"Dont know" replied Looks that Kill Lad," who was indeed looking at the well muscled body of Mr Stallone
Rambo had grabbed hold of Mike Ock and was trying it seemed to toss Mike Ock over the bar. But Ock was slippery and Rambo's grip kept slipping off.
"Maybe we should help him" asked Poverty Lad
"No dear" replied Lucien Lad " you of all people really should not go near Mike Ock, you know he is the one person who your power is useless against. Anyway, lets just watch for a while to see what Rambo can do against Mike Ock"
Meanwhile.........
Back in the Toilet of Doom, a small brown object was floating on the surface of the oily scummy water. As we get closer to it we see it is in fact the Tid-D-Bowl man. Dead in his own Trapper Crapper.
Standing over the giant toilet of doom, near the flush handle was non other than, the one who is called the one.
"Fools" gloated the one called the one "they forgot that all this rebooting would bring me back, and I am more powerful than ever before. Now this pathetic little turd is out of the way I will be able to destroy the mysterious one with bed projecting powers and shall then rule all the known universes"
Turning to his compatriot, the figure dressed only in Black, the one called the one called out
"Come Darth Larder, my Evil Sith Lord of Cholesterol, bring your nutralizer, nuralizer, WHATever, we have work to do"
The one called the one took one last look down at the Trapper Crapper then flushed it and Tid-D-Bowl Man away, and with that the one called the one turned and left the toilet of doom laughing.
Meanwhile.....................
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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...Pov stirred on the barroom floor, roused (but not A-roused) by the sounds of battle.
"Ooog... WHAT the...!"
He wrenched the glowing plunger from his forehead.
"I was goin' to the loo... had to unload that SilverAle... and I was assaulted by...
MIKE OCK!"
The glowering Martian got to his feet, got his bearings, and took stock of the battle before him. He took the glowing toilet tool, now charged with the energy it had drained from him, and hurled it at Mr. Ock-- giving him a plunge that would do Abner Louima proud.
Stricken, in pain and enraged, the one-eyed giant turned quickly on his longtime nemesis. They grappled.
"I've wasted a lifetime in hand-to-hand combat with you, Mike Ock! This ends NOW!!"
Drawing on the power of the Poverty Gem, P-Lad lashed out at the Phallic Phreak, giving him a case of shrinkage that only George Costanza could love.
"Never again need the worlds fear Mike Ock!" avowwed Pov, as the raving eunuch burst through the barroom doors and into the night.
Meanwhile...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Elsewhere, Pariah magically appeared as he does amidst all doomed universes.
"This world is doomed! It's really getting out of control and not making any damn sense at all!" he cried. (And, yes, Pariah was really crying---he's such a girly-man, pansy-ass, after all) "The only thing that can save this universe now is if Erik Davis Ester somehow brings it all togather again! Oh...boo-hoo-HOOO!"
Then, someone ran up to Pariah and kicked him in the 'nads. "That'll give ya somethin' ta cry about, pansy!" sneered 'Nads-Kicker Lad.
Meanwhile, in a previously-mentioned fish bowl...........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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...was a fish with the power to warp reality, except his awesome might was neutralised by the presence of water. Life's so ironic sometimes.
In another part of the universe, Parallax Troy Binks roared with triumphant laughter (flipping his long ears and breasts) as the computer glitch was finally resolved in a confusion of little message boxes. Admittedly he had used his powers to fix the machine, but what was the point of being one of the most powerful lifeforms in existence and spending hours trying to negotiate with an animated paperclip? Parallax felt an overwhelming sense of relief as he pressed the button and all existence vanished, then returned...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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... exactly as it was before only without that @(&%$^*^$$ing paperclip. So possibly he wasn't a bad guy at all. Or woman. or thing. Or possibly he was. It's hard to tell these days. At that point he finally noticed the goldfish with the amazing powers and seeing it's predicament (ie: only being able to use it's powers out of water) he....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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"Mmmmm! Meesa like dat!" said a part of the Parallax entity.
"Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!" gagged the other four fifths of the entity.
Recovering, the Spectre portion of Parallax spoke. "Now it's time to conjure a spell to explain just what's been going on since Erik Davis Ester's last recap!" Spectre concentrated really hard, and a gentleman who resembled British actor Michael York appeared before him.
****SPECIAL CAMEO APPEARANCE BY "AUSTIN POWERS"'S BASIL EXPOSITION!!!!****
"Well, Mr. Exposition...what's going on in this story? It doesn't make any sense any more. Please explain it to me! What's happening?" Parallax pleaded to the mythic master of plot explaining.
Basil looked at the entity for a moment, then shrugged. "Beats the hell outta me!" he moaned. Then he disappeared.
"Well, THAT was useful!" Parallax cried sarcastically. Then he fingered his reset button. "Hmmm...", he mused, "things really seemed to go awry when the universe was destroyed that one time amidst the drag heroes' confrontation with Lucifer Girl. We never did get to see what's so important about the contents of Kent Shakespeare's head hinted at on page four...and all those bits with the phallic innuendo seemed like throwaway anecdotes that stood alone, funny as they were. And now the thread hasn't seen any activity in days. This may be the only way to resuscitate it. Hmmm...yes, I'll do it---I'll use my reset button to bring us back to that part."
