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Doctor One was shocked, apalled, amazed, stupefied, dumbfounded and just plain surprised by his findings! His examination of Sharky had revealed that he had the ability to transform into any shark species whatsoever from any planet in the universe, when splashed with salt water anyway. Of course, he still had absolutely no control over himself in that form, and they had had a hell of a time getting him to regurgitate Koko. But that was just a minor detail. Even better were the results of Marvin's examination! He cleared his throat. "Now, as you can see, Santa Clauses, er... encounter with Marvin has pushed just the right buttons. The right evolutionary buttons, that is. Apparently, when Brood members are, er... sexually assaulted, a defensive system kicks in, and they DO mutate. Their external form remains the same, but what is the equivalent of a meta-gene is activated inside them. This has never happened before, because no-one else in their right minds would ever attempt to do something naughty with a Brood alien!" Everybody glanced over at santa, who merely shrugged. "Hey, I make it a point to try everything once!" Doctor One shook his head. Santa Claus! hard enough to believe that he was real, but to believe that he was even hornier than Cobalt Kid...! He cleared his throat again. "Well, Marvin has evolved. He is no longer the Brood alien that we once knew. Now, he has the power to..."
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"..the power to communicate with Martian dogs and attempt to blow up the Earth, as well as to summon crazy black ducks and famous gray bunnies! Ladies and gentlemen, meet Marvin the Martian Brood Alien!"
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Pandemonium had erupted on Legion World. The Emerald Empress, who had been greatly and royally angered by both the loss of her harem and the theft of the Emerald Eye, was still engaged in a furious catfight with Dancing Queen. Booty Shaker had reinflated himself and was now busy shaking his booty in the mission monitor board room, so that he could be seen on every vidscreen in Legion World. And Marvin the Martian Brood Alien had wanted to test his newfound powers, so now dozens of Bugs Bunnys, Daffy Ducks and Porky Pigs were running loose on Legion World.
The Great Intellect looked on, and (s)he was very pleased. (S)he was pleased because Rody the Super Rat would probably never be rescued anymore. (S)he was pleased because his/her genetic manipulation of Petty Officer Marvin had yielded such wonderfully chaotic results. (S)he was pleased because (s)he had already been successful in using the male members' members to recreate the Fleshy Penis of Ekron, so it didn't matter one bit if Santa and Marvin had stolen them back from him/her. (S)he had already sapped most of the power from them, and the male members would reduce their owners strength slowly when they were reattached. (S)he was pleased because the LMBP had lost two of its greatest weapons: the Emerald Eye and Abinquank's ring, although they probably hadn't noticed yet that the latter had been cleverly replaced by a fake by one of his/her agents. (S)he was pleased because the LMBPers would never figure out his/her magnificent plan, to recreate the Multi-Colored Thing of Ekron, and (s)he would easily be able to use the finished weapon to destroy Legion World in one fell swoop; (s)he was already working on the Golden Tooth of Ekron. (S)he was already 87% done. And (S)he was pleased because his/her progeny, the Great Intellect Junior, had learned how to say please! Good manners were always useful in dealing and negotiating with other omnipotent and omnipowerful entities, as the Great Intellect's mother had always told him. (S)he leaned back and watched. (S)he would greatly enjoy the chaos on Legion World for a bit longer.
