posted
optimusmagnus New Member August 12, 2002 11:14 AM
<<>>
Antiquated-Form-Of-Communication Girl! I only had time to free one other female legionnaire from Lucifer Lass's brainwashing, and, well... hell, she was the only one handy. I know she's not much for powers, but..."
The general consensus among the male heroes was that they didn't mind her lack of useful powers, since the fact that she looked EXACTLY like Catherine Zeta-Jones more than made up for that. Besides, who knows when a specialist in all forms of communication that aren't in use anymore might come in handy!
Light Year Lass continued, "I'm signalling Antiquated-Form-Of-Communicstion Girl to pull up alongside our 'craft, so we can board and continue on our way in her ship. You'll have to excuse Lucifer Lass's decor: the whips, the chains, the red velvet cushions..."
"Oh, we don't mind!!!" Lash Lad exclaimed.
"Yeah, we don't mind," Everyone else chorused.
Meanwhile, at that moment, in Turkey/ Carnie, the one called the one and the empress were continuing their funky voyage on the sea of lesbian love (Vi and Ayla, are you watching?). The empress had just removed her very last garter belt and was lying on the sands of Turkey Beach completely naked, when...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 12, 2002 11:19 AM
Leap Year Lass continued: "In fact some of you may recognize the name of the person aboard. It's Eryk Davis Ester!"
"But wait, aren't you Eryk Davis Ester?" Cobalt Kid said, turning to the person who'd sworn in the previous post.
"F*ck yeah! That sh*thead must be an imposter!"
"Hmm," Lash Lad thought. "Something mysterious is going on here. Why would Potty-Mouth Master have lied when he claimed that his real name was Eryk Davis Ester? And if he is EDE, then why would that person in that ship out there be claiming to be him? Maybe this really is a trick by Lucifer Lass? But why would she pretend to be Potty-Mouth Master, when she knows that he's onboard the ship, and isn't really a very important character anyway?"
Then came another message from the ship, which told them...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 12, 2002 11:24 AM
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Time for cross-posting correction. The first message from the ship tells them that EDE is aboard. The second message tells them that Antiquated-Forms-of-Communication Lass is also aboard, and then they decided to pull up next to the ship and let AFoC Lass and the Second EDE on board. Then we segue back the one and the Empress.
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-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
optimusmagnus New Member August 12, 2002 11:40 AM
<<< interlude >>>
Thanks. I love making good plot. You're pretty excellent yourself. And I quite agree, Lucifer Lass just WORKS. Now if we could just figure out if it's Turns-You-Into-A-Country Lad or Kid, even though that's turned into a joke in and of itself. And who would have thought the one would wind up with such a rampaging libido?
<<< end interlude>>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
optimusmagnus New Member August 12, 2002 12:46 PM
The empress had just removed her very last garter belt and was lying on the sands of Turkey Beach completely naked, when...
Parallax (a.k.a. Hal Jordan/Spectre/Donna Troy/Foodmaker Kid/Jar Jar Binx), who had just finished making a nice souffle, heard the rancorous beeping of his cross-reality divergence warning alarm. Rushing to it, he thought, "Oh, sh#*, I hope there's not a major time-reality warping problem to deal with! I'm really hungry, my souffle's getting cold, and American Idol is getting ready to come on in 5 minutes!" However, upon arriving at the cross-reality divergence warning alarm, he was relieved to see that a major divergence event was narrowly averted by the serendipitous placing of a second signal from Lucifer Lass's ship in EDE's post. Glad to see that problem was solved, Parallax turned to his souffle.
And to make this thread even MORE needlessly complex, let's see what's going on over in the Hypertime Bar...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
optimusmagnus New Member August 12, 2002 02:21 PM
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Just wanted to point out that when I said "Lucifer Lass's ship" I wasn't implying that Lucifer Lass was aboard (though she MIGHT be, that hasn't been established yet, but I think looking back on previous posts I know where EDE is going with this), only that the ship was originally owned by LL.
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-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 12, 2002 10:30 PM
...And over in the Hypertime Bar, Poverty Lad finally emerged from the bathroom, to find Lucien Lad, BBSeahorse, and Looks That Kill Lad had left. He had a tremendous headache, and his memory was kind of fuzzy.
He went over and sat next to Sly Stallone, who had changed from his Rambo outfit to Rocky, complete with bruises from his struggle with Mike Ock.
The two sat and enjoyed a drink together, when suddenly the lights flickered.
Mark Waid said, "Don't tell someone has imploded the universe again! That hasn't happened for over a page! At least were safe here!"
