posted
Greybird had caught the trail of EDE. Greybird has also caught the trail of Abin Quank's power ring. Greybird has also found the two Lori Mornings' trail, even though everybody else still liked to pretend that he hadn't. The Empress had also reactivated her mental link with the Eye. And they all led to the same place. Kid Prime wondered who could possibly be powerful enough to keep all of those at the same time. Heavens knows, they had had enough trouble keeping Legion World from being torn apart by the Lori Mornings fights. He would have liked Invisible Brainiac to figure it out, but IB had already tried to escape three times, and so he had knocked him out again. They were fast approaching their destination...
posted
The Master-Baiter and his daughter Vibra-ter were celebrating the imminent completion of the Rainbow Man of Ekron. All that was needed now was to use the powers of the beings they had gathered to jumpstart its sentience, as most of its parts were still dormant. They raised their glasses, which were full of a thick white liquid, and downed them in one gulp. Their servants were getting the beings ready as they celebrated. The Master-Baiter looked over at his legion of fish-like thingies. He had already sent the Super Moby Dicks, which were his favorites among them all, to destroy the LMBP. It had an enormous capacity for power, and a few spurts would be enough to destroy everything. He gripped his staff and took in the glow coming from Abin Quank's power ring, which fit it perfectly. He had kept it for himself, since the Rainbow Man of Ekron would have enough power to destroy an entire planet, nay, an entire Solar System, on its own. Besides, it was difficult to find something which could fit onto his thick staff. He smiled to himself. Oh, the fun he would have with it! "Father, the servants have finished the beings off. We can begin anytime." "Good, good! Let me look them over carefully before we begin." The Master-Baiter turned to gaze over the Rainbow Man and the beings attached to the machine which would siphon off part of their immense energy and transform it to the Rainbow Man. He lingered over the bulge the middle one had in his pants, and then swept upward when he determined that it was definitely not bigger than his own. He was fiercely proud of it, after all. He then turned to the other figures, but dismissed them instantly. They surely did not match his daughters own assets. He permitted himself a small smile of satisfaction, and then turned his gaze upon the unconscious faces of Eryk Davis Ester and the two Lori Mornings. He could hardly wait. "Begin the operation."
It also yawned, rolled over, and scratched itself all while chuckling softly at Terry Pratchett’s latest book but no one noticed those actions. It was the blink that mattered.
Pagan Lass, was just about finished with her last dance, and more than finished with putting up with Super Duper Marvelous Man’s repeated attempts to fondle whichever portion of her torso was closest to him, when she gave a huge shuddering gasp and collapsed to the floor, apparently unconscious.
She would later claim that it was an unconscious reflex that caused her to wallop Supie-Dupie through the wall when he attempted to revive her by massaging her “lungs”.
Unbeknownst to the members of the JSMBP they were trapped in the backwash of the universe being destroyed and recreated by Nads-Kicker Person (look, this far into the story I’m not going to waste any time trying to figure out the whole lad/lass thing, Okay?) in the far future. Nads-Kicker Person is the Ambi-sexual (which only means that [s]he can do it with either hand) altID of the semi-nefarious poster known as MLLash Lad who is also an alternate reality version of one half of the Time Mouse Trapper, who may or may not be Rokk Steady, except that he isn’t involved with this in any way. Clear as mud? Good!
Fortunately this retcon only affected two and a half of the JSMBP Members. And it went largely unnoticed by everyone present in JSMBP HQ. SALLy did notice, but under the circumstances she considered the changes an improvement and kept her mouth shut, with the exception of a few giggles.
The Green Latrine and Duck Bloggers vanished (they were a pair of badly conceived characters anyway, so this may have been the universe’s way of correcting that error) and were replaced by: 1. Jaded Girl – Super-Rich, Super-Blonde, and Super-Bored. 2. Mr. Terrifically – That paragon of Fair Play, or was it Fore Play? And his floating T=Balls, Ben and Wa.
posted
So with StuRat (or StuLion now), Faraway and Icefyre gone for a quick drinking binge and trip back to Earth (although they had no idea it was the final confrontation), the rest of the huge group of LMBers continued on their way.
