• The original Security Office thread ran here from page 1 - 111.
• The second Office of Security thread ran here before returning to the original thread from pages 111 - 114, until it moved to the third location.
• The third Office of Security began with the traditional title of 'Cobalt's Office of Security, before becoming simply 'The Office of Security' here . The third Security Office then became the "Memorial for Fallen Security Officers" here in tribute to the many Security Officers who lost their lives defending Legion World from its various enemies.

[ June 10, 2010, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
A bold new era is upon us, and I think its time for a bold new Office of Security! We, the Office of Security, pledge to work with the new leadership to keep Legion World safe at all times. And in regards to our status as LMBers, we will honorably acquiesce to your judgments in regards to the decision making process of the LMB! Congratulations Actor Lad and Kent Shakespeare, it will be an honor to work with you.

As Legion World knows, there has been some periods in history where the LMB leadership and the Office of Security did not get along--mainly b/c the Office of Security exists as an internal office of Legion World, rather than an arm of the LMB. Its historical origins set in the naming of Cobalt Kid as permanent leader of the espionage squad early in year one (like Cham in LSH), Chief of Security is a position I hold for life. *However*, this office is designed to work with and respect the LMB Leadership, and will follow your lead in LMB matters.

Sweet Ass Sweet! Long live the LMB and Legion World!

- Cobalt Kid
Chief of Security
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
A new structure is upon us to reflect this new time: updated 9/15/3006

Chairperson and CEO, Committee on Security
Cobalt Kid, position held for life
Cobalt Kid is the founder of the Office of Security

Co - Chiefs of Security:
Abin Quank
Matlock

Deputy Chief of Security, Honorary Space Ranger Position
Everyday Girl

Senior Security Officers
Invisible Brainiac seniority decision making over other security officers excluding the Chiefs of Security.
Arachne seniority decision making over other security officers excluding the Chiefs of Security.

Head of Mystic Crimes Division:
Pagan Lass seniority decision making over other security officers in mystical natured crimes excluding the Chief and co-Chiefs of Security, and Senior Security Officers.

Security Officers:
Shark Lad
Blockade Boy
Dev-Em
Kara
Furball
Future
Dedman
Frio
Caliente
Disaster Boy
Hrun the Barbarian
Stoopid Cat
Polar Boy
LardLad
Other unnamed rank and file officers
Supergirl Robots, volume 4.1

Please also be aware that there are three ultra-secret security officers on Legion World, whose names I will not, and am under no obligation to reveal.

Executive Assistant to the Chairperson on the Committee of Security
Jailbait Lass

Assistant to Chiefs of Security
My Whee Fem


Security Committee:
The Office of Security is run by a joint committee of the Legion of former Deputy Leaders (LMB) and the Legion World Founders. Cobalt Kid (Chairperson) is the Chairperson of this committee and that is a position he holds for life, and thus cannot be removed by a LMB leader or the Legion of former Deputy Leaders. Also on this committee are Matlock and Abin Quank, Co-Chiefs of the Office of Security. The Committee is needed for major decision making processes and reform within the Office of Security.

The Security Committee does not need to be alerted to minor decisions, such as the issuing of warrants or arresting criminal suspects. If it so deems, the Committee may call a meeting in order to intervene during the procedure in reaction to acts by the Security Office; however, it does not proactively guide or execute policy.

The LMBP Leader (current) has the power to veto an act passed by the Securty Committee. It can only be overruled by a majority vote by the Legion of Former Deputy Leaders in unison with a majority vote of the Legion World founders in unison with a vote by Cobalt Kid, founder of the Office of Security.

[ August 19, 2007, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
 

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Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Since my father decided to relax a little over the LMBP's OYL, I now have access to the Psyonian Guard again. Should the need arise, the Psyonian Guard is at the disposal of the Security Office, unless doing so in some way compromises the security of Psyonia or the Psyonian Royal Family.
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Ooh, I think I've been promoted! Rock on. Frio and I will have to celebrate!!

So, what kind of benefits package do we get? Frio and I have been discussing a vacation to Rockhopper's Resort...
 

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Posted by dedman on :
 
personally i consider all the free booze and the bribes as pretty good benefits
 

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Posted by Tamper Lad on :
 
As long as the office doesn't interfere with legitimate business transactions.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
how do I get on the security committee? I'm, like, pretty secure and stuff ...
 

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Posted by Abin Quank on :
 
I guess it must be a bold new era if I'm now head of intergalactic security...

Just point me towards the intergalactic cleaning supplies locker (the one that vanished with the old Trophy Room) and I'll get started on cleaning up a few intergalactic messes...

I guess this means that I'll have to turn my Traditional Legion World Janitorial Duties over to the trio of Everyday Girl, Jailbait Lass, and My Wee Fem.

But who can I find to keep them from creating more messes than they clean up?
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
It's good that we have a strong Security Office. I have a feeling it will face its biggest test ever in the near future.....
 

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Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
 
Yeah, the Security Office is looking good!

And *choke* thanks for the promotion, Cobie. I'll do my best to prove I'm worthy of it! *sniff*
 

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Posted by Vee on :
 
My compliments to you Cobie on the new digs. I'm particularly pleased about the memorials to two of my best friends, the Emerald Empress & Space Ranger.

Good luck with the new place.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caliente:
Ooh, I think I've been promoted! Rock on. Frio and I will have to celebrate!!

So, what kind of benefits package do we get? Frio and I have been discussing a vacation to Rockhopper's Resort...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dedman:
personally i consider all the free booze and the bribes as pretty good benefits

---

Spoken like a veteran of this office

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tamper Lad:
As long as the office doesn't interfere with legitimate business transactions.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:
how do I get on the security committee? I'm, like, pretty secure and stuff ...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Abin Quank:
I guess this means that I'll have to turn my Traditional Legion World Janitorial Duties over to the trio of Everyday Girl, Jailbait Lass, and My Wee Fem.

But who can I find to keep them from creating more messes than they clean up?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by LARDLAD:
It's good that we have a strong Security Office. I have a feeling it will face its biggest test ever in the near future.....

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Invisible Brainiac:
Yeah, the Security Office is looking good!

And *choke* thanks for the promotion, Cobie. I'll do my best to prove I'm worthy of it! *sniff*

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Vee:
My compliments to you Cobie on the new digs. I'm particularly pleased about the memorials to two of my best friends, the Emerald Empress & Space Ranger.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spellbinder:
Since my father decided to relax a little over the LMBP's OYL, I now have access to the Psyonian Guard again. Should the need arise, the Psyonian Guard is at the disposal of the Security Office, unless doing so in some way compromises the security of Psyonia or the Psyonian Royal Family.

---

Oh, er, I probably should get back to work...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Hmmmmm... that reminds me that I need to have the dimensional portal from your old office moved into this new one. You know, in case you need to instantly access the Loser Cave... or my personal living quarters at LMBP Plaza. You know... emergency stuff
 

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Posted by SharkLad on :
 
So, when do I get to eat someone, for security purposes of course ...

<splash>
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
Cobalt, your PM box is full! It wouldn't let me respond to your latest PM for that reason! I have matters of utmost security to discuss with you! Please, make some room!
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
still waiting to eat someone ...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Well, I think I'd prefer that you didn't eat me, but I wouldn't mind slipping into the pool with you for a little dorsal fin stroking
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
Whoa! Now that's the best offer I've gotten in a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time ...

Last one in the pool is a rotten egg!

<splash>
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Sharky, I want to go over some new interrogation methods with you that I was thinking could be useful. It involves covering the suspect in chum and hurling them into your 'office'...
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
excellent ... nothing wrong with a little chum ... damn, now I'm hungry ... think I'll hit the beach for a while ... to check for security risks, of course ...
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
Mm, mm, mm. Apparently, I have been lax by not coming by the Security Office sooner! Who is that handsome shark of a man? Man of a shark? Whatever, fins are in and he's looking go-ood!

Cobalt, dear, since you're in a relationship now , I'm sure you'll have no problem introducing me to your fine finned friend, right? I just love making new acquaintances.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
'sup, icey-fresh? Wanna go for a swim? Just grab onto my fin ... hold on tight, though ... it vibrates when I'm excited ...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Frio, Shark Lad.

Shary, Frio.

Try to keep it under control . We've got interns trying to get some work done after all
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
No worries, chief ... never will it be said I don't have my priorities straight ... security comes first, women come second ...

or sometimes not at all ...

<splash>
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
Interns you say Cobalt? Are we allowed to corrupt them?

And, Sharky, sorry for the flake out, babe. Got stuck with a killer case of brain freeze.

But I'll take you up on that swim, if the offer's still good. On our work-free downtime, of course.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Oh trust, any interns working here didn't leave the job interview without some level of corruption...
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
come on in, Frio, the water is fine ... don't mind the random body parts ... I frenzied a little last night ...

<splash>
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
Aww, you went and had all the fun without me. Oh well, at least I can chill in the deep blue for a bit.

So, tell me SharkLad, what is it you do in your free time? I mean, besides mauling beach goers and vibrating fins.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
i chew on ice cubes ...
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
I brought the doughnuts and I can whip up some ice cubes or sculptures upon request.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
Can you make an ice sculpture of a large female beaver?
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Ugh... you would think that a telepath like me would be able to prevent mental imagery...
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
I meant the furry little semi-aquatic rodent, your highnessness ...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Well, seeing as how we're in the Office of Security, I'm sure you can understand my confusion

Sharky dear, your dorsal fin looks massive today. Have you been working out?
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
why, thank you for noticing Cru ... now that summer is here, I want to look my best at the beach, when I'm eating people ...

I must say that your rack is particularly stunning today ...

<splash>
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
here is an ice beaver totem pole for the foyer.


 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
thank you, polar boy ... it reminds me of my psychotic sister ...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
The Security Office would like to invite Polar Boy to continue providing totems for decoration throughout the summer renovation of the new offices.

- Cobalt Kid
Chief of Security
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
I'll see what I can do.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
I thought this might look nice in the garden out front



[ August 04, 2006, 06:32 AM: Message edited by: PolarBoy ]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Perfect! It'll definately please the often silent, but always listening, frog population on Legion World.

Hm...given my suspicions that Legion World might possibly be infiltrated in coming weeks, it might be useful to make some 'adjustments' to the architecture around here...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Hm...whose an active Security Officer right now?

Sharky's on a vacation...PB's decorating...Abin's in LW orbit and Cali's about to go on vacation...

Deddy! Jailbait Lass, if Deddy's around, tell him to stop by and see me. I have an idea for a mission that he'd be perfect for. In fact...we both might have to go on this one.

Everyday Girl and Frio could be of some help too right now, watching the office.

And I need my bodyguard, Arachne, more than ever. My favorite Gil'Disphan secret agent just informed me that the bounty on my head (and Lardy's) has increased three-fold more than it usually is. Reboot's too for some reason...

Remember Lolita, if I'm gone the office should be run by Matlock and Abin, and then IB if they're not available either.

<holds her chin up>

Hey...easy kid...we're not in crisis yet...I promise the Red Bee will not be part of this little saga should it unfold.

(Unfortunately, it could be much, much worse)
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
Hey there Cobie. Heard you were alooking for me. Whats this mission about? Does it involve lusty wenchs? Oceans of booze?
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
Everyday Girl and Frio could be of some help too right now, watching the office.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dedman:
Hey there Cobie. Heard you were alooking for me. Whats this mission about? Does it involve lusty wenchs? Oceans of booze?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Frio:
You know, Everyday Girl, you're pretty upity for a Valley girl. Someone really ought to--

<a shift in the poles sends a chill down Frio's spine as she feels the connection with her powers weakening>

Excuse me, I have to... leave. Tell Cobalt Kid he'll have to find someone else to hold down the fort, I have business to attend to elsewhere.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Super Lad Kid:
Whoah, there's alot of new faces around here. Guess I really have been away on deep undercover missions for too long. Hello, everyone. My name's Super Lad Kid and I've worked for the Office of Security in the past. You can check the case files for Tarik the Mute's Acadamy (not my proudest moment, I admit) and one of our many confrontations with Thora. My mutant ability of scent-replication has come in handy a few times in the past.

Anyway, it'll be nice working with you all until I'm sent away on my next long-term top-secret mission. Can't wait to meet each one of you. Um, anyone know where he keeps the paychecks? I've got like a years worth waiting for me.

And if anyone sees Cobalt tell him I have the report finished from my stay at the Space Ranger Acadamy over the last year. I think he might be interested in reading it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by LARDLAD:
Hello, Security Office. Just wanted to let you all know that after consulting with Cobalt, I've agreed to serve in a special advisory capacity for the duration of the crisis we feel is imminent regarding the Dark Oval. I've helped this office out before for special espionage missions and will be proud to serve with you in a more open role.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Abin Quank:
Cobie, the files have been sent to the designated location. I hope there's something in them that helps but the Dark Oval stuff is pretty sketchy...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tamper Lad:
Now that Caliente is no longer here to browbeat me. I invite all Dark Oval Infiltrators, Legion World Fifth Columnist Traitors, all hired ruffians and my friends in the security office to partake in the services of my various legitimate businesses.

Conflict is always profitable.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tamper Lad:
Now that Caliente is no longer here to browbeat me. I invite all Dark Oval Infiltrators, Legion World Fifth Columnist Traitors, all hired ruffians and my friends in the security office to partake in the services of my various legitimate businesses.

Conflict is always profitable.

---

Chief - I'm diverting 4% of the booze budget to Tamper Lad's war profiteering scams investment opportunities. We may have to go from bottles to cans for a few days but the extra cash may come in handy in case we need to bring in any paid assassins outside consultants to help with this Space Ranger situation.
 

---

Posted by Tamper Lad on :
 
I heard a rumor that a Dark Oval Armada is about to cut off trade between Pilsen Planet and Legion World in an attempt to make us surrender Cobalt Kid and LardLad.

This will effectively cut off our supply of imported beer. The Genius Club has forseen this contigency and is prepared to release some of our supply of fine imported beer through an open auction system.
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
I also have massive hoarded supplies of booze and beer in the Lair's storage tessaract. Trust me...it could last all of Legion World about a year, even given its population's lust for alcohol!
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
BTW, my source within the D.O. confirms that it will be sending an ambassadorial detachment any day now representing the Hrykosian cartel.

Don't be fooled, fellow security officers...they're not going to come here with a reasonable peace plan. They want Cobalt and me, true, but they want to eliminate Legion World and the LMB as a potential threat to their expansion more than anything else!
 

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Posted by dedman on :
 
THE BASTARDS SHOT ME OUT AN AIRLOCK!!!!!!!!

They caught me in their computer files and shot me out an airlock. Thought it would killll me i guessss. Welll technicalllllly it did, but I'm feeeeeeeling much betttter now.
Last I saw their ship was headed for the far side of Legionworld, just relocating I'd guess.
Anywoooooooo, the important thing is....right before they caught me I found some files in Interlac refering to an ambassssssdor who is due to arrrrrrrrrrrrive tomorrrrow or the day after. We have to keeeeeeeep a close eye on any new arrrrivals.
 

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Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Oh look at you all rushing around so busy,

Dedman your looking a bit worse for ware,

This should cheer you all up look I made an ice monkey!


 

---

Posted by Vee on :
 
Cool!

Hopefully Monkey Eater Lad won't confuse it for the real thing though
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
me am back ...
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
<<<Memo>>>

From: Lard Lad's office

To: All Security Personnel

All security personnel are invited to a clandestine meeting with myself and Cobalt regarding the Hrykosian affair at Vee's Villa in the Neptune Suite. The meeting will be ongoing, so please make haste to arrive ASAP.

(Please delete this message from your Omnicom as soon as you receive this message)

<<<End Memo>>>
 

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Posted by Danger Boy on :
 
(an unrecognizable cloaked figure walks up to the front door of the security office.)

*knock knock*

where the hell is everyone?

(turns and walks away)

[ August 14, 2006, 02:09 AM: Message edited by: Danger Boy ]
 

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Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
Wow! Danger Boy was almost unrecognizble in that cloak!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 


Perhaps Danger Boy's super-secret mission of the last few weeks will end up coming to light during these ominous next few weeks!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Reboot:
*turns up with blue skin, metal plates on his face and new, helmeted costume*

Unless you've been driven nuts by your powers, I'd stay away from the Anomaly at 56.3351ºN, 87.2355ºE and 32.2409ºV. It's a doozy.

