posted
“So, why can’t Icefire go with us?” Nighty’s question came just as StuChiaElephant completed the spell which would take our two heroic heroes back in time to the JSMBP’s Secret HQ, where the Really, Truly, and for sure this time, threat of the Master-Baiter waited to be dealt with.
“Because it would set up a Time-Pair of Doxies if he met one of the members of the JSMBP.” StuRat answered as the necessary time-travel special effects came into being around our two adventurous heroes. Multi-colored lights began to swirl, and a rather odd phone booth flashed before their eyes, followed by Quislet,Esq’s new avatar, many numbered rings, a treadmill, a rabbit hole, some soap-bubbles with various people in them, and finally a man sitting in a chair attachéd to 19th century scientific apparatus.
Unbeknownst to our two intrepid heroes however, StuChiaElephant, the last of the 7412 possible incarnations of StuCommonColdVirus, hails from a distant and un-foresee-able future, (Hyphenated for effect) and knows that this is his chance to erase a serious blot on the LMBP’s proud history, even though it hasn’t happened yet, which is as you should all know the best time to correct a disaster, (ever tried to unbreak an egg? If you have you realize just how silly the idea is, and you probably wound up with egg on your face). Therefore as the spell washed over our two dashing heroes, it also backwashed into both the century they were headed for and Legion World.
In a trailer park, just outside of Mobile Alabama two young individuals vanish, while on Legion World, Pro Football Hall of Famer, and admitted wife-beater, Jim Brown suddenly melts into a glob of Protoplasmic Goo and all of the LMBPers who had been transformed into centaurs revert to normal.
Inside JSMBP HQ all of the effects of the universal blink have been sorted out, kind of, when StuRat and Nightcrawler suddenly appear. Now as we all know the sudden appearance of a pair of unknown indivisuals from the future, be they heroes or villains, inside another group of super-heroes’ Secret HQ, always starts a battle, right?
Wrong, because Dusty baker had had enough! More than enough!! More than he was gonna take!!! He jumped up on a table, grabbed his trusty Louisville Slugger, and shouted…
“Hold it! Stop right goddamm there! Stand down! No Fighting!”
And being that he was in the middle of things, with his trusty Louisville Slugger in hand and a baseball bat next to him to back that up as need be, they listened.
“WOW!!! You guys actually listened! That never happened before!”
“Well,” observed SALLy from her tank, during a short pause in her tickle fight with Rody, “having a Nationally Known Sports Figure jump up on a table and ‘whip it out’ tends to get people’s attention.”
“I don’t want to sound stupid or nothing,” Dusty replied. “But what do you mean by Nationally Known Sports Figure?”
“Well, you’re Dusty Baker, the Manager of the Chicago Cubs, right?”
“Ummm…” Dusty stared at her for a second before continuing in his best, okay, you found me out voice, “No, I’m Dusty Baker, the guy who drives the little blue school bus just outside of Mobile Alabama.”
“Oh… well if that’s the case, why the hell are we listening to you? JSMBP! Get them!”
Big fight scene follows… Soon, I promise…
But back on Legion World, standing in the disgusting puddle of Protoplasmic Goo that once had been Jim Brown, were Trailer Trash Barbie and her best friend, Fun-Time Skipper…
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Just as soon as the Check Clears!)
From: The Back Office in Abin's Fixit Shop. | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Meanwhile, a large Leper Colony docked at Legion World. Before Numf-El could greet them...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Doctor One went aboard and cured them all, then they left.
But, lurking in the basement of the Security Office was a Large Purple and Orange Snail-like being called the Sliminator and he was seeking revenge on Sonnie Bloke for something that hadn't happened yet...
posted
but knowing Sonnie it had happened already but he was drunk at the time and forgot about it later
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
"See Harbi, I telt you that I was built like a Stallion, didn't I?" asked Numf-El, refering to the few moments when they had all been turned into centaurs. "That's funny, 'cos from where I was I could have sworn you were a gelding...." came the reply. "Oh, piss."
posted
(aside - we're not going for a return visit to bloody Aberdeen arewe? honestly boys, one visit in a lifetime is more than enough - and I'm not joking this time! No, honestly! )
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Harbinger: (aside - we're not going for a return visit to bloody Aberdeen arewe? honestly boys, one visit in a lifetime is more than enough - and I'm not joking this time! No, honestly! )
Hey Numf, do we take her seriously this time?
