posted
Princess Crujectra assumed command as she always did, with tenacity and a clear thinking mind. From the LMBP headquarters, she and Doctor One watched on as the LMBPers went out in teams to help stop the ant invasion. She knew that Cobalt and Lash were taking care of assembling the team to use Miner's information, but in the meantime the universe needed to be protected from the super-powerful Cogaaad who were eating and destroying everything in their path.
Lard Lad and Hummer Lass travelled to the planet of the Hootchie Hut to fend off attacks there. Lardy's Lard-force was potent enough to work well there.
Faraway Lad was useful on the front lines, with the ability to send large droves of Ants faraway, presumbly to a place where they wouldn't be under a red sun. With him, he had Arachne and Fat Cramer watching his back.
Dev-Em and Kara, already out in space, helped fend off attacks on their side of the universe, and since both were invulnerable, they'd be a good combo in that they didn't have to worry about the other.
Shark Lad, Greybird Boy and Space Ranger planned to make a trident-like attack through the thickness of the Cogaaad army, attempting to disrupt the unity of their minds, which seemed to be important. Secretly with them was Crusader, who hoped to use his telepathy to stop this unity, and Vee and Semi, who could hide Crusader from the Giant Ants
Emerald Empress and Abin Quank, two big guns, made their own way through the army, fending off attacks on Klorndy.
Everywhere, LMBPers tried to stop the maddness as the Giant Ant army attacked the entire universe. Somewhere, the Time Mouse Trapper was laughing...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Cobalt Kid assembled his squad in the espionage room, although a sense of doom weighed down on them. This appeared to be a suicide mission.
With him was Lash, Super Lad Kid, Marvin of the Brood, Homecoming Queen, Poverty Lad, Icefyre, Outdoor Miner (who had to be sobered up by Faraway, who made his drunkeness go faraway), and puppy Stu (who was still a mage in his own right, although now a puppy). Super Lad Kid wondered why he was a part of this mission, although Cobalt had faith in him. Icefyre flirted with Lash, although to be honest, he was worried about Lash, since there was a rumor that the Time Mouse Trapper had an interest in him. Homecoming Queen let out a nervous titter, as Outdoor Miner relayed the information to them. "Ant-Man gave me the coordinates we need to find the Time Mouse Trapper. But our big-guns are needed to stop the invasion of the ants. It's now up to us. May the great Bug-god gsidndi help us". "That's it?" said Marvin, a bit surprised. "No" replied Cobalt, "there's a bit more to it..."
------------------
All over other LMBPers and super-heroes joined the fight. Kid Therod, Kid Psychout and Seahorse joined the LMBP in the ongoing fight near Xanthu. Beagle Boy, Alternate Boy and Dedman helped fend off attacks on Legion World itself, which was now under attack. All over, old heroes and new joined in against the universe spanding threat. But still it seemed to be overwhelming...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
There was more to the plan. Kid Prime and Captain Lightbulb secretly rejoined the rest of the Light Brigade on their home base. Nobody and Flasher greeted them with a hug, while Antler Lass showed off those buxom breasts. Captain Lightbulb had a plan though, although this time it wasn't his. He told the Light Brigade, what they had to do: a virtual suicide mission into the labratory of Ant-Man, fending off the Giant Ants of the Cogaaad. From there, they had to work the cannon that had already been activated by the dying LMBPer, and fire it into the sun, changing the color of the sun from Red to Yellow, thereby depowering the Ants.
However, this was the largest cluster of the Cogaaad that they knew of. It was by far a suciude mission, and it didn't look like any would make it. "I cannot ask you to risk your lives so. Only volunteers step forward, and no one will think less of you." Everyone stepped forward (except Dormant Damsel of course). Kid Prime smiled. "Very well" said Captain Lightbulb! "Let this be known as the Charge of the Light Brigade!"
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Outdoor Miner looked at his motley crew of LMBPers and saw despair in their eyes. How could they defeat one as powerful as the Time Mouse Trapper? Granted, Stu, Cobalt and Icefyre were powerful, but even they couldn't do much against the Time-powered rodent tyrant. Still, he knew what had to be done. Cobalt nodded. Outdoor Miner teleported them to Ant-Man's coordinates. When they reappeared, they saw a smiling Time Mouse Trapper, his grin widening..
--------- Doctor One informed Crujectra of Cobalt's team leaving. She looked down for a brief second and said a quick prayer.