And Dark Oval, Opal. Am I missing something here, or wasn't there a big Opal left behind after we finally got... umm, severed Avalon's link to this dimension? The past year and a bit's all a bit of a blur...

*drops customary stink bomb and teleports out, meaning to see how the Mainframe's been doing in his absence*

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Danger Boy:
(an unrecognizable cloaked figure walks up to the front door of the security office.)

*knock knock*

where the hell is everyone?

(turns and walks away)

---

Interesting. The file on this one is three inches thick! Apparantly his parents are as notorious as they come...I'd expect him to be more on the side of the Dark Oval...
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
do you think we need drapes in here?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Maybe something dark, but allows the light to shine through on those mornings when we just pulled an all-nighter and solved a case, and we need the dramatic 'the darkness is gone, and now the dawn arises once more' effect.
 

---

Posted by Maxx the Sorcerer on :
 
Cobalt Kid... Crusader and I have returned from our mission, and we now stand ready to assist you in any way we can.
 

---

Posted by The Crusader on :
 
Everything has been arranged per our earlier conversations.

<hands Cobalt Kid a box>

[telepathic]Here are the portal generators. Once activated, they will turn any doorway into a temporary dimensional portal to one of the safehouses we set up. The portals only stay open for a few seconds, so it should make it very difficult for anyone to follow you through.[/telepathic]

[ August 17, 2006, 10:26 AM: Message edited by: The Crusader ]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Thanks guys, and thanks for coming. The Ambassador has arrived and I think things might start getting rough soon...

It'll be good to have some added muscle and experience around here. Be on the look-out for any new faces that appear out of place...
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
Hrun offers help to the security office.

Are there people who need smiting? my axe is ready and waiting for a good smite


 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
That's what I'm talking about. Smiting time is coming it seems. Oh yeah.
 

---

Posted by Stoopid Cat on :
 
**Purr**

Smiting? That's Hrun's Job.

I prefer Slashing, Clawing, and Biting.

**Purr**
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Stoopid Cat, Hrun & Matlock: apparently, things seem calm right now.

I doubt it. Be ready. The minute anything takes to the streets of Legion World, we need to be prepared to act without hesitation.

So smiting, slashing, clawing, biting and good ol' fashion fisticuffs will remind the forces behind 'INVASION' that we're not to be triffled with.

Unless diplomacy succeeds of course.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Reboot:


*Sits in his study, reviewing LardLad's recent... activities, as a result of his baiting

So, its' true. FatBoy and Cobalt have brought us to the brink of war. What a surprise.

*starfield begins to cover Reboot's body, as his forcefield engages*

They try and putsch new powers, justified by a war they're trying to cause. Well, they've got another thing coming very soon...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by matlock:
That's what I'm talking about. Smiting time is coming it seems. Oh yeah.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by PolarBoy:
Oh NO you don't

Not when I have spent all this time decorating in here

(Polar boy crates and ice wall between Hun and matlock)

Now clean it up Biatchs

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hrun the Barbarian:

quote:

---

Originally posted by PolarBoy:
Oh NO you don't

Not when I have spent all this time decorating in here

(Polar boy crates and ice wall between Hun and matlock)

Now clean it up Biatchs

---

Hrun quickly used his axe to create an imposing ice sculpture of Cobalt Kid. Then continues to throw things at Matlock

---

Hun finds himself waist deep in a block of ice with polar boy strategically out of axe range.

Whoes you Daddy?
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
Hrun is unsure of the answer to that question as his mother never talks about the stranger who appeared and lived every so briefly with them until Hrun was two years old.

Looking down at the ice surrounding his waste, Hrun shrugs, flexes a muscle and the ice shatters. Dusting shards of ice from his barbarian loincloth, Hrun follows Everyday girl out of the security office.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
shakes fist as Hrun leaves.

Bloody cobolt and his bloody open door policy
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
<'ports into his office>

Computer! <panting> Bring up all available footage from monitors around Lardy's Lair and airspace directly above it from time immediately before, during and after its destruction.

Acknowledged. Working...

I'm gonna find out exactly what it was they used to destroy my place!

<glares at computer screen as it works>
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
<hours later, Lard Lad is studying one particular still frame>

Hmmm...that looks like it might me a humanoid shape inside of that blur...but I can't be sure. My computer can't verify it. I need to take this image to someone with a superior computer. Hmmm...yes!

<downloads image into Omnicom and 'ports out of his office>
 

---

Posted by Whordru on :
 
[message left on Cobalt's office omnicom]

Cobalt, darling! It's Whordru, of course!

I was sorely disappointed when you never contacted me after I met with your bulbous, impotent friend.

Well, I'm here on Legion World now, currently at the Dark Oval Embassy, should you wish to address that oversight!

I'm sure the meeting would be worth your time. It could be quite...fruitful...for the both of us, I believe.

Ta-ta, darling!

[end message]
 

---

Posted by Tamper Lad on :
 
Hmmm the odds of Cobalt Kid getting himself a compromising situation resulting in mayhem just tightened up considerably.
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Don't worry, Tamper Lad. I have no intention of letting Elvira get within 10 feet of Cobie unless I'm present.

I trust him, but her...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
To: My Whee Fem
CC: Jailbait Lass, Matlock, Arachne
From : Cobalt Kid
Subject: Foreign Visitors

My Whee Fem,

I'll be quick: please be careful and stay away from the woman known as Whordru. She is extremely dangeruos. You and Jailbait Lass are not to go near her or risk your lives needlessly. My bodyguard, Arachne, will be watching you both throughout, and I'll have various holograms set up to ensure that you are not harmed.

I will contact Whordru on my own terms in the Dark Oval Embassy when the time is right, and you can pass that message along.

If anything goes wrong, please follow Matlock or Spellbinder.

- Cobalt Kid
Chief of Security

PS - Everytime Tamper Lad makes a comment about me, wink in his direction and smile. He's a sucker for a pretty face
 

---

Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
 
<The Earth-4 party, including the SMBers arrives>
We're back. Most of the SMB were unavailable. We brought Infra-Red Lass, High Density Kid, Polka-Dot Lad, Openly Gay Lad and Rockhopper Lass with us. Funniest thing: When we arrived back here, "Reboot" informed us he was a temporary replicant that the real Reboot sent to help us. Then he disappeared.
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger (Dark Oval Sector) on :
 
You won't find them here, I'm afraid. They're all down at the rubble in the center of town--there's been a bombing.

Jailbait Lass and My Whee Fem went in search of Arachne and Matlock. They said they thought they were in danger.

Things have changed since you all went to Earth-4. I'm working with the LMB now, to battle off some mysterious threat trying to destroy the city.

I'll take you down there. Follow me through this gate, and we'll see about lending a hand with the destruction...
 

---

Posted by Reboot on :
 
*from out of nowhere, a forcefield encases the Ranger and a voice is heard*

And if you believe that, I'll sell you this Security Office for five creds.

You'd be safer somewhere else. Oh, and you didn't recognise my voice.

*teleports the group to the Psyonian Embassy, and lets the forcefield disappate*
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
<incoming transmission from Lard Lad from Actor Lad's Admisistrative Offices>

We have a new lead on the bombing of the Lair. Please put an A.P.B. out on a humanoid male wearing a stylized red "S" symbol in the manner of the dead earth language "English" on his chest. Also, search databases for any such references because it sounds familiar. This individual is wanted for questioning regarding his presence at the Lair at the time of the bombing. Use caution, for he may be extremely dangerous!

<end transmission>
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
<'ports in his office>

*gasp*

What the hell was that all about? I know I don't get along too well with Actor and Reboot lately, but this is getting out of HAND! If my power hadn't kicked back in in time, I could've died!

I'm a deputized security officer! I might have to file charges against Actor...
 

---

Posted by Faraway Lad on :
 
Faraway’s hologram appears in the Security Office, the image is blurred and fuzzy and the sound is unclear.

“Alert, Alert…any security officers ……managed to get information on the attacker. Looks like a time distortion …..”

The image of Faraway fades before returning

“not sure how long I can keep this connection open, The faraway force is struggling here. ……… Here is …..image of………………be careful, not all that glistens is gold……….”

Faraway’s Image fades to be replaced by…


 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Polar does a little dance
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
<Dedman enters with the Space Ranger held at the end of a Space Blaster>

Cobie...COBIE!!!!! I caught the Space Ranger. He tried to kill me, and I saw him taking potshots at Hrun too.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Excellent work Deddy!

Be careful though. I'm starting to wonder if this Ranger's technology is more advanced than we've been led to believe. He hasn't been seen in days, and suddenly is captured? I feel this could be a trap.

You take point on this one, since you'll be able to survive what he has planned. Please try to keep Everyday Girl from him...for some reason everyone is trying to get to her, and I owe the first Space Ranger to make sure that never happens...
 

---

Posted by Superboy_Prime on :
 
<bursts into the Security Office, destroying it bit by bit.>

<heat vision slices through security officers scrambling around>

<sees Dedman>

Ha.

<rips Dedman in half. Stamps on ground, destroying the room, as Polar Boy and Space Ranger of the Dark Oval fall out the side of the building>

<super breath on Jailbait Lass and My Whee Fem, blowing them out into the street>

<the Security Office collapses> moves on to Grand Central Space Port

[ August 29, 2006, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Superboy_Prime ]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<flies in, catching Polar Boy, Jailbait Lass and My Whee Fem>

Not again! Why does the Security Office always get destroyed...

<rubs side of face>

Ow...that bastard sucker-punched me and almost took my head off.

<Jailbait Lass looks on at Cobalt in horror, as Cobalt does not realize the extent of the horrible bruise on his face>

Hey, its okay Lolita. Now, where did he go? Polar, did you see? I'm going to see if I can cut him off in the skies over Legion World...
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger (Dark Oval Sector) on :
 
hours ago

<Watches on horrified. Shoots blaster at Superboy Prime but to no avail.>

I might not be the protagonist of this little tale, but Great Rao, thats not what I wanted...

<recalls seeing Dedman ripped in half>

Present time
It's time that I find an ally on this planet and figure out how to get myself out of this one...

And all those credits! $10,000,000 genarii...all down the drain...
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
hey, what the eff is going on here?
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
<dedman reforms from a cloud of darkness>

Man Alive!!! That hurt like the bejeepers!!!

<dedman sees SharkLad and proceeds to fill him in>
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
<Battles through waves of invaders to reach the shattered Security Office>

The sub-basement has survived... Good.

<reaches lowest level carefully>

Takes up all-frequency Security Communications priority holoprojector.

***Attention all security personnel***

The chief is down as most of you know. I don't know if he'll pull through or not. We all know the drill though, so let's make him proud. Arachne, Jailbait Lass and My Whee Fem are with you, take them and do what you can to get the citizenry out of harms way. Don't engage the Dark Oval troops, call for backup if you need, but stay low and out of the fray. Too many innocents are being hurt. The rest of you: continue to resist on all fronts, uniforms follow the lead of the senior officers. I've sent the Loose Cannon squad down to the lower levels. No Dark Ovals that go down there will come back up, Khel-Lag-Ghan, Rrgggz and Mer-Tog will make sure of that. I'll try and maintain communications throughout, but when I leave here I may have to resort to using my forcefield powers, and it'll be goodye Legionworld Retirement Castle and hello Legionworld Daycare. I've got some ideas but so far a good plan is eluding me.

Matlock out.

<switches to Barbarian-only channel>

Hrun, find Everyday Girl and get her here. I'm leaving this for her: my old mechanized combat armor. It's old but I had it refitted to her. The tech is antique but they knew some tricks back in the old days. She'll figure it out.

Find the fake Ranger and hang onto him. Let him help if he offers, but if he looks at you or Everyday Girl crosseyed, put your axe in him.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
Hey Ranger ... have you seen the pool? Let's go for a swim ...
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
I actually might have something that can take superboy prime down (produces black velevet pouch from pocket) but i will need help I will see if I can gather what I need.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
oh and Cobolt thanks for the save
 

---

Posted by Reboot on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by PolarBoy:
I actually might have something that can take superboy prime down (produces black velevet pouch from pocket) but i will need help I will see if I can gather what I need.

---

You're WAAAY out-of-date. Look at the last page of the Dark Oval Embassy thread for me, Spellbinder and the Spectre stopping him.

[And then three Re-Bots taking it on themselves to make it permanent]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Security Office Addendums & Changes

As many of you know, I am Chief of Security here on Legion World, and it is a position that I hold for life. I cannot be removed from office, not even by the LMB Leader, unless I die in battle or willingly resign. This is how it has always been, though many have criticized this long-standing tradition.

This stems mainly from two things: (1) the initial days of the LMB, where I was named ‘Leader of the Espionage Squad’ for life, where the leader could not replace me and (2) what is referred to as ‘the Dark Stu Saga’ where the rest of the LMB and Legion World were at odds with a Leader that attempted to dominate and control us all, and it became evident that necessary balances needed to be put into place that the leader could not control.

Given recent events, I feel that there needs to a more interconnected feel between the Security Office and the LMB Leadership, so that a semblance of ‘chain of command’ can be heightened, especially in times of crisis. Further, my long-standing role as Security Chief of Legion World has been a true honor and I feel we accomplished a great many things, but as the years have gone by now for some time, I feel that it has become simply ‘status quo’, and that change is often necessary.

However, the Security Office is like a child to me. It is now (3) separate threads and holds its own history that is interconnected to the history of the LMB and Legion World. As it’s grown, I’ve come to love the idea of it, and I fear that should I ever leave the office, it’d be allowed to flounder, or be used in a way that I would not feel appropriate.

Having said all of this, I will now take some active steps to reform the office to be a somewhat new entity. In doing this, I will use the powers of Security Chief, as is my right.

First
Effective immediately, I name Abin Quank and Matlock as Co-Chiefs of Security to this office. They will have all of the powers that the Chief of Security has with the exception that they cannot name another as Security Chief. They will remain in this position for life, unless one of the following happens (1) they die in battle or (2) they retire willingly. Both have had remarkable careers as members of the Security Office, the LMB and citizens of Legion World, and it is not necessary for me to speak of this. Any replacement for Matlock or Abin Quank must have the official approval of Cobalt Kid.

Second
Throughout the Constitutional Convention, many people helped create various articles and clauses on the Security Office that were extremely useful. I must publicly acknowledge the great efforts of Reboot. Unfortunately, that Constitution was never ratified and made into law, and has no legitimacy, despite all the best efforts of the many great citizens of Legion World. I now, as is in my power, will officially create such an office.

The Security Committee will be a committee of six individuals that oversee all of the functions of the Office of Security. They can object, if they are in agreement, to the acts of the security officers, and they can work in unison to help create initiatives for the Security Office. This is not an elected committee. No member can be replaced by the public at large.

The committee will be as follow:
Cobalt Kid (Chairperson)
Abin Quank
Matlock
Arachne
Invisible Brainiac
The current LMB Deputy Leader

The reasoning is simple – I’ve explained my love of this office and my invested interest in its survival and use. Therefore, I will serve as Chairperson on this committee for the duration of my lifetime, unable to be removed, in keeping up with the traditions of my position of Chief of Security.

Abin Quank and Matlock will serve, as they are the two Co-Chiefs of Security.

Arachne and Invisible Brainiac hold the ranks ‘Senior Security Officer’ for the continued service throughout this office’s existence, and the role they have played in defending Legion World throughout all of its various crises.

The inclusion f the deputy leader addresses various concerns that I have. I want to be able to bridge the gap between the LMB leadership and the Security Office, and by having the deputy leader serve on this committee, it allows the LMB leadership to have an invested role in how the office is run. Also, it gives the LMB Deputy Leader an additional power to an otherwise blurrily-defined role. Further, the long-standing theme that this office can stand in opposition to the LMB Leader remains, in that the deputy leader serves as a buffer between the two.

