Topic: The Ongoing LMBP Tag Team Thread (rated PG13)
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
As they flew close to the Rim Head Nebular, a large shape flew out of the rim and made straight for the pair.
“Kara look out” shouted Dev Em as the monstrous shape sped towards them.
But it was too late, The huge misshapen creature known only as Vaginimus had already knocked Kara unconscious in its mindless desire to “unite” with the Emerald Dildo
“fuck me” said Dev Em “ I am not getting squashed between a magical dildo and huge walking vagina” and, knowing that the creature would follow the Dildo thus leaving Kara free to recover, he turned and flew off as fast as he could in the direction of….
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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...he turned and flew off as fast as he could in the direction of…Gaynemead, that fun, frolicsome, flirty moon that always dances around Ju-peter. Vaginimus stayed in close pursuit for the entire trip, somehow able to keep up the pace set by the daring Dev-Em.
As they approached Gaynemead, Dev-Em noticed that the Emerald Dildo was violently struggling to escape his grasp. Thus distracted, Vaginimus was able to catch up and grasp his ankle in a warm, moist grip. Before he could turn to do battle however, a bright, blazing yellow light exploded from the surface of Gaynemead and hurtled towards them. Vaginimus noticed the blazing yellow light as well and released her grip on Dev-Em's ankle, unsure who posed the bigger threat.
Suddenly, in the center of the blazing yellow light both sentinents were able to make out the silhouette of.....
...the Golden Dildo of Taltar! As it sped towards them, it was heard to shout, "$Aak#asdap% (*lii &!***UAGHSA" *
(*instant omnicom translation ~ "Emmett! Emmett, I'm coming for you Emmett dear, hang on! I'll save you!)
To which the Emerald Dildo of Ekron replied "KHADTB&^ NAISY*&^@ 8(^BASJ" *
(*instant omnicom translation ~ "Gordo! Oh Gordo! I knew you'd come for me if you could! My hero!")
The Golden Dildo of Taltar threw himself at Dev-Em and began beating him about the face and mouth and backside while shooting golden bursts of showering light in all directions. As this golden shower hit Vaginimus, she screeched "Oh Mercy!" and fled into the Nunnery Nebula in the far depths of space.
Dev-Em was so startled by this strange turn of events that he lost his grip on the Emerald Dildo of Ekron. Emmett EDE immediately flew up to join Gordo GDT.
When they met there was a brilliant (and very fashionable) burst of gold and emerald light which lit the entire spacial vicinity for parsecs. As it faded, Dev-Em was left stunned, for instead of two matching gay dildos, Emmett EDE & Gordo GDT had joined together to form...
...Star 69 which settled above Gaynemead's south pole. Ever since, Star 69 has served as a signal star (sort of like a bandana in days of old) silently announcing Gaynemead's true orientation. It's said that the Dildo Fairy has joined them and the three of them lived happily ever after (don't all fairy tales end that way? )
But that's a story for another day. For now let us return to Cobalt Kid's Office of Security where ...
-------------------- "Hey Jim! Get Mon out of the Zone!! And...when do we get Condo back?"
From: Paragon City on patrol | Registered: Jul 2003
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...Cobalt's security office, where Cobalt, Super Lad Kid and Lash Lad knocked Madrox the Multiple Durlan outside of his office into the streets of Legion World. Feeling the ghost of Chris Claremont in the viscinity of him (who haunted Legion World BTW in an unrevealed Legion World story), Cobalt shouted "Durlan, quarter will be neither asked nor given! Come and meet my magnetic fury!", as he used his magnetism to pull the Durlan into the air. As it stretched it's arms and legs out as swords at Cobalt Kid, Lash Lad whipped them together, as Cobalt used his magnetism to hold him still. Knowing this was only one of the Durlan's clone selves and not his real one, then proceeded to rip the Durlan apart, as a cascade of Durlan entrails and guts fell downward onto the head of Super Lad Kid, who uttered the ever-witty "aw, gross!".
"A bit brutal Cobie?" said Lash, to which Cobalt replied "not really. I knew it was only the clone, and since clones aren't sentient by Durlan standards, it's not technically killing. Anyway, this proves that Madrox is related somehow to the Nad's Kicker murder. Now we have to figure out who else is involvded, cuz the Durlan sure as hell can't make bodies fall out of thin air!"