----------
As the soul of Ant-Man passed into the unknown, another LMBPer became aware of the trouble. She helped guide the soul through the light, and then turned back to the world of the living. She was the LMBP Spectre, and she was the most powerful of her peers. An LMBer had died. And his soul cried out for vengeance...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
The LMBPers teleported to the coordinates of the Time Mouse Trapper, via Ant-Man, who in his dying breaths figured out how to cross the time/space continium to the end of time. He stood there grinning, his rodent face covered by a purple cloak.
Immediately, he blasted back Outdoor Miner, knocking him to the ground. Cobalt Kid, Icefyre, Lash and Poverty Lad attacked him, using their various powers. Icefyre attempted to encase him with ice, Cobalt used his magnetism and Poverty Lad used his mighty martian strength to pound him. Flustered for a second, the Time Mouse Trapper blasted them all back to the ground. He smiled at Lash, "you I will save for last." Homecoming Queen and Super Lad Kid watched on as Marvin of the Brood leaped at the Time Mouse Trapper, only to be hurled to the side. The Time Mouse Trapper laughed as he blasted him fiercely, burning the Brood officers skin. "what can we do?" asked Super Lad Kid to Homecoming Queen, as the more powerful LMBers laid to the side. "We have to do something!" yelled Amber as she leaped at the Time Mouse Trapper as Lash wrapped his rope around him! Amber fought bravely, trying to take the Time Mouse Trapper off his feet, but the cloaked figure was too strong. He blasted her back, his power to potent to be categorized. He burned Lash's rope with a touch. He turned to Super Lad Kid and Lash now with a smile.
"WAIT!" echoed a voice suddenly. The Time Mouse Trapper turned, and his smile slowly drifted away. The LMBP Spectre, the spirit of Vengeance now stood facing him.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
The LMBP Spectre and the Time Mouse Trapper stood face to face, as Lash Lad and Super lad Kid looked on. The grappled across planes and dimensions, through ideas and brief notions, in ways that no one could understand. The other LMBPers looked up from their knees as the two powers grappled.
--------------
At the labratory of Ant-Man, the Light Bridage made their charge. Pushing through the ants, Antler Lass and Robot Woman made up the first front, allowing the others to go through! The rest moved on, as the Flasher and Nobody allowed Kid Prime and Captain Lightbulb enough room to get through!
Captain Lightbulb saw the cannon, but was suddenly nailed by ants everywhere! Kid Prime now saw that he was the last hope for the universe...
...slowly making his way to the cannon, he fended off attack after attack. Still, he would not fall. Finally, reaching the cannon, Kid Prime pointed it at the sun, and blasted.
He blasted and blasted as best he could, not falling once. Into the sun it hit, and the reaction soon followed...
...the sun turned from red to yellow, and slowly the Ants began to loose all of their super-power. Their heads too began to clear up, as the yellow sun drained their energy reserves.
Kid Prime fell, as Captain Lightbulb scooped him up, and the Light Brigade regrouped!
---------- All across the universe, the Giant Ants lost their power. The LMBP began mopping them up, although most were not hostile once they regained their senses. Abin Quank and the Emerald Empress held them in status while waiting for orders.
"But what about the crew that went to fight the Time Mouse Trapper?" asked Lard Lad over the intercom.
"Still no word" replied a solemn Doctor One
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
The LMBP Spectre fought against the Time Mouse Trapper as the fate of the universe hung in the balance. She fought bravely, and thoughts of her life flashed before her eyes. She had long ago made peace with what she was, a combination of three different people. She had taken the name Josephine, had developed a life outside of her existence of the spirit of Vengeance. She was head of the Museum for Fallen Heroes. She had a girlfriend named Jennifer. She enjoyed old movies. She was no longer a retconned entity that had no place in the world! She was a person! And she fought as hard as she could for the LMBP! (*thanks to the LMBP Spectre for the PM about this info !)
However, the battle raged on, and the Time Mouse Trapper's power seemed to begin winning. Time after all can outlast vengeance. Soon, the LMBP Spectre fell...
The LMBPers watched on in horror, as the LMBP Spectre reverted back to normal size and fell to the ground. Cobalt Kid caught her, laying her down. "Hang in there Jo..."
A de-powered Time Mouse Trapper flew back to where the LMBP where. He let out a loud laugh! "And now your most powerful have fallen! But I tire of this game!" he yelled, as he blasted Poverty Lad, Homecoming Queen, Icefyre and Marvin! "Now Lash Lad, it is you and I." "I don't know you want from me rodent, but your days are numbered" said Lash in defiance. "Numbered? I have all the time in the world" laughed the Time Mouse Trapper. "You did too once. You once had retcon powers. The power to change reality! Yet, you gave them up! You gave them all away! You could have controlled time! You could have controlled Reality! Everything!"
