posted
Cobalt Super-Ego smiled to himself as he poured honey on the girl next to him. He was a total pig, ready to have as many women as possible that night.
Also in the room, Lard Lad threw a bunch of money into the air, as the groupies dived for it, giving Lardy a nice view of the fighting ladies.
Also in the room was some strange guy that joined them and was enjoying the high life with them. His name was Porcupine Pete, and he was one hell of a prick.
Suddenly Eyrk Davis Ester burst into the room, being chased by the Succubus that was Dr. Lesbon. Looking to sexually ravage the LMBer as her own sex-toy, Dr. Lesbon decided she would kill him when she was done!
Seeing the debauchery in front of her, the Succubus suddenly became enraged, as dozens of naked groupie women began running out of the room, pouring into the streets of Legion World.
"Help Me!" screamed EDE, unsure of what to do.
"No prob!" yelled Lardy grabbing the succubus and planting a big kiss on her! "Looking good sweet thing!" he smiled, and the Succubus realized that she had found a new man!
18 Minutes later, a tired Lardy fell backwards into his seat and grabbed a drumstick. Cobalt Super-Ego continued hooting and hollering, throwing a cup of mead onto EDE who watched in the corner with an eye-brow raised. Porcupine Pete offered him a burrito.
The Succubus, thoroughly sated and fulfilled returned back to normal to her doctor form. She smiled to herself and teleported away, promising that she would never go evil again, now that she had seen what a good LMBer could do.
EDE, Lardy, Cobalt Super-Ego and Porcupine Pete didn't have too much time to rest though, as a message from Homecoming Queen came through...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
A huge comet landed on Legion World, crashing into a mountain, killing hundreds and destroying the eco-system. No one seemed to notice.
The Terrible Cactus Alien of Reeg 223 used his immense power to search Legion World for potential mates. Immediately, he found the top three candidates for his lover:
1. Harbinger 2. Abin Quank 3. Bucky the Super Beaver
"Ah," he thought, "I hope my mates will enjoy fornicating and listening to bubble-gum pop music as much as I do!"
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Deep in the Panamanian jungle, our intrepid Numfster and his newly appointed sidekick were well and truly lost. They were headed in a vague southerly direction, knowing only that they wanted to head south. “So, Mr Supahero, what yo’ supa power?” asked Kaant as a way of engaging Numf in conversation. Numf wasn’t in much of a mood for conversation. His guts were in the utmost turmoil, and the heat was dehydrating him even more than his hangover. Together it was a fairly lethal combination. “’Scuse me,” Numf said, as he headed behind the nearest large tree. After five minutes of some rather un-printable noises, Numf re-emerged, looking a tad happier with himself, and also a few pounds lighter. “You know something Kaant, I’m an alcoholic bulemic.” She glanced at him sideways, expecting a smart-arsed punchline. He didn’t let her down. “Yeah, after my 12th pint of Guiness I throw it all up.” “Ha, ha, very funny, Mr Supahero. Ultra Violet Boy. So, apart from inability to absorb sun-light what yo’ supa powers?” she asked again. “Apart from the sarcasm? And the ability to swear a lot? I really don’t know. You know something though, it ain’t humid, but it sure is hot. I’m glad that I picked up this lampshade to use as a sunhat,” said Numfy. “How many times I tell you - that a chandelier, not a lampshade. Okay, ‘nother power - ability to wear any clothes and still look like prick. Why you still carry flute. You play?” “Hell no, the only people around my way who could play the flute were religious bigots. And since I’m an atheist I never learned. But, I thought that in an emergency I could use it as a pea shooter. And even if it’s not going to come in handy for that, I can’t wait to watch Harbi play it when we get back. Knowing where it’s been.”
They trudged for a while, through the rain forest, swiping at mosquitoes, Numfy unconvincing in his tale of the size in comparison of midgies on the west coast of Scotland. “I don’t suppose you know what time it is, do you Kaant?” asked Numfy. Suddenly, and instantly, the sun set, leaving them in absolute darkness apart from the very faint starlight. “Oh, that’ll be six o’clock then.”