Okay, I thought not!
---------End Interlude----------
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
(aside the second - with friends like you two...)
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Hmmm… Seems I promised a big fight scene here….
Okay, the JSMBP is well conditioned to following SALLy’s orders. So the second she uttered “Get Them,” they sprang into action, almost.
Jessica Quickly jumped up onto Dusty’s table threw him to the floor and… well Dusty was instantly out of action but he didn’t consider that a bad thing.
Rody, despite his constant squeaking about “Rodents taking over the universe,” is a valued member (for a rat) of the LMBP and he immediately began tickling SALLy in a rather sensitive area. Suddenly, SALLy was out of action but she didn’t consider that a bad thing either.
That left Mr. Terrifically and his floating T=Balls, Ben and Wa, Pagan Lass, Cloned Green Pig, and Super Duper Marvy Person, to face off against StuRat and Nightcrawler because Stoopid Cat was still floating around asleep inside CGP’s energy bubble, which for some strange reason was now shaped like a top hat.
Four against two, them’s some easy pickings right?
Not hardly!
Especially when you consider the fact that StuRat is a very powerful sorcerer and Nightcrawler has been waiting for a while (and is still pissed off at Cobie and IB for that restricted to LW bit) to shall we say… “Strut his Stuff?”
Before any of the JSMBPers could react he “Bamfed” into action. Super Duper Marvy Person went down first, (big surprise there, huh?) But that did instantly put Nightcrawler out of action and as can be expected, he didn’t consider that to be a bad thing.
Which left StuRat in a three on one situation, with Pagan lass, Mr. Terrifically and his floating T=Balls, Ben and Wa, and Cloned Green Pig. So StuRat did the sensible thing; a quick magical Glamour caused a little confusion and suddenly Mr. T and his floating T=Balls, Ben and Wa were in a furious Battle(?) with Pagan Lass, which again they didn’t consider to be a bad thing.
That Left StuRat to face off one on one (Rato a’ Porko you might say) against Cloned Green Pig.
The two remaining combatants circled each other warily, carefully avoiding tripping over the various couplings going on around them. But unfortunately the situation left StuRat wondering how in the hell he wound up facing the prospect of winding up eating a ham sandwich at an orgy, again! (Which in and of itself is just a damm funny concept)
That gave CGP the opening he needed. Suddenly a green energy beam flashed out of his ass and Suddenly Stoopid cat was free! CGP then moved off to one side and grabbed a bag of popcorn, ready to watch the fun!
StuRat did a classic cartoon spit take! His ancient enemy, Here? (for some strange reason he hadn’t noticed the Cat in the Hat.)
Stoopid Cat began to stalk his foe…
Be with us next time folks for the battle of some century… StuRat vrs Stoopid Cat!!
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Just as soon as the Check Clears!)
From: The Back Office in Abin's Fixit Shop. | Registered: Sep 2003
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Back at “Shameless Hussies”, the second favorite hangout of certain LMBPers, SHAKES of course is the absolute fave, but some of the straight(er) male LMBPers kinda like SH because, well Just Because…
Numf-El, Invisible Brainiac, Abin Quank, and Cobalt kid were recovering from recently being turned into Centaurs. Well, actually they were moaning about what they lost when they were turned back.
“It was this big, no honest, this big!” An excited IB babbled to his amused companions, as they watched the latest dancer, Miss Smarty-Pants, swing around the pole in the middle of the stage. They were waiting for Pagan Lass’s turn on stage to come up, (Bad pun attempted and botched) but did appreciate the sweet young thing, a recent émigré from South London who was doing her best to entertain them now. They fell silent as they watched her perform a few moves that even Icefire couldn’t match. Well to be honest, he probably could match them but he’d walk funny for a few days afterward, it’s an anatomical thing you see. But anyway their concentration on the stage caused them to miss the new arrivals that came in just then, wiping some strange protoplasmic goo off of their shoes.