Essentially, the inclusion of the deputy leader will ensure that the Security Office by proxy reports to the Deputy Leader, ergo, the Deputy Leader and Security Office report to the LMB Leader. However, given that the Deputy Leader can be outvoted, this process can be blocked. Further, the Deputy Leader can use his or her judgment in deciding if the office should follow the orders of the leader in the extreme case that a tyrant comes to power.

My role, as Committee Chairperson will be to vote only when a tie-breaker is needed. However, I will be able to express my opinions whenever I see fit. Only I will have the ability to remove Abin Quank or Matlock, and only I can replace them with a candidate that I see fit.

Third
The Security Office now is structured in the following way:

Co - Chiefs of Security:
Abin Quank
Matlock

Deputy Chief of Security, Honorary Space Ranger Position
Everyday Girl

Senior Security Officer :
Invisible Brainiac seniority decision making over other security officers excluding the Chiefs of Security.
Arachne seniority decision making over other security officers excluding the Chiefs of Security.

Head of Mystic Crimes Division: Pagan Lass seniority decision making over other security officers in mystical natured crimes excluding the Chief and co-Chiefs of Security, and Senior Security Officers.

Security Officers:
Shark Lad
Blockade Boy
Dev-Em
Kara
Furball
Future
Dedman
Frio
Caliente
Disaster Boy
Hrun the Barbarian
Stoopid Cat
Polar Boy
LardLad
Other unnamed rank and file officers
Supergirl Robots, volume 4.1
Please also be aware that there are three ultra-secret security officers on Legion World, whose names I will not, and am under no obligation to reveal.

Executive Assistant to the Chairperson on the Committee of Security
Jailbait Lass

Assistant to Chiefs of Security
My Whee Fem


Fourth
Effective immediately, I resign from my position as Chief of Security and move to my position as Chairperson on the Security Committee. Ipso facto, Matlock and Abin Quank are now Co-Chiefs of Security.

I go now, to further serve Legion World, and begin a quest for new challenges and new positions to help further the dream of the LMB and Legion World. I will remain committed and invested in the Security Office, but will allow others to take up some of the mantle and work as they see fit. I encourage others to involve themselves in this office and work for the security of Legion World.

Security Office, I will be there with you always, ready to serve by your side.

- Cobalt Kid
Chairperson, Security Committee

[ September 15, 2006, 02:25 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<turns to Jailbait Lass>

There Lolita, I've done it. I feel both relieved and saddened.

<walks through lobby with her>

We'll still have my office here and I'll still be a part of this place. After all--its what I know. But this way the Security Office has some level of independence from Cobalt Kid, even if I oversee things occassionally. Now we can move on to new adventures.

<puts arm around Jailbait Lass>

And you work for me, always, not them. Now excuse me a second...

<walks over to Emerald Empress and Space Ranger's statues>

Its just not the same without you both. I'm off to new things, to make you both proud I hope...

<exits>

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

<seconds later>

'Hey Matlock, I just punched out some guy trying to sell cigerettes to kids under age. Er, looks I'll still be bothering you partner '
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
C'mon, Cobie Cakes... let's go someplace private to celebrate your new adventure
 

---

Posted by Abin Quank on :
 
Umm... Cobie, you could have talked to me first...

I mean, I'm already the LW Janitor, I already have to clean up the messes you guys make with all these Invasions and Crisises and now your going to make me Co-Chief of Security on top of that?

<Looks at the desk where the keys to Cobies five story underground liquor cabinet and the back door of Shameless Hussies are laying in plain sight.>

Okay, Okay, I'll do it!
 

---

Posted by Disaster Boy on :
 
Oh Abin, I'm glad i caught you. I resign.

ciao!
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
aww this is sad.


(throws shark lad some ice cubes)
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Don't worry PB! I still am going to need your help on the constant redesigning of this building. Being the chairman on the security committee gives me more time to focus on the administrative things, so I'll insist on your help there.

So continue putting up the new drapes...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
After all, nothing says "security" like snazzy window treatments
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
*sniff* What will we do without you??
 

---

Posted by Opal on :
 


[ September 20, 2006, 03:20 PM: Message edited by: Opal ]
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
you know what the new security office needs

Shiney Disco Balls
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
I've always got mine ready to a-go-go ...
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by PolarBoy:
you know what the new security office needs

Shiney Disco Balls

---

Not on my watch!
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
man, who doesn't like shiney disco balls?
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
...people who lived through it the first time 'round?
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
gees give somebody a bit of power and they squash the disco ball
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Just stopping in for some pretzels, and to check out my office. Er, feel free to bring in some of that contraband we've collected. I can file it away if everyone is busy...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
That's quite all right, Cobie dear. No need for you to have to resort to filing to keep yourself busy. I have arranged for the two of us to volunteer our services to building that new orphanage. Idle hands, and all that
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Perhaps we should begin drawing up plans over in your penthouse?
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Well, my penthouse does have alot of flat surfaces that we could use...
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
(drops the tempreture by a few degrees)

Is it just me or was it getting hot in here
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
anyone up for a swim?

<splash>
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
well sharky its just you and me shall we dance?
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
Ahem.

Ah heck. You can dance if you want to.
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
Dancing's all well and good but I'm not going to be the one to clean up your messes! Bad enough they've got me changing diapers in the Tag Team. I mean, just because I'm an alt-ID doesn't mean I don't have feelings or rights!

Actually, does it? I guess if I'm supposed to be a security officer, I should read up on Legion law. I'm so put upon...

If you need me, I'll be at Quislet's Super Lawfirm... of Space studying up. Oh, and don't forget to call me if there's some kind of big Legion World event. I'd so hate to miss out again.
 

---

Posted by Liberty Monkey on :
 
Greetings Frio!

As a defender of the rights of Alt IDs, Lurkers, Felines, other animals and sentient forms of thought, I gladly will support your right to have feelings and rights!

Being an Alt-ID isn't a crime, but a badge of honor!

To exemplify, I too will now dance with Shark Lad and Polar Boy! As is my right!
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
Everyone lambada, the forbidden dance!
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
enough of these shenanigans I have security business, look at this. (Polar boy leaves the room and comes back with 3 shark lads and a video recorder). Tell me what you think one of these shark lads is an alt id one is a cardboard cutout and the other is the real thing, now if i push this button one of them will glow. Im not sure which, but one of them will glow.
Also if you all look up you will notice the roof just turned red thats cause I farted! so now if we have an intruder and they fart and were sure that nobody else has farted we will know we have a farty pants intruder.
Finally I bring your attention to the video camera if you point this at somebody and look through it you will see there true sole behind them like a ghost. (Points camera at Matlock and see a grouchy old man soul) oooh spooky.

So what do you all think.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
I think you're mental ...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
I'm loving these new gagdets!

What this pen do?

<creates time/space temporal anonamly>

Uh...oops...
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
say Cobalt, how're you doi ... whoa, what's going on here? How did I end up in ancient Greece?
 

---

Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
 
The real question is what happens when you get there? And how will you get back?
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Hey cobie look at this
(Polar boy grabs the pen)
if you push it down half way you only make a little hole.
(polar boy sticks his arm in the hole then pulls it out) "that was fun"
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
these french fries taste like they were fried in ancient grease! coincidence? I think not!
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
do you think we could set up a slap the shark stand?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
If the Security Officers do that anymore they'll go blind...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Here are your glasses, Cobie dear
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
Mr Fuzzy Palms, chief of security
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
yah sharkies back I stuck up for ya while you were gone.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
everyone feeling secure?
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
With you around, Sharky, I always feel secure!
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
hmmm ... wanna go for a swim, baby?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
The Office of Security: 'we might not use protection, but we offer it'.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
I have a kubrick it looks like goofy
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
but im not sure what goofy is?????
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Goofy: the second most deserving Disney character of a horrendous death scene!

After Mickey of course.
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
Hey! What about Donald Duck!?
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
I'd like to see that beeyatch Daisy get it ...
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
Heehee. I'm with you, cutie. And I'll gladly swim with you... if you promise I won't become dinner. Once this election stuff is over, I mean.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
Ugh, when is the election over? It's lonely in here ...

<splash>
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
That's a good question...
 

---

Posted by Disaster Boy on :
 
you mean there is actually an election, it's not some bizarre plot by an evil "genius" to waste our time while they infiltrate Legion World with troops...shutting down our communications network...blocking transit....feeding us false intelligence...taking over before we know it...etc.
 

---

Posted by Arachne on :
 
Nope. Too bad, that sounds like more fun than the election.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Well, if I told you that was what I was planning ahead of time, it would ruin all the surprises
 

---

Posted by Joe-Boy Harvestar on :
 
When is this election stuff over with anyway? hurry up and vote for me already
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Actor, honey, the masses are calling for you!!

[ November 30, 2006, 09:44 PM: Message edited by: Caliente ]
 

---

Posted by Everyday Girl on :
 
Ohmygod! Like who's been messing with my gun cabinets?

And the Ammo Locker Locks have been changed!!

That's so not fair!
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
I wonder if you can milk Goofy?
 

---

Posted by Arachne on :
 
? I suddenly realize I have no idea what Goofy actually is. I'm pretty sure he's male, though, so that probably makes milking out of the question.
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by PolarBoy:
I wonder if you can milk Goofy?

---

You have a fine career ahead of you in LW Security, PB.
 

---

Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
 
I drop by the Office of Security to say hello and stumble into the Goofy conversation.

Goofy is actually an anthropomorphic dog. In early appearances, he was called Dippy Dawg.

Let's not get into the whole "then why can't Pluto talk" thing. We'll just say that Uncle Walt didn't think things through.

Clarabelle Cow, on the other hand...

[ December 06, 2006, 12:27 AM: Message edited by: Rockhopper Lad ]
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
ok so is Jessica rabbit a rabbit?
 

---

Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
 
In name only!
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Wow this is hard.

But your definetly a peguin right?
 

---

Posted by Frio on :
 
Abin. Matlock.

I find myself at a crossroads. As such, I am taking an indefinite leave of absense from the Office of Security. Some me time, you know?

I don't know if/when I'll return, so if this need be a resignation, then it is. Good-bye all. It's been... something.

Oh, and Sharky? You still owe me that swim.
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
I guess that means I better start coming to work now. Good luck, sis.
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
Nah, nobody ever really resigns from the Security Office, we just move your salary to the off-the-books liqour fund.
 

---

Posted by Abin Quank on :
 
What he said!

Resignation NOT Accepted! Indefinite Paid Leave of absence approved!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
That hot little secretary we gave you can work for my admin's secretary though!
 

---

Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
 
Didn't you give her a hot MALE secretary, though?

Or was it one guy and one girl? Can't remember which.

See you soon, Frio.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
(Crawls out from under a desk)

Geeze look at this place you go into hibernation mode for a while and the dust really gathers.

(Starts splashing pink paint and silver glitter everywhere)

Well it's a start
 

---

Posted by Abin Quank on :
 
Memo to all Security Officers:

Cobalt Kid, or Kid Cobalt, whichever gender he or she's decided to adopt today, has been threatened with Involuntary Sterilization by certain nameless but prominent members of the LMBP Community.

Henceforth and Forewith all Gen Car Security Officers are assigned to the "Kid Cobalt Kid Task Force" and will report to Temporary Acting Security Leiutenant Redshirt Dedmanwalking and or his assistant the terminally cute and therefore far more likely to survive this assignment, Temporary Acting Security Force Sargent Imma Dedduck.

Assistant Security Chief, Everyday Girl, will be in overall charge of the operation, and will coordinate the effort with the newly elected leaders of the LMBP, as soon as we remember who they are.

It's time for my nap.
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
Methinks people are taking the joke too far...
 

---

Posted by Abin Quank on :
 
A Joke?

You Threaten our Beloved Assistant Something or Other with Involuntary Sterilization and you call it a Joke, Mr. Shakesphere?

Haqrrumpf, That sir is no joke, and my orders to the Security Force Stand as Written!
 

---

Posted by Kid Cobalt on :
 
Must...resist...urge...to hit on...Temporary Acting Security Force Sargent Imma Dedduck...
 

---

Posted by Arachne on :
 
You're really helping your case, there.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
did the security office charter cover cobbys nuts?
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
they were Cobie's? I thought they were from Brazil!
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Zzzzzzzzz-- ggmmfff! I'm up. I wasn't sleeping. Nope, nope. Alert security officer here. Yep, yep.

*peers around* Er, what'd I miss?
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
Oh, not much.

Just another one of those Infinitely Civil Disassembling Crisis Wars of M.

We'll be back to the status quo in about.....now.
 

---

Posted by LARDLAD on :
 
Status quo?
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caliente:
Zzzzzzzzz-- ggmmfff! I'm up. I wasn't sleeping. Nope, nope. Alert security officer here. Yep, yep.

*peers around* Er, what'd I miss?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by LARDLAD:
Status quo?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by LARDLAD:
Status quo?

---

Would you prefer Grand Funk Railroad?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
?

(Could it be? Perhaps I should return to the Security Office? But I finally am free of the daily hassles and accusations...)

(But the call of duty forever nags at me, like an old girlfriend coming back to murder me...)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by LARDLAD:
So, is Gladys the Disco Ball officially pregnant?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
?

(Could it be? Perhaps I should return to the Security Office? But I finally am free of the daily hassles and accusations...)

(But the call of duty forever nags at me, like an old girlfriend coming back to murder me...)

---

They told me I'd hear your very thoughts.

Always so Heroic, and Vain. An amusing Man-Child always ready to do the right thing for the wrong reason. We might have been good friends, once.

I must think about you, Cobalt Kid. I must decide whether or not they were right about you.

I hope they were wrong.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
?

(Could it be? Perhaps I should return to the Security Office? But I finally am free of the daily hassles and accusations...)

(But the call of duty forever nags at me, like an old girlfriend coming back to murder me...)

---

They told me I'd hear your very thoughts.

Always so Heroic, and Vain. An amusing Man-Child always ready to do the right thing for the wrong reason. We might have been good friends, once.

I must think about you, Cobalt Kid. I must decide whether or not they were right about you.

I hope they were wrong.

---

Hm...and I must decide about you Ultra Man, though can't help but feel I know already. But I wonder if your 'return' to Legion World signals the start of something great...or something terrible on the horizon...?

Either way, as Chief Executive around here, allow me to officially extend the Security Office's welcome to you. Our officers Caliente, Lardy, Polar Boy and Dedman will be glad to show you around.

(Meanwhile, perhaps I should have Jailbait Lass inform Matlock and Abin...though I wonder if it would be right to alert them of my suspicions...it would only cause undue pain if I'm wrong...)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
Well, I remain the Chief Executive of the office, but Abin and Matlock are the two Chiefs of Security that run the day to day operations. I hardly ever step in, only at the Committee meetings as Chairman.

The Deputy Chiefs are Everyday Girl, Invisible Brainiac and Arachne, and there are plenty of other high ranking security personnal around here.

But word travels fast anyway, so make your return official Ultra Man--and tell us who you are...(or at least who you think you may be...)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:
[QUOTE]
I was begining to believe that this place was leaderless.

Where is the Leader's office? I would like to officially announce my return.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caliente:

quote:

---

Originally posted by LARDLAD:
So, is Gladys the Disco Ball officially pregnant?

---

Yeah but I think it was Phil over at the Legion Academy Gym. That Gladys, man. She gets around. I would definitely do the DNA testing thing if I were you, Lardy.

And don't worry. We'll keep mum about it a the Security Office. Wouldn't want your magical gal to get wind of any illegitimate (and sparkly!) children and turn evil again.

Huh. I wonder if Cobie's having a sense of deja vu..?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caliente:
Agggg!! My brain!! That mental image? Yeah, so did not need it.

Excuse me while I go find some brain bleach. And/or some vodka...

---

Which mental image, Cali? Me in a thong? Doin' the wild thing with a sentient disco ball? Me and Cobalt at the farm? Me having congress with anything that won't flee? Me crawling?

I can't avoid mentioning it if I don't know what offends!

Well?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Er...just to let you all know, I haven't had a relationship with a sentient disco ball in years, ever since incident with the sentient disco ball High Priestess in Epsilon IV way back when.

And you can already start to see a little blue light flickering in Gladys' womb!