Lardy, as always, was the first to see the Hootchie Hut up ahead. "Should we stop?" asked Abin, which caused his brother to slap him upside the head. "Of course we stop bro, there be hootchies inside, and it'll help the teams morale!" "SP is right" said Lardy, "besides, Hummer Lass and are overdue for a three way and I need some food to sustain my power." "And LMBers drink for free at the Hootchie Hut!" yelled Lash!
Princess Crujectra sighed, but she knew there was no stopping the LMBers now. While Umber sat down to tell a long story about shopping to Brock, Ashe and Cliff eyed each other curiously, although Umber didn't pick up on it. Most of the LMB did, but no one wanted to hurt the poor dear's feelings.
Numf-El settled in for a long binge since he hadn't had a pint in about a half a day and was way overdue to get obnoxious and loud. This meant Harbinger carefully moved to the back of the room where she accidently bumped into Sonnie. No one could tell you what they said, especially this author, since I swear it almost sounded like Ancient Armenian.
While Arachne, Outdoor Miner, Dev and the others settled in for a drink, no one realized that the ambush was no set! Bloodbath, the hideous killer that looked like he was drawn by Rob Liefield used his great disguise technique and came out in a maid's uniform. "Why don't we let them get drunk and pass out?" asked Avengilyne to Death Blood, to which he replied, "Shut up!". He didn't like being questioned.
Bloodbath, in his blood red uniform and huge swords and guns sticking out, put on a maid's uniform over his costume and began serving drinks. It was Semi who noticed, when Bloodbath spilt his martini. Vee noticed a huge saber on his back then too. Something was wrong here...
Lardy walked outside to piss on the back door of the Hut since he didn't want to go into the bathroom after filling the toilet with crap a half hour before and not flushing. He looked up. There he saw an army of Super Space Moby Dicks! Death Blood, the horrible killer stood watching him. "And now" said Death Blood. "It begins..."
Lardy farted smuggly. "Elmer, you're fuckin' with the wrong wabbits"...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Instantly, a huge battle ensued! Punches, kicks, whips, blasts, pummels, bites, chomps, zaps, booms, bangs, crashes, scubas, zoinks, smooches, hummers, "Oh Fuck!"'s, and all kinds of madness. You get the picture...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
The Master-Baiter groaned in ecstasy as EDE's and the two Lori Mornings' life-forces were emptied into the Rainbow Man of Ekron. His daughter Vibra-ter giggled in delight as she watched the LMBP getting thrashed outside (and inside) the Hootchie Hut. The Super Moby Dicks were swallowing LMBPers by the dozens, with nowhere out unless they wanted to go out the other end, which was a very bad idea. They were so busy qatching that htey didn't notice Kid Prime's group sneaking into their lair/headquarters/secret hideout or whatever you want to call it.
posted
In the meantime, Cobie's group, which everybody seems to have forgotten, had reached Mean Old Hero and were busy confronting him. Well, they were about to confront him. And they would too, once they decided whose naughty bits were expendable, just in case Mean Old Hero wanted to test his powers first. They had been arguing rather vehemently. Cobalt Kid and Poverty Lad absolutely refused to go in. They said that they had already lost their members once, and they would rather face an angry Giant Robotic Lesbian and a Thora who had just had a crash course in castration than lose their members again. Of course, this did not make sense, since they would be losing their members in a more painful manner that way, as Kara and Homecoming Queen were quick to point out, but neither Cobie nor Pov would change their minds. Santa Claus wanted Kara and H Queen to go, but only because he wanted some time alone with Cobie and Pov. Sharky was looking for something to eat, and Fat Cramer was busy cleaning herself. She wanted no part of this, and she had succeeded in convincing everyone that she was not Fat Cramer, but was in fact just an ordinary cat lying around on the ground. Just then, the universe blinked again, and Mean Old Hero was transported into the Master-Baiter's lair, right into the machine holding EDE and the two Lori Mornings, where his life force was drained first, thus saving the lives of EDE and the two LMs, giving Kid Prime's team more time to act. Cobalt Kid's team was also transported into the Hootchie Hut, where they appeared in time to get swallowed by one of the Moby Dicks along with pretty much the rest of the LMBP. And that takes care of yet another seemingly forgotten subplot.
