posted
Thanks for the kind words, both of you. Guess we have something in common, cause I love your stuff too Yeah, let's get busy, people! Just not in bed or anything
posted
You were on a roll there, IB. It would have been a shame to interrupt! Nice to see dem ole satan claws getting a workout in the interests of truth and justice....
posted
Edie Tor’s Note: Da neatest ting abouts time traabel stories is dat ya can fit dem in like anywheres in a story arc. So’s ifin ya wants ta tie dis up inna nice neet package like ya gots ta go backta page 10 ta see what happen when Dusty an’ Rody first arribed in da past. Or iffen ya wants ta gets a feel-up o’ how dis hole adbenture goes, ya gots ta go back ta page 1, BUT makes absoliturry sure yer Laughter Insurance Premiums is paid.
Now Backs ta our sorta story….
The sight of a green energy beam flashing out of Cloned Green Pig’s Ass just might give some people (or cats) the idea that maybe they should stop and figure out what’s going on before continuing on with their original intentions. Unfortunately, Stoopid Cat is not one of them. He had an idea once. He killed it and ate it. Then coughed it up as a hairball and promptly forgot about it. So, the only effect that the green energy ball had on him was to change the direction of his wild charge. Unfortunately he was now charging around the inside of a ball. Even for Stoopid Cat it quickly became a pointless exercise. So he took his usual course of action when faced with an obstacle that he couldn’t shred; he lay down and took a nap.
Now admittedly, floating around in a green energy bubble would be disconcerting to most sentient beings but that presupposes that the sentient being in question is smart enough to be disconcerted. Stoopid Cat is not smart enough. Actually Stoopid cat is only considered sentient because of his semi-unique ability to speak human languages. He is pugnacious, perpetually hungry, perverse, and several other not so flattering things starting with “P” (Or any other letter you choose, provided that the “not so flattering” appellation is appropriate).
Stoopid cat was an ordinary housecat who one day in the distant past ran afoul of the mysterious and vaguely powerful sorcerer STURat. STURat was a mousey little fellow at the time (rumor has it he was going by the name STUGerbil back then) and Stoopid Cat was in the mood for a quick lunch.
Stoopid Cat has always been inordinately proud of his skill as a Mouser. It’s just that he’s not always sure what is or isn’t a mouse. As far as he’s concerned, if it goes around on four legs and isn’t some form of cat, it’s a mouse. And everyone knows that cats catch mice. Ergo he has attacked cows, horses, dogs and kangaroo’s thinking that they were mice. Amazingly he won every fight. Well, admittedly on at least one occasion (an elephant, I believe) the “mouse” threw in the towel while ahead on points. Some wags suggest that Pagan Lass had a hand in that but Stoopid Cats official record is 10,714 – 1 – 3. (He doesn’t know that of course, the record was compiled by Tom, of Tom & Jerry Fame, who is the president of Stoopid Cat’s Fan Club.)
But I digress. So let’s get back to the story.
Anyway, STUGerbil and Stoopid Cat first met in the land that would later be known as Egypt. At the time STUGerbil was an apprentice to the Master Sorcerer known as Numb-Nuts the Semi-Incomprehensible. NNtSI needed an apprentice because he lived up to his name and STUGerbil was the only being within a thousand cubits who could understand the Master Sorcerer’s spoken hieroglyphics. (Hint: Ever tried to speak in hieroglyphics? It’ll tie your tongue in three knots before you can say hello.)
Stoopid Cat was the chief mouser in the Pre-Pharaoh’s household. (Look it was Pre-Egyptian times, so the country was ruled by a Pre-Pharaoh. I have no idea how they knew to call him that but they did) and the Pre-Pharaoh, Abu Nabu Bejabu, by name, had journeyed to the small town where Numb-Nuts the Semi-Incomprehensible lived to ask him a very important question.
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
That question may or may not have been “How do I get rid of this Stoopid Cat?”
The question, long lost to history, is not really important. What is important is the fact that Stoopid Cat in his usual rambunctious fashion greeted Numb-Nuts the Semi-Incomprehensible by swatting his apprentice (STUGerbil) across the floor. It was an event which would send ripples through the time stream from the dawn of pre-history to our current age. Let us take a journey into the mysterious past to witness the scene as it unfolded…
It was a hot, wet, cold, and dusty morning as the sun set behind the far off mountains as it usually did that time of year. In later centuries the sun would change it’s habits and set in the evening instead of the morning but unfortunately this story occurred during an era when the Almost Sun God, Pre-Ra and the Almost Moon God, Pre-Khons were experimenting with how days should work. They didn’t have it quite right yet. In fact only two of the Pre-Egyptian Deities had their acts down pat during this era; Rota-Pelvis the Music God of Memphis and Bast the Goddess of Cats.