Polar Boy, My Whee Fem is the secretary for the whole of the Security Office. While Jailbait Lass is my personnal assistant, My Whee Fem is the assistant out in the main lobby that greets people coming in. Currently, I believe she's single, and I can put a good word in. She'll be shocked to hear my trying to set her up with anyone other than me.

And Matlock, that's what I like, talkin' some smack to this newcomer! Let's see what he's all about, even if it means having to break out the old Gibson/Glover manual...
 

---

Posted by Dru the Sorceress on :
 
Anthony? There you are! I'm back from my spiritual retreat.

<looks around>

What's with the pregnant disco ball?
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Aside: Ohhhhh, BOY.
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
Two words: DNA Test.

And I don't mean quizzing former Legion writers either.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
um, hi ... my name is SharkLad ... how's everyone doing?
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:
Two words: DNA Test.

And I don't mean quizzing former Legion writers either.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Aside: Ohhhhh, BOY.

---

<realization dawns on her face>

Ha! I get it! My fiance thinks he may have had a sexual dalliance with the sentient disco ball!

Well, babe, I've neglected to tell you that I put a Fidelity Charm on you a few months ago just to prevent such drunken slips!

So you're in the clear, babe! I suspect that Phil at the Legion Academy Gym has some 'splainin' to do!

HA-HA!!!
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
F-fidelity charm?

*gulp!*


 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:

Polar Boy, My Whee Fem is the secretary for the whole of the Security Office. While Jailbait Lass is my personnal assistant, My Whee Fem is the assistant out in the main lobby that greets people coming in. Currently, I believe she's single, and I can put a good word in. She'll be shocked to hear my trying to set her up with anyone other than me.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:

Polar Boy, My Whee Fem is the secretary for the whole of the Security Office. While Jailbait Lass is my personnal assistant, My Whee Fem is the assistant out in the main lobby that greets people coming in. Currently, I believe she's single, and I can put a good word in. She'll be shocked to hear my trying to set her up with anyone other than me.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Invisible Brainiac:
How DO you tell if a disco ball is pregnant? It's already big and round. How can it get any rounder?

---

Man! IB, you made her cry, you insensitive lout! Apologize immediately!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
(psst...she's just hamming it up for attention IB, don't give in! Play it cool and aloof and she'll be all OVER you!)
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
Gladys doesn't seem to have a translator. So how do you determine what her pulsed light bursts actually mean? She could be screaming "No Leave Me Alone, You Beasts!" and none of you would know it.

But our esteemed Security Chief just sits by and watches, while doing absolutely NOTHING, as usual.

Come Gladys, I've made you an appointment with Quislet, Esq. and arranged for a translation robot to be present...
 

---

Posted by SCarlet on :
 
I speak Pulsed Light Bursts...Actually "Speak" is the operative word....
She Wants Pickles...And Kahlua.
Cravings eh?

Now Leave her alone Ultradork.

*under her breath*
God...Why am I helping these people? I dont even like...people...you know that Kahlua sounds like a good idea....
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Actually, I'm quite fluent in Pulsed Light Bursts myself and understand Gladys perfectly. Why else do you think she plans on naming her child after me?

I'm quite adept at understanding women
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
Ah, the underage super-villian community makes it's contribution to this discussion.

The question young lady, and I use that term in it's loosest possible definition, is whether or not she was a willing participant in the actions which brought about her cravings. Not whether or not she has cravings as a result of her participation.

And any further translations you care to contribute should be done under oath so that perjury charges can be brought if necessary.
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
Grape Boy, you would do well to recall that you have no authority here.
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
Actually, I'm quite fluent in Pulsed Light Bursts myself and understand Gladys perfectly. Why else do you think she plans on naming her child after me?

I'm quite adept at understanding women

---

Riiigggghhhhtttt!!!!



You are quite possibly the biggest, most self-deluded fool in the entire history of the universe.

But Princess Crujectra likes your "Cabana Boy" skills, so that qualifies you to be the Security Chief.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Hm...this Ultra guy is starting to really get on my nerves. I thought he was someone familiar at first, but now I'm not so sure.

I guess Everyday Girl would know for sure.

But still...hewas never as devilishly handsome when he was alive. That's more like...[/i]me??[/i]
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
Grape Boy, you would do well to recall that you have no authority here.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
I believe its been established that Lardy *didn't* have relations with Gladys. So really, you don't have a leg to stand on Ultra Man.

Do us a favor and go clean-up all that space-garbage in orbit or something so we can at least see if you're not all talk and no game...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
Actually, it was probably created by your buddy, the Lonestar Ranger, when we was going around destroying our satellites.

You two are far too alike to really be the foes you pretend to be.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
And your goatee? It makes you look evil.

---

Um, goatees...evil? Should I shave?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Beards = philosophical meets savagely passionate. I say keep it
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
Beards = philosophical meets savagely passionate. I say keep it

---

Um, yeah, but despite the pic, I'm sporting a goatee these days! Does a goatee=evil?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Er, uh, it sure doesn't Lardy! Don't worry about it at all! Hell, Loser Lad has a goatee, and he's not evil!

(At least, I think he's not...)
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Don't worry, old friend, there's nothing evil about your old pal Lardy!

Uh, right?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Sure! This is no time to doubt ourselves, while faux pretenders are running around Legion World. We've proven ourselves time and time again, while guys like Lonestar Ranger and Gary Concord mouth off about things they evidently know little about. Words mean little and action is what counts.

Concord can insult the entire LMB all he wants. Its not truly effecting us, and I'm not above handing out an ass-kicking when I get the chance. I'm not LMB leader, nor am I Security Chief, so hell, what have I got to lose?
 

---

Posted by Faraway Lad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
so hell, what have I got to lose?

---

At a guess I'd say life, liberty the pursuit of happiness and a full working set of gonads?

Need someone to help mediate in a dispute here old friend?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Either that or just kick them when I've knocked them down!
 

---

Posted by Faraway Lad on :
 
No no no, my old friend, its much more satisfying to pretend to help them up and them slip a case of venusian crabs in their underwear. The long term effects are much more satisfying that a swift kick in the shins.
 

---

Posted by Lad Boy on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:


And surely a redoubtable bard such as yourself can think up a better insult than "grape boy."

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
Sure! This is no time to doubt ourselves, while faux pretenders are running around Legion World.

---

If they were faux pretenders, wouldn't that make them legit?

I'm just sayin'.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
(you and your phonics... )

So, er, you want to handle Hrun this time Matlock? Usually when I have a sit down with him, we invade a neighboring sector of space...
 

---

Posted by Superboy_Prime on :
 
I must speak with Hrun at once!

Where Has he gone!?
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
I'll handle Hrun, SB-P. You get over to the EGSC and make absolutely certain that none of Tamper's Tech is removed before we take possession of the place.
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
Part of a pretzel maker sails back into the office and bounces just above Everyday Girls head.

"My lady I need the remainder, I shall return it or replace it later. Now I need to speak to Matlock I have a message for him from my mother"
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
All right, Hrun, let's hear it. I wasn't expecting to hear from her again...
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Hurn is so butch ya gotta love that.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
PB & everyone, I'm in need of some assistance here! Hrun is unleashed on Legion World!

Hope you can talk him out of this Matlock!
 

---

Posted by Overlord_Prime on :
 
Hrun is a most amusing subject.
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
“Then laugh at this ignoble one“.

And Hrun plants a huge blow to the top of Primes head, the force of the blow knocking him straight down into the planets core.

“Matlock, most noble father, greetings” He states. “Yes I now know that you are my father. My mother sends you this message.

The time arises when once more you must give up your dreams of retirement. The voice of the pretzel has joined with the song of the coffee machine. Now if you wish to return to me and truly be a husband you must go forth to battle, help your son Hrun to defeat all.

Remember, if you wish to return to the hearth and bosom of thy family you must come home with your shield or on it.

(Oh and when you do come home bring a loaf of bread and pint of milk)
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
[The Ultra Man flies in with Caliente (Wearing a magnificent Cloth of Gold Dress) in his arms.]

Here you go Caliente. I'm positive that your friends in the LMBP Security Force will be able to protect you here.

Ta-Ta.

[ February 08, 2007, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: Gary Concord, the Ultra Man ]
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
*blink*

Okay, that whole thing was just plain weird. I mean, I at least thought it'd be the good guys who rescued me. Yep, I definitely foresee a need for some therapy and a lot more alcohol in the near future...

Oh well, at least I got this sexin' outfit as part of the deal! Not as awesome as my uniform but gold's a good color for me. (*sigh* Frio was the silver to my gold. The cold to my hot. I really miss my sister.)

[ February 08, 2007, 03:59 AM: Message edited by: Caliente ]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
----------Transmission-----------

Hey guys, Cobalt here, looks like Faraway sent me somewhere, well, er, far away, but I should be back soon!

It seems I landed among the Gorilla Tribes of Legion World just as they were on the cusp of an internal civil war, and I'm now attempting to bring about peace. Unfortunately, that means having to undergo the rigerous process of being inducted in the secret gorilla society that fights each other to see who is the toughest. Damn--I just broke the first two roles of secret gorilla fight club by bringing it up!
 

---

Posted by Lonestar Ranger on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caliente:
*blink*

Okay, that whole thing was just plain weird. I mean, I at least thought it'd be the good guys who rescued me. Yep, I definitely foresee a need for some therapy and a lot more alcohol in the near future...

Oh well, at least I got this sexin' outfit as part of the deal! Not as awesome as my uniform but gold's a good color for me. (*sigh* Frio was the silver to my gold. The cold to my hot. I really miss my sister.)

---

<flies by>

And she may be so again, as I intend to fulfill my part of our bargain.

That's a lovely outfit my dear...

<flies off>
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lonestar Ranger:
<flies by>

And she may be so again, as I intend to fulfill my part of our bargain.

That's a lovely outfit my dear...

<flies off>

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lonestar Ranger:
<flies by>

And she may be so again, as I intend to fulfill my part of our bargain.

That's a lovely outfit my dear...

<flies off>

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hrun the Barbarian:
Hrun nods to the Caliente double in the security office.

"So Princess Amidala's plan to keep the real Caliente in the Halls and allow you as her avatar to be "rescued" so as to infiltrate the LVMBP and find out their plans"

Hrun smiles

"tis a brave thing thou dost fair maiden"

As he leaves he calls out

"Send My father to me once he returns"

---

Hokay-dokey artichokey! *salutes and wanders off aimlessly*
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
(Damn double posts. Grr.)
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
I just had a chat with <wink wink> in the office of <wink wink> and got confirmation that the security office magic proticols are still very much in place. This of course means that spells curses or other magic tom follery are negated within these walls.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
"whips up a nice ice punch bowl"

"fills with 2 bottles of baileys one bottle of butterscotch shnaps and a splash of milk"

"makes a row of ice shot glasses"

that should liven things up
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
Ah Yes, the fine security office tradition of protecting their own by getting drunk and ignoring the situation surfaces yet again.

Fine Job, Lads and Lasses, Fine Job...
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
ya know, Grapes, you'd be a lot less uptight if you followed suit once in a while.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
oh well more for me
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
As you can all see--by simply being me, I've scared off Gary Concord, Lonestar Ranger, Empress Frio, Overlord Prime and Odran all at the same time. My heroism simply knows no bounds!
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
Oh, you've done it now....
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
Amazingly, there are people here who will actually believe that last bit of stupidly arrogant nonsense.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Well, Gary, he calls 'em how he sees 'em...and for all we know, you and your gang ran off, tail betwixt legs, a couple weeks ago. Color us unimpressed!
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
If you guys are going to fight, could you do it in the O.K. Corral? It's expendable.
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
And the Not Very Security Office Isn't?
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
OK, you got me there.

But mind the coffee makers.
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
Is it okay to trash the pretzle maker? I've always hated that thing.
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
Knock yourself out.
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
I'd love to see Concord knock himself out.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Hey, leave that Pretzel maker be, Concord! We've got the OK Corral all set up with bottles everywhere to smash on each other's heads. We can take it over there whenever you're ready.

And when I say 'we', I mean the five or so of you villains and the 50-60 of us LMBers. Arrogant, powerful and overly confident doesn't mean I'm not going to play fair either
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
I got your back Cobie!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
That's the spirit! Plus, we'll be using such great security office traditions like phone books and rubber hoses!
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
So, who's going to be the first to swing on the chandelier?
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
I'm up for some chandelier swinging!!
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
OK, that's ded in.

Now, who's going to be playing the barrelhouse piano while all the fighting goes on?
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
that'd be me!
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
Good, good. I've got you pencilled in.

Now, we need a sultry saloon singer with a heart of gold. Anyone?
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Me, me, me, me!

(Even if Cali can't sing, I can!)
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
ummm...we demand you wear a skimpy dress
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
careful swing on that chandelear remember what happened to Larded when he got to close to a disco ball.
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
He'll wear gloves. It'll be fine.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Lets get on over to the Corral and get this scrap started. We need to be nice and liquored up for it and I'm thirsty...
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
I'm going to sit calmly on my stool and quietly lift up my beer when Cobie slides Concord face first down the bar!

Then I'm gonna finish my beer and paste somebody one, right in the mush.
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
So much talk for so little action.

Typical.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<cleans out his office>

<looks around wistfully>

<leaves letter on Matlock's desk>

<'ports out>
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Something smells like a mix of brimstone and farts in here!

Has lardy been teleporting again?
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
Per standard procedurs, Lard Lad's salary will now be diverted to the co-Chiefs' discretionary beverage funds. We'll miss him! *hic*
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
also isnt it stand procedur for all leaving staff to give each of the remaing staff a bottle
 

---

Posted by Odran on :
 
Inquiry:

I have advanced security technology from many far away star-systems on board my spaceship. Who would I discuss the possibility of trading this technology with?
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
I'd say Cobie or matlock are your best bets.
 

---

Posted by Faraway Lad on :
 
Advanced Security Technology is covered by the regrograde sections of the Amending Act of the second convention protocols. I think I have a copy here somewhere, now, if you could just read these pages and then sign and I will instigate a full LMBP trade treaty memoradum of understanding.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
did somebody throw up in my pool?
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
I'd be more surprised if it only happened once.
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:
did somebody throw up in my pool?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Odran:
Inquiry:

I have advanced security technology from many far away star-systems on board my spaceship. Who would I discuss the possibility of trading this technology with?

---

Tell me more Odran! What type of tech are we talking about?

And what would you like from us? We have excellent pretzel making technology and the uniforms we have our interns where are full of little tricks (those scamps!).
 

---

Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
 
don't forget our bar-snack manufacturing technology!
 

---

Posted by matlock on :
 
All them fancy gee-gaws can't replace a trusty pair of brass knuckles and a pillowcase full of oranges. Haven't I taught you all anything?
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
I ate the pillowcase full of oranges ...
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Hey where are all the oranges?

Gladys im looking at you!!!
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
Hrun reports for duty!

Are there carts to be clamped?
Are there anti social orders to be nailed to offenders heads?
Are there huts to be burnt down until fines are paid?
shall we patrol the stars, righting wrongs, burning space ports and setting up security officers as Shire Reeves and Reeves to bring the profits of justice to all in the security office.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Hurn we need fresh flowers for the reception area see what you can rustle up.
 

---

Posted by PolarBoy on :
 
Polar BOY SMASH !!!!
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
Oh, dear.

OK, who shot Polar Boy into space and then rigged the ship to explode? C'mon, fess up.

I'm lookin' at you, Cobie.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Er, it was for his own good.

(Damn crystal meth! Gets me every time!)
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
Vote for me Shark Lad and I promise you will get to eat a lawbreaker everyday!!!

Everyone else....vote for me and I promise you will not be eaten by Shark lad!!
 

---

Posted by Everyday Girl on :
 
Ohmygod, Like this up, it might be needed soon...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Okay everyone, I've called in Rocky to help. Continue to look for Roy, we can't rule out the possibility that he's returned to his old ways.

But check out this lead: find out whatever you can on a 'Rex Veridian'.

And has anyone seen Everyday Girl?

<turns to Jailbait Lass>

(And you and I have another few leads to follow...)