"Everything isn't what I want" replied Lash with a smile. "Smile all you like. You gave it all up. But in every reality you did not." Lash looked at him hard for a minute. "Do you begin to understand what I'm telling you?" smiled the Time Mouse Trapper.
Super Lad Kid watched on as the rest of the LMBP laid on the ground. He had been forgotten. The Time Mouse Trapper was weakened though, it was obvious. The Spectre had taken much of his power, and now was the only time they'd have to strike. Once, he questioned whether he had a place on this team. Now, he saw was a chance to prove himself wrong. His power wasn't much, and it was amost a bit dumb. But it was still his, and he was still an LMBer.
Using his power, Super Lad Kid replicated the smell of cheese in the air. He had direct contact with sun light earlier and had enough reserve energy left. He knew this would take a month off his life (using his power always did) and that he could never replicate the smell of cheese again. But he knew this might work.
As Lash and the Time Mouse Trapper spoke, the smell of cheese permeated in the air. Stu, as a puppy, suddenly reappeared after using his spell to hide himself for a time. He watched on as the Mouse part of the time mouse trapper reacted to the cheese. Stu, like SLK, understood the Time Mouse Trapper's greatest weakness was the mouse aspect of his being, that he could not control his urges. And as depowered as he was, there was no way to stop the mouse from controlling him now.
The Time Mouse Trapper reacted to the cheese, by turning his attention away from Lash searching for it! SLK smiled, seeing the Time Mouse Trapper succumb to a virtual Time Mouse Trap! Stu winked at SLK and let out his own wopper of a power, as his spell unleashed on the Time Mouse Trapper. He'd been saving it for himself to try and turn himself back into a human (from a puppy), but he'd gladly sacrifice that chance to stop the trapper! Using his spell, he suddenly zapped the Time Mouse Trapper and a cloud of purple smoke erupted!
When the smoke cleared, the Time Mouse Trapper was no more. He was two people now, too weak to counter the spell that tore him into two individuals. One, was a mouse, searching for cheese. The other was a human. And he looked like an older Lash.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Lash watched on in horror to see the Time Mouse Trapper was him. A weakened Trapper looked at him, in disbelief that he had been attacked. "N-now you see...what I was telling you..."
"Yes, I do see. So you are me. You're me in a different reality where I kept the reality altering powers. Pathetic. What a pathetic creature you've turned into. I bet you don't even listen to Lucinda Williams anymore." The Trapper looked at him in anger, and summoned his power. But surprisingly, it wasn't there.
Stu smiled on. "Looks like the time powers are stuck in the mouse part of you. And it just left the end of time looking for some cheese. Looks like you're all out of luck Trapper!" yelled the puppy as the Time-Mouse (sans Trapper) exited the end of time! "Now you have no power!"
Cobalt rose carrying the LMBP Spectre. Icefyre and Poverty Lad helped up Super Lad Kid who was weak from using his power. "Nice job Kid" said Pov, as Icefyre added "we knew you had it in you!" "So did I, I guess" smiled SLK.
Homecoming Queen looked at the Trapper. "This is an alternate version of you?! How icky! You're not a good version of Lash, did you know that?" The LMBP laughed as the Trapper looked at them in anger. "You're finished Trapper" said Lash. "All this time you've hated us, and for no reason. Beacause in this reality I had the sense not to keep my reality-altering powers? That's weak. But don't worry, you'll have all the time in the world to think about it"
"No!" yelled the Trapper. "Oh yes" said Stu. "Have fun at the end of time. I'd say we'd call, but...you know how it is." "Consider it a gift from the universe after the Cogaaad fiasco" said Miner. "Yeah, in other words, toodles!" said Pov, who always gets the best lines...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Outdoor Miner teleported them back to Legion World, where Crujectra and Doctor One rejoiced to see them. The Time Mouse Trapper was no more, as the Time Mouse searched time for cheese and the Trapper was left powerless at the end of time.
SLK and the LMBP Spectre were looked after by Doctor One, both weak, although they would easily get better. Jo didn't need the rest in all actuality, but they told her she deserved it.
The Giant Ants were all rounded up, and given their own planet of underground hills. Here, they promised to mine for minerals and give them back to the universe, in payment for all the harm they caused. It wasn't there fault, they were controlled, but they wanted to make amends anyway.
