Hey, no fair Chuck! You make fun of my post, but then edit yours to get rid of all the offense things you had in it all day! I come home form work to see your last post changed and my post being made fun of !
I don't think the Empress and Harbinger would have liked the way it was originally told, but I guess we'll never know . And after I made ANK a Green Lantern...
*end interlude*
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Actually, I was thinking more about the silly consequences that TYPO'S have created in the past in these threads. I wasn't intending to make fun of you or your post, I was thinking of the 'Secret Origin' of Turns You Into a Country Kid (or Fred, or Lad, Or Contri-Nator, or whatever).
And, Yes the editing of my other post did result in part from some slight displeasure expressed by Belinda. (I have no idea how the Empress felt about it, I tried to contact her but some guy answered.)
The MAIN REASON I edited the post however was to put the name of the female opponent to rest. Having read Princess Crujectra's posts in other threads and your earlier post on the subject, I decided that this issue needed some resolution. So NERFF was born. I'M ASKING EVERYONE TO USE THE NEW NAME FOR THE FEMALE VILLAN, AND TO REFRAIN FROM EVER AGAIN MENTIONING ANY OF HER PREVIOUS IDENTITIES. SOME EDITING WOULDN'T HURT EITHER.
And besides, the Idea of ANK becoming a bumbling wanna be GL with his imitation Power Ring attached to a semi-inappropriate portion of his anatomy (remember, we don't know for sure what a finer is yet) was way too funny to let go. I think the edited version of my post is both funnier and a better set up for future jokes.
I expect Harbinger to add a few lines to this story later today. And, knowing Belinda's sense of humor I wouldn't be surprised if a few eyes were put out, or at least blackened (including one or both of Aben Quank's).
* Qualuude wears off *
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
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Chuck, you're one of my favorite posters for the tag threads! I like the idea of Abin (my new favorite name for you) being a bumbling Green Lantern too. And don't get my wrong, anytime we can see a glimpse of Harbinger's skirt is a good time to me
The evil villian sounds good to me! Now we just have to get back to the variety of subplots going in this thread and start wrapping them up! I hope everyone else keeps chipping in, and I think it may be up to Chuck and I to make sense of it all in the future !
*end interlude*
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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-------------------- Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
From: The waters off eastern Long Island | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Meanwhile...Illyiana Highlander smiled to herself, as she met back up with Turns you Into a Country Fred and Madrox the Multiple Durlan. Their plan had worked well so far, and Illyiana had all the power of most of the male LMBers, leaving them helpless to stop Climactus. While Climactus destoying Legion World would be a nice bonus, this wasn't essential to their plans. They smiled, as they prepared to leave Legion World.
Meanwhile, Petty Officer Marvin of the Brood began doing the butterfly, a hip-hop dance move circa 1993. This was so bizarre to watch, that Dancing Queen was unable to concentrate and had to just watch. Lash Lass saw her opening, and quickly grabbed the really, really, really big gun in her afro, and shot it up into the sky!!!!
Above the clouds of Legion World, the entity known as Climactus prepared for one last splurge to destroy the planet. As the gun shot into the sky, it hit the great entity, utterly destroying it, as it erupted in a cloud of smoke. The followers of the Church of the Great Ograsm all experienced virtual nirvana as they orgasmed again and again, unable to control themselves until the passed out into exhaustion, where they became comatosse until much later in LMBP history.
Climactus itself was destoyed, and fluid rained down on Legion World for the last time. Unfortunately, Super Lad Kid, Cobalt Kid and Greybird were hit by the brink of it.
"One down!" said Lash Lass, whose gender-reversal germs began to wear off, as he reverted back to Lash Lad! Fat Cramer, Arachne, Harbinger, Kara and Princess Crujectra rallied around him. "Now, lets take out Dancing Queen!" The male LMBers watched, as they could only provide mainly moral support, and besides, they were enjoying the view of the female LMBers...
[ November 02, 2003, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
...Just as the male LMBers were enjoying the show of the female LMBers (and Lash) having a nice catfight, the bi-beer effect began to wear off, and five sixths of the male LMBers weren't as interested. Just then, Abin Quanck, Green Lantern, arrived again, after being knocked into the sky by Harbinger after he held a green mirror underneath her skirt! Abin quickly grabbed Dancing Queen, and using his green lantern ring, hurled her back into the "Return of Dev-Em" storyline, where her story could be played out for a bit (which is good since that storyline takes place a full month before this one!!!!).
Abin, Lash and the female LMBers now turned to the male LMBers and Captain Lightbulb, as they tried to figure out just what the hell to do next!
Numf-El spoke up dramatically. "Just what the hell do we do next?!!!!"
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Lash Lad, Harbinger, Fat Cramer and Princess Crujectra tracked down Illyiana, and were able to trick her into giving back the male LMBers their powers. However, she was able to escape into the night, and promised that they she would never return, she had had enough. This was the end of her plan, and the LMBers sighed a breath of relief that this mission was over.