I have a feeling about this people...something isn't fitting. Vee is one of our strongest--in order for him to be taken down, something intense is here on Legion World.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Security Office Crime Lab

<Lard Lad is awaiting the results of the analysis on the blood he found at SHAKES. Dr. One was unavailable, so the Security Office crime lab techs are analyzing it...>

<Chief Lab Tech Griss approaches Lardy in the waiting area.>

Lardy: Griss! What have you found?

Griss: Not sure, Officer Lard Lad. It's a most unusual sample.

Lardy: What's so unusual about it?

Griss: Well, for one thing, we can't isolate any of the DNA from the sample.

Lardy: But it's definitely blood?

Griss: Yes. But it's as if the blood is bioengineered to resist testing, so much so that after a few attempts at testing...the sample simply vanished!

Lardy: Vanished? How's that possible?

Griss: I have no idea, Officer.

<And the two puzzle that one out for awhile...>

[ August 22, 2007, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: Lard Lad ]
 

---

Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
 
{Rockhopper Lad arrives at the Security Office with Time Teller Lad and Hyvvie}

RhL: Hi Guys, we're here. I brought Hyvvie. I'm sure his Nose of Wonder will be useful. And Time Teller Lad's power to tell the age of any object may be helpful as well. What can we do to help?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Rocky, you can find me over at SHAKES during this investigation. There are other low-ranking security officers patrolling the streets of Legion World (not under my command), but I'm working on the side trying to figure out what the bigger picture is here--if any at all.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
pop

<Lardy returns from SHAKES and appears at the crime lab>

Griss, I...need my head examined...

<Lardy holds out his robot's head>

<Griss gasps, then realizes the head Lardy's carrying is that of a robot identical to Lardy's old appearance>

I'll be bringing the rest of the remains soon. Examine them very carefully, Griss. Meanwhile, get the field CSI team together to go over the scene with a fine-tooth comb. I left a beacon there, so they can transmat there immediately.

Meanwhile...I've got to get some rest.

<Lardy goes to his quarters and contemplates a chest he pulls from beneath his bed>

[ October 15, 2007, 10:18 AM: Message edited by: Lard Lad ]
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
<Walks in the front door, something nobody else seems capable of doing, and approaches the receptionist's desk where My Wee Fem is on duty.>

This package needs to get to Cobalt Kid and LardLad as soon as possible. I'd deliver it myself but I don't need to waste a bunch of time kicking LardButt's stupid ass, again.

Oh and when you go off shift, you and Jailbait might want to check out the cottage in the scary woods. If I remember correctly you two are on the permanent guest list. Bring Doc One's hot nurse with you...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<walks in front door, sees anxiety on My Whee Fem's face>

What is it My? Hm?

...

I see. I'll open it in private. Have Jailbait Lass join me.

Actually--hold that. Listen, My. If Concord comes in again, tell him I want to meet with him privately. I think its time we talked finally, face to face.

Do not tell anyone else--especially LMBers or Security Officers. *Especially* the ones you think I would normally tell on my own.

I believe what needs to be done will not make some members completely happy.

(Now to see what's in this package...)
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
ATTENTION ALL SECURITY OFFICE INTERNS:

Please inform Everyday Girl that I would like to speak with her as soon as she is available.

- Cobie
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<closes chest and puts it back under his bed>

No...I'm not using that...not yet.

<exits, finds Cobalt examining something>

What up, Des? Whatcha got there?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Hm, I'm not sure. Gary Concord dropped it off, so it should be interesting none the less. We probably should have the bomb squad in here.

<looks around. Puts up forcefield magnetically>

Well, hopefully you and I will survive it...

<starts to unwrap package>
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
<Appears in the Security Office via Holographic Projection>

I understand you wanted to talk to me, Cobalt. I'd do this in person but I don't feel the need to kick Lard Butt's stupid carcass all over the Security Office, Again.

The package, as you already know, is everything I know and/or suspect about Slim and his motivations. His grudge against you is real, whether you even know about it or not, your armies did lay waste to his home world while battling the Barbarian Hordes.

Anyway, he's got Pagan Lass, Stoopid Cat, a robot version of Lard Butt, some blue skinned cutie that I've never met, and that goofy robot sidekick of yours, all encased in crystalline time and hanging up behind his bar. The good part of that is nothing can harm them while they're in that condition.

The bad part of that is that he won't release any of them until you go in person to arrange it. He wants you dead Cobalt, and he doesn't care how many other people he has to kill to get to you.

Just remember, inside his bar there's no defense against his time freezing power.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Thank you Ultra Man, for your help.

I recall my old friend Scipio Taltarus' report on what happened to Slim's homeworld. A rogue commander took a portion of my armies and caused havoc that was unauthorized. I dealt with him as best I could and dismissed him completely, but I see that Slim will always blame me for it, rather than the commander himself. There's little that can be done about it now...other than bring this problem with Slim to a head.

But once again Concord, you show that you're not so villianous as some of my fellow LMBers believe. Why then, do you act so antagonistic to the LMB on Legion World? Why don't we work together? Eventually, a choice will have to be made.

But this information should be helpful. Soon it'll be time for the confrontation with Slim.

As for the blue-skinned cutie, I know her very well. She's my ex-wife...

<hands grips into a fist>
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:
<Walks in the front door, something nobody else seems capable of doing, and approaches the receptionist's desk where My Wee Fem is on duty.>

Oh and when you go off shift, you and Jailbait might want to check out the cottage in the scary woods. If I remember correctly you two are on the permanent guest list. Bring Doc One's hot nurse with you...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:Anyway, he's got Pagan Lass, Stoopid Cat, a robot version of Lard Butt...[/i]

---

<left alone, Lardy muses...>

A robot version of me? How is that possible if I just found it destroyed? Unless Slim destroyed it and left it at the Lair...or there's more than one?

<Lardy yells>

Concord! If you can hear me, reappear! I need to ask you a question...
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<taps foot impatiently>

Look, Concord, I'm pretty sure you can hear me, so: all I wanna know is whether that Robot's still in Slim's, okay? For all I know, there's only supposed to be one Lard Lad Robot. If there's two...that changes things.

If you really wanna help, leave a message at my thread for info on my robot. It's still open! And if you can help and give any additional info...

<grits teeth>

...I'll owe ya one.

<'ports out>
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Okay, so a girl goes on her honeymoon and when she gets back, all chaos has broken loose. I'm pretty sure I still work here, so... what's up? How can I help?

And what's this I've heard about the Royal Inquisitor putting Vee in a coma??

Hello?? Lolita-- are you here? My still won't talk to me after that comment I made about her-- well, never mind.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
That's what it appears to be Cali, though we can't jump to conclusions. So far, the Security Officers have been unable to locate Roy. If you could pitch, that'd be great.

I'm dealing with this Slim problem right now, and as of right now, we don't think the two are connected. But you never know.

By the way, congrats!

<hugs her, kisses her cheek>

A shame your off the market officially

<runs off>
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Thanks, Cobie! Good luck with Slim-- we know he's got a hard on for you, so you might need it.

Search for Roy it is. (Too bad I don't have my girl Frio to back me up anymore. )
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
<taps foot impatiently>

Look, Concord, I'm pretty sure you can hear me, so: all I wanna know is whether that Robot's still in Slim's, okay? For all I know, there's only supposed to be one Lard Lad Robot. If there's two...that changes things.

If you really wanna help, leave a message at my thread for info on my robot. It's still open! And if you can help and give any additional info...

<grits teeth>

...I'll owe ya one.

<'ports out>

---

Lard Butt, every time you draw a breath you owe me, you're just too damn stupid to realize it.

Yeah, the time frozen robot is still in Slim's place, and there's what appears to be the remains of a destroyed robot here in the security office, plus theres a robot skulking around the city apparently checking up on you...

How many of those things did you build?
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<views message on his Omnicom from the Senate>

Three robots? WTF?

If Grape Boy's tellin' the truth...big IF...I've gotta find the one he says is "skulking around".

<rereads>

"every time you draw a breath..."?!?!



Grape Boy's fulla ****! I'll owe him all right...

<clinches fist>

Soon as the Senate does what's necessary I'll track down this other robot...and then, Grapes!

<puts Omnicom down, listens to debate>
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:Lard Butt, every time you draw a breath you owe me, you're just too damn stupid to realize it.

---

OOC: Wonder if Gary's just blowing smoke up Lardy's ass, or was this a clue?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:
<Walks in the front door, something nobody else seems capable of doing, and approaches the receptionist's desk where My Wee Fem is on duty.>

Oh and when you go off shift, you and Jailbait might want to check out the cottage in the scary woods. If I remember correctly you two are on the permanent guest list. Bring Doc One's hot nurse with you...

---

<My Whee Fem sends Jailbait Lass an omni-text, letting her know. Jailbait Lass quietly waits for her shift to end, not bothering Cobalt and Lardy while talking to Concord>

<she replies "ok">

---

<both My Whee Fem and Jailbait Lass exit the Security Office, leaving Matlock's intern, Bonita Bundin, running things administration-wise>

<Jailbait Lass sends Cobie an omni-text, but keeps its contents secret>
 

---

Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
 
Excuse me. Is Cobalt Kid around? A message was delivered to him care of my office.
 

---

Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
 
Cobie,

I didn't mean to read the message but it came on a DisneyWorld Postcard (the one of Cinderella's Castle). It reads:

Dear Cobalt King [sic]

You will turn over the treasury of the Security Office to us or we will release the information that you have fathered an illegitimate child. What will your beloved Princess think of you once she knows? Sent the money to our secret hideout.

The Terrible Threateners
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 


Er...I'm sorry...I...I can't help but laugh...

The Security Office treasury remains secure and in a secret location. And by all means, let the Princess and everyone else know...I'm sure the child has already attacked Legion World a dozen times...
 

---

Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
 
Dear Cobalt Kid (sorry about getting your name wrong last time),

Stop Laughing or..or..we'll hold our breath!

The Terrible Threateners
 

---

Posted by shenu on :
 
*outside the doors of the security office a small crowd begins to gather.
It is a small crowd, only 10 or 15 people.
There is something wrong with this crowd however, as is members all appear to be various states of decay.
A whispering is heard...it is one word, repeated over and over.......

"Shenu"*
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
-------------INCOMING MESSAGE---------------

This is Cobalt Kid. All Security Officers are to proceed to the de-contamination units. Not the 'De-damnation' units.

----------------END MESSAGE------------------

<arrives>

So, what in the world is this...

<magnetically seals undead magnetically>

Sheenu? Why do I recognize that name? And knowing how delicious sentients find me, should I be worried that my brain is a possible appetizer du jour around here...?
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
[enters]

Don't worry, Des--that ain't even big enough for an appetizer!

[laughs]

So what's with all the dead dudes?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Whoa, look out Lardy!

<magnetically nails one>

One bite and you'll be infected! An undead Lard Knight servant of Sheenu! We don't want that--whatever the heck it means.

I'm calling off all Security Officers. This is a job for the LMB proper...

***Deddy, Miner, anyone on Monitor Duty--help needed at the Security Office STAT***
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Hmmm....

<incinerates five of them>

<blows finger as if it were a barrel of a gun>

Ha! They're not so--

Whoa! there's a lot more alluvasudden!

<continues blasting>
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
< A doorframe nearby begins to glow, energy crackling around the edges. Suddenly, the door disappears and a portal opens. Spellbinder, the Crusader, Maxx the Sorcerer and Bob the Cat step through, and the portal closes behind them >

Spellbinder: Cobie! What's going... EWWWWW!

< Raising a slim arm, Crujectra forms a wall of telekinetic force between herself and the undead >

Bob the Cat: Ahhh, the Security Office. Come smell the excitement. Too bad Piddlin' Pup isn't here. He'd enjoy rolling around all over them.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<grins>

Smells like old times, eh?

You had to figure that with so many horror buffs in the LMB, and undead invasion would happen sooner or later...

<moves next to Crujeckie, blasts back zombies>

I've got your back Crujeckie...of course, I'd prefer your front, but maybe now isn't the time...
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
<rushes in>

Cobie, what's the sit--

<sees the undead army>

Uhm, gross! Are those zombies? Damnit, I knew I should've read more of the Waking Dead!

<begins firing, quite literally, on the zombies>

Oh, sweet! Fire works. *shakes head* Dude. Like I didn't have enough going on, they have to attack our office? So not cool.
 

---

Posted by Tamper Lad on :
 
Help save me.... there's a rumor that zombies eat brains. I demand that you save my beautiful brain. It might be useful later on you know.

<Throws a cold cut tray full of head cheese at the zombies.>

Bah silly zombies, I never told you that Captain Coldcut was my room mate back in school.
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
< Bob the Cat casts a whithering glare at Caliente's ankles >

Bob the Cat: Smooth move, Matchstick. Roasted carrion smells so much better than raw.

< Taps into Legion World's ambient mystical energy.

Suddenly, huge leis of exotic flowers appear around the zombies' necks >

Bob the Cat: That's a little better. I just hope my hay fever doesn't act up...
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
I see dead people.
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
(I can't believe none of you went for that line.)
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Ah-choo! I'm too busy sneezing thanks to Bob's 'help'. Ah-choo, ah-choo, AH-CHOO! *sniff* Stupid allergies...
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
Hang on a second.

<Reaches into Medicus One, returns with various medicines>

Any of these work for you?
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Yes! *takes drugs* Miner, have I told you lately I love you?

<fries more zombies>

Those, on the other hand, I do not love. Ew.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<blast a zombie sneaking up behind Cali>

Um...<shy smile> hey, Cali!

Let me cleanse the air of the allergens, so you won't need those...

<does so with Lard Force>

<checks out her butt, sees barest hint of cellulite>

...I'll take care of that, too...

<eliminates it with power>

...so...how ya doin'?
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
Hrun enteres via a Tesseract.

“Cobaltus I need help in tracking Stoopid Cat I think my friend is/

Suddenly a Zombie attacks him.

Using his sword and shield, Hrun attacks. As the hordes of undead appear he attacks even more ferociously. Soon a battle lust is upon him and he starts to sing as his sword decapitates Zombie after Zombie.

“S**T” whistles Lard Lad, “lookit him go” and he blasts a few more Zombies, “Hey Barbar the Barbarian save some for us”

But Hrun is beyond hearing. Full of the joy of battle he dives into a huge crowd of Zombies.

“Damit” says Calientie “he’s going to get bitten and go all undead on us” firing into the Zombies she briefly clears a path to Hrun. “Miner quick” she shouts, “get him out of there”
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Damn--more and more keep coming! We need to find their zombie master and fry him!

[OOC: Is Hrun in two places?!?!]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:
Hang on a second.

<Reaches into Medicus One, returns with various medicines>

Any of these work for you?

---

You check the office of confiscated materials. I believe there's some stronger stuff there...

<magnetically rips apart zombies, blood and guts splatter all over the other LMBers who don't have magnetic or telekinetic protection>
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Glad to see Hrun is alive!

I knew he wasn't dead...hah, silly Concord and others...

But looks like he's going to be taking another Path throughout this crisis...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Cobie dear, could you try to mutilate the zombies a little more carefully?

< Spellbinder sweeps her arms upward, and five zombies slam up against the ceiling, and then drop heavily to the floor >

I don't think the others brought lobster bibs, and you're making a mess.
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
"Ugh, the only thing worse than Hrun would be an undead Hrun." Cali wrinkles her nose. "And Bob was right-- fried Zombie definitely wreaks worse than normal Zombie. Er, is that an oxymoron?"

Cali shrugs, then smiles at Lardy as a thanks for the save earlier. Stupid Hrun cutting her off with his... thirst for battle or whatever.

Turning to her green genius friend, Caliente frowns. "Tamper, were you just going to commentate or were you actually planning to help?!"

Tamper smirks. "I'm still deciding." Cali glares at him. "Oh, all right. I'll think of something..."

With a grimace as another Zombie gets too close for comfort, Caliente creates a fire ax and begins swinging it at the army. "Oh yeah, that's more like it." She smiles. "It's so nice to get your aggression out in a healthy manner."
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
So Cali, what's with all these guys making moves on a married woman?

