posted
While Stoopid Cat and STUgerbil were facing off in ancient Egypt, in another place, a long time later, Crujectra was enjoying a hot shower. It was her second shower of the day, and had followed a bath. It was so rare that she was able to shower without some storyline interrupting her, she had decided to make the most of it.
"Well, I can't have my delicate skin wrinkling," she said to herself as she turned off the water, wrapped herself in a large, soft towel and quietly walked off to her room for a pleasant snooze. As she was falling asleep, she sighed contentedly. "That takes care of dangling plotlines 7, 11 and 18," she said to no one in particular.
Meanwhile, Harbinger and Pagan Lass were also taking showers. Pagan Lass was using her special mistletoe shampoo and Harbinger was singing old show tunes. "This is so much better than arguing with Numf-el in Aberdeen, " she shouted to Pagan Lass in the next stall. "Thanks for casting that spell to teleport me out of there. It was cold and damp, and I was getting hungry."
"No problem at all, Binger," replied Pagan Lass. "I could sense that you wanted to get out of there. I just hope Numf-el is content with being sent to that Strip Club on Rimbor."
"Well, that takes care of dangling plotlines 3, 5 and 8 - unless someone wants to start up our argument again," Harbinger stated.
"Lash! Lash!" shouted Pagan Lass. "You're going to run out of hot water soon. We're done here. Want me to scrub your back?"
"Uh, no thanks, Pagan Lass. I'm done here anyways. That was a great shower, and that wraps up dangling plotline #20. Now on to something a little more interesting. Chili Sauce!"
"Jeese, dat Fat Cramer chippie sure is da like quick one. Half da list alreadily done. Trixie, 'mind me ta make sure she gets a nice bonus dis month. Mebie a weekend on Summer World, or sumtin like dat. It'd be a whole week, like, but she fergot da Emerald Empress.
posted
Meanwhile, the Emerald Empress was taking a shower with King Kong. Little did she know that King Kong was actually not King Kong at all, but Cobalt Kid in a gorilla suit! Wearing the gorilla suit in the shower was the best way to cure rectal itching Doctor One had told him, although Cobalt was too drunk to realize he was being fucked with. Luckily Doctor One spiked his drink with a cure for it anyway! With #1, 9 and 13 out of the way, the rest of the LMBP prepared to all go on their separate missions.
Suddenly, Everyday Girl ran through headquarters into the Monitor Room believing that the LMBP were playing a joke on her, when she was actually being haunted by two ghosts! What she saw was the Worthless Dude, an LMBer that no one cared about or even liked! He was decapitated, with his eyes gouged out, his limbs torn asunder and hot acid poured down his torso!
Who had done this evil deed? Why, it was the LMBP traitor...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
...Elmer Fudd! Joining with Santa, Marvin the Martian of the Brood and Bugs Bunny, Elmer was actually the super-traitor!
Evil to the bone, Elmer chuckled! Not only did he despise that wascally wabbit, but he haited all things that were good, or at least semi-good! In fact, shock followed shock, as Elmer looked back on his origin: similar to Saga of the Swamp Thing #21 by Alan Moore, Elmer believed he was an animated cartoon who believed he was a stupid rabbit hunter, when he really was a Giant Demon from hell that believed he was an evil Robot conquerer from outer Space!
Fudd laughed again at such a dumb origin, and took his new 1990's Image/Marvel name: Death Blood! Death Blood summoned his agents: Slaughter Hawk, Avegline and Bloodbath, as he spoke to the mastermind behind the terrible conspiracy of the Rainbow Man of Ekron!
Little did the LMBPers led by StuRat realize that they were now headed right for a trap! Stu's team was virtually the whole LMB: Space Ranger, StuRat, Princess Crujectra, Lard Lad, Hummer Lass, Abin Quank, Harbinger, Numf-El, Bugs Bunny, Lash Lad, Sonnie, Danny Blaine, Vee, Semi, Outdoor Miner, Arachne, and everyone else that weren't on Cobalt Kid's mission (stick to continuity!!!) or Kid Prime's secret mission (as yet to be named!)
Despite this incredible display of power, the LMBPers were headed into a terrible trap! The mastermind smiled knowing that Death Blood and his three minions would cut them off and then be joined by Wartworld (which was still approaching Uranus) and the King of Super Moby Dicks! A great battle was on the horizen!