Abin Quanck was able to track down Madrox the Multiple Durlan, but only could round up one of his clone selves. He and Turns You into a Country Fred also escaped into the night, but at least the mission was over.
The villians all gone, Climactus destoyed, the LMBers decided to settle down for some tea and biscuits at the Hootchie Hut. Laughing and smiling ensued, and Vee even started singing rounds of "Row Row Your Boat" that got everyone else involved.
Everything seemed great. "What a day" said Cobalt to Space Ranger, who smiled back. "At least we finally got our tea and biscuits" said SP.
Far away, at the end of time, in a mouse hole in a crack in the wall, The Time Mouse Trapper laughed. "Now. Now is when I must strike. After months of plotting, I can have my vengeance."
[ November 02, 2003, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
"I smell a mouse", thought Fat Cramer. "Better snarf down a few more biscuits to build my strength."
Elsewhere, Time Trapper Mouse nibbled some cheese and swept his tale back and forth in a lazy arc. " Perhaps I could just reach into my files for some ideas on how to deal with those LMBPers."
With that thought, he jumped up, scurried into his Library at the End of Time and began looking for some well-used plotlines.
"Twins impersonation? The traitor in their midst? One of them goes insane? or Frame somebody for murder? I don't know if I have the energy for Group Mind Invasion and Galactic Destruction."
posted
The LMBPer known as Abinquank? woke up that morning with a splitting headache and an odd pain in his neither regions. Half blind with agony he rolled off of the mattress in a corner that served as his bead and lay face down on the floor of his writing studio. Strange visions of what seemed to be a half forgotten dream danced in his aching head. The faces of Abin Sir, Hal Jordan, Kyle Rayner, Guy Gardiner, and John Stewart danced in a bizarre circle around him chanting, “Your destiny is at hand.” Above them Alan Scott and Dioby Dickles gazed down benevolently.
Well, actually, four of the five Green Lanterns were chanting that phrase, while the fifth, Guy Gardiner was laughing in a viscous way and snorting “G’Nortt Lives Again.”
In response he clasped his hands over his ears, screwed his eyes as tightly shut as he could manage and scrunched his face as tightly as possible into the threadbare carpet. Maybe if he ignored them they would go away. And after a few excruciating minutes they did.
As the dream ended the throbbing pain in his head eased to the point where he was able to stand and stumble the whole five feet across his packing crate sized studio into the cold water bathroom. A quick splash of only slightly brown water cleared his head only slightly but it was enough to let himself see his reflection in the cracked mirror.
The black eye and a smattering of bruises told him that the previous night’s events weren’t the dream he was praying they were. And a glance down just below his belly button told him that…
Yesterday had been a red letter day for him. He had finally been a participant in one of the strange rollicking adventures that periodically swept over Legion World. True, it consisted of a series of barely comprehensible clashes with improbable and badly conceived evil forces that had no clear agenda or motive. But for the first time he was part of the winning team. It was nothing like his short lived and disastrous solo super hero career as the costumed adventurer known as “That Annoying Little Git.”
Okay, his abilities as the most annoying person ever born weren’t perfectly suited for crime-fighting, but at least he had a super-power. Batman didn’t, Green Arrow didn’t, Timber Wolf doesn’t (that I know of), a whole bunch of other famous “Super” Heroes didn’t – but he did. And it was a good super power, it worked on everybody, all of the time, and nothing could stop it.
Except, that it usually got him beat up. And while you would think that someone whose power was to cause people to become super annoyed would have learned how to fight while growing up, he hadn’t. He never needed to. He had a big brother who was always the baddest guy in town. The word was out when he was a kid. Anyone who beat up New Kid, as he was known then, got beat up by Space Ranger.
Then Space Ranger went and joined the Science Police. New Kid had to either learn how to fight or learn to control his power. He did a little of both but not enough of either.
But now…
The green glow emanating from the ring which adorned the new piercing below his navel might be plastic, and the lantern on it was definitely a Coleman Camping Lantern instead of the stylized Green Lantern Symbol, but it identified him as a member of the Green Lantern Corps, the oldest and most revered force for justice known.
From now on he would be known as Abin Quank, the Green Lantern formerly known as Abinquank?
“Sinestro and G’Nortt were Green Lanterns too, Y’know,”
The voice seemed to come from behind the toilet…
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Just as soon as the Check Clears!)
From: The Back Office in Abin's Fixit Shop. | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
...although when he looked, he noticed nothing behind the toilet. In fact, all he noticed was a tiny little ant, that crawled off underneath the wall. "Hm," thought Abin. "I guess things change and that's the way things go. Maybe now I can be as mighty as my brother, and as a Green Lantern be one of the most prominent people in the LMB." "Hey New Kid!" he suddenly heard, as Lash Lad yelled in. "How about you making some coffee! We're all dying with hangovers out here..." Abin raised his eyebrow, mocking himself.
-----------
The Ant crawled out of the bathroom, and continued it's way around Legion World, checking out the various people there. He took a quick detour at Hummer Lass's room, since she was living up to her name, but other than that, the ant moved rather quickly.
