Protean during times of great injuries.

He's beyond my skills, but he's reasonably stable. I know a specialist we can call in who has extensive experience with Proteans.

3G's Omni-Comm buzzes.
"Ahoy, girls. Transport's here." Down at the bottom of the enormous sphere sits a Medicus meat wagon.

Bob reaches down and picks up Yk like a small child and walks straight to the wall. He steps slightly sideways and snap kicks a support beam and blows a hole in the wall.

"Alright! Get your tickets out and have your passports ready! If you want a ride you better hustle your butts over here 'cause we're outta here."

Patients will be moved *only* in a safe and orderly fashion. This is medical care, not pizza delivery.

Bob, please be more gentle with the wounded.

We do not leave until all the wounded are ready for safe transport.

-grunt-

And so it goes ... I need to be alone for a while ...

<splash>

you've earned it, SL!

<Space Ranger arrives with Cobalt Kid>

Whose hurt? I've got some juice in me still...

<he fires up healing power in his hands>

<He is led over to Sir Roy, whose face is badly burnt.>

Roy, hold still. You've given it all for the LMB and Legion World...even after some of us, including I, have never given you the benefit of the doubt. Well, that ends here.

<lays healing hands on Sir Roy>

Let me heal you, Roy. Let me repay the debt Legion World owes you...

<after some time, the burns begin to heal, and will do so thereafter gradually; Roy will be okay. An exhausted Cobalt looks around>

...a-anyone else...? Well...not bad, LMB...

<limps> Des...don't over-exert yourself. The injuries here aren't all that severe...even now, they're retrieving my hand from the tesseracts. With any luck I'll have Ol' Faithful back...

<smiles>

Well, buddy...we started this thing as bitter enemies.

<hugs Lardy>

I think we've finally fixed things at long last.

<hugs back and gives Cobalt and Lolita some space> Yeah...<shudders>...I saw a glimpse of what you would've been like after all that shit I put you through with the Invasion--i-it wasn't pretty! Thank the gods for Lolita pulling you out of that funk...

...and thank the gods that Lard Lad and Cobalt are once again on the same side. I...I can't remember the last time it's felt so--so right, y'know?

<kisses her back with equal passion; it is a kiss that is a long time coming.>

There's so much to figure out, so many decisions to be made...all we've been through...all I've put Lolita through because of Phineas' hate for me...but for now...just right now, I'll the moment.

Which feels so right.

<at last the kiss ends>

That's exactly it, Lardy. It feels right. After all these months...things feel right again.

<turns to the LMBers>

Y'know, there is a party in the streets. We probably should join the festivities. We'll figure things out from there

YEAH! Once Rocky gets checked out, we'll all go down and have a bitchin'......

Song and Dance Montage!!!!

Hey! Is that Mick Jagger and David Bowie over there?!

Dancin' innn Chi-caaaago
Up in Legion World
All we need is music
Sweet music
Music everywhere
There'll be swingin' swayin'
Cross Legion Nation
And
Dancin' in the streets!

<Rocky enters>

Lardy! I'm fine! Just some bruises, really.

Umm, I seem to recall you telling me something a little while ago...

...er...<blushes>...yeah, and then you fainted!

Look, Eudyptes...you've seen what I could become. I wouldn't blame you if you decided to put a restraining order on me! But...I had to tell you how I feel...

<bows head>

...you can, er, think about it for a while if you want....

<chuckles>
Lardy--Anthony--I've been mourning Blaine for a long, long time: far longer than he and I were together.

Yes, I've seen what you could become, but I know who and what you are. And I love you. I love you in a way I thought I could never love anyone again. <begins to cry> I found love before and it was taken away so quickly, I was afraid to try. But now--this is it. I love you, Anthony!

<They kiss>