Is the LMBP doomed?
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Meanwhile, Doctor One, Invisible Brainiac and Greybird Boy continued to build the device needed to restore all of the fallen penis's to the LMBP and denizens of Legion World!
Nightcrawler walked in, since he, Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl were the founders of the Legion World and were always present on it. The weilded great power, although there curse was that they could never leave Legion World. Therefore, the turned it into the great place that it was.
Nighty looked at Invisible B and Grey, who were watching Casablanca on the viewscreen. "Aren't you guys supposed to be hard at work?" he asked. "No, we're done. The device is right there" they said pointing to a remote control. "So? Where's Doctor One?" "OH! He's getting popcorn. Just hit the red button."
Nightcrawler, shrugging his shoulders, hit the button, and suddenly "boop", everyone had their penis back! Too bad that the mastermind's plan had already suceeded in getting the power he needed, but at least everyone got their jimmy back. There would sure be a lot of sex and masterbation tonight after this good news !
Anyway, back to the story at hand, Stu's massive team of LMBers were headed into a deadly trap...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
But in the meantime, we will head back to Legion World first so that Kid Prime's team can leave.
Invisible Brainiac, Doctor One and Greybird were having the time of their lives watching Casablanca. Unfortunately, I cannot comment on the film since I never watched it, so all I can post here are vague comments of approval. "Wow, it's so dramatic!" "(choke) (sniff) I'm going to cry!" "I'm going to make you cry, all right!" said Kid Prime as he came from behind and knocked their heads together. "Saturn Girl has been trying to contact you for the last half hour! We're supposed to be tracking down EDE, the two Lori Mornings, Abin Quank's power ring and the Empress' Emerald Eye! Not to mention the source of the Nursewy Wime Way!" "But we've already solved the problem of that last one." said Doctor One, trying to ease the pain of his aching head. "It was just Santa Claus testing out one of the new toys in his workshop. (and that takes care of #2.)" "Okay, okay, good work then. Now come on, we still have a lot of work to do!" Kid Prime said as he dragged Invisible Brainiac away, since the head-knocking had made knocked him unconscious, which is what usually happens when three hard skulls are knocked against each other by a strong mechanical being, and your skull is in the middle of the three. "I still have to get the rest of the team ready, but since STU took most of the LMBP, we'll have to serach every nook and cranny on Legion World just to put together a team large enough to handle the two Lori Mornings! Now get off your butts and let's get going!" ******************************** Marvin the Martian of the Brood was pleased with himself. Not only had he saved Legion World bu summoning Bugs Bunny, but he had become an active LMBPer and he had also talked his Brood brothers into leaving Legion World alone (which takes care of #4), and now he was going on his very first official mission as a member of the LMBP! He looked around. So far only Everyday Girl, ActorLad, the americommando and Saturnrings had shown up for the mission. "So, do you think we'll run into any super-powered demigods who will try to kill us?" Nobody answered him, though. The first three were still busy oohing and aaahing over Legion World, as they were still new, and Saturnrings was still looking for Saturn Girl, whom she still firmly believed was the Saturn Girl from the comic books. Marvin sighed. He hoped Kid Prime got here soon. "Servant! Get my new pet a cushion!" Marvin turned around to see the Empress (minus the Emerald Eye) yelling at no-one in particular, with Pagan Lass, Globe Girl and King Kong as the new permanent members of her entourage! "Pagan Lass? But I thought you were lost in time with Stoopid Cat!" "I was, but then I was brought here during the time fluctuations a while back, and the Empress here has been teaching me how to be regal and royal!" Pagan Lass said with a flip of her extremely long hair. "Great, now we'll have two royal pain..." "Is everyone ready?" said Kid Prime, walking in with Greybird, a still unconscious Invisible Brainiac and a Senor Widebottom who was trying to extricate himself from his humorously oversized pantaloons. "Okay, gang, we have a big mission ahead of us. Somewhere out there, one of our most important members, as well as two of the most powerful weapons in the galaxy, and two of the most annoying people in the entire universe are out there, waiting for us to get them. We are the only ones left who can get them, as most of the LMBP are already on other missions and the remaining male members will not go with us as they are still enjoying their newly returned members. So let us go, because the safety of the universe just might rest in our hands!" Kid Prime paused to let everything sink in. He loved gviing inspirational speeches. He watched as all the assembled LMBPers looked at one another, and slowly turned their heads to look at him. He smiled. They would be cheering so loudly... "Slave! I said get my new pet a pillow!" "Saturn Girl! Where are you! Please give me an autograph! Look, I'm your number one fan!" "Oh, curse these humorously oversized pantaloons of mine! I can't even find my other arm!" "Oh, Empress, you are so royal!" "Hey, who summoned this Sylvester Cat fellow???" "Oops, sorry about that!" "Hey, what happened to Invisible Brainiac?" "Hey, look, everybody, I'm acting like Kid Prime!" "Hey, Nobody is touching me!" Kid Prime wanted to weep. Why, oh why, didn't he go with STU's group and let someone else get this headache?