Meanwhile, the alien armada that was secretly the Brood hovered over Earth, waiting for Hummer Lass or Captain Lightbulb to be delivered, or the alian in Space Ranger to grow. However, even they were being watched by...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
An ancient and powerful space entity known as "the ONE from M81" a being as old as the cosmos itself.
Unfortunately, great age does not always bring great wisdom. and the being known as "the ONE from M81" was and is only slightly more intelligent than a soggy oreo cookie. Think Homer Simpson dead drunk.
"the ONE from M81" is however extremely powerful in a Tenzil Kim sort of way. And right now the brood batle ship reminded it of an enticing appetizer.
"the ONE from M81" opens its huge mouth and...
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
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...was suddenly filled with the entity known as Vaginus! Yes, the most cosmic cunnilingus ever took place for the next few minutes, as people throughout the cosmos inexplicitly experienced orgasms to such a powerful degree, that they could never have sex afterwards! In fact, these beings took a turn towards abstinence, and would create the Church of the Great Orgasm, which would haunt the LMBP in it's future, two years from now!! Remember this LMBers.
Onboard the alien armada, the Brood were really getting anxious. They were hungry, horny and a bit miffed that they had to hide themselves under the guise of morality officers. "Fuck it" said Glib'ymb, a Brood officer. "Let's go fuck that place up". "No, you blithering, blathering, blundering idiot" replied Marvin, another Brood officer. "We must wait."
Meanwhile, Captain Lightbulb came to Earth as requested, just as EDE finished himself off into Dr. Lesbon's mou-, ah well, you get the picture. EDE welcomed his friend, as Lardy and Hummer Lass joined them. Lardy had that "I just got a BJ from Kid Prime's mom and want to rub it in his face look", but EDE knew there was too much to do. As Greybird Boy and Arachne joined them, they all reported to Princess Crujectra to discuss the alien armada.
Meanwhile, Nad's Kicker Lad's severed head remained on Cobalt's desk, as Lash, Cobalt, Super Lad Kid and now Vee and Semi joined them. Suddenly it exploded onto Super Lad Kid! "Dammit!" he yelled, covered again with entrails! "What the fuck!" As Lash and Vee snickered, Cobalt suddenly saw a clue to Nad's Kicker's killer: an arm chair leg tucked into his abdullah oblangatta (spelling is for losers anyway ). "Hm," he thought, "the Multiple Durlan and now this..."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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... painful rectal itching! It's enough to drive me insane!"
"Hey Cobie, we've all been there" said Lash sympathetically, "Once I had to go through a whole case of Preparation H before I could ..."
"Enough! Can we get back to the business at hand" interrupted Super Lad Kid.
Cobie took his hand out of his pants and said ...
-------------------- Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
From: The waters off eastern Long Island | Registered: Jul 2003
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Cobie took his hand out of his pants and said "Oh what a good boy am I!" Lash said "Hey diddle diddle!" And Super Lad Kid said "And Jill came tumbling after!" The three LWMBers looked perplexed at each other. Cobalt Kid said "Where is the little boy who looked after the sheep?" Cobalt Kid clamped his hand over his mouth. Grabbing a pad of paper, Cobalt Kid wrote "What is happening?" and turned it towards his companions. Their continued perplexed looks made Cobalt Kid to look at the writing on the pad. It read "Have you any wool?"
In a dark cavern, lit only by the glow of a monitor, a mysterious figure observes the goings on in the Security Office. "YES! My Nuwsewy Whyme Way Wowks Pewfectwy! Now my Wevenge can Begin! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile: As Captain Lightbulb, in his new neon pink speedos, Lardy, EDE, Hummer Lass, Greybird Boy, and Arachne entered the stately Crujectra manor....
-------------------- Five billion years from now the Sun will go nova and obliterate the Earth. Don't sweat the small stuff!
From: Boston | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Meanwhile back at the Ranch (Ranch? Cool!)...
...Raging Bull was teaching Almost New Kid, Homecoming Queen and Faraway Lad how to lasso up a bull and bring him up. Unbeknownst to them, their was a secret spy inside the Ranch, although this subplot will not be revealed until at the very least page seven.
As they were hanging out and enjoying their day in a non-sexual manner, Space Ranger and Mantis suddenly arrived, as Space Ranger drunkenly puked ever where! "Gross", said Faraway, "tell your brother to knock it off". "No way" said ANK, "I'm the one whose supposed to be annoying..."