But no, they soon discovered. The universe hadn't imploded. Instead, they discovered, someone was trying to drain the mystical power of the Hypertime Bar. It was...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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...Pornis and his assistants, Felice Acio and Khan E. Lingus! The trio strolled in (well, techinically, Pornis wasn't walking...but we won't go into any specifics...).
Pornis as a one-eyed monster without any arms or legs. His one eye was the only distinctive feature on his head. At the base of the serpentine-like creature were two large bulbous objects that seemed to throb with power. Everyone seemed to fear those most of all.
Pornis was mute, so Felice and Khan did all the talking for him. Felice and Khan were as close to human perfection as can be for their respective sexes. However, they did have abnormally large mouths and long, long tongues that would put Gene Simmons to shame!
Finally, Felice broke the silence, "surrender, now! We are here to steal the device that makes this bar resistant to all universal reboots and destructions!"
"Mark Waid!" Khan commanded. "Where is the device?"
"I---I.." Waid stammered.
"Master Pornis?" Felice said with a smile.
In response, Pornis shot a white, viscous fluid from his eye that stuck Waid tightly to the wall. The others just sort of cowered behind the jukebox.
"Now," Khan laughed, "where is it? or would you like another in your mou-"
"NOOOOO!" Waid screamed. "Don't! It's in---it's in Devin's bra!"
"Ha!" Khan sneered. "I thought you'd have a more clever place for it than that! I mean, EVeryone has access to her bra! I guess she uses it to help stuff them..."
Mark Waid sobbed for his moomy.
Deftly, Khan extracted the device from Devin's bra with his long, prehensile tongue.
"Thank you very much!" Felice mocked. "Seeya around!"
But before Pornis exited, he fired another shot at the cowering Sly and Pov and left them stuck to the wall as well. And as an afterthought, Pornis motioned for his servants to bring Devin along. He had plans for her.
"Toodles!" Felice said to the stranded men as the foursome left.
"Gawd!" Pov whimpered. "I sure hope Bevis, Paul and Brian come back soon! Something tells me we're gonna be stuck here a long time otherwise!"
Meanwhile, as Lardlad looked longingly at the voluptuous Antiquated-Form-Of-Communication Girl aboard the luxury cruiser, his eyes suddenly rolled to the back of his head. After a few moments, he snapped out of it and yelled at the top of his lungs, "the Emerald Empress is naked!!!"
"Huh?" said all present roused from their luxuriant party atmosphere.
"I sense that the Empress is naked! That means I can 'port us all to wherever she is right now!"
Everyone started murmuring things like, "can it wait 'til tomorrow?" But Lardy was transfixed and 'ported them directly to where the Empress and the one called the one lay in total postcoital bliss. As soon as they arrived.........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 14, 2002 11:56 PM
As soon as they arrived, Potty-Mouth Master screamed, "Ahhh, sh*t!!" as the universe whited out and was replaced by a reality in which Pornis was the master of everything.
In this reality, a small band of rebels led by Gary Coleman, Non-Sequitor, and a miniature "Mini-me" style clone of Eryk Davis Ester...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
optimusmagnus New Member August 15, 2002 02:17 AM
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Yes it's true, true believers! For the next four months, all your favorite LMBP titles, including "Sassy Leap Year Lass," "Lucifer Lass Presents," and the top selling "League of Men in Drag" are no more. Finished. Kaput. Enter.... THE AGE OF A-PORNIS-LYPSE!!! Will LYL still pull whatever she needs out of the closest ass? Will Captain Lightbulb finally achieve his desire for hot gay buttsex? Will Lucifer Lass actually be fighting on the side of the 'nads? And who is the mysterious figure carrying within him the keys to return to the true, core reality? Will Pornis find him before anyone else and seal the phallic fate of the Universe forever? And where are the seven missing Dragonballs? Find out in the new titles!
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-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
optimusmagnus New Member August 15, 2002 02:27 AM
hot THREE-WAY GAY SEX!, the trio decided to make their move.......>
Brushing the leaves, dirt, and... other substances from their hair, the Legionnaires 3 got up.
Gary Coleman said, "whatchu talkin' bout, fool? Shoot! I know one thing and one thing only! My name is Gary Coleman. You killed my white daddy, Mr. Drummond. Prepare to die!"
Non-Sequitor looked up and said, "Wait! We didn't kill your father! It's later ON you'll find that bother!!!"
"Oh, sorry..." the little sitcom freak blushed. "I guess I get carried away sometimes, NS."
"Inconcievable..." muttered the mini-me clone of EDE...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
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