posted
The Master-Baiter was enjoying himself when what appeared to be Booty Shaker and Dancing Queen walked in. At least, they were wearing BS and DQ's clothes, but BS' shoes were way too large and his face was full of white makeup. "Master! You have to stop your machine at once! EDE's life force is too great, and may cause it to overload!" "We can fix it for you, but it will take some time. Luckily, we managed to capture the one known as Invisible Brainiac (no, not the One known as the One, since there already is one cosmically powered villain in this story). He can upgrade your device for you!" said Booty Shaker as he fished an unconscious IB out of his pants. Master-Baiter was annoyed and puzzled. He was annoyed because they had interrupted his pleasure, and he was puzzled because he knew that they had been captured on Legion World. But because he was a cosmically powerful being and had a Great Intellect to boot, he quickly realized that they couldn't be the real ones. "You DARE to interrupt my pleasure AND you DARE to attempt to fool me? Seize them at once!" His Legion of Super-Fish Like Thingies immediately netted both BS and DQ, and revealed them to be Actor Lad and Senor Widebottom. "But I thought our acting was perfect!" said SW. "My acting was, but I TOLD you to get rid of that clown makeup!" yelled Actor Lad! "This isn't makeup! It's my real skin tone!" SW yelled back. The Master-Baiter was pleased. Senor Widebottom's humorously oversized panatloons (henceforth known as HOP) were one of the LMBP's greatest weapons, and now he had them in his grasp as well! "Bring me the HOP!" (of course, he didn't really call them HOP, but this author is very lazy so let's just pretend he did) SW gasped as his HOP were pulled from him, and he was left only with his HOU (U stands for underwear). "This would be humorous if only it wasn't so chilly in here!" The Master-Baiter grinned with pleasure as he peeked into SW's HOP. He smelled the delightful odor that had been left there after some of the LMBPers had spent a month in the HOP because they had been lost and had released stress the only way they could. He pushed his head in deeper, enjoying the smells, and trying to figure out the powers of this wonderful pair of HOPs. What he found, he didn't quite expect.
posted
The Master-Baiter jerked back (no, not off, since even the Master-Baiter does not have unlimited stamina) as ammericommando's fist met his face. Kid Prime and his team quickly climbed out of SW's HOP. "Great work, ActorLad and Senor Widebottom, they totally fell for it! Now revive IB and get to work on freeing EDE!" Senor Widebottom quickly put on his HOP again, and pushed IB's head into them. IB quickly revived (which was SW's purpose all along, this was no time to be naughty!) and got to work on freeing EDE. Kid Prime and the others went ahead to confront the Master-Baiter and his minions. Kid Prime slammed into Master-Baiter with his metallic body, trying to kncok him unconscious. Master-Baiter fought back, all the while wishing that Kid Prime was one of his loyal minions becuase frankly, all this body slamming was getting him excited, and Vibra-ter could also have used someone like Kid Prime. Greybird and americommando tried to retrieve Abin Quank's power ring, but it wasn't easy because it was stuck on Master-Baiter's staff. Saturnrings used her powers to channel any one of Saturn Girl's characterizations and turned Vibra-ter's butt into iron. This caused a backlash in Vibra-ter's powers, knocking her out of the battle. Marvin the Martian of the Brood summoned a dozen Sylvester's, who immediately began chasing the Legion of Super Fish-Thingies with King Kong, who was gobbling them up by the dozen. The Empress and Pagan Lass were working on getting the Emerald Eye back, while Globe Girl used her huge globes to protect Invisible Brainiac, while Senor Widebottom made sure IB wouldn't get distracted by shielding him form the view of Globe Girl's globes. After they freed the two Lori Mornings, SW quickly stuffed them into his HOP before they could revive and annoy everybody in sight. After they successfully freed EDE, Everyday Girl stepped in and used her mess-everything-up powers (or comedy plot device