"This one does not think it is the alcohal" replied Mantis. But something has changed in the Space Ranger suddenly." What she did not know was that a Brood egg was hatching in SP, and that the Brood armada waited to invade Legion World...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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The Brood Battle Cruiser prepares for an assault. Instruments aboard that ship have detected the imminent hatching of the egg implanted in Space Ranger's butt by the now destroyed John A. Misnomer. Marvin the senior officer aboard the ship has decided that he is tired of waiting for his Hummer, or Yugo, as the case may be, and is preparing to take direct action against our stalwart heros.
Unfortunately for the Brood however, an unresolved plot line from the previous adventure (See LMBP The fight against Thora for details) is about to raise it's ugly head, or to put it more accurately, make a big STINK!!!
For several time parts (Time duration in these stories is only slightly less fuzzy than the plot) a mixture of Sauerkraut, 9 Alarm Chili and Bratwurst has been rumbling in the Ranger's guts. Add the fact that his recent "Talent Competition" with Danny Blane was fueled by approximately 3 cases of Michelob, and a quart of JWB, things in the Ranger's intestinal tract have reached what can mildly be described as a "Critical Mass."
Mantis is the first to notice the rather strange expression when it appears on the Ranger's face She does not understand what is happening but her cosmic awareness is screaming at her to vacate the area, FAST. Also to bury her head in the nearest pile of Bull Manure she can find. She Knows better than to argue with her somewhat vague talent. It always pops up later and says "Nah, Nah, Told Ya So!!"
Moving quickly she grabs the other LMBPers and heads for Raging Bull's barn where she knows, again because her talent has said "Git in the barn, Bitch!", the protective layer of Bull Manure will be the thickest.
Behind them they can hear the faint but very, very, extremely, drunk voice of the Ranger giggling as he says, "Pull my finger"
Marvin, the senior Brood officer, watches in disbelief as the LMBPers flee the area where his ship has just landed. Not only are the LMBPers cowards he thinks as they dive head first into a pile of Male Bovine Animal Excrement, but they left the admittedly encapacitated prize undefended.
"Go ahaid, silly, just pull my finger!"
Marvin turns to see the Space Ranger bent over with his ass pointed at the Brood Battle Cruiser and one hand with index finger extended stretched out in his direction. Curiously he reaches out and gives that finger a small tug.
As he touches the Ranger's finger a small voice in the back of Marvin's head can be heard repeating the immortal phrase "You're really fucked now, Brood Boy..."
Moments later after the Echoes of the Ranger's incredible BRAPPP, FIZZST, BBRRAAPPPP, Ahhhh What a relief that was, have resounded two and 16/24ths of the way around Legion World (twice) our stalwart heros begin to crawl out of the huge pile of Male Bovine Animal Excrement that saved their lives. They do however (On the advice of ABNQNK, who has been through the aftermaths of Rangers binges before) stuff their noses with said Male Bovine Animal Excrement in order to ensure that they will have a reasonably breatheable air supply.
The scene they witness is...
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
...is one of pure horror. Feces and Brood guts layer the ground everywhere around them. The air so putrid, that none can really breath. Space Ranger flies through the air, now dead sober after such a royal shit, and scopes out the alian armada. "Hm, how about that. Looks like their all gone, and I didn't even know about it."
Danny Blaine, retaking his position as Mantis is drawn back, speaks next saying "maybe we should get the fuck out here?" "Good idea" says Faraway, as he makes them go faraway to the LMBP headquarters. There, they notice Cobalt's security office is surprisingly quiet (as Lash, Super Lad Kid and he can no longer say coherent sentences that make sense, although they aren't aware of this yet). As the prepare to tell Princess Crujectra the alian armada is defeated, they are shocked to find that a new threat has risen...
----- Epilogue: the Brood egg of John A. Misnomer arises out of the feces. He is now a living Brood feces sentient being, a piece of shit who lives off others shit. And he will one day have his revenge on Space Ranger. From this day forth, "Brood-Shit" is an enemy of the LMBP!
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Back in Scotland, Sonnie and Harbi are dangling inches above the ground, being held only by the ears. Numph-El, Sonnies bigger, uglier and downright nastier brother is one of the few sentient beings left in Legionworld who can understand the stramache that has gone on between them , in their mithir tongue "Doric". Not even Weegies could understand what the Furry Booters were on about.
"Shut yer wheesht the pair a yiz! Yer baith fechtin' like a coupla jessies. Yi twa feel puddocks, if yi dinna stoap I'll rip aff yer airms'n' legs an' hit yiz oan the heid wi ma Toblerone! "Shit, that's a bit of a give away.........."
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