The Pre-Egyptian Music Gods Rota-Pelvis and the Vulva-Seekers had retired to Pre-Memphis along the banks of the Soon to be Nile River, leaving in their wake a pair of blue suede sandals and thousands of broken hearted Pre-Egyptian teenage girls clutching empty Eskimo Pie wrappers (Eskimo Pies were invented by the Pre-Egyptian God Rota-Pelvis and were the original “Food of the Gods”, Ambrosia replaced them many centuries later only to be displaced again when Rota-Pelvis was reincarnated). Life in the small village of Not-Named-Yet was slowly returning to pre-normality after the dramatic ending of the festival of the Music God. The final number of the festival, that enormously popular Pre-Egyptian Love Song, “Blue Suede Camel Hotel Heartbreak” left the audience in awe, several Pre-Groupies and Almost-Camels pregnant, and Numb-Nuts the Semi-Incomprehensible with Pre-Excedrin Headache Number (-23)
Into all of this rode the Pre-Pharaoh’s entourage. Abu Nabu Bejabu, despite the way his name sounds, was a wise and just ruler. This actually means, when you consider the era in which he ruled, that he traveled with a large number of burly guard type individuals who took great pride in their skills with the “Long Knife” and practiced them often. Usually on members of the Pre-Egyptian general populace who happened to annoy the Pre-Pharaoh by existing. He was also wise enough to time his arrival in the area of Not-Named-Yet so that he and his entourage would miss the dramatic ending of the festival of the Music God, thereby sparing himself a major headache and the lives of many festival goers. Little things like that count for a lot when one wants to be known as a wise and just ruler.
NNtSI, lived in a large Tetrahedron on the edge of Not-Named-Yet due to the fact that pyramids hadn’t been invented yet. It was a lonely and thankless existence for the Master Sorcerer, considering that with the exception of half a google of young and nubile slaves he and his apprentice STUGerbil were entirely alone. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Pre-Egyptian numerical system a google is equal to two hands plus two feet time two hands plus two feet or considering the number of people who were missing various digits could be anywhere from one to one hundred. In this case it was 120. Master Sorcerers can do that.
Okay, is everyone still with me? Because the stage is now set for the first meeting between STU and Stoopid Cat…
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Firstly, Inivs B, I loved your story! Marvin the Martian of the Brood ! I love it! Nice work, I want to see more of it!
Secondly, Chuck, as always, I've been laughing my ass off! "It was a hot, wet, cold, dusty...": the little parts of your humor that catch me off guard
And everyone else, let's see some more! FC, we love it when you join in! Numf, I hope you're getting a second wind! And Harbinger, I demand that you post ! Vee, Quis, EDE, everyone else, that goes for you too!
*end interlude*
[ December 27, 2003, 03:41 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Meanwhile, back in our own time, the LMB gathered around to discuss the next stage of their plan, going after the mastermind trying to assemble the Multi-colored thing of Ekron, otherwise known by the horrifying name of Rainbow Man of Ekron! While new LMBers Marvin the Martian of the Brood, Santa Claus, Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd were welcomed through a traditional multi-galactic keggar, Stu was forced to go over strategy with He Who Wanders and Doctor One. Unfortunately, He Who Wanders was off wandering, and Princess Crujectra had to fill in and help out.
Suddenly, while holding up Space Ranger for a keg-stand with Cobalt Kid and Lardy, Abin Quank realized that the ring on his finger was in fact a fake! Knowing that he had a mental connection to his real ring, he might be able to... no, he was too drunk to figure it out! Cobalt thought about it too, but...no luck! Lash and Danny Blaine considered it: a mental connection with the ring, need to find the ring, maybe he could...nope, time for a shot!
Finally Inivisible Brainiac accidently went invisible while trying to get a glance of the Emerald Empress taking a shower when his intellect kicked in and he realized Abin could track down the real ring and take the LMBP to the Rainbow Man of Ekron! There, they could find the mastermind who had started all this trouble.
"We have another problem!" yelled Semi from the monitor room! "Mean Old Hero had been spotted at the Klorndy festival, he is threatening to destroy every penis and vagina there!" "Outrageous" screamed Poverty Lad, the master of one-liners! Stu took over: "Cobalt, you, Santa, Sharky, Fat Cramer, Poverty Lad, Kara and Homecoming Queen go after Mean Old Hero"
"Doctor One, you, Invisible Brainiac and Greybird Boy keep working on a way to reattach the penis's of the LMBers and how to go back in time to save Rody and Dusty!"
"Super Lad Kid, you go stop a revolt of dragons in the 3883rd sector"
"Kid Prime, assemble a secret team to find out what happened to EDE"
"Bugs, you try to get Numf so drunk he spills the beans about what happened to Harbinger"
"The rest of us are going to find the Rainbow Man of Ekron!"
"Oh, and Worthless Dude, you stay on Monitor Duty"
"Cool" replied the Worthless bastard, as everyone gave him a look. Sadly, they were unaware that he would be killed very shortly somewhere in the next few pages.
------------------------
Everyone, however, was still wondering about the great confrontation of Stoopid Cat and StuGerbil all those millenia ago...