powers) to make the machine fall apart. The Master-Baiter screamed as he saw this, partially because that machine had cost him a lot of money (money which should have gone to pay for his toys) and partly because Greybird and the others had succeeded in wrenching Abin Quank's power ring from his staff. "It's over. Now your Rainbow Man will never be free to wreak havoc on the galaxy!" "Not so, Kid Prime!" retored Master-Baiter as he spurted a blast of liquid which knocked Kid Prime and company down. "I can still use some of my own life force!" He quickly revived his daughter Vibra-ter, and they flew to the Rainbow Man where he planted his staff into it's mouth while Vibra-ter positioned herself down below. The Rainbow Man quickly powered up, and it began to glow! All the LMBpers gasped, partly because the Rainbow Man was moving and partly because Master-Baiter was definitely enjoying himself. "Yes, my work is complete! Rainbow Man, heed your new master! Take me to Legion World!" The LMBPers could only watch in horror as the Rainbow Man, Master-Baiter and Vibra-ter teleported out of the room. Kid Prime said, "This sucks, and I don;t just mean the Rainbow Man!"
posted
They quickly gathered around Kid Prime for an update. "Okay, folks, we've got to go and warn Lightning Lad and the others back at Legion World, and we have to stop the Rainbow Man and retrieve the Emerald Eye. We've also got to get STU's group as reinforcements. Globe Girl, give us an update on their situations." Globe Girl concentrated, and everybody could see Legion World appear on her left globe, and the Hootchie Hut on the right. "Huh, that's just like them, stopping over at the Hootchie Hut... Invisible Brainiac, stop drooling on me! Hey, what's this... Oh my grife, they're being attacked! Okay, change of plans, guys. Empress, Pagan Lass, Saturnrings, Greybird, americommando, Actor Lad, you guys come with me to legion World. Globe Girl, Invisible Brainy, Marvin, Senor Widebottom and King Kong, you guys go help out Lash and the others, and when you're done head over to LW right away. Since we're running out of time, we'll have to go through Senor Widebottom's humorously oversized pantaloons. Let's go, Legionnaires!!!"
The only being present who had escaped the devastating effects of the universal blink was Stoopid Cat, who was still floating (and silently gloating) around the room encased in Cloned Green Pig’s Power Ringworm generated green energy bubble.
Jessica Quickly lay atop Mr. Terrifically who was sprawled across several shattered tables, his T=Balls, Ben and Wa, buzzing wildly as they circled the pair searching for an opening to enter and help. (Now, there’s another visual that will stay with you guys a looooong time!)
Dusty Baker and Jaded Girl were hopelessly entangled with Cloned Green Pig.
Rody had somehow fallen into Spectacular Aqua Lung’s Lass’s tank.
And, of course, Super Duper Marvy Person was stuck halfway through a wall after having been booted across the room by Pagan Lass.
Umm… Super Duper Marvy Person? Who the hell is Super Duper Marvy Person, you ask? Is this where the “and a half” line comes in?
Well… Technically… Yes. But you’re gonna have to read a little further as this mess gets straightened out. Right now everyone is talking at once and it’s just a little confusing.
“What the hell happened?”
“Did I just see an enormous eyelid?”
“Would you please get your foot out of there?”
“I can’t believe that goddam sheep ate the whole thing! (And you guys thought that Running Gag was over, finished, and kaput, Dintcha?) [For clarification see the last post on page 13]
“Do they always vibrate like that?”
Normally, SALLy is very good at assessing and taking charge of unusual situations, she has to be as she seems to be the only member of this group capable of thought generation above the shoulders. But at that moment she was coming to grips with the fact there was a wet rat nestled comfortably in her rather ample cleavage.
[It is important to remember at this point that this entire episode is being telepathically communicated to me from the prospective of Shea [pronounced: She] the Super Flea, who is Rody’s version of Robin II, and she’s (good pun, huh.) a mite (another one) small.]