A statue of Ant-Man, an honorary LMBer, was ereced in the Hall of Fallen Heroes, as the LMBP honored their lost friend.
The Light Brigade and Kid Prime rejoined their LMB friends and were honored for what they'd done. Forever, the legend of the "Charge of the Light Brigade" would be known.
There were still questions concerning Eyrk Davis Ester's whereabouts, Numf-El and Harbinger's quest for Golden Girl's origins and the time-lost Rody the Super Rat and Dusty Baker. But as Poverty Lad pointed out to Lash: "we have all the time in the world..." Ouch Pov.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Back in time slightly on earth, travelling though the atmosphere at a ridiculous speed were Harbi and Numfy. “So, tell me Harbi – what the bloody hell is an r rating?” asked Numf, showing his ignorance once more. “It’s the American equivalent of a British 18. Why do you ask?” “It’s just that this is supposed to be an r rated piece of literature, and I think we’d be pushed to get a 15 at the moment. By the way, do you think that we need to explain 18s & 15s for our American readers?” “I think they can probably work them out all by themselves Numf. So, what about all the sex in the story?”asked Harbi. “Well it’s only been suggestive recently – wet stains and large metal devices that you can see on any farming show on a Sunday morning where they discuss Bovine Insemination. We suggested the process required, and then you intervened before we got our r rating by smiting GG.” “How about all those fights we’ve been having? All that violence? Surely that ranks an 18 certificate?” “Oh, come on – that’s all comic book stuff. Any kid could walk into a comic shop and buy much worse than that.” “What about the swearing?” “All we’ve had so far are a few buggers, one buggeration and a couple of fucks. And I think we’ve just doubled the tally with that last sentence. Even if I were to let fly a stream of real swearies, for example fuck, cunt, motherfucker, cocksucker, it might just earn a 15. We’d have to do a lot better than that to get an 18,” explained Numf. “And why are you so intent on maintaining our r rating?” “Well,” explained Numf, “ I would be well pissed off if I went in to the cinema to see an 18 and there was nothing in it to justify the severity of the certificate.” “So, Numf, what are you suggesting?” asked Harbinger tentatively. “Well, option one is for you to take all your clothes off, pour cream all over your heaving breasts…..” “That would be my magnificent heaving breasts would it ?” “Absolutely,” agreed Numf. “Licking your own nipples and inserting non-agricultural implements into your pulsating pussy while being buggered by a goat.” “And how fucking likely do you think that is?” asked Harbi. “Or….” Continued Numf. “Yes, I was hoping that you’d have one of those.” “Drugs.” “Amsterdam here we come.”
posted
“So, Numph – where do you suggest we start?” asked Harbinger as they stood on the picturesque bridge, watching tourist filled boats glide gracefully down the mirror flat canal. Bicycles streamed to and fro around them. The autumn air was sharp, and the pavements were alive with a multitude of earth-toned leaves, swirling peacefully in the breeze. The warming autumn sun dappled brightly through the semi-denuded branches, dancing light everywhere. “Well, I could just stay here for a while, soaking up the beauty and serenity.” “Don’t speak shite, you big jessie!” “Yeah, you’re right. To quote Finn - lets get fucking wasted!”
“Oh, why not, I need some inspiration for the next part of my story….”
posted
Trixie wandered aimlessly in the autumn sun, searching high and low for a sign of the heroic r rating fulfilling pair. What kind of heroes must they be to force themselves this low for their fellow mans reading enjoyment? Forcing themselves to indulge in the dens of iniquity for which this city was famous. Surely they must be heroes indeed.
But what did she know about them? Only what she had read on the website. She had no idea what they would look like, unless by sheer coincidence they looked anything like their avatars. Not a plan worth counting on.
What clues had been given away anywhere that would help our intrepid pixie to find our heroes in this strange city, on this strange continent where English wasn’t even their first language?
She had managed to ask directions to the Van Gogh museum, having eventually mastered the Dutch pronunciation, much to amusement of the natives. Gargling was something she did with mouthwash, not naturally whilst she was speaking. Knowing of Sonnie Blokes love of art, she had thought some might have rubbed off on his brother. No such luck – Numf thought more of Van Halen than Van Gogh.
“Where in tarnation can they be?” wondered Trixie aloud to herself.