Shedding a tear, Parallax set the controls and pressed his reset button. And alluva sudden...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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...selected portions of page four appeared to bring everyone back to what happened:
WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE"The male LMBers and allies are caught in the midst of a dastardly plot, initiated by the mysterious but now deceased one called the one, who seems to have converted the female LMBers to her cause of flushing the male LMBers nads out of existence. To this end, the one called the one's chief lieutennant, the as-yet-unnamed-character-with-bed-projection-powers, and her cronies (including Sockhop Queen, Charlatan Lass, Princess Process, Eyeful Ethel, Leap Year Lass, Princess No-Protection, and Carnie Wilson) have lured an assortment of seemingly random and constantly changing LMBers and allies into the Giant Toilet of Doom, which, though actually owned and maintained by the one called the one's arch-enemy, the Tid D Bowl Man, is being used by the one called the one's agent in exchange for a the loan of a herd of sheep. The LMBers have already suffered great losses, as Grey Birdboy gave his wings to save the galaxy, and Pol Krinn and Gary Coleman both perished unlocking a mystical door, that, in retrospect, seemed pretty pointless. The most recent prisoner in the Toilet of Doom is the Polecat, who seems to have discovered certain clues to defeating the enemy in a TPB of the Great Darkness Saga. Also of importance is that the inexplicably naked Emerald Empress has developed a fascination for Omega Man, who (equally inexiplicably) has been transformed into France, and has stayed with him. I'm sure there's a backstory here somewhere, but I think that was lost somewhere along with rumaging around in Kent Shakespeare's head."With that summary in hand, the mighty Tid D Bowl Man, the Trapper Crapper Keeper, the Proprietor of the Porcelain Prison, decided to...
...make his move. "Ha-ha!" he cried to no one in particular. "Our hated enemy, the as-yet-unnamed-character-with-bed-projection-powers, has been lulled into thinking that we are her ally! The fool! After all, are we not a man? And if her (yes, the character IS a woman, of course!) plan works, will we not lose our 'nads as well? And how will we f**k sheep without our 'nads? Thus, she should never have aligned herself with us! Perhaps, she thought that we would not discover her true intentions? Well, we may be a sheep- f**ker...but we are not an idiot!"The, the Tid-D Bowl Man sat down on his throne and pulled the handle. "Now," he proclaimed (still to no one in particular), "the game is aflush!"Suddenly, the trapped heroes found themselves being pulled under by the tremendous force of the giant toilet being flushed. Again, as the ones who'd been flushed before had experienced, they were unable to resist its pull and thought they would drown. But instead, they appeared in the throneroom of the as-yet-unnamed-character-with-bed-projection-powers. They saw all the collaborating females including some that had not known previously to have been involved, including notably Space Tart, Hummer Lass, Shadowplay in Candlelight Lass, Globe Girl, Supergirl and Valerie Bertinelli. But atop a grand set of stairs sat a fetching beauty dressed in seductive black and red lingerie. She lounged in the fanciest brass bed you've ever seen with red-laced curtains drawn open. Instinctively, everyone knew this was the as-yet-unnamed-character-with-bed-projection-powers herself.The gay men present admired her fashion sense while the straight men's tongues dragged the ground. Non-sequitor worked on an origami parakeet. "Nice of you to join us!" she purred. Her hand rested on a side table that appeared to have a severed bespectacled human head on it. She seemed to be fingering something inside it."Kent Shakespeare!" Lardlad cried in disgust."Yes," the as-yet-unnamed-character-with-bed-projection-powers replied softly, "it's him. What lies within his head is the key to the...fate...I have planned for all men."All the men involuntarily shielded their nether regions at that."I knew the Tid-D Bowl Man would betray me," she continued. "I'll deal with him afterwards. For now let me formally introduce myself since I know you're curious. My name is....."
Lucifer Girl."Of the assembled heroes, only Non-Sequitor knew that Lucifer Girl was an alternate universe, slightly de-aged, Grandin Gender-reversed, amnesiac red kryptonite clone of Eryk Davis Ester, but N-S was too busy wearing his shoes on his hands to tell the others.Meanwhile, in France, the naked Emerald Empress...
...finally defeated Clothes-Fall-Off Fred, who had been following her around in secret all this time and making her clothes fall off.After giving him a particularly gruesome and majorly painful death, she then set about to find Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid to force him to restore Omega Man!At this exact moment, in a parallel pocket universe.....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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...Bobby Ewing walked out of a shower. "Yes, Pam," he said to his wife, "the latter parts of page four and the upper parts of page five of this thread were just a horrible, horrible dream you had!"
Meanwhile back in the palace of Lucifer Girl in the regular dimension, she reached into Kent Shakespeare's head. "And now," she cackled, "my secret weapon!"
Pulling her hand out of the skull, the dread weapon was revealed as..........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
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