posted
Lightning Lad wanted to tos his cookies. Worthless Dude had smelled even worse dead than he had alive, not that he had imagined it possible. He had nearly fainted trying to remove the corpse. Now, Lightning Lad may seem callous to you, but really, nobody had even cared for worthless dude as he had been especially created just to show how evil Elmer Fudd really was. In toher words, we had just been making use of the "kill-of-a-worthless-character-that-only-the-most-obsessed-of-fan-boys-will-miss-and-threaten-the-writers-about-just-so-we-can-show-how-evil-the-bad-guy-is-rule", or the "cannon fodder rule". Lightning Lad watched as Kid Prime and his team, which consisted of Greybird, Invisible Brainiac, Marvin the Martian of the Brood, the Empress (minus the Emerald Eye), Pagan Lass, Globe Girl, King Kong, Senor Widebottom, Saturnrings, Everyday Girl, americommando and Actor Lad left the hangar bay. Another cruiser full of those male members who had decided to enjoy the return of their members first had just departed to join STU's team, still having fun with their male members, mostly on each other or on fake toys. Lightning Lad hoped they wouldn't crash into anything this time. He checked the mission monitor board. Cobalt Kid, Fat Cramer, Santa Claus, Homecoming Queen, Sharklad, Poverty Lad and Kara were off chasing Mean Old Hero, and pretty much the rest of the LMBP was off looking for the Rainbow man of Ekron, which Dancing Queen and Booty Shaker had spilled the beans about during their interrogation. Rody the Super Rat was still lost somewhere in time. The only ones left on Legion World were Saturn Girl, Nightcrawler, Tromium Crystal (who was still learning how to levitate himself properly), new members Blacula, esk and FunTimeFerro, Super Lad Kid, who had just returned from beating up the space dragons, Doctor One, who had managed to escape from Kid Prime, and himself. Lightning Lad just wanted to enjoy the quiet on Legion World, for as long as it could possibly last.
posted
The Great Intellect was very pleased. All he had to do was finish duplicating the multi-colored hairs of Ekron and the Rainbow Man would be finished. There were brunette hairs on the chest area, the right part of which was a male's chest and the left part of which was a female chest. There were red hairs on the arms, strawberry blonde hairs on the face, brown hairs on the back, and a mixture of hairs on the naughty parts. The Rainbow Man had both male and female parts, so perhaps it was more correct to call it a Rainbow Sentient. Whatever it would be called, it would ne finished soon. The Great Intellect was thinking where to send it first. It wouldn't be much use sending it against the massive team of LMBPers heading this way, since they would probably be destroyed already. The best choice would be to eliminate the source of the LMBP, the home of its wacky members, the source of the ever-growing thorn in his side. He would send it to Legion World.
posted
It’s not easy (or safe) to surprise a Master Sorcerer; unless, of course, you happen to be a Goddess.
Bast, the Pre-Egyptian Goddess of Cats, did not fear the wrath of Numb-Nuts the Semi-Incomprehensible. She materialized inside the tetrahedron astride a Numedian Lion just as he was launching a bolt of Mystic Energy designed to vaporize Stoopid Cat on the spot.
quote:
** Eddie Tor’s Note **
“look fer easy of readin’, da Master Sorcerer’s woids will now be translaterid from speakin Heiroglyps ta plain ol engrish. Dis is because dere’s nobody ta gives youse guys da idea o’ wot he’s sayin’. An’ also because da stupid MB transliterates da wingding tings dat should appears inta little squares an’ funky like nummers. Okay?