<saves Cali from a zombie magnetically though really doing it to make self look heroic when there was no need and in the process spray Tamper and Lardy with Zombie guts>

Oops... I mean, what's next, someone forcing you to marry them?

So I guess Tamper's speech-making power isn't working on the undead...

<puts Cali down. grins sheepishly at Crujectra>

I can't help it...I must interject myself into all storylines to annoy the rest of the LMB...

<grins handsomely, almost beheaded by zombie before Crusader saves me>

Er...maybe I should pay attention more...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Perhaps that would be best, dear.

< rolls eyes and resists the urge to ask "why me" >
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Thanks for the unnecessarily gallant and showy help, Cobie. And you'd have to ask them. I've no idea why my marriage has spurned new suiters. Very odd.

<absentmindedly slices a zombie down the middle>

*sigh* Someone forcing me to marry them? Heh, some joke... (I wish it was just a joke, anyway.)

<wields the fire ax a la River in Serenity-- yes, I am that badass-- then wipes brow>

Seriously, I think Lardy's right. We have to find whatever's creating and controlling these things 'cause, dude, I am so over the sights, the smells and the battle. *looks at Crujectra* Can't you magick something or... something?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<continues to battle zombies, gives Crujeckie a subtle pinch>

Oops, excuse me Crujeckie...thought I saw a zombie attacking you there...

<keeps fighting>
 

---

Posted by Pov on :
 
Attacking her there? A zombie couldn't fit in there, never mind fight in there...
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Maxx can probably do something, Caliente.

I am going to be offline until Monday, so if anybody wants to have Maxx do something, feel free
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<--------------also offline until Monday, no one is given permission to use Cobalt
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
<-----------^^^^^^^^^^^^ Probably not offline together
 

---

Posted by Tamper Lad on :
 
So if a zombie eats your brains you become a zombie, so what happens if one eats the contents of a zombie's head cavity?

Decapitates with a mighty chop and takes a taste.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
[as he makes toast of zombies, Lardy muses about why he's suddenly being more forward with Cali...]

I dunno, I guess it's a combination of things...when I returned to Legion World last year, Cali was like a breath of fresh air. But she was always surrounded by friends and seemed unattainable...and she was already engaged!

Then, Dru came along out of the blue, and we fell head over heels for each other. But now she's gone, and there's a gnawing emptiness in her place.

When I see Cali smile, though, it's like a ray of sunshine in my dark, cloudy world. Then suddenly, out of the blue, she's married! It just brought everything, all those long-percolating feelings, out. I just couldn't help myself. I had to do something, so she would at least know I felt something for her...that I care.

It's probably too late, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try!

[blasts another zombie particularly ferociously]
 

---

Posted by shenu on :
 
Hmmm.... i see my ploy to distract them has worked....i must send forth more minions.


*the graveyards of legionworld erupt as hundreds of thousands of undead march forth to do Shenu's bidding*
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
[plowing through more zombies, smiles as he sees Cali take a few more out]

[thinking...]Do I dare tell her everything I'm feeling?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Looks like this massive assault by the undead isn't stopping anytime soon!

<battles>

Time to call the LMB at large. Between this, the Slim problem and the dissapearance of Vee, that's one too many bad omens for my liking.

LMBers, look to Fat Cramer for advice, but if it comes down to it, you know what needs to be done.

(Sheenu, eh? We're going to have to learn more about this...)
 

---

Posted by Maxx the Sorcerer on :
 
Fear not, Cobie. I've called in a few reserves of my own.

< A Gate opens in a doorway to the right, and three figures step through. Although he had only met them on one occasion, Cobalt Kid vividly remembers Maxx's family: his father, Jorge; his mother, Luceal; and his lusty sister, Lizbet >

Welcome to Legion World, family. Now let's kick some undead ass!

< As one, the Psyonian sorcerers cast their spells, and begin plowing into the zombies >
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
< Steps between Cobie and Lizbet, fighting against the zombies >

Just in case a zombie lays a hit on her, Cobie. I don't want you to get any tramp on you.
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Ew, ew, ew! More? Really? Whyyy? At least we have some magick back-up.

<continues using the fire-based battle ax on the zombies>

Oh. My. God. Is that... I think I know that zombie. Knew. *frowns* This sucks.
 

---

Posted by Maxx the Sorcerer on :
 
< Maxx, Jorge, Luceal and Lizbet step forward, arms extended before them. Each hold a long, wooden staff in their hands, a dazzling jewel mounted at one end of each staff. They chant in unison, the sing-song incantation drifting out around the Office of Security. Then, as one, they kneel down, striking the floor with the blunt ends of their Staffs of Power. >

< The ground beneath their feet cracks and pulls apart, as long tendrils of vegetation snake up from the ground, wrapping itself around the zombies. The undead howl in frustration as they are pulled back into the ground, soil roiling up over them and the earth welcomes them back into its embrace. Finally, the ground reforms as though it had never been broken. >

< The sorcerers lean wearily on their staffs >

I won't guarantee that this will hold them, but it might buy us a little time to find out who is animating these corpses.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<continuity note: seeing the immediate danger has passed, it's at this point that Lardy returns to the Lair and later goes to visit Frio>
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<returns, breathless>

Cali? Cobalt? Either of you still here?

I...have news...of Frio....

<gasps>
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Whew, I knew there was a reason I loved magic! Good going, Maxx! Kinda still smells funky, though.

<sees Lard Lad>

Oh my-- Lardy! Are you okay? *rushes over to him* What's going on? What's this about Frio?
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Cali...

<gasps>

...I'm sorry. I-I went to talk to Frio...

<gasps>

...couldn't let you be blackmailed by Lonestar...had to talk some sense into Frio...

<looks her in the eyes>

...Lonestar had no intention of helping you, Cali! He was using you. I told Frio that...and she believed me...

<averts his eyes>

...then she killed him! She killed Lonestar!

<sees her shocked expression>

But...I don't think she's really Frio...not anymore. She said...she said...

<tears appear in his eyes>

...she said Frio's dead too.......
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
What? Lonestar Ranger's dead. Frio killed him? And she-she's gone? Dead? Dead? No. No, it can't be. It can't. I would know. I would. I-I... I...

<faints>
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Cali?

<kneels beside her>

Oh god...what have I done?

<holds her up and attempts to wake her>

It-it'll be okay, Cali...I-I'll make it better...

...I'm so sorry...
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
Lard Butt, this time you've gone too far...

<Magnetic Force envelops LardLad and hurls him through the ceiling and several miles into the upper atmosphere>

No sense standing here waiting for Lard Brain to reappear...

<A cocoon of magnetic force gently surrounds Cali. She and Concord seem to Vanish>
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man:
Lard Butt, this time you've gone too far...

<Magnetic Force envelops LardLad and hurls him through the ceiling and several miles into the upper atmosphere>

No sense standing here waiting for Lard Brain to reappear...

<A cocoon of magnetic force gently surrounds Cali. She and Concord seem to Vanish>

---

Oops...
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<returns, sees no sign of Cali or Concord>

CONCORD!!!!
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Argh!

<winces>

Wherever Cali is, I can somehow feel she's in pain! If only I could find her...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Thanks Maxx and your family for the help! I have a feeling we're going to continue to need it.

All Security Officers--listen up. We need to learn more of this Sheenu. As I've told you, this is a full-on LMB matter now, so LMBers look to the leadership for guidance. I can't help but feel deputy leader Dedman might be able to help us.

Jailbait Lass, come here, I need--

<she whispers something to him>

What? Wait...slow down. The Lonestar Ranger is dead? Lardy? Cali kidnapped by Lonestar...

...Poor Frio...

Dammit, we're already spread so thin. I need to get back to Everyday Girl so we can begin our assault on Slim's Bar. But no, I need to see what I can do about Frio first. I owe her that much.

Security Office--look to the LMB! This falls far outside your guidelines.

<kisses Crujectra's cheek>

It seems our job is never over, my love. There's more terror on Legion World these days than we thought.

<flies off>

I'll do what I can for Frio and Slim...

Frio...Slim...Sheenu...what's going on here...?

[ September 12, 2007, 09:04 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<concentrates>

Okay...Cali's in emotional pain over Frio, but...not in any danger. Maybe her and Grape Boy are just trying to figure out this Frio thing.

I'll give her some space. I know if Grapes steps outta line, she'll make him pay. He's only effective with sneak attacks and hit-and-runs, after all. But I'll keep tabs on her via this mysterious link I suddenly have to her...

<thinks>

Hmmm...meantime, I need to check on my sources and see if they have any info on the LARDLAD ROBOT that's apparently running around. Gotta find out whether that one's the real deal or i it'sthe one trapped in Slim's...

<walks to his office>
 

---

Posted by dedman on :
 
* A cloud of darkness forms and out steps Dedman*

"Hey guys, I got the call but I've had some problems of my own....something has been corrupting the poltergeist area!!! So what exactly has been going on?"

*Cobalt fills Dedman in. At the mention of Shenu, Dedman's eyes flash in anger*

"What is it Deddie? Do you know him?" asks Cobalt.

"I dunno" replies Dedman "but it seems like i should"
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
I think so too, given your speciality in the undead. If the Poltergeist area is in trouble, then things are truly getting worse than we thought.

Deddy, as deputy leader, you have the full backing of the Security Office and the rest of the LMB in this matter, including myself. It seems we have multiple troubles: (1) Frio has gone rogue apparently, (2) Slim still holds our kidnapped members, which I hope to bring to a head soon, (3) Sheenu, whose power appears to be massive, (4) Vee is missing, supposedly kidnapped by the Royal Inquisitor and (5) some other odd mystery about Lard Lad's robots.

Not to mention Concord and who knows what else...
 

---

Posted by shenu on :
 
*A disembodied voice roars though the room*

MHAHAHAHAHAHA.....Shenu's power is massive!!! You have no idea MORTAL, you're powers are NOTHING next to mine.

As for your dear deputy leader, he is THE LAST person on LegionWorld I have cause to fear.

You will never find me. You will never stop me. I am eternal.

ARISE MY CHILDREN AND GO FORTH! YOUR MASTER SHENU HAS RETURNED TO GUIDE YOU INTO THE LIGHT!

*The graveyards and necropolisis of Legionworld (quite full after the recent events of Invasion) erupt as thousands of undead surge forth. But unlike the previous wave of undead these seem somehow......different*
 

---

Posted by Nova Girl on :
 
Um, EWWWWWWWWWW

*holds nose*

Not so different, IMO.

Hey Shenu you outta be ashamed. Your children have a bad case of undead odor. All the cool undead kids are using radiation to stay as fresh as daisies.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<in his office>

So...this particular robot has been seen consorting with Babette at Shakes and at The Beacon.

<brings up another report>

There's also some intel that its been seen with Rocky, and...

<pulls another>

...Rocky's missing, apparently having pursued the Royal Inquisitor and Vee.

<thinks>

So I need to talk with Tim-Teller Lad and Hyvvie at the Rookery and Babette at SHAKES. Very well...

pop

<disappears just before the proximity alert goes off in the Security Office--more zombies!>

[ September 13, 2007, 12:44 AM: Message edited by: Lard Lad ]
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<watches as undead LMBers start roaming the streets of Legion World>

*Gasp!*

My LMB brethen will find this hard to handle! Farnkie Muniz! Giant Squid! Globe Girl! I just hope that Sarya and the Ranger aren't a part of this...

<once more flies off into Legion World's streets to battle the undead>

(OCC: If we move this fight to the streets of Legion World then we should really let the Security Office fall off page 1. Food for thought...)

EDITORIAL:MOVE OVER HERE if you want to continue the story--let's be polite to other MMB posters and not dominate the MMB with these threads - Cobie, MMB Mod

[ September 14, 2007, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
 

---

Posted by Everyday Girl on :
 
Ohmygod!

Reform School!

AS IF!!!!

I'll be in my office!

Sulking!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
pop

<Lardy returns from SHAKES and appears at the crime lab>

Griss, I...need my head examined...

<Lardy holds out his robot's head>

<Griss gasps, then realizes the head Lardy's carrying is that of a robot identical to Lardy's old appearance>

I'll be bringing the rest of the remains soon. Examine them very carefully, Griss. Meanwhile, get the field CSI team together to go over the scene with a fine-tooth comb. I left a beacon there, so they can transmat there immediately.

Meanwhile...I've got to get some rest.

<Lardy goes to his quarters and contemplates a chest he pulls from beneath his bed>

---

<opens doors, as everything in the Office of Security opens when Cobalt wishes it to>

I'm sorry to have to do this Lardy...sorry because I wish it was you that did it. But Clive shall live again. He'll get the redemption I so wished you'd have...
 

---

Posted by Fat Cramer on :
 
Excuse me, guys, but it appears Ram Boy's been kidnapped. Any officers available?
 

---

Posted by Lad Boy on :
 
I'm available to fill in for Ram Boy during his absence, is that what you mean?
 

---

Posted by Fat Cramer on :
 
Why not? Go wild!
 

---

Posted by Ram Boy on :
 
No need! I managed to escape on my own!

I don't think the kidnappers were expecting me to be able to chew threw the leather ankle restraints. (Never thought I'd have to to do THAT twice in one month)
 

---

Posted by Time Teller Lad on :
 
Y'know I'd wondered what Ram Boy's super-power was. I'm sure that has many uses.

Oh, and I suppose you'll be wanting your room back...
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
Hey! Who filled my tank with ping pong balls?!?
 

---

Posted by Spellbinder on :
 
Do we still have an Office of Security? I thought it went out of business, what with all the law abidingness that we've had lately
 

---

Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
 
I want to report the theft of lawlessness from Legion World.
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spellbinder:
Do we still have an Office of Security? I thought it went out of business ...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.:
I nominate Shark Lad as new head of Security seeing as Cobalt Kid has resigned.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
Ha. The Office of Security can't just arrest people, robot. (You're still a robot to me). I learned that the hard way time and time again.

The Office of Security can't stop someone from posting either. This isn't a concentration camp, this is Legion World.

You better get your facts strait, boy. The Office of Security will be little help in the days ahead. And you better trust me--the days ahead will be dark ones indeed...

<opens up new whiskey bottle>

---

<ahem> May I hear from a real Security Chief on the matter now?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Clive, you're not thinking strait. Ever since Babette broke your heart, you haven't been able to consider everything you've seen around here.

You can't afford to overreact. You need to act firmly and the right way.

Consider your options. Let this office run wild, moving from one new chief to the next, becoming a branch of the LMB leadership that could one day be used as a weapon against the people of Legion World? Or let this office come to its logical conclusion, bringing an end to it and helping move the transition to the next phase of the LMB and Legion World.

Are you an advocate for change Clive? You, who has tranformed as a robot duplicate to a human being? Or are you an advocate for the status quo? For business as usual?

Because if its the latter--you truly still are a robot.
 

---

Posted by Clive on :
 
Mr. Cobaltus, I am simply an advocate for averting what may possibly be the apocalypse! All I propose is that we investigate the Lard Lad algorithm and find out whether it poses a threat. An injunction on its posting seems fairly reasonable given the possible alternative.

The facts are this: I was warned that the algorithm's reaching its 3500th post boded ill. Sure enough, when it reached 3500 on 01/11/08, all existence on Legion World apparently winked out for a day, taking with it all record of what happened.

Shortly afterward, another portent warned of post 4000. If reality was endangered on 01/11/08 after post 3500, then what awaits us with post 4000?

I don't want to have you arrested, but you've asserted you have information on what truly happened on 01/11/08 but have refused to share what you claim to know. And, coincedentally or not, you have suddenly cut your ties with the LMB and the Security Office and started a counter-culture!

I implore you...you were my father's best friend. If you know anything that can help us avert a cataclysm to the only true home my father ever had, then share what you know with us.

Is that too unreasonable...or robotic...of a request to make?
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Know that everything I ever do is for the good of Legion World. On that, you'll have to trust me.

But the medicine cannot be worse than the disease. I struggled with that for many years, Clive, and its a burden I'm sorry to see you now contend with.

