Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
“well” replied Spacey “Lord Cowell of nausea has declared that as all dance and 'talent' competitions have been copyrighted by him and that massive royalties would need to be paid to continue the contest we needed to find another way to decide who would win.
So in the best Traditions of the LMB we resorted to a different way to finish this contest.”
“You mean” said Rockhopper,
“yes” continued Spacey “Ajax the Super-Goat with Nancy the Nanny Goat are now locked in a drinking contest against Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal with Eryk Davis Ester.
“No” shouts Cobalt staggering back toward the half burnt out Hootchie Hut, “thats............
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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"Bloody hell, Spacey, you must have really did a number on him," said Faraway, "he's making even less sense than usual".
"Trust me, guys," said Cobie, as he staggered drunkenly forward, "the real Eryk would have tripped over his own feet on the dance floor by now! This must be an imposter!"
As the three ran back to the drinking contest, suddenly Rickshaw came running out of the hootchie hut, covered in feces!
"RUN!" he screamed, "it's Boy of 1,000 Feces! And even worse..."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
...he's got a serious case of the back door trots!"
Within a minute, the half-burned shell of what had once been the bar was completely filled with...well, you know!
The Boy of 1000 Feces stood on top of his dunghill and shouted triumphantly "Soon all of Legion World will be one big pile of poo!"
At this point, Ajax the Super-Goat, very miffed about the delays in his master plan, ran up the dunghill and butted the Boy of 1000 feces of his mount. "Even if it's going to be a hill of poo, I'm king of the hill!" he bleated.
Rockhopper Lad sighed "I sure hope we don't have any more poo stuff after this!"
After being butted off the mound, the Boy fell and landed in the arms of...
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
After being butted off the mound, the Boy fell and landed in the arms of...
A rather fetching redhead in a very (and i mean very) short skirted policewomans uniform.
“no we dont want you” she said in a soft Scottish voice
And with that she turns just as a shimmering brown light starts to pulsate at the bottom of the hill of feces. Slowly a shape shimmers into existence with a loud plopping and squeezing sound. After only a few seconds the shape of a Porta Loo is revealed.
“Look out its Porta John” shouts Cobalt Kid who has now managed to slip and slide his way to the top of the steaming pile of ...... and consequentially was covered from to head to toe in most of it.
“Really Des” said Rocky who was hovering a few feet above him, “why did you not fly up here like the rest of us?”
Meanwhile at the bottom of the heap.
The beautiful stranger had dragged the kicking Ajax the Super-Goat to the door of the Porta Loo which has opened. From inside a voice is heard saying
“quick get that Goat in here we have to go, if the other Porta John finds us here then there will be a temporal facture and a possible causality loop, with trans dimensional transference. And I for one don’t want to be around when the stuff on the other side of this pile of poo comes here.
As the goat is bundled into the Porta Loo the girl looks around and smiles at the LMB. With a cheeky wink she blows Cobalt Kid a kiss, steps inside and with the same faintly disturbing and embarrassing sound the Porta Loo slowly disappears in a faint sickly brown light. Leaving the Boy of a 1,000 feces standing shouting "no come back dont leave me here with them"
“well” said a very smelly Rick and Cobalt together “now what?”
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
"Now what?" repeated SuperLance. "Well, now that Penis-Extender Lad has restored my former glory, I see that we have three choices.
Number one: We go after that porta-potty and see where they took the goat.
Number two: Stay right here and see what it is that is supposed to be on the other side of this...hill.
Or number three: Take this party back to the Hypertime Bar, which is where we were before we were mysteriously transported to the Hootchie Hut."
He looked as his comrades and said...
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
“Xstres fre ffeoemf e” A look of surprise crossed his face then he tried again “acejh to’s kapwe aagge”
Now a look of real panic crossed Rocky’s face, he knew what was happening and had dreaded this moment.
Yes Rocky was entering............
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
...his rutting cycle. He had miscalculated the date and was in public while it was happening. He was involuntarily starting to issue a particularly potent pheromone. Its intended effect may have worked on a same-sex oriented male Pyngwyn. Unfortunately, its effect on opposite-sex oriented male humans was unpredictable, rather like Red Kryptonite. It was afflicting SuperLance with an acute case of aphasia. He turned to Cobalt Kid, who had turned a lovely shade of cobalt blue. Faraway Lad was dancing what looked like a version of the Jupiter Jitterbug. Rick had sprouted wings. Lardy, possibly because of their past intimacy, seemed unaffected.
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Funny thing you should ask," said...
Sharklad who had arrived un noticed and who had now taken hold of Rockhopper by the shoulders and was leading him towards one of the tesseract system access pads.
Sniffing the air he looks at Rick and Cobalt Kid “boy you guys smell like shit”
Stepping onto the pad he licks his lips as he looks at Rocky “so long losers” he shouts to the LMB and they vanish into the tesseract system.
“Hang on a moment” says Lardy “sharks eat penguins don’t they”
“After them” shouts Rick, and tries to fly towards the tesseract pad, unfortunately as he is not used to flying he crashes instead into a large steaming pile of poo, splashing even more of the stuff on Cobalt.
Faraway Lad realising that the Jitterbug was not very dignified, (and was quite tiring in any case) had managed to grab hold on Spacey and had turned the dance into a very sensuous and passionate tango. SuperLance managed to point out his approval of this dance despite his aphasia. (really spandex hides no sins)
At this point Yorrick Lad spoke up and asked if anyone was going to go for help (and in Rick and Cobalts case a shower) as there were a number of problems to take care of and an ever reducing number of LMB’ers to deal with them. Namely
a) Rockhopper Lad needs rescueing before he was eaten by a Shark. b) There’s A huge steaming pile of doo doo to clean up and never an Abin around when you need him Oh and c) Captain Blacklight standing over there about to do something despicable.