** Eddie Tor’s Note Over Wit **
“Hold, Master Sorcerer!” She cried, as soon as her vocal cords appeared in this universe. She assumed that he would know what to hold when she cried that. Pre-Egyptian Goddesses were big on assumptions that mere mortals would know just what they were talking about. And she was intentionally vague because she would have found it highly amusing if he had grabbed his neither regions (Which of course assumes that master sorcerers have neither regions). Pre-Egyptian Goddesses were also very big on amusing themselves but since batteries hadn’t been invented yet their methods were quite crude.
Luckily he held the appropriate thing, which of course assumes that you all know what the appropriate thing is, or was, or will be; but anyway, he held it and it was the right choice.
Now for anyone other than a Master Sorcerer stopping a Mystic Energy bolt once it had been gathered and readied for launch would be a nearly impossible task. But since NNtSI was indeed a Master Sorcerer, he simply pulled it down and put it into his pocket. Which is far easier said than done. I mean just think about it. Would you walk around all day with a mystic energy bolt primed and ready to go off in your pocket, right next to your neither region? Which assumes of course that you have a neither region, you do don’t you?
“Why do you intervene, Goddess?” He asked, ignoring what he had just done. “What is that Stoopid Cat to you?”
For a split eon, Bast stared at the Master Sorcerer, dumbfounded by what she had just witnessed. It should be noted at this point that while Bast’s primary mission was to save Stoopid cat from total destruction, she had a secondary purpose in visiting the Master Sorcerer. At the time she was the only fully formed god or goddess in the Pre-Egyptian Pantheon. That means that she was the only one with 100% fully functional parts, get the picture? Well, anyway when the Master Sorcerer tucked that bolt into his pocket she almost fainted.
“One of my favored creatures…” She replied as she reached down between her legs and began slowly stroking the mane of her lion. The man’s sheer confidence in his abilities amazed her and she began to wonder if he was that confident about everything he did. With difficulty, she forced her attention back to his face and slowly let her hand drift upwards from her lion’s mane.
“Stoopid Cat is destined to…” A slight smile crossed her face as she stopped speaking for a moment. Her hand drifted up to her left shoulder where a single brooch held her robe-like garment in place. “Perhaps it would be better if I simply showed you.” A single motion disconnected the cat shaped brooch and her robe fell away revealing…
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Suddenly it was numb-nuts the Semi-Incomprehensible’s turn to be dumbfounded and amazed. Wonderingly he gazed around him as he pondered how improbable it was to be dumbfounded before being amazed. But it had happened and he had to accept the fact as he looked at the mysteries of the universe unfolding around him. Stars, Planets, and Nebulae swirled in an ever expanding panorama as his senses struggled to comprehend the vast enormity of what had been concealed in her robe. “And here I thought she was smuggling puppies,” he muttered.
Slowly he became aware that he was not alone with the goddess. STUGerbil floated on his right side and Stoopid Cat sat on the goddess’ left shoulder.
“Your two companions hail from a far flung and barely conceivable future, Master Sorcerer, but they are the key do defeating the most heinous menace our universe will ever face.”
Suddenly she was standing tall on the back of her lion, and the lower half of her garment had been whisked away. Two more universes appeared as she turned away from him. “Look at the universes, not what is between them,” she ordered sharply as she bent to place Stoopid Cat on the lion’s back. “For now anyway,” she added with a smile.
“How can there be more than one universe?” He asked in amazement, struggling to keep his attention focused on the twin moon shaped windows. “And do you realize how hard it is…”
“I told you,” she cut him off, “Look at the twin universes.”
Mentally, he counted to ten. She might be a goddess he thought thru clenched teeth but to tell someone not to look at something that…
“What you see are the universes that are closest to ours. Call them universes “B” and “C”.” She turned so that only the universe on the left was visible. “In the future that both StuRat and Stoopid Cat come from…”
Her words were cut off by a loud YOWL from Stoopid Cat. When Bast spoke the name “StuRat” STUGerbil had transformed. Gone was the vaguely powerful sorcerer and in his (its?) place stood the extremely powerful sorcerer. StuRat looked down at himself wonderingly.
”HOW??”
Interestingly it was the Numedian Lion who answered, prompting another surprised YOWL from Stoopid Cat.
“It is the first step in you becoming ME!” It (he?) roared. “Just remember this sequence; Rat, Sort of Human, Puppy, Collie, Lion. And never, EVER become a duck, or all is lost.”