There's a room in this office I've kept secret from all of you. Space Ranger knew of it as well. Matlock, the greatest detective in existence, uncovered it. Everyday Girl was given the information by her uncle Space Ranger. But they do not know the full extent of the room. The day is coming when that room will open. And on *that* day...you'll have some answers.
 

---

Posted by Everyday Girl on :
 
Ohmygod! The only "secret room" Uncle Spacey told me about is the High Eschalon Liquor Cabinet, and Gram made it impossible for me to go in there until I'm 21.

Unless you're like talking about... Ohmygod! That is what you're like talking about.

'Scuse me, I gotta like go now...
 

---

Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
 
Is that the secret room full of flying lemurs of space?
 

---

Posted by Clive on :
 
So, Mr. Cobaltus...reading between the lines, you apparently have reason to believe that post 4000 poses no threat. If you would share that reasoning with the LMB administration, it would be most appreciated.
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Clive, what do you know about Algorithms?

I assume your former life as a robot taught you more about them than I know. So tell me, what would this mean: well-defined instructions for completing a task, when given an initial state, will proceed through a well-defined series of successive states, eventually terminating in an end-state.

The Lardlad algorithm isn't the apocolypse, Clive. Its the countdown. And it keeps counting down every 500 posts. The only way to stop it--is to well...no, you're not ready to learn yet.

Come with me Clive, and I can show you secrets you never dreamed up. The algorithm must be reset every 500 posts, or its the end of everyone on this message board--and all message boards.

<cue dramatic music>

Are you willing to take that first step toward our salvation. You know where I'll be...

<exits>
 

---

Posted by Clive on :
 
<considers what Cobalt has said>

I can't help but think that Mr. Cobaltus is wrong...I think 4000 isn't just the next step but an ending of some sort.

But he's my only lead.

Time to go to his RMB "non HQ"...

<'ports out>
 

---

Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
 
Non Sequitor searches desk drawers for 3 pennies, a nickel, and some colored paper clips
 

---

Posted by Faraway Lad on :
 
I don’t know you go away for a few weeks on a diplomatic tour of the beach resorts of the hidden nebula and when I come back I find someone let Cobalt Kid near the whisky again. This kid is going to be the death of me (again).

Ah well let’s see what he’s up to now with this RMB malarkey
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, the Ultra Man on :
 
I see the Security Office is being run in accordance with Legion World Tradition...

Which means it's deserted, except for the Drunken Disco Ball.

Hello Gladys, here, have some Rainbow Schnaps...
 

---

Posted by icefire on :
 
Hello.....anyone here??


oh wow a disco ball!!!!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Icey, allow me to direct you to the new Chief of Security: Hrun the Barbarian. I promoted him right before I resigned.
 

---

Posted by Abin Quank on :
 
And you were going to tell Matlock and I about this, when?

You know, I was considering resigning in favor of someone else. And I think I might just do that.

But that person isn't Hrun...
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
Oh Abin, Everyday Girl and I figured she could move into your role when you resign too. We were just waiting for the right time to tell you, given how over-protective you can be sometimes
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
The Door smashes open, A huge battle axe flies through aiming straight for Abins head.

From outside comes the sound of drunken carousing.

A large shadow fills the open door frame.

“Now join with me, drink deep from the horn of victory and live. I return with much treasure and these nubile slaves for my friend Lord Cobalt” booms a familiar voice.
 

---

Posted by Sir Roy on :
 
Hile Noble Barbarian!

Perhaps another old friend can join you? Probationary LMBer I may be, but I'm a Legion World citizen nonetheless, and that's all thats ever been required to be a security officer. Mayhap I'll have a few laughs and some song, even if I pass on the drink and nubile young ones who I see now are entirely not slaves.

<notices them fighting for Hrun's attention>
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
Removing the arms of one nubile handmaiden from his neck and the lips of another from his neck, Hrun strides forward and embraced Sir Roy in a bear hug that almost cracks Roy’s ribs.

“Noble one”! He cries “well met. Shall we repair to a tavern to celebrate?”

Hrun raises a goblet and drinks deeply. He staggers a little.
 

---

Posted by Clive on :
 
<'ports in>

Roy! Hrun! Great to see you guys again...it's been a long time!

Oh, Tim and Mr. Rocky will be by shortly.

<looks around>

Hm. I thought dad might be here...I heard he recently checked himself out of the hospital...anyone seen or heard from him?
 

---

Posted by Sir Roy on :
 
I have, Clive. And it pains me to say, that I worry about him. He seems intent on pursuing a path that all of us in our hearts can agree is untrue and wrong.

Let me tell you what he said...
 

---

Posted by Clive on :
 
<listens intently>

What?!?!

Dad must be sicker than I thought!

Cobalt is Legion World's greatest hero and Dad's best friend. Everyone knows that Cobalt's judgement is above reproach--he's proven himself hundreds of times over!

I'm sure that Cobalt would have a good, pure reason for any action he ever took, no matter how unseemly it may appear!

Heck, Dad even told me so himself back when Dad was...well, when Dad was Dad!

I never, ever though Dad was this bad off! Only someone evil or really mentally off would ever question Cobalt's actions or his heroism!

<shakes his head>

Maybe I should have Dad committed before he goes too far.......
 

---

Posted by Sir Roy on :
 
<puts hand on Clive's shoulder>

Its a lot to take in, Clive, but you need to think things through before you do anything rash yourself. I've heard him speak on these matters and he seems to truly be looking to do the right thing, no matter how misguided it is. I don't sense anything sinister in him. Yet, the path to hell is paved with good intentions, as I know better than anyone.

There's a part of me that always worrries that something larger is amiss here. Yet, it may be a breakdown in communication has finally caused the long history of the LMB to catch up to itself in a very tragic way.

Perhaps Lard Lad suffers from a mental or psychological handicap? Or perhaps he is not Lard Lad at all? Whatever the case, Gary Concord's influence will most likely do more harm than good.
 

---

Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
 
{Rockhopper Lad enters with Time Teller Lad and Hyvvie the Wonder Beagle}

Hi everyone! We're here!

Sir Roy! It's wonderful to see you. {Sir Roy bows to Rockhopper Lad in the manner of Pyngwyny knights; Rocky returns the bow}.
 

---

Posted by Time Teller Lad on :
 
{Time Teller Lad walks over to Clive}

Hey, Clive! I'm glad to see you again.

{smiles nervously}

I had a great time with you the other day. If you don't mind--that is--would you like to get together again some time soon?
 

---

Posted by Sir Roy on :
 
'Tis wonderful indeed! Far better circumstances for us all to gather than the last time. Hopefully Everyday Girl shall join us too.

I've had many adventures in the galaxy recently in the service of Legion World. Did you know an entire planet worships Caliente and Frio as Goddesses? I'll have to tell you about it, over a nice glass of cider.
 

---

Posted by Everyday Girl on :
 
Ohmygod! Sir Roy! Hrun! Like where have you guys been?

And before I like forget, Daddy Hrun, you throw that axe anywhere near Gramps again and I'll like kick your big ugly butt!

Now get over here and give me a hug!

And hi to you too Time Teller!
 

---

Posted by Clive on :
 
<to Time Teller Lad>

I'd...like that, Tim, but I've got something weighing on my mind...

<tells him what Lard Lad's up to>

Isn't that crazy? Cobalt Kid's Legion World's greatest hero, Tim! Isn't it beyond ludicrous to even entertain the thought that he has something to answer for?
 

---

Posted by Hrun the Barbarian on :
 
Hrun grabs Everyday Girl in a huge bear hug.

“so pleased to see you” he belches mead fumes into her face.

“We have to fight...much to discuss. time to save” He says then slides down the wall and start to snore. A small rodent runs out from beneathe his chain mail and stops for a second twiching its wiskers at Sir Roy before scuttling off into a darken corner of the office
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<'ports in, in the midst of the gathering>

Clive!

<takes him aside but speaks loudly, unable to lower his voice in this frantic state so everyone hears>

<Clive appears to be humoring him>

Clive--I remember something now...as clearly as if it just happened!

I was at Legion World's core, ready to give my life to reignite the powersphere...and it was working! I gave her everything I had, yelled "Sweet Ass Sweet"--but then a window opened...an opportunity to 'port out in time before I died--but then it suddenly closed!

As I struggled to reopen it, I realized a magnetic field was blocking my escape! And then a message was somehow channeled through the field--it was Cobalt's voice! He said, "Lardy, old buddy, you're too powerful--and too smart--to live. Can't let you be here to stop me when I...expand my influence! Hey, at least you died a hero...like you wanted."

<shaking>

The last thing I heard was him laughing uncontrollably. And then...I...died.
 

---

Posted by Clive on :
 
<rolls eyes>

Are you sprocking through, 'Dad'?

<turns to everyone else at the gathering>

Do any of you need any further proof that my old man's off his rocker?

<faces Lardy again>

Cobalt would never do that to you! You've either completely lost your mind, or you're somehow a sprockin' imposter!

<turns back to the others, who watch in shocked silence>

What do you think guys? Should we take him to the looney bin or lock him up here in a cell?
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<looking shattered>

You're supposed to be my son, and you treat me like THIS?!?!

<looks at the others>

Won't someone here listen to me?
 

---

Posted by Everyday Girl on :
 
Ohmygod! Mr Lard Lad... We were all like there when Mr Cobalt sealed the power-sphere...

It didn't like happen that way... the way you say. He tried to save you... He really like did try to save you...

We like need to get you some help. Maybe Doc One can give you something.
 

---

Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
 
I trust you Lardy, but I trust Cobie too. And, quite frankly, that doesn't even sound anything like something Cobie would say.

Lardy, you've been through a lot. Perhaps you need to take it easy for a while. Britney has a good idea. Dr. One might be able to help.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<calms himself>

Look, Rocky--is it okay if I call you that? I know I used to when I was...well, me and all but...

<Rocky nods>

Thanks. You are one of the ones who has been most kind to me since I came back. So please, hear me out before you call the head-shrinkers.

How well do you really know Cobalt? I know you feel you know him and that he's a friend...I get that. But how well do you know him--his heart, his soul?

Surely, you've noticed that he's always holding something back...that he's never totally upfront with what's on his mind...that there's always some facade that he never totally peels away?

Okay, maybe you can make that argument about everyone, but it's not everyone who wields the kind of power he does! Have you not once questioned the extreme actions he's taken, the decisions he made? When he launched a huge offensive into Dark Oval territory after the Invasion, did you think that was a peaceful move? Was that the right thing to do right after hostilities ceased that could've destroyed Legion World? Wouldn't the Head of Security first be most concerned with bringing order to his planet after it had been threatened?

I've read up on Cobalt and have an instinctive feel about him I can't explain. Are you aware that after his first couple of years with the LMB he was kidnapped multiple times by beings so evil their names are rarely even whispered? Have you not researched and seen how the audacity of his aggressive acts have escalated since he returned from those long periods of captivity? Am I the only one whose eyes are open wide enough to see this? Doesn't anyone suspect that the torture he experienced from those beings put a dark mark on his soul?

If he isn't answerable for his actions, then what are the limits of what he will do? How far will he go before it's too late?

Rocky, I swear to you that I speak the truth also about what he did to me. Cobalt Kid killed me, and he did it so I wouldn't interfere in his plans.

If you will agree to at least take my claims seriously and look into them, I will believe you. Give me your promise, and I will gladly submit to whatever medical attention you think I need. I trust your word, Rocky. I know if you say so, you will do it.

What do you say--have we a deal?
 

---

Posted by My Wee Fem on :
 
Lardy, have you read the Security Files on you?

There's a few thousand pages of the things you've done and the stuff that's happened to you. You and Cobie have a lot in common.

<Throws a computer disk on the table in front of lardy>

You say you've lost your memory... Try reading some of your history. Maybe it'll bring some of your memories back.
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
In other words Lard Lad, back off! Cobalt stuck by you when everyone, including many of us present, thought you had crossed the line! He's never professed to be perfect, and in fact enjoys when his friends remind him so, but he's never been anything less than good!

And to bring up Dr. Hoffman and the Dark Conan...you truly must have flipped your lid.

<breathing heavy, trying to calm down>
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<bows head>

I have read it. ALL of it. Every single thing I could get my hands on. I don't remember any of it. Sometimes...I hope I never do.

I know I'm not without sin, Miss, uh, Wee Fem--I never claimed I was. But I never wielded the political and military power Cobalt does.

I simply want him held accountable.

And Miss Jailbait Lass....I'm aware there is no one more loyal to him on Legion World, probably moreso than Crujectra in your own way, but have you ever really thought about your boss's actions? Have you never thought he went too far? In your heart I think you have felt that way at times.

<turns back to Rocky>

Well, Rocky? Do you have an answer for me?

[ April 08, 2008, 09:20 PM: Message edited by: Lard Lad ]
 

---

Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
 
{Rocky is quiet for a moment}

Lardy, we Pyngwynyy value peace and have a history of neutrality--rather like the nation-state of Helvetia on your world. It took many years for us even to join the United Planets. You and Cobie are both my friends and I will not violate the trust either of you has given me.

On the other hand, I know he would never do anything to hurt you. He considers you his very best friend in the whole universe.

I've also learned to trust Clive's instincts. Your "son" is a fine young man and if he feels something is amiss, I have to take that seriously.

But, if it will get you to submit to treatment, I'll talk to Cobie myself.

Now would you please see the Doctor, Lardy?
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
In my heart I've always known that at the end of the day he had a plan. And everytime I doubted him, he proved me wrong.

Accusations against him have become so common he scarcely takes them seriously anymore. But I won't let you or anyone drag him through the mud again.

I...<pauses>...I think I've said enough.

There's more that should be in that security office file that isn't, Lardy. Stuff Cobalt withheld on purpose, perhaps stuff he only suspected or knew in his heart. But I know it too, because he's always told me everything. The fact that you don't remember it right now is a tribute to how he still cares for you.

I'd watch your friend Concord. The last one of us to spend time with him, Frio, turned into a killer for having done so.

<leaves, embarrassed at outburst>

(Stoooopid Lolita...go ahead and make a fool of yourself...)
 

---

Posted by Everyday Girl on :
 
Ohmygod! You like want someone else held responsible????

Responsible for like What?
Ending a war you started?

Protecting Legion World after you like endangered it?

Trying to save your worthless butt?

Tell us Mr Lard-Butt what do you want him held responsible for?
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<turns to Britney>

Enough with the accusations already, okay? I've gotten what I wanted and will leave in peace!

<back to Rocky>

Rocky, I'll check myself in as I trust your word.

You'll see, though...whatever tests they run, there's nothing wrong with me, other than my memory loss.

<looks around>

Do all of you trust me to check myself in...or do you need me to be escorted?
 

---

Posted by Sir Roy on :
 
<puts hand on Lard Lad's shoulder>

You're questions come in mixed company, Lard Lad. Many of these people are those whom Cobalt Kid has stood by in times of dire trouble. You must understand their reaction.

I'll accompany you to the doctor, if you'll let me. Not becuase its required or because anyone mistrusts you, but because you may need a friend.

Rocky, Tim, Clive, Hrun, Brit...everyone else...lets move this over to SHAKES and let the Security Officers have some peace, or at least as much as they usually have. I'll meet you all at SHAKES.

[ April 09, 2008, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: Sir Roy ]
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<a look of relief comes over his flushed face>

Thank you, Sir Roy...thank you, so much.

<to the others>

Listen for one moment, please. I know you all trust Cobalt Kid with all your beings...I know you do, as i did too. It's very clear in my one lone horrific memory I have from before my 'resurrection'...the pain I felt at his betrayal hurt more than actually dying. It still hurts. If you ever valued anything about the man I was, just re-examine your friendship with him and separate what is real about it from what is your perception.

And please tell Lolita that I'd appreciate it very much if she would stop by and talk to me...give me a few moments of her time...while I am in hospital.

<turns to Roy>

I'm ready now, friend.

<they exit>
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
<stumbles over to old desk, clearly inebriated>

just need to find some files here...

*sniff*

<crying>

i...i just wish for once he would know...

keep Lardlad away from him...

<hears door open, looks up>

you? no...

<runs off in a hurry>
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
anybody home?
 