Soon, it reached the edge of the city and moved into the forest, where it suddenly grew to about 12 feet wide! Other large ants came out of the woods, as a short skinny guy with bad teeth began talking to them! "Now my friends, we shall strike!" And as he thought of a witty name, he said, "For we are..."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
"I'd say you were lunch, as in My Lunch. and a fine smorgashboard you will make, too." The figure of Floating Armadillo Boy laughed as he looked down on the horde of giant ants.
However the young LMBPer was in for a rude awakening. The leader of the giant ants sniffed archly (no small feat for a creature without a nose) and sent a request to Eddie Tor, that godlike being who watches over these threads like a half blind, one eyed, sleeping and senile, hawk.
* Eddie Tor's Note's and Stuff *
Geeze, Kan't dese hacks git anyting right? Floating Armadillo Kid retconeded hisself days ago. He changed his moniker ta Floatin' Foxy Creautre Kid or sumpin like dat, see. and everbody nose dat floatin foxy creatures most definitly don't like eatin ants. I gotta fix dis right now, like.
* end Eddie's Nap *
The giant ant army raised a rousing cheer as the LMBPer before them underwent a delayed retcon. Suddenly instead of Floating Armadillo Boy threatening to commence a major 'chow down' on their ranks they were faced with Floating Foxlike Creature Boy, who immediately raced off to see what color Comet Queen was today.
* Ahem *
The chears stopped as the Giant Ant Leader again faced her army.
"So are we agreed that from now on we will be known as the..."
A rumbling sound rising from the back ranks of the group cut off her speach again. She was beginning to think that she should have stayed with their original name of 'Them', except that she knew that it would result in entirely too many, 'Who's on first type gags being written into the thread if she did. You know the type:
Who's attacking us?
Them.
I know that but who are they?
Them. (and so on, ad infinitum or ad tedium)
But, anyway, there was a rumbling noise from the back rank of the Giant Ant Army ranks that caused her...
It's always a her you know, because ants (and sometimes uncles) are led by queens. And queens are almost always female.
So, SHE broke off her planned speech again and peered thru her seriously squinted eyes (again a very impressive feat considering that ants don't have eyelids, I mean have you ever tried to squint without using your eyelids? It's tough to do.) at the back of her Giant Ant Army from San Fransisco to see just who was causing all of the commotion.
And there stood Dusty Baker...
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
...who said, "You're new name is The Big Ants and their astonishingly terrible Queen!" Grum, one of the more sophisticated of the giant ants, objected to such an outright dumb name. Having a backround in Russian romance literature circa 1844-1860, he felt as though they needed a stronger and more firm name that revealed a bit of why they were going to attack Legion World. He came up with "The Consortium of Giant Ants Attempting to Achieve Dominance over Humanity." The rest of the ants, who kind of looked up to the old fellow, agreed, and that became their name, or Cogaaad for short. The Queen, whose name was actually Jennifer, preferred to be called "Rapture" because it sounded really cool and no characters had ever really done it justice in her mind.
Anyway, they were about to invade Legion World, when suddenly...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
A giAnt can of raid appeared held by LeViathon.
But the ants knew they were safe, because Vi is only used as set decoration in these stories.
But, Dusty Baker who had come all the way from Chicago because he heard that these San Fransisco GiAnts just couldn't lose was getting just a mite peeeved at the recent turn of events. And if you think that a mite peeved in the middle of a bunch of GiAnts just might be a really, really, bad pun, you're right.
But, be that as it may, Ol' Dusty was just that, a Mite Peeved. And he began to work his way forward in the crowd of GiAnts. Using his trusty Louisville Slugger, and a baseball bat when that didn't work, he pummelled his way to the front of the whatever (what the heck do you call a whole mess of big ants anyway? a herd? a flock? What?) and confronted the queen.
"Now wait jes' a doggone minute here! I came alla way from the Windy City to lead the San Fransisco GiAnts. Not "The Consortium of Giant Ants Attempting to Achieve Dominance over Humanity" or Cogaaad, or whatever. That's the dumbest name for a baseball team I ever heard."
The queen, who's real name was Slammin Sammy Sosa but she'd die before admitting it, looked down at Dusty and uttered the immortal words, "As if."
Then the ants, ignoring Dusty, marched in the direction of LMBP headquarters...
posted
Baker had enough. Unknowing to the ants, he was an honorary LMBer from back in the day during the untold story of "Dusty Baker and the Hootchie Hut Maelstrom" that the LMBP were involved with back in the day.
He quickly turned his LMBP barrette to let lose a code red! He summoned thirteen LMBers: Abin Quanck, Harbinger, Space Ranger, Numf-El, Shark Lad, Vee, Semi, Cobalt Kid, Fat Cramer, Hummer Lass, Lard Lad, Icefire and Lash Lad! These thirteen LMBers knew what they had to do, which of course was, stopping the Giant Ants.
And of course you know, that these thirteen LMBers were known as "Baker's dozen"
*ooh, that was really bad!*
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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. And after I made ANK a Green Lantern...