Around them, there was silence. All the insects, and small frogs which had been keeping them companion for the last few hours were suddenly nowhere to be heard.
posted
In the nigh pitch blackness a pair of eyes peered out from the foliage, six feet away from Numf and Kaant. They were small beady eyes, and the starlight also reflected off a pair of sharp incisors. Numf and Kaant were sitting side by side, backs against a tall tree, covered by large palm fronds, in an attempt at hiding. They didn’t really trust each other, but they trusted the central american wildlife even less. Having been surprised by the sudden falling of night they hadn’t had time to prepare shelter nor a fire (they hadn’t been able to locate two boy scouts to rub together). However, a small rodent-like nose had tracked them here, all the way from the haunted village.
posted
Suddenly, Impulse I, a strapping young man wearing rather odd spectacles burst in carrying a flint and tender to light the fire for Numf and Kaant.
"Don't mind me fellows, learned this trick as an eagle scout for the Galactic Boy Scouts of the UP," I say as I quickly make a fire using superspeed and then dash to make a lean-to for shelter.
"Anything else you boys need while I am at?" I ask with a sly grin and a quick adjust of the spectacles.
From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
Harbinger senses something. She doesn't see, hear, smell or taste (no bad thoughts here! ) anything. She can feel it. Invading her mind. She tries to fight back, using her strong will, developed from years of teaching hard-headed kids. It's her mind, her rules. But sadly, it doesn't work that day.
Her mind is lost to her.
SWhe is still there, inside, but cut off from the part of her mind which allows her to take control of her actions. A malevolent force exists there in her stead.
She watches in horror as she turns towards the still drunk and sleeping IB, and grabs him by the collar. And then she can feel, in a detached way, the feeling in the pit of her stomach that comes whenever she defies gravity.
posted
Cobie and company barely notice at first that Harbi and IB are gone. That's cause they are still busy arguing, (in a calm and reasonable manner, of course ) while Abin Quank is trying to find some ice for his bloody nose.
"Oh, so you're trying to say that you've never encouraged him before?"
"It's all in fun! Come on, he's almost eighteen!"
"Almost is not the same as not yet."
"I still say he's old enough to handle himself."
"Do we even know that that weird squaj was after himbecause of that?"
"Well, IB must have done SOMETHING pretty bad."
"Oh come on, that guy could just have been a wacko."
"Hey, anybudy got an icepack for be?"
"Yeah, have a little more faith in him."
"hellooooo, guy in deed of sum medical adention here!"
"Yeah, are you saying IB is naughty enough to get some vice squad officer chasing after him? I mesn, Cobie still hasn't achieved that distinction, and you know how bad HE is!"
"Sumbudy help be, I'm bleeding badly!"
"But Cobie's of age already! It's legal for him to do that! IB's not!"
You can imagine how the rest of the argument goes.
posted
They were still arguing when Lightning Lad flew through thr hole in the roof (courtesy of the mind-controlled Harbinger) and landed next to them. They were still arguing when he raised his voice to tell the something. They were still arguing when LL gave the all a good zap! with his powers. Heck, they were still arguing when he showed them a very risque advertisement for Shameless Hussies!
They DID listen when the words "permanently banned" and "exiled to the DC boards" were sifted through all the words they were hearing and tripped the emergency signals in their brains, though.
They all jumped up and stared in LL's direction, except for poor Abin Quank who had passed out from loss of blood.
LL was tapping his foot impatiently. "Now that I finally have your attention, what are you guys planning to do about rescuing Invisible Brainiac?"
"What do you mean? He's still here- Oh, grife." said Lardy, as he stared at the empty bed where IB was lying just 10 minutes ago.
"We are so screwed." said Cobie, for once not getting excited at the sound of the word "screwed".