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Fat Cramer was hissing. The Empress and DQ's catfight had gotten her all excited. After all, she was a cat! Things were chaotic everywhere, and she wished Stoopid Cat was here with her. But no, that idiot had to jump into that time bubble all those years ago, and now he was gone. Fat Cramer shook her head. Now was the time to concentrate. It was up to her to stop that catfight, since most of the others were either wading in the male members' members or busy dealing with those horrible noisy black ducks that kept painting moustaches on people and throwing TNT everywhere. Fat Cramer crept up above her prey. "I'll teach you to force me to dance! And synchronized swimming! A royal personage such as myself does NOT do synchronized swimming! And YOU! You dare call yourself a queen!" "I shore am a Queen! A Dancing Queen! That's what I do, you green haired bimbo!" "You dare! You're just a peasant! You and tthat booty-shaking nitwit!" "Girl, you just insulted my baby! Now you've made me even madder than before!" Fat Cramer shook her head. She had been a Legionnaire for a long time, and had faced dangers that would make even the Lion King weep, dangers that no feline should have to face. But this... this made her want to curl up with some catnip in a nice dark secluded corner where she would be safe. She steeled herself, and jumped. "
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Fat Cramer landed right on Dancing Queen's head, and held on for dear life. Now, you may not know this, but when two royal women who hate each other very much have gotten into a catfight, the catfight will never end until one or both of the women is incapacitated. This is why Fat Cramer immediately began trying to gouge Dancing Queen's eyes out. "Aaiieeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Evil kitty! Stop that! I'm gonna make you do a catwalk!" Dancing Queen tried to concentrate through the pain, and her ability to cause any living creature to become a dancing fool began to kick in. Fat Cramer dug her claws in deeper, as she tried to resist. ******************************************** Triad Neutral was trying to raise someone on the comlink. Someone who could possibly take care of all these Warner Bros. characters. The hallways were all covered with cream pies, and random explosions kept occuring. Sharky, at least, was having the time as his life as he swallowed ducks and pigs by the dozens, but the bunnies were still too smart and too quick for him. Besides, how can you catch them when they can dig holes throguh concrete and reappear out of nowhere? "C'mon, c'mon, lessee, Hunter I, Hunter II, Tyr, all of them out to lunch! There's got to be someone here! Hey, sisters! Found anything yet? Sisters?" Triad turned around. Her sisters were nowhere to be seen. She tried to feel them through their mental link, but didn't sense anything. They must have been knocked out or something. "What could have happened to them?Huh?" she said as she felt something on her shoulder. "What's up, Doc?" Triad Neutral couldn't help herself. She screamed.
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Fat Cramer was starting to lose her grip on Dancing Queen's head. She was doing her best to resist Dancing Queen's powers, but it was getting difficult. She willed herself to resist. She was so close... so close...
Empress decided to close in for the kill write then. She kicked DQ in the stomach with her royal pointy boots. Hard.
Fat Cramer found that she had regained complete control over herself. She seized her chance and dug her claws in. Hard.
Dancing Queen doubled over in pain. And she screamed. Hard.
Cobalt Kid looked up. "Did someone say hard? Guess that's my cue." He concentrated. Hard.
Sharky finally caught up to Booty Shaker, who had been making all of the alternate IDs shake their booties over and over. He leapt up and bit Booty Shaker's big fat booty. Hard.
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Now folks, this is the crucial point. The subsequent events happened in an exact split-second sequence, such that a wildly improbable chain reaction occured. A chain reaction which will hopefully wrap up most of this part of the thread so that we can move on. So come on and start posting, I'm getting really really lonely...
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Marvin the Martian Brood Alien felt bad. Most of the chaos here on Legion World was his fault. He was just so excited to finally get powers, and to finally become an active member instead of just an honorary... He wondered what he could do. His newfound abilities had given him immunity to bombs and TNT, but so were the creatures he had summoned. He tried to remember something useful from the cartoons he watched. There had got to be something he could use... ******************************************* Booty Shaker hated sharks. He hated sharks with a hatred that could make Darkseid's hatred for Superman look like a child's grudge. He hated sharks with a hatred that would make the LMBPs hatred for the senseless mutilation of long-standing well-loved characters look like a temper tantrum. He hated sharks because for the second time now, a shark had deflated his big fat booty, and he would have a hell of a time inflating it again. He was ricocheting off the walls with the intesntiy of a pinball in full game mode, and he couldn't stop himself. ********************************* Dancing Queen's ability to turn any living being around here into a dancing fool was going haywire. All over Legion World people and aliens and Warner Bros. cartoon characters were dancing like mad. Doctor One was twirling around like a ballerina. Sharky was thrashing around on the floor. Cobalt and Numf-el were waltzing together. The Emerald Empress was doing the routine she had performed at the royal ball. Of particular interest were the Bugs Bunnys and Daffy Ducks doing a wonderfully synchronized chorus line right in front of the Threshold chamber. Off all the people on Legion World, only three were not affected: Booty Shaker, who was still bouncing around like mad; Marvin the Martian Brood Alien, who was still safe because he was wearing his special Brood Issue Tinfoil helmet (hey, that's the strongest metal they have in wherever the hell they come from), and Fat Cramer, who was safe because she was hidden in Dancing Queen's telepathy-proof afro wig. But Fat Cramer was beginning to regret it. The wig was just too full of dandruff, and her own luxurious fur was starting to tangle up in it. She would have to end this fast.