As Captain Blacklight stood there with a large red cross behind him he looked at Faraway and Spacey and said. “Im sorry but I see no passion in the dance, its mechanical and flat” boos started to be heard from the drinkers inside the bar, “no listen I’m the judge in this completion and you guys have failed, get your coat your fired” With this he pressed a button, the huge red cross lit up and Faraway and Spacey vanished.
Meanwhile on Pluto, a huge chess board stood on the cold dark dead surface. Anyone observing would have noticed, (alongside how cold and dark it was) a small light go on underneath one of the squares on the board.
A long tentacled arm reached out and placed a model of Rockhopper lad on the lit square.
posted
...arranged for a large group shower to get everyone cleaned up, except Lance who was making everyone jealous.
Meanwhile, as Ajax the Goat appeared with Porta John in a creepy old mansion. It smelled of stale beer and weird sex. A bald hunchback came out to bid them enter.
"My name is Egor, *thee* Egor," he said. Now come meet my master, who is none other than...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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"Um..nice to meet you," said Ajax, eyeing the cool chessboard that would light up.
"Please..have a seat," invited Captain Tentacle, several of his tentacles oscillating from beneath his robe.
Ajax sat down..eyeing the position on the chessboard.
"An interesting problem, no?" queried the Captain. "Egor, bring our..guest..something to drink."
"Yes, Master Bates," replied Egor
Meanwhile...
Space Tart and Faraway Lad had teleported to a cheap motel room somewhere. Space Tart quickly removed her top and was checking out her new..um, artillery in the mirror. Faraway whistled appreciatively as he ogled her 36c mammaries. "Wow," whispered Space Tart. "Wouldja look at those..."
"I am," replied Faraway, as he reached up to touch one.
"Ooohh! They're more sensitive than ever," said Space Tart.
Meanwhile...
Everyone was finishing their group shower, except Lance, who had to shower somewhere else. Cobie and Rocky got Sharklad set up in his own tank, so he would stop trying to eat Rockhopper. As the guys were about to step out of the shower, in walked a young man (because this cast isn't big or confusing enough, ha ha.)
Rick was peering out the window, eyeing the dark clouds. "Wow - looks like it's gonna rain cats and dogs out there."
"Uh oh," muttered the stranger, as cats and dogs began falling from the sky, hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement. "Maybe I should introduce myself - I'm Metaphors Are Real Lad. You can just call me Marl. My power is..."
"I think we got it," replied Rick. "We just can't use a metaphor around you huh? You can't control it?"
"I'm afraid not," Marl replied.
At that moment, Cobie and Rocky walked back in, and Cobie finished telling Ricky about the time he put itching powder in Lardy's underwear. "I thought I would shit a brick!" laughed Cobie.
"Uh oh," said Rick.
"Uh oh," said Marl.
"Uh oh," said Cobie, who suddenly had to squat. "What..what's going on..!?" he grunted, as he proceeded to build a condominium with his ass.
"Um...this guys makes metaphors come true," pointed out Rick.
"Now you tell me!" groaned Cobie.
Rick laughed, "Marl, you are one far-out dude!"
"Uh oh," said Marl, and disappeared.
Cobie stood up, looking at the wall he had built. "I sure hope that's over."
"I think so," replied Rick. "Cats and dogs aren't falling from the sky anymore either."
Rocky muttered, "I really hope we are done with the inane poop jokes."
Just then, in waddled a little bear, who proceeded to take a shit on Rocky's feet.
"Hey!" yelled Rocky. "What was that for!?"
"I'm a poo bear," he said, as he clutched his jar of honey and exited stage left.
posted
As the Poopy Pookha wandered out the exit, a light flickered a number of feet off the ground and Candle's head and shoulders appeared.
"Well, what have we here? Oh, poop and sex with Space Tart. SIGH" She shakes her head.
"This place needs a woman's touch."
The smell from almost everywhere, billowed in clouds and lent a browness to the sky.
"Cough, cough."
"But, maybe I'll leave this area to Fanfic or cleome or tempest or someone!" With that, she rolled her cheshire eyes and with her fading grin, blew a kiss to Sharks.
A fading voice could be heard, 'I think I see a light on a, can it be?, a poo free chessboard . . .
posted
Suddenly, without warning, all of the men were clean shaven and wearing tuxedos. The area was suddenly spotless, and even Sharklad was using table manners.
"Wow...this place got classy all of a sudden," said Rick.
"My gift to you," whispered Candlelight as she faded away.
"Hey!" yelled Rick. "I don't mind a little class...but did ya have to make my cigars disappear!?"
From: Cincinnati | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
...and Rocky, who naturally looks kinda like he's wearing a tuxedo and was not affected, grabbed the box. "Really, Rick, don't you know what these things will do to you? They'll eat up your insides!"
Unfortunately, Rocky had forgotten that Metaphors Are Real Lad was in earshot. All twenty cigars had turned into little monsters with faces in the middle and very sharp teeth and they were all headed for Rick. Rocky froze them all in a block of ice before they could get at him. "See what I mean?"
Just then Lash popped by "Uh, guys, is that phoney Black Adam still around? We were supposed to..."
SuperLance replied "I haven't seen him. Has anyone else?"
"Maybe he got tired of this soap opera" Rick sighed.
After Rocky finished singing "Nessun Dorma" on a huge bar of Ivory Soap (and he glared at MARL), Cobie offered "Perhaps we..."
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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