posted
“Much appreciated young…..ummmm….who on earth are you, and where did you come from?” asked Numf of the young, rather nattily dressed man who was busy putting in plumbing, complete with water filters, at superspeed, into the newly comstructed lean-to. Numf was getting accustomed to people appearing suddenly, but still needed time to assess whether they were there to help, or take the piss. “Sorry, I should perhaps have introduced myself - my name is Impulse 1, and I am one of the newest members of the LMBP.” So saying, he politely bowed towards Numf, then turned and bowed to Kaant. “Wha’ you do here?” asked Kaant, very suspiciously. “I came here to bring you the gift of heat, shelter and a clean water supply,” came the answer. “And just how the buggeration did you know where to find us, or that we were in need of help in such forms? You certainly appeared ready with the flint, almost as if you knew exactly what was required. Not to say anything of having suitable piping and water filters on your person,” queried Numf, himself becoming very suspicious all of a sudden. “They not on his person, he have them in bag,” said Kaant, not very helpfully. “Umm.. I can’t tell you…….I promised Cobie I wouldn’t tell……..” stammered Impulse 1, backing away slowly. “GET HIM!” shouted Numf as he dived headlong at the new arrival. Kaant was a split second behind. Both fell flat on their faces. “Did you not notice that I possess superspeed?” asked I1 incredulously from behind them. “Or are you truly as stupid as the beautiful Harbinger believes?” “Well, at least that proves that you know Harbi - though I’m not too sure of the beautiful part,” said Numf from the ground, turning onto his back to look up at I1. “How can anyone who has met her not believe so?” asked I1, all confused for a second. “Don’t tell her that, whatever you do. She’s got enough of an ego as it is.” “Hey, noo boy, why you here?” asked Kaant as she picked herself out of a tree root. “I can’t tell you,” replied our superfast hero, if that is what he is. “I Kaant - you tell me.” “No, I can’t” “No - I Kaant……”
Now, I could go on and on like this for a page or two, but I’m sure that we would lose a few readers along the way, and since the popularity of a thread dictates the level of advertising that it gets, lets just say that it went on for a while. While we’re on the point, when are we going to get some international advertising - free Cokes, or Bud or something. I could do with a change from rowies, even Aitkens. How about getting BMW to give us all a car each? I mean, this stuff’s better than Seinfield, or Friends, and they’re on millions of dollars an episode……………….
“No, I can’t!!!” “No, I Kaant!!” Numf awoke to the same argument that he’d fallen asleep to. He yawned, stretched and gave his scrotum a damned good scratch. “Ah, that’s better,” he moaned contentedly to himself.
Kaant and I1 were standing toe to toe, eyes to belly button, yelling at each other.
posted
“Much appreciated young…..ummmm….who on earth are you, and where did you come from?” asked Numf of the young, rather nattily dressed man who was busy putting in plumbing, complete with water filters, at superspeed, into the newly constructed lean-to. Numf was getting accustomed to people appearing suddenly, but still needed time to assess whether they were there to help, or take the piss. “Sorry, I should perhaps have introduced myself - my name is Impulse 1, and I am one of the newest members of the LMBP.” So saying, he politely bowed towards Numf, then turned and bowed to Kaant. “Wha’ you do here?” asked Kaant, very suspiciously. “I came here to bring you the gift of heat, shelter and a clean water supply,” came the answer. “And just how the buggeration did you know where to find us, or that we were in need of help in such forms? You certainly appeared ready with the flint, almost as if you knew exactly what was required. Not to say anything of having suitable piping and water filters on your person,” queried Numf, himself becoming very suspicious all of a sudden. “They not on his person, he have them in bag,” said Kaant, not very helpfully. “Umm.. I can’t tell you…….I promised Cobie I wouldn’t tell……..” stammered Impulse 1, backing away slowly. “GET HIM!” shouted Numf as he dived headlong at the new arrival. Kaant was a split second behind. Both fell flat on their faces. “Did you not notice that I possess superspeed?” asked I1 incredulously from behind them. “Or are you truly as stupid as the beautiful Harbinger believes?” “Well, at least that proves that you know Harbi - though I’m not too sure of the beautiful part,” said Numf from the ground, turning onto his back to look up at I1. “How can anyone who has met her not believe so?” asked I1, all confused for a second. “Don’t tell her that, whatever you do. She’s got enough of an ego as it is.” “Hey, noo boy, why you here?” asked Kaant as she picked herself out of a tree root. “I can’t tell you,” replied our superfast hero, if that is what he is. “I Kaant - you tell me.” “No, I can’t” “No - I Kaant……”
Now, I could go on and on like this for a page or two, but I’m sure that we would lose a few readers along the way, and since the popularity of a thread dictates the level of advertising that it gets, lets just say that it went on for a while. While we’re on the point, when are we going to get some international advertising - free Cokes, or Bud or something. I could do with a change from rowies, even Aitkens. How about getting BMW to give us all a car each? I mean, this stuff’s better than Seinfield, or Friends, and they’re on millions of dollars an episode……………….