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Marvin was clicking through the cartoon archives, looking for ideas. Wile E. Coyote? forget it, he can't even catch a crzay bird on steroids. Sylvester? No, the last thing Legion World needed right now was a bunch of anvils falling out of nowhere. Tweety? Well, if he wanted to summon Fat Cramer, that might be useful. Tazmanian Devil? Legion World would be a wasteland in minutes. Marvin was getting impatient. He had already thought of summoning his namesake, but the real Marvin the Martian would probably end up blowing Legion World up. Marvin sighed. He was running out of cartoons. He picked up the last disk and slipped it in. What he saw made him grin, a very frightening Brood grin that made the Porky Pig clone in front of him wet itself. He had found the perfect solution. ******************************************* Bugs Bunny was having the time of his life. In the past 24 hours he had kissed more weirdos, blown up more sticks of TNT and dug more holes than he had in the last 5 years of his career. He had now put such a distance between him and Daffy Duck on the all-time cartoon icon status ranking that the latter had no hopes whatsoever of catching up, especially since Daffy and all his "clones" couldn't help themselves and were dancing like crazy. Bugs chuckled. Since he was the original Bugs, he had enough wackiness to make him immune to the powers of that weird afro-wearing woman. This was just perfect. Now there was only one thing left to do. He rapped on the door of the medical lab. "Hey, you in there, Doc? Take me to your leader. I want to join you guys!" In the whole of Legion history, no more fateful words have ever been uttered.
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Bugs Bunny was getting impatient. Nobody had seemed to notice him, and all the maroons were still busy dancing. He was debating whether to blow open the door, when it finally opened... and Elmer Fudd, wearing a tinfoil version of his trademark cap, stepped out! "Hewo, wabbit!" Bugs smiled. He had missed the big palooka. He was so innocent, so gullible... The perfect patsy. ************************************************* Fat Cramer was NOT having the time of her life. She was trying to edge Dancing Queen over to the Threshold, so that she could be gotten rid of and everyone could stop the crazy dancing. She was digging her claws into Dancing Queen's skull bit by bit, trying to move her in the right direction. It was working, but it was excruciatingly slow and she was beginning to suffocate inside the wig. A little bit more... ****************************************** Bugs was running for his life. Well, not for his life; Elmer Fudd couldn't hit the side of a barn the size of Daffy Duck's ego. But it felt exhilirating. He was having the time of his life. He decided to stop and rest for a moment. After all, he had left Elmer behind a long time ago, and where was the fun in not tormenting him? He rounded the corner, to find the muzzle of a nasty-looking ray gun pointing right in his face. "There you are, you stupid bunny! Now it's time to settle the score!" Great. Just great. Daffy Duck. He must have been immune to DQ's effects too. Makes sense, he was crazier than the rest of the Looney Tunes combined. "Why, you rotten bunny! Dragging me here! It's your fault! It must have been! And now you're going to join forces with these crazy alien creatures and turn on me! Well, I won't stand for it! I won't! You hear me!" Nugs heard, all right, but he just didn't care. He was thinking. If he could time this just right... He used his super sensitive bunny ears to listen. Elmer was just a few meters away now... Closer, closer...
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Marvin was watching the mission monitor board. He hoped that Fat Cramer and Elmer Fudd would be succesful in their attempts at ending the chaos. For his part, he was preparing to go after Booty Shaker, who was still rapidly deflating and was bouncing everywhere like mad. He was just about to finish checking his ray gun when he heard a commotion coming from the board. He looked over there, abd dropped the gun on the floor. He couldn't believe what was happening.