---

Posted by Rody the Super-Rat on :
 
Just some stupid, smelly humans.
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger on :
 
What happened here?

The Security Office is Deserted??

Except for a very pregnant Sentient Disco Ball??

How long have I been Gone??


(Hi Gladys.)
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<huh? wtf?>
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger on :
 
Can I help you, Sentient?


(Looks like a Lard Knight. A badly out of training Lard Knight.)
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Uh, I'm Lard Lad. I'm not sure if we ever met.

Um...aren't you...dead?
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger on :
 
I don't feel dead.


(You talk to dead people?)
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Um...aren't you...dead?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Um...aren't you...dead?

---

Um...weren't you?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
I don't feel dead.


(You talk to dead people?)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Um...aren't you...dead?

---

Um...weren't you?

---

Well, yeah, but...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Um...aren't you...dead?

---

Um...weren't you?

---

Well, yeah, but...

---

So, what, is there a limit to this sort of thing?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Um...aren't you...dead?

---

Um...weren't you?

---

Well, yeah, but...

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
I don't feel dead.


(You talk to dead people?)

---

...don't think so. How are you...alive and stuff?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
Hello Miner.

How have you been?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Er, you DO know you were supposed to have died a few years ago, right, Ranger?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caliente:
Dude, seriously! You were dead! I... wasn't there but I heard rumors!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:

(Great the security office has become the local loonie tunes hangout)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:
Humor me a minute: What's the last thing you remember before showing up in the Security Office?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
Hello Miner.

How have you been?

---

Absent, mostly.

Humor me a minute: What's the last thing you remember before showing up in the Security Office?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Not that I can recall--but I HAVE accused Cobalt of murdering me in the first place! So far, I can't get anyone to bring him to justice for it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:
and what happened to the pool service? My tank is full of ... sprock, what is that?

---

We cut a deal with China to store all their algae until the Olympics are over.
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger on :
 
Well, at least Cobie's flair for melodramatic exit's hasn't changed.

Okay, now I know where to find him.

Brit seems okay which means Abin and his family are probably all right. I'll contact them later, I need to find her first...


Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(And no sprocking hoora the S. O. is compromised, Cobes, it's always been compromised. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," remember?)
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Aw, man! I was gonna ask if I could have my job back now that I'm not leader anymore. Girl's gotta do something during the day, after all.

Hey, speaking of-- aren't we due for elections or something? Hmmm.... maybe I'll investigate that in the interim...
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger on :
 
Sentient, Security Office Positions are Lifetime Appointments. So unfortunately I am unable to give you your old job back because you never lost it.

And since you are already a trained Security Officer, I have an assignment for you.

Investigate the circumstances surrounding my "resurrection." How is it possible for me to be alive? I cannot help you much. I remember losing the fight with the Red Bee. I remember dying. And I remember walking into this office yesterday. But Nothing in between.


Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(even if it costs me everything.)

[ August 02, 2008, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Space Ranger ]
 

---

Posted by Caliente on :
 
Ooh, really? Cool! Now that's job security!

I'm happy to help, Ranger, I am... (though I doubt very much you can just give me assignments! You just got back from the dead, after all.)

Hmm, I wonder if the Ranger who came in the interim has anything to do with it. (How I hated him-- trying to break up my marriage and make me marry him!)

*sigh* I guess I'll start there.

Ah well. At least it'll give me a good excuse to see Frio. I've missed her...
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, an Ultra Man on :
 
So Space Ranger has returned from the grave... or has he?

Something tells me things are about to get interesting!
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Gary! What does this mean to our plans?
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, an Ultra Man on :
 
Hard to say, Lard Lad. If he's the real Space Ranger he'll lead the charge to bring Cobalt Kid to justice.

If he's not...

All we can do is wait and see.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
I think we've waited long enough, haven't we?
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, an Ultra Man:
If he's the real Space Ranger he'll lead the charge to bring Cobalt Kid to justice.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:
and what happened to the pool service? My tank is full of ... sprock, what is that?

---

We cut a deal with China to store all their algae until the Olympics are over.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:
and what happened to the pool service? My tank is full of ... sprock, what is that?

---

We cut a deal with China to store all their algae until the Olympics are over.

---

you couldn't have cut a deal to store all their wonton soup?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
Ask anything you want. I'll answer as best I can.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(and that one is too small to be the real thing, trust me, I know.)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Vee:
Yes the real Space Ranger is back. But the real question remains...how? That's what we need an answer to most.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Vee:
Yes the real Space Ranger is back. But the real question remains...how? That's what we need an answer to most.

---

Couldn't we just make up something that sounds good and then go to Cramer's for coffee?

It worked for Lard Lad....

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gary Concord, an Ultra Man:
And here I thought it was ostriches that stuck their heads into the sand, not... Dung Beetles.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:
May as well start now: Has anybody tried to get a cell sample? Has SR been subjected to any medical or scientific exams whatsoever?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:Have the areas he's been seen in been scanned for any traces of radiation, harmless, harmful, chronal, or whatever?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Outdoor Miner: Have we contacted our magical people?

---

YES.

I've done all those tests. And I've seen the results and retested, and retested. Compared them to the old tests we put Space Ranger through when we reinstated him after the Alt ID Rebellion fiasco (aside--yay Ranger!).

And its clear. This is the real Space Ranger.

...he's back. He's really back

I don't know how, but the tests all piont to it. Even the magic-users and telepaths do. We can call in STU and Crujectra or Saturn Girl if we need to, and we might as well, but the results are clear.

<turns to Space Ranger>

Welcome home, Ranger. Time to find out where you've been, and what happened to you. But first...

<puts hand into cell outstretched>

[teary-eyed]Welcome home, old hero. We've missed you.[/teary-eyed].
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
If he's passed all those tests, LET HIM OUT, Lolita!!
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
<timidly takes a step back, then gets angry>

Don't yell at me. I mean it.

I can let him out, sure. I have the codes. But I'm not authorized to do so, so I won't. The Security Office has to do that. Besides, the Ranger could tear this cell in half with a yawn if he wants.

I've always been very clear who I work for. And that comes before the Security Offfice.

Whatever it is you're hoping for here, LardLad, I don't think you'll find it. You never knew Space Ranger. And neither did Gary Concord.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Look...I have nothing to gain from this...quite the opposite, probably. But having been subjected to this treatment when I came back, particularly after I fingered your boss for his culpability in some high crimes, I won't stand for another of Legion World's heroes to be locked up like this!

Let him out, Lolita--on my authority as a reinstated Security Officer!
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
...

...

No.

Let him out yourself then. I want to see you take action here. I want the consequences on you. From here on out, I want all consequences on you. Because then whatever you're saying will start making sense to me.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Fine.

I don't have the codes. Tell me, and I will let him out. And I won't use my powers to do it.
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
I will. But first, tell me what is going on with Gary Concord. But think first before you answer. I see the patterns, when many do not. That's my job.

Something terrible is happening, and its coming to Legion World. And Gary Concord and you need to refocus your attention on these more important matters.

<turns to Space Ranger>

We're going to need you too. We're going to need everyone.
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
You know what's going on, Lolita. I've talked to you extensively about it! We're trying to get your boss to answer for what he's done--that's all! I think I can speak for me and Gary in saying that we have no other agenda!!!

<gestures toward Ranger, who observes all this stoically and silently>

But you and your master are NOT gonna distract us with vague tidings of DOOM!

So either you give me something a LOT less vague or you gimme the damn codes!
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
LardLad, I can't give you the codes. I can only give them to Everyday Girl. Either you have to break him out or he has to break himself out.

<pauses>

Tell me about the Computer Tyrant, LardLad. What do you think happened to him? After all, wasn't he with you at the very end?

Or do you not remember?
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 
You know, as much as it punctures my spleen to admit this, Lardy has a point.

About the vagueness thing, anyway.

As for Space Ranger, maybe we ought to let him decide if he's spent enough time here.
 

---

Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
 
I wish I could be less vague, but I scarcely understand it myself. Cobalt Kid seems to planning for something, even if I'm unsure what it is. And whenever Eryk Davis Ester goes missing, that's never good for Legion World.

And earlier today it was reported that Lash Lad was firebombed when attempting to return to Legion World.

You must both sees the signs too? I can't be the only one.

...Or maybe I am? Either way, I agree, the Ranger can decide for himself.

<looks at Ranger>

Well?
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<responding to Lolita's earlier question about his death, Lardy grabs his forehead, closes his eyes...>

There's still a gap in my memories, a large gap from just before the incident that Mordra stole my powers disguised as Hummer Lass...until my death.

I--I remember my last moments very well, though. I remember defeating the Tyrant, feeling its death throes...and then igniting the master powersphere. I remember reaching a window where I could safely 'port out. And then--

<tears well>

--Cobalt's voice in my head TAUNTING ME! He told me he wanted me dead...and then my powers started fading. I couldn't 'port out!

Then, I was burning--it hurt so bad! Should've been quick, but I burned and burned forever--all the while, my...my best friend's laughter ringing in my ears!

Then, finally...mercifully...nothing. Oh...oh God.....

<falls to his knees, overcome with emotion>
 

---

Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jailbait Lass:
And earlier today it was reported that Lash Lad was firebombed when attempting to return to Legion World.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jailbait Lass:

You must both sees the signs too? I can't be the only one.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
<responding to Lolita's earlier question about his death, Lardy grabs his forehead, closes his eyes...>

There's still a gap in my memories, a long gap from just before the incident that Mordra stole my powers disguised as Hummer Lass until my death.

I--I remember my last moments very well, though. I remember defeating the Tyrant, feeling its death throes...and then igniting the master powersphere. I remember reaching a window where I could safely 'port out. And then--

<tears well>

--Cobalt's voice in my head TAUNTING ME! He told me he wanted me dead...and then my powers started fading. I couldn't 'port out!

Then, I was burning--it hurt so bad! Should've been quick, but I burned and burned forever--all the while, my...my best friend's laughter ringing in my ears!

Then, finally...mercifully...nothing. Oh...oh God.....

<falls to his knees, overcome with emotion>

---

No. It doesn't add up.

<to Miner>

Lash is okay, but he's having trouble reaching Legion World officially now. And I know you haven't been around, but its good to have you back. We need you. Things have been quiet for some time, with small signs here and there for months. While Gary Concord and LardLad plot Cobalt's demise, Cobalt has resigned from the Security Office. He spends his time in the streets of Legion World with lurkers and Alt IDs in some counter-culture. Mayavale and Eryk Davis Ester have joined him.

Yet throughout the United Planets, an economic slowdown has occurred with a possible depression on the way. The UP is focused on the war with the Khanate of Sol Invictus, hardly giving much thought to other matters.

Telepaths across the UP are experiencing odd nightmares, often claiming they've been harrassed by "evil in its purest form", often claiming they only awake when all they see is darkness.

I know it sounds like it makes little sense. But c'mon Miner, you know as well as I that nothing ever makes sense around here. You need to see the signs--the ones that appear to be insanely obscure and unimportant and usually mean the most.

<turns to Ranger>

We'll need you now.

<exits>

[ August 06, 2008, 09:21 PM: Message edited by: Jailbait Lass ]
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Hey! Having a moment here!

<shrugs, wipes eyes, stands up>

<to Ranger and Miner> Look, Gary and I are not seeking Cobalt's literal "demise". But we are seeking the demise of the carte blanche he gets. The facts are that he caused my death and was in command of, and ultimately responsible for, an army that massacred Slim's world! And he's gotten not so much as a reprimand!

He's outta control, and no one else seems to @#$%-ing CARE!!! This "impending crisis" is nothing but a SMOKE-SCREEN!
 

---

Posted by SharkLad on :
 
but more importantly, is it a pool day?

all kidding aside (which I very rarely condone), where is Cobie in all this? Do we have his side of the story?

<splash>
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger on :
 
Apparently, Lolita was giving us Cobie's side of the story. I think her crush on him has become something far more intense.

Lard Lad while you and I have never met, I've heard quite a bit about you, all of it good and most of it from Cobie. I'm curious about something however...

How were you brought back to life?

Miner, I'm me. I know I'm me. And I'm worried. I remember dying.

Who or what brought me back and why?

And to all of you, I'm staying right here until Everyday Girl releases me...


Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(I don't want to have to fight the little girl with the big swords...)
 

---

Posted by Gary Concord, an Ultra Man on :
 
You really are the "Spaced Ranger." More than a few people call you that you know. You get some crazy idea in your head that "This is the right thing to do" and nobody or nothing can change your mind.

Fine, do the right thing.

You're going to wind up dying a second time, you know. Cobalt will use you and throw away your lifeless body when he's done. You know it. I know it. And I think your brother and his granddaughter also know it.

You may not believe me, but I want to see you win this time...
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
I'm curious about something however...

How were you brought back to life?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Everyday Girl:
But Space Ranger willingly submitted himself to an extensive battery of tests to verify he is who he claims he is.

You've never done that.

You want to be fully reinstated? Fine!

Change places with the Space Ranger, undergo the testing process. Not just the psychoanalysis, the whole gambit of tests.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Everyday Girl:
I don't know where you got the idea that being reinstated as a Security Officer was a matter of filing some paperwork.

Security Officers are appointed for life.

You died. Your appointment ended when you died. Just like Unc... I mean Space Ranger's did.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Shut the hell UP, Clive!

<to Cobalt>

What's in Matlock's file, Cobalt? <in his face> Does it explain why you KILLED me?

---

Poor Lardy. I will not be the one to tell you
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
<scrolls thru files>

Ah, yes...

<to Ranger>

Yes, these files may be a little more helpful. In any case I'm willing to submit to more as I've already stated.

<back to Cobalt> Enough with the innuendo!If you've got something to say, SAY IT!!!
 

---

Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
 
<smiles>

I say you've deserved this rest old friend, but it pains me to disturb it.

I've got nothing to add to these accusations. They're obvious lies, heresay and gossip.

If the Ranger were to decide I was wrong, who would I be to argue?

But you, LardLad. You...you are quite different indeed. Because if are who you say you are...you would remember...

[whisper] Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis [/whisper]

Its okay Lardy, I'm here for you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
<turns to Ranger>

You know me well enough to know I'll never make it easy. I've nothing to add yay or nay. Decide yourself. But we both know I'm innocent of all these charges.

<turns to Lard Lad>

And there was a moment where you almost threatened Jailbait Lass. From a friend to another--don't ever do that again.
 

---

Posted by Space Ranger on :
 
Lard Lad... Anthony... There are several ways to fool a simple DNA scan.

Do you trust Crujectra? How about Doc One? And Saturn Girl?

Come back tomorrow... We'll put an end to this.


Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(I need a good night's sleep)
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 
Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis? Means nothing to me!

<to everyone> I yelled at Lolita but never did or never would hurt her! She's frustratingly and blindly loyal to him. I, for one, would never want someone's blind loyalty!

<to Cobalt> Can't you see? You are the only one who can, and most assuredly will, hurt her! Of this, I'm sure...
 

---

Posted by Lard Lad on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Space Ranger:
Lard Lad... Anthony... There are several ways to fool a simple DNA scan.

Do you trust Crujectra? How about Doc One? And Saturn Girl?

Come back tomorrow... We'll put an end to this.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis? Means nothing to me!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:
did either of you guys meet Elvis while you were dead?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SharkLad:
oh ... um, Miner ... Elvis left the building some time ago ...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hrun the Barbarian:


On the desk the note reads

“I must ressine as of now. A security ossifer can not do what I must doo the King must not return yet”

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by My Wee Fem:
<In the alley next to Clive Taylor aka Virgin Lad's Apartment Building. Lt Hutch Starsky, Head of CSI for legion World, is supervising a crew of investigators. Standing with him are My Wee Fem and Jailbait Lass.>

Lt Starsky: Space Ranger is transporting the body to Medicus Tower in a Stasis capsule.

MWF: He's still alive after having his hand chopped off and being thrown out a 14th floor window?

Lt Starsky: Not that I could tell but you know how Spacey is... The body was still warm so he thinks Clive might have some spark of life left in him and if any Doctor in this universe can bring someone back from that close to death... it's Doc One.

JBL: Yeah, Doc One's proven that to be true more than once...

---