“Hey you speak English – excuse me, can you tell us where the Pink Floyd Café is?” asked a tall (but then, when you’re only 4’11” tall, it’s kind of difficult for anyone else to not be tall), slim, not quite 40ish, oddly appealing passer by, with a damned sexy not quite English accent. Cogs started to grind, picking up speed. “Yeah, sure, I passed it two minutes ago. It’s about a hundred yards away down this road, and then first left. You can’t miss it.” Whirr, Trixies brain moved up a gear as she espied the passer-by’s companion. 6 feet and 3 inches of gorgeousness. Blonde flowing locks, a la Farrah Fawcett. And what a magnificent pair of eyes she had. To say nothing of the hooters. Now, they must have been what the phrase “magnificent hooters” had been coined for.
“Thanks a lot. Come on then B, lets go.”
The final piece fell into place. Trixie stared in disbelief, mouth agape, after them, as the pair wandered away. Trixie noticed the passer-by’s incredibly sexy ass. “Not only are they heroes, they’re so fucking sexy that I’ve just got to fuck them both! Preferably at the same time,” she said softly to herself. She started to move after them.
posted
Twenty yards away, Harbinger and Numf sat dishevelled in a puddle of their own making. Unable to move. Unable to speak. They had been there for three and a half days, sitting against the very bridge from which they had surveyed the beautiful scenery previously. They were in such a mess that even the local police hadn’t wanted to touch them, and had left them to their own devices. Somehow, for the first time in their lives, and probably the last, they were soooo stoned that they managed to converse telepathically. At least both of them would later swear to just exactly that.
Unfortunately for Trixie, her knowledge of British dialects went no further than The Beatles, Mick Jagger and the Queen – either Freddy or Elton, take your pick.
“I see that Irish couple have found where the Pink Floyd café is,” thought Numf at Harbi. “That’s the one place that I wanted to go to when we arrived here.” “Tough, I know you’re a big Roger Waters fan. Even though he’s got ugly teeth,” thought Harbi back. “But, we’ve been here for about three weeks, or at least that’s what it feels like. My arse is numb. I’m absolutely ravenous – and you need a shower. Let’s go and find somewhere to clean up and then we’ll get something to eat.”
posted
As they staggered into the doorway of the nearest hotel, the receptionist shouted at them “You’re not coming in here, you Germans with your coprophagous games!” (That’s worth an 18 certificate surely!) “We’re no’ Germans – we’re Scottish,” corrected Numfy. “Ah, right, and you’ve been on a 3 day bender and just want to rent a room for an hour to get all cleaned up,” guessed the receptionist. “That’s right, how did you know?” asked Numf. “Get the fuck out of my hotel you nasty, vile German bastards!” shouted the receptionist, throwing the phonebook at their heads. “Think you can invade our country twice and then come back and play your games here! Hah! My father was in the resistance I’ll have you know! And take your stinky clothes with you!”
Numf and Harbi retreated, humiliated, heads covered by their arms to protect them from flying objects. The local kids had thought this a game, and had joined in, laughing as they threw sticks and stones at our wayward heroes.
Finally they escaped their tormentors. Small though the kids may have been, enough of them had been highly accurate with their projectiles, leaving our heroes battered and bruised. “I have no intention of going through all that again,” exclaimed Harbi. “There’s only one thing for it – we can bathe in this ever so convenient and clean canal.” Harbi started to disrobe. “You know something Numf, I didn’t think you’d have the strength for one of those,” said Harbi, smirking as she glanced at Numf’s crotch. “Oh, um, you know” muttered Numf turning away, embarrassed.
Splash!!!
“Oh bugger, I suppose I’d better too,”said Numf.
Splash!!!
---------------
“It’s amazing how many tourists with cameras turned up as we were bathing, isn’t it Harbi.” “ I just couldn’t believe that Japanese running off with my thong. And before it had been washed as well! It’s just lucky that we managed to get the rest of our clothes back and washed in the canal.” “Well, now that we’re a bit cleaner Harbi, I suppose that we’d better get on with our quest,” Numf said. “Where to next then, Numf?” asked Harbi. “Back to Scotland. But I’m knackered, so lets catch a plane up to Glasgow. But, one last thing has to be said before we leave Amsterdam, Harbi.” “What?” “That’s an amazing talent you have there.” “Which one’s that you’re talking about?” asked Harbi, confused for a second. “Rolling a joint with those amazing tits of yours, and then sealing it with the moistness from your..” “Okay, that’s far enough – I think the readers can work out the rest. Bastard, you weren’t supposed to tell anyone. I thought the idea was to let them read about all our drug related expeditions in my story.” “Well, yeah, but I reckoned that you wouldn’t mention that bit.”
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