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And who was the traitor that lurked within the halls of the LMB Mansion? No one knew for sure, although he talked kinda funny...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
STUGerbil stood next to the Master Sorcerer, Numb-Nuts the Semi Incomprehensible, and watched as the Pre Pharaoh’s entourage arrived outside the massive tetrahedron. (Okay, admit it, you all knew that a pyramid is a tetrahedron, but a tetrahedron isn’t necessarily a pyramid, didn’t you?) Behind them the massive multi colored thing of Pre-Egypt, (which in an untold story that hadn’t happened yet, but will happen later but might never be told, because this is just so confusing, left the earth and mutated into the massive multi colored thing of Ekron) pulsed a blinding warning. Luckily they were both wearing their cool shades which oddly enough had been imported from Pre-Legion World by an ancestor of Pre-Cobalt Kid, who sold cool things out of the Secret Trophy Cave Hideout located in a secret location on the other side of Not-Named-Yet.
Unfortunately for our heroes, which happen to be STUGerbil and Numb-Nuts the Semi-Incomprehensible in case anyone is confused, while polarizing lenses hadn’t been invented yet polarizing actions had. And the actions being taken outside the pyramid shaped tetrahedron by the wise and just Pre-Pharaoh’s full google (in this case 76, but I have no idea why) of burly guard type individuals who took great pride in their skills with the “Long Knife” and practiced them often, could definitely be considered Polarizing.
Polarizing because they immediately began lining up siege engines and preparing to assault the tetrahedron. Polarizing because all 76 of the large burly guard type individuals drew their “Long Knives” in a single well practiced motion. Polarizing because the Pre-Pharaoh strode to the front of his troops and unleashed the single most feared engine of destruction in the entire arsenal of the Pre-Egyptian army, Stoopid Cat!
“I thought you said they were coming for peaceful negotiations?” STUGerbil commented as he observed the actions of the rapidly deploying forces.
= 556; = 550; = 556; , answered NNtSI, Which once again both amazed STUGerbil with his mastery of spoken hieroglyphics and at the same time irritated him with the name, Grasshopper.
Just perhaps, STUGerbil was spared any further embarrassment by the movements outside, because as he was about to mention to NNtSI that he was not a geeky white dude pretending to be a Shao-Lin Monk, a movement caught his eye.
“Look, Master, The cat is approaching the walls. Should we do something?”
STUGerbil paused and looked down at his gerbil body – The greatest rodent catcher in the world? Still it was just a cat and he was a vaguely powerful wizard. He could handle any cat.
But before STUGerbil could think about the knowledge his master had imparted to him, Stoopid Cat was there. A paw half the size of STUGerbil’s body lashed out and…
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: *interlude*
Firstly, Inivs B, I loved your story! Marvin the Martian of the Brood ! I love it! Nice work, I want to see more of it!
Secondly, Chuck, as always, I've been laughing my ass off! "It was a hot, wet, cold, dusty...": the little parts of your humor that catch my off guard
And everyone else, let's see some more! FC, we love it when you join in! Numf, I hope you're getting a second wind! And Harbinger, I demand that you post ! Vee, Quis, EDE, everyone else, that goes for you too!
*end interlude*
* More Interlude*
Cobie, It appears great minds think alike. But, what that has to do with us I haven't got the foggiest idea. Oh Yeah, the Multi colored thing, thing. Don't let the origin that's maybe or maybe not coming up affect your story. (as Lash would say at this point *Tee Hee*)
Oh, and to all the rest of you, especially you Harbinger, Get writing and posting!
Cobie, thanks for the kind words. But you I can't post without your posts setting up the next few story arcs yet. You're the one who always sets things up for us. Glad you like my modification of Marvin, I figured we could get some wackiness out of it.
Abin Quank, I love the origin story you're coming up with, it's worthy and very nicely written.
Numf-el, Harbinger, Fat Cramer, and everyone else, come on and jump right in! Feel free to add your own brand of wackiness! Cobalt's post summarized things quite nicely, so pick one and get posting!!!
Just a note to remind you that you promised that the following dangling plotlines would be cleared up soon: 1. Cobalt Kid’s Painful Rectal Itching. 2. The Nurswery Wime Way 3. Harbinger taking a shower 4. Brood Shit 5. Pagan Lass taking a shower 6. Umber & the Boyz giving Botox Injections 7. Crujectra Taking a shower 8. Harbi & Sonnie’s argument 9. Emerald Empress taking a shower 10. The Fate of the two Lori Mornings 11. Crujectra taking a shower. 12. Something Amazing’s Tee Shirt 13. King Kong in EE’s Harem 14. What happened to Slaughterhawk, Bloodbath, & Avengline? 15. Wart-world around Uranus & the Super Moby Dick of Space 16. Everyday girl’s transgressions 17. The Flying Haggis Sisters 18. Crujectra taking a Bath 19. The identity of “C” 20. Lash Taking a shower
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Just as soon as the Check Clears!)
From: The Back Office in Abin's Fixit Shop. | Registered: Sep 2003
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Yeah, let's get busy, people! Just not in bed or anything ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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worthy and very nicely written. 
