posted
At this exact moment, Lash Lad was returning from a date with his new boyfriend, Biceps Reynolds, a part-time weight lifter and part-time kindergarten teacher. They were leaning in for a kiss as Lash considered inviting him up to his quarters upstairs.
And suddenly, without warning...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
"...a third Black Adam? OOOFF! Um...Isn't this geting ridiculous? Wait a minute...is one of the writers of this nonsense getting royalties every time Black Adam's name is mentioned or something? OUCH! Or is someone promoting a pawn in this game...to a Black Adam!? OOOF!" MCF exclaimed, as another of Rick's kicks landed on his/her buttocks.
The dragon, who had been trapped in the vodka bottle, was a little tipsy. However, since he had been soaking in alcohol his dragonflame was much more powerful, and he quickly incinerated John Rocker and Twisted Freak, and gulped down their charred remains. John Rocker's last words were, "Get a haircut, you freak!" Twisted Freak's last words were "Bummer..."
The real Black Adam watched and said, "Been there, done that. I'm outta here," and promptly flew off.
The Carpetbagger turned to face the dragon, who had been voting the straight party ticket for years and wasn't about to switch now. The dragon opened his mouth to spew fire, but he was so inebriated he yawned and dropped unconscious.
The Carpetbagger exclaimed, "Didja see that? I slew a dragon! Vote for me!"
Rick, who was still kicking like a Rockette, said, "Wait a minute. I might be a little drunk, but I coulda swore there were 3 Black Adams a minute ago. Now I only see 2. I might be sobering up."
"Um, one of them flew away," explained Red Arrow.
"Well, I still don't get it. He looks like a white guy to me. Shouldn't he be, you know, like Black Panther, Black Lightning, Black Vulcan..."
"There is no Black Vulcan!" yelled Red Arrow. "You watched too much Superfriends!"
"There's no such thing as too much Superfriends!" yelled Rick.
posted
"Arrow-san*, don't you want to talk to me?" Flashend says, sneaking up behind her. *=san, common Japanese honorific. Flashend is a typical Japanese, ultra-polite.
"Oh come on, Flashend-san. You look like you walked off the set of Ouran Host Club. Why don't you be a good little villain and go read your yaoi?" She said in Japanese. Being a street-leveler, she liked all things Asian.
Flashend answered, "Maybe you will like me once all your friends are dead." He creates snake constructs with begin to constrict the LMBers.
-------------------- Go with the good and you'll be like them; go with the evil and you'll be worse than them.- Portuguese Proverb
From: Illinois | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
At this point Rick finally collapsed and stopped kicking the MCF. This was partly due to intoxication, and partly due to his being constricted by a black snake construct. Space Tart, Red Arrow, Cobalt Kid, and SuperLance were also struggling with snake constructs of their own.
Cobie yelled, "Lance! Can you break free?"
"In time, I think," replied Lance, "but I have another idea." SuperLance's arms were pinned to his side, but that did not prevent him from dropping Yorrick Lad and booting him with a kick that would have made Rickshaw proud. Yorrick Lad (at high velocity) connected with the temple of Flashend. Skull met skull, and Flashend was knocked senseless as blood flowed from his scalp. Yorrick Lad was still in one piece, but lay apparently unconscious.
With Flashend disabled, the snake constructs dissolved, and our heroes(?) were free. Red Arrow fired missile after missile, with the result that brave Porta-John teleported away.
Both of the Black Adam impostors admired each other: "Who looks fabulous?" "You do!" "Oh, you just look so bad! I love it!"
Cobalt Kid and Space Tart both tackled the mysterious cloaked figure, who yelled "Ouch!" really loud when he was knocked on his already sore bottom. While Cobie held him down, Space Tart pulled back his/her hood and the MCF was revealed to be none other than...
From: Cincinnati | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Ajax the Super-Goat, former crime-fighting associate of Old Dutch the Super-Cow when she was with the Clean-Up Crew.
"I've turned baaaad!" cried Ajax! I've been dropping all these chess clues. And do you know why?"
"Because you really hate Laughing Cow Cheese?" guessed Rick.
"No!"
"Because you wanted to give me an excuse to fly to Pluto and back?" offered SuperLance.
"No!"
"Because I decided to pop in for no apparent reason, even though I haven't been referred to yet?" asked Rockhopper Lad.
"No, you ninnies! It's because..."
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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"Bobby Fischer? The chess champ?" said Rockhopper Lad, this tidbit being one of many he knew through the power of reading. "Bobby Fischer died over a millenium ago!"
"Fool!" Ajax mocks. "I am aware of this, of course! But he has been reincarnated as one of the LMBers gathered here, and that LMBer knows the ultimate chess strategy--the Octopi!" [Editor's note: ah-HA!] "I shall obtain the secret from that LMBer, and with that secret I shall be able to defeat The One Called the One in a game of chess...which will then force her to cede her power to me."
"And which of us is supposed to be the reincarnated Bobby Fischer?" Rocky asked.
Ajax grinned and responded, "it is the LMBer known as...."
-------------------- "Suck it, depressos!"--M. Lash
From: The Underbelly of Society | Registered: Jul 2003
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Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
Ajax grinned and responded, "it is the LMBer known as Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II!"
"*Gasp*!" gasped Space Tart.
Meanwhile, back in the dank basement in which the story began, the evil megalomaniac first seen in a dank basement at the beginning of Doom of the Super-Heroes laughed, as the master plan that he had set in motion was... er... in motion.