“No, I can’t!!!” “No, I Kaant!!” Numf awoke to the same argument that he’d fallen asleep to. He yawned, stretched and gave his scrotum a damned good scratch. “Ah, that’s better,” he moaned contentedly to himself.
Kaant and I1 were standing toe to toe, eyes to belly button, yelling at each other.
posted
“Squeak squeak, squeakity squeak.” “Okay, I’ll lie still and speak in hushed tones,” answered Numf suspiciously, in a hushed tone, as the others yelled some more. He looked around furtively for the beast behind the voice. From out of the forest sneaked a small grey animal, clad in blue cape with a familiar red and gold emblem on it. “Hey, you must be Rody, the Super Rat. Excellent to meet you at last, I’ve heard so much about you. I’ve even had that telepathic implant put in so that we can talk to each other,” said Numf, rather excitedly, whilst trying to maintain the hushed tones. “Squeak squeakity squeak squeak, squeak squeak.” “You checked that before you came? Why?” “Squeaky squeak squeak squeak.” “Ah, I see, Impulse 1 is so new to the LMBP that he hasn’t had the implant yet, due to the long waiting list. So only I can understand what you’re saying. Ah, I see. But why?” Numf checked that the argument was still ongoing behind him. “Squeak.” “What do you mean I’m going the wrong way? I’m heading south, aren’t I?” “Squeeeeeeeek.” “Oh, I see. Silly me, I don’t have a map. So, Panama runs west to east, and not north to south. And the place I’m headed is called what?” “Squeak.” “Peninsula de Azuero? The Blue Peninsula? There’s something fishy here. Kaant keeps calling me Blue Boy. Impulse 1 said something about Cobalt Lad, and cobalt is a bluey sort of colour, and we’re headed for the Blue Peninsula. Mmmmm, I don’t imagine there’s much chance that we’re going there to make a blue movie, is there?”
posted
Numf stood up slowly, trying not to hurt Rody, whom he had secreted into an inside pocket of his jacket. He turned slowly to look at his two “companions”, still trading “No I can’t / Kaant”s. “I hate to be a spoilsport,”said Numf, drawing their attention away from each other, “but do you think that it might be at all possible for you both to SHUT THE FUCK UP!” For miles around everything stopped what they were doing and turned towards Numf, giving a large area of absolute silence for all of three seconds. After that all the wildlife realised that it wasn’t them to whom he was talking and went back about their business, fornicating, defecating and eating each other. And not necessarily in that order.
posted
Deep in the Panamanian tropical rain forest, Numf stood facing Kaant and Impulse 1. Numf was in standard hero pose, head held high, chin out, shoulders back, feet apart to shoulder width, groin thrust forward and balled fists on hips. They were still toe-to-toe, but had turned to face Numf, and were standing there slack jawed.
posted
Truant Officer Ralph gleefully (well, with as much hint of glee as a happy crocodile would have)took the still drunk form of IB from the mind-controlled Harbinger. Finally, his mission was successful. With a snap of his fingers, he caused Cobalt Id and Cobalt Ego to merge back together, while leaving Cobalt Super-Ego out there to act like a bastard and totally ruin whatever was left of Cobie's reputation after the security tapes were released.
He kicked IB roughly in the ribs. He didn't do it for fun, he just did it out of pure hatred. Oh, did he ever have plans for this kid who had given him so much trouble...
He quickly opened a portal in space, a portal that transcended universes, a portal that defied all logic (not that portals generally have much logic in the first place), and he kicked IB right into it. Behind him, the mind-controlled Harbinger just stood there, staring blankly into space.
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![[angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
) anything. She can feel it. Invading her mind. She tries to fight back, using her strong will, developed from years of teaching hard-headed kids. It's her mind, her rules. But sadly, it doesn't work that day. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
) while Abin Quank is trying to find some ice for his bloody nose. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