Small and beady rodent eyes met large green and sexy human eyes but love did not blossom. Revulsion heaved and disgust digressed, along with a small amount of abounding annoyance and that was just on Rody’s part. SALLy simply tried to scream.
“Y*gurgle*E*gurgle*E*gurgle*…*gulp*K. (do you guys have any idea how hard it is to translate the sound of an underwater EEEK, that is being emitted at the top of a pair of lungs like that and translated by a super flea?)
SALLy might have gone into a classic underwater, spit-take, super-heroine panic attack if it weren’t for a squeaky voice announcing in a tone of sheer wonderment:
”They’re Real!! And They’re Spectacular!!”
Instead, she almost drowned herself in a fit of underwater giggling!
posted
Back at the Hootchie Hut, hell had broken loose!
Cobalt Kid ripped a Super Moby Dick to shreds magnetically, as his group were freed from it's stomach! Santa blasted magic at another Moby Dick, saying "that's it! I'm used to working one night a year! As soon as this mess is over, I want to return to reserve status! You guys are constanly getting eaten, hacked, shot at..." "Can it old man!" yelled Homecoming Queen, as she, Poverty Lad and Fat Cramer leaped into action! "Sharky, go make sure everyone else is OK!" yelled Cobalt, as Sharklad swung down to see Lardy engaged in battle with Death Blood!
Lardy, using his lardforce powers, showed why out of all the LMBers, he was still the 'big-gun'. Attacking Death Blood with ferocity, the two locked themselves in combat.
Inside the Hootchie Hut, the massive gathering of LMBers battled the three minions of Death Blood and the army of Super Moby Dicks that had gathered. Bloodbath battled Lash, until Shark Lad suddenly flew down, biting down and devouring Bloodbath whole! "Easy Sharkey" said Lash, "you don't want to get too ferocious..."
Avengilyne and SlaughterHawk fought back against Harbinger, Space Ranger and Princess Crujectra, but they were a bit outclassed.
"Everyone outside!" yelled Cobalt Kid suddenly. As the LMBers looked up into space, they saw why: The Planet Pluto aka Wartworld, had arrived. Now the battle really livened up...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Immediately, the most powerful LMBers flew at Wartworld, looking to take it out: Lard Lad, Cobalt Kid, Space Ranger, Harbinger, Dev-Em and Santa Claus.
Death Blood grinned, looking for his opening, until suddenly, he felt his genitals shrinking. He looked down, not noticing Vee, who hopped on his shoulder in a shrunken-down state. "Guess what?" he whispered into his ear. "That's what" said Semi-Transparent Fellow, throwing a knockout punch into his face.
Avengilyne fought on, as Sketch Lad and Lucien Lad tried to corner her. Stepping backwards over Umber's new heels, she suddenly heard a tremendous scream, as Umber couldn't believe the blemish that now existed on her most favorite new possession. Leaping at Avengilyne, Umber started a cat-fight, or more precisely a terrible beating, knocking Avengilyne into submission.
Slaughterhawk feared no better, as Arachne, Poverty Lad and Outdoor Miner took him down just as easy. "You're a disgrace to wings pal, be lucky Greybird ain't here" said Pov, the master of intra-battle wit.
Suddenly, they looked up to see Bugs Bunny talking to the King of the Super Moby Dicks. No one could hear what he was saying but suddenly, the King started to laugh, until his laughter became uncontrollable! With a big smile, the King suddenly ordered the Super Moby Dicks to pull back, and return home! Abandoning their master, the Super Moby Dicks now left only one enemy for the united LMB: Wartworld.
----------------------
Meanwhile, Faraway Lad, Icefyre and StuRat approached Legion World, ready to go home and help out in anyway they could. They were completely unaware of the trouble headed they're way...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Witin da next tree or so posts, StuRat is gonner be whisked away to da past. He will ony be gone fer like a minute, but when he returns like he will be trapped as StuLion.
Type dis Trixie.
Holee Spit... You can type wit dose???
*** Note's over get back ter woik ***
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic | Subscribe To Topic
![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