We'll get back to him later.
But first, let's check in on Captain Lightbulb, who has just had an idea...
[ March 20, 2011, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
..."I've just had an idea!" he exclaims. "My idea is that it is time for myself and the Light Brigade to enter into this story!"
He reaches inside his speedo and makes some adjustments.
"....mmmmm....yeah, that's the way....mm-hmmmm....just like that...almost there...oh yeeeeaaahhhh...."
Suddenly, having made the successful manipulations, the emblem on his speedo flashes. Then, he vanishes!
In moments, both he and the Light Brigade are pulled by Space Tart out of the ass of one of the Black Adam imposters, killing the imposter instantly. (Don't worry, it's not the one who said he'd get it on with Lash!)
As he and the LB wiped feces off themselves, Captain Lightbulb asked, "can someone give us an idea as to what's going on here?"
-------------------- "Suck it, depressos!"--M. Lash
From: The Underbelly of Society | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Once Flashend came around, the crew made sure he would not be able to escape. Red Arrow said, "Stool pigeon, is it going to be sing or fly?"
"Arrow-san, I am sure that your voice is far superior to mine. How about a rendition of "Nobody" by the Wonder Girls?" He said smuggly.
The Flasher intervened, "Do not mess with us." He used his powers and Flashend was frightened. The young man said, "So rude...but I will talk. There will be a tragedy in five hours."
Everyone was shocked at the news. Red Arrow pressed, "Where will it be? And who will be attacking?"
"It will be in Seoul. Kryptonians sent from the Phantom Zone. There is some sort of deal," Flashend continued.
"Unfortunately, I left all my Kryptonite jewelry at home," Red Arrow said. "But Question Lad is in Seoul for a business conference. I know he has Kryptonite." She took out her Amaterasu (think smart phone) and texted Question Lad.
Flashend was about to leave, but Antler Lass blocked his path. "We're keeping you as hostage so we don't get pulled into a trap." The crew began the journey to Seoul. ~~~~~ "What do you mean radion is out of stock? This is a matter of LMB security...at least my own security. My powers do not work on gods, even the New Gods," Question Lad was talking on his Susanoo 3000. He finished the conversation when he saw Red Arrow's text. Question Lad quickly texted back.
-------------------- Go with the good and you'll be like them; go with the evil and you'll be worse than them.- Portuguese Proverb
From: Illinois | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
Captain Lighbulb repeated, "What is going on here?"
"Beats me," said a recovering Rickshaw.
"I dunno," shrugged Cobie.
"Haven't a clue," said Space Tart.
"Oh, that's a surprise," Red Arrow quipped, rolling her eyes.
"I just came here to stop a giant aster...um...a ball of dragon poo." Lance posed heroically. "Guess my job is done. Who wants to go grab a drink?"
Cobie, Rickshaw, and Rockhopper (penguin?) Lad all thought that sounded like a pretty good plan.
SuperLance eyed Space Tart, "Hey, wanna come along cutie?"
Space Tart glimpsed the large bulge in Lance's pants, shrugged, and said "Ok, but what about the chessplaying goat guy?"
"Oh, I doubt he knows FIDE from feta," Lance replied.
"I do so!" protested Ajax.
Rickshaw whispered to Lance, "Think we could get the girl with the huge rack to come along?"
"I dunno Rick - I think you might have a better shot with he girl in the coma."
"Haven't exactly gone that route," Rick said, "although there was this one girl I used to date who I would make take a cold shower and then get her to lie really still..."
"Ewww!" replied SuperLance.
"Let's bring this guy along," said Rick, picking up Yorrick Lad. SuperLance gathered Cobie, Rick (with Yorrick Lad,) Space Tart, and Rockhopper and flew them to the Hypertime bar, formerly known as Bob's Burger Heaven and Transmission Repair.
Just as they left, the dragon started to awake. Now, I don't know if you've ever seen a dragon with a hangover, but trust me, it isn't pretty. (You're not likely to see it twice, if ya know what I mean.)
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
"Okay, I give up! Retcon away for all I care! I would be funny but that would require alot of fourth wall breaking," Red Arrow said. She said, firing arrows at the dragon.
"I blame everyone, especially that college girl. She really doesn't share their sense of humor. It's quite sad, really," Flashend said. He was totally ready to do LMB: Abridged. He was constructing a cage construct around the dragon.
-------------------- Go with the good and you'll be like them; go with the evil and you'll be worse than them.- Portuguese Proverb
From: Illinois | Registered: Jun 2010
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Cobalt Kid was hitting on a Bgytzlian young hottie, because he had a theory on how her abilities could prevent pregnancy but not ruin the climax. Just as he's about to seal the deal, Ajax the Super-Goat takes a seat next to him, causing her to walk away.
"Real smooth, golden fleece," said Cobie, annoyed. "Shouldn't you be looking for Bobby Fischer?"
"But, you LMBers said you could help me! I mean, you didn't really just come here to get drunk and hook-up with the locals, did you? You must have some sort of plan?"
"Er, well, uh...you see..." said Cobie, "...of course we do. Lance, is going to, er..."
Just then, Super-Lance yelled: "Yay! Eryk Davis Ester and Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II are here!" The LMB turned to see the two, who were also on a date, were just arriving for a nightcap.
Just as Rick wondered why Eryk was taking her to the Hootchie Hut of all places for a nightcap, Ajax shouted...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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