Abin was the first to notice the two as they made their way across the room, it struck him as slightly odd that they weren’t watching the dancer. Normally, Shameless Hussies is not known for having females just hanging around, if you ignore Giant Robotic Lesbian, Anti-lad, and Thora, who each have their own reserved tables, and the dancers usually come and go by the back doors. So seeing a pair of girls walk in the front and start checking out the men in the room was a little odd, unless…
“IB, you still looking to get some experience before taking another run at the Empress?”
The question seemed to set IB’s face on fire and caused Numf and Cobie to fall off of their chairs laughing. IB’s recent faux pass with the Empress was rapidly becoming a Legion World Legend and caused the eager young LMBPer no end of embarrassment. So, of course, considering the company he was keeping, it was sure to be brought up several times during the evening.
“Fuck You Abin,” he stammered, “I don’t see Harbinger hanging off of your dick, you bastard.”
Ah, such is the friendly banter of men, and of course, then Cobie and Numf were even more helpless as their laughter doubled and re-doubled, causing several of the nearby customers to turn their attention to our heroes table. (And of course it was the raucous behavior of our heroes that caused everyone to turn away from the dancer on the stage. It couldn’t have been the fact that Miss Smarty-Pants was replaced on stage just then by Plain Jane, who everyone says has a nice personality.) And two of the people who turned their attention to our heroes table were the two young ladies who Abin had been watching. Later, he would claim that that was his intention all along (but nobody believed him).
“IB take a look over there, I think that the younger one might be just perfect for what you need.”
Abin was trying to be circumspect in his words and motions, so everyone nearby turned as one to look. And the two girls were definitely worth a look (or seven). Even Numf, who has been hanging around with Harbinger since both were knee high to a tall duck, was instantly impressed with the taller of the two and only one thing ever impresses Numf.
“Gadzookies, Babookies, Mates… Wouldja lookie at that… a Sproking Perfect 54-20-34! I’m in Fukkin Lust I am.”
Cobalt tried to comment but his jaw had fallen to the floor and he was sitting there with his tongue hanging to his belly button, looking like an odd frog in a necktie. Quickly he ducked down and began to search for the lower half of his face. Luckily he found it quickly, and began to straighten up, but he hadn’t reattached it yet, which is his explanation for why he (supposedly accidentally) licked the taller of the two girls from ankle to eyebrow just as they reached the table.
“**Giggle** Stop that you Horn-Dog! *Gum-Snap* I guess I was right; you boys do need some company. *Gum-Snap* Y’all mind iffin my cousin and I join Y’all? **Giggle**”
Abin always tries to act the gentlemen, it doesn’t work out very often, but he tries. A pair of green energy hands flashed out and retrieved two chairs. One settled next to IB and the other next to Abin. But before the girls could sit down, Cobie gallantly stood and seated them. Not surprisingly the chair next to Abin mysteriously wound up between Numf and Cobie. Across the room a pair of patrons picked themselves up off of the floor and took two empty chairs from the next table.
“Mumble gurgle numble fimfy hanjob?”
IB’s first attempt to start a conversation with the younger girl brought a round of stifled laughter and giggles to the rest of the table. Luckily, Numf, being the master of diplomacy that he is, stepped in and rescued his young companion.
“I think he just offered you fifty credits for a Hand-Job.” He said in a surprisingly accent free voice, proving Harbinger’s contention that he can speak English on occasion. “Whatda say?”
“I did not you big pile…” IB Blurted out, “I asked her, her name.”
“S’okay, Honey,” she (the younger she) interjected, “I think your friend is just funning with you. My name is Skipper, but most folks call me “Fun Time” and my cousin’s name is Barbie, and you’re kinda cute.”
She started running her hands over IB’s arm as she spoke…
-------------------- / / ( . )Y( . ) \ \
What can I DO for you?
From: Legion World Security Office | Registered: Dec 2003
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