(interlude) Now this is the tricky part, so if you want to understand what happens next, you have got to pay attention! Heck, I;m the one writing and I can't even understand what's going on myself! (end interlude)
Bugs Bunny was counting down mentally. He had successfully shut out Daffy's raving, but as usual the foul-mouthed fowl hadn't noticed. As long as he made no sudden movements, Daffy would just keep blathering on. Elmer was sneaking up behind him... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... "Ahha! I've got you now, you wascally wabbit!" Elmer fired. Bugs jumped out of the way just in time. The bullet hit Daffy, effectively shutting him up and knocking him out for an indefinite period of time. Just as he fell uncpnsciousness, he pressed the button on his ray gun, which shot an energy blast at the airlock, opening up a big hole and causing Daffy and ray gun to get sucked out. At just that moment, Booty Shaker came bouncing over, knocking Elmer Fudd on the head and causing him to faint. Coincidentally, Booty Shaker bounced back, hitting Dancing Queen on the head, and knocking her into the Threshold Fat Cramer was edging her into. Luckily, Fat Cramer was able to jump out off the way in time, jumping right onto Booty Shaker. The added weight caused Booty Shaker to change trajectory, bumping into the long line of Bugs and Daffy "clones" who were doing a chorus line, causing a domino effect which caused the "clones" to fall into the Threshold too. And finally, Fat Cramer used her wieght to aim Booty Shaker right for the airlock, where he was sucked outside, and just floated aimlessly. Bugs Bunny shut the airlock just in time, and Fat Cramer made a nice three-point landing. Marvin just stood there, his mouth gaping open. "That's it? That's it? Darn useless Elmer Fudd..."
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And just like that, everything quiete down on Legion World. Booty Shaker was caught once more and imprisoned in Santa's big toy sack. Greybird Boy was able to track down Dancing Queen, and they dumped her in a tinfoil and inertron cage where she couldn't affect anyone. Santa, Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd and Marvin the Martian Brood Alien were formally inducted as active LMBPers. Doctor One and Invisible Brainiac were working on a way to reattach all the male members' members. In the meantime, the Empress was enjoying the use of some of those members, and so were some of the gay LMBpers. Sharky was also exploring his newfound ability to turn into any exisitng shark species. Fat Cramer pondered all this as she curled up with her favorite catnip ball. She knew that the LMBP would have to rest first, to savor the moment, before worrying about their immediate problems. Namely, the loss of both the Emerald Eye and Abin Quank's power ring, and the rescues of Rody the Super Rat and Harbinger, wherever they were. Fat Cramer sighed. This was probably just the calm before the storm.
The Great Intellect was still pleased. He was pleased because the Multi-Colored Thing of Ekron was now 98% complete. He was pleased because the Emerald Eye had been bent to his will. He was pleased because he had made an enlarged copy of Abin Quank's power ring, and had put it on the Orange Ring Finger of Ekron. He was pleased because the original ring was working perfectly for him. He was pleased because Rody the Super rat's rescue was becoming more and more unlikely by the moment. And he was pleased because the spy he had put on Legion World was going to destroy the LMBP for him. There was no stopping him now. He threw back his head and laughed.
IB - fantastic stuff you've been writing. I can understand you getting a bit lonely - more people should be at least letting you know that you're input's being enjoyed - or preferably joining in the fun and writing some input to the story - even if it's just taking a handful of characters on a complete tangent.
So, come on you lot , join in.
They say that everybody's got a good story in them - you've had mine, so it's your turn.
"Trixie, Get yer Pixie ass in here, Didja tink I rehibernated yer ass ta sit onna desk an swing yer legs all day? I want ya ta go to da Philipines an get dis Indivisible Brainiac charikter under contract. An' remememberer I said unner contract Not Unner Da Sheets Kids unnerage, so keep yer panties on!
Oh an if her nibs is back from Scotland yet tell er that Numfbie's been sighted, so she better get her ass back ta Aberdeeen like rite now!"
---------Quaalude wears off----------------------
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Just as soon as the Check Clears!)
From: The Back Office in Abin's Fixit Shop. | Registered: Sep 2003
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