“But what does all of this mean?” The Master Sorcerer and Stoopid Cat both asked at the same time, which caused another round of confusion because up to that point, no one but the Goddess knew that Stoopid Cat could talk (and that included S.C.).
“In the future that both StuRat and Stoopid Cat come from a vastly powerful being will lead his followers in an invasion of a place called Legion World. The only beings capable of defeating this menace are your descendent Pagan Lass, StuRat, and Stoopid Cat, If they can work together.”
“But I have no children,” the Master Sorcerer stammered.
“We will fix that,” the Goddess smiled.
The universes began to fold back into the robe of the Goddess, as she reached out to the stunned Master Sorcerer.
“Umm… I don’t want to interrupt, (or Watch) but who is this great menace?” StuRat asked in a small voice.
”The Master Baiter of Universe “C” and the Fish Hooker Legion.” Came the reply as the Cat Goddess and the Master Sorcerer faded from view…
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Meanwhile, StuRat led a team of LMBers across the universe to attempt to stop the Great Intellect/Mastermind that was creating this whole mess. Little did they know that they were walking into a terrible trap...
Death Blood, formerly Elmer Fudd, had summoned his three agents, Bloodbath, Avengilyne and Slaughter Hawk to mercilessly kill the LMBers as they came there way. The trap was set out, as they surrounded the Hootchie Hut. The Hootchie Hut, a bar in the middle of the galaxy and longtime pit-stop for the LMBP was right on the way to the Klorndy Festival, where the LMBP was hidden. No LMBPer had ever been able to resist stopping for a drink when passing it, even in when the universe was about to be destroyed, like the time Loser Lad stopped to smoke a doobie while the Anti-Monitor destroyed Earth-3.
StuRat led the LMBers, as the huge group of them began goofing off in the backround. Leading a small group of LMBers is rough, but leading a group of about thirty is almost impossible, as a massive game of space-leap frog broke out.
Suddenly, on Legion World, new member Esk had a sudden flash of foresight!
*editor's note*
Yup, that's Esk's power now! Unless she changes it, she now has Dreamy's power of foresight, or as we writers like to call it, a good plot device
*end editor's note*
Esk saw a vision of Stu being forced to return to Legion World, and understood that not doing so would create terrible consequences! Immediately, she told Lightning Lad! LL suddenly alerted Crusader, the LMBPer who was permanantly positioned at the LMBP Outpost. Crusader, using his telepathy, suddenly reached out across the cosmos to his sister Princess Crujectra and told her of Esk's vision! Crujeckie then told Stu and Faraway Lad, that Esk believed that Stu needed to be brought back home. Faraway, using his power to make things go faraway, suddenly grabbed Stu and Icefyre, and transported the two of them to a place faraway!
However, sad that they couldn't stop for a drink at the Hootchie Hut, StuRat, Faraway Lad and Icefyre had a quick drink at a hole-in-the-wall bar in some backwater planet. Little did they know of Stu's importance in the next battle...
----------------------------
Meanwhile, Princess Crujectra and original LMB leader Lard Lad took over the reins of the mission and continued heading the LMBers into the trap at the Hootchie Hut. Death Blood was pleased as the King of the Super-Moby Dicks and Wartworld now joined the four bad guys for a terrible Ambush.
The LMBers grew closer: Lard Lad, Hummer Lad, Lash Lad, Outdoor Miner, Harbinger, Arachne, Numf-El, Abin Quank, Space Ranger, Danny Blaine, Bugs Bunny, Vee, Semi, Sonnie, Princess Crujectra, Lucien Lad, Dev-Em, Umber & the Boyz, Ultra Matt, Non-Sequitor, and Sketch Lad. Little did they know there was going to be one hell of a battle on the way...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
And suddenly, Pagan Lass came up behind Nads-Kicker Lad, and with her pointy heel kicked HIM in the nads. As nads-kicker lad bent over in pain, the universe was released from his nads, and spurted forth again. See, he had not really destroyed the universe, he had just accidentally abosrbed it into his nads, and since Pagan Lass was so powerful she had managed to keep from being absorbed also. We now continue from where we left off...
posted
...although suddenly continuity began being torn apart! You see, Nads-Kicker Lad was killed on the first page of this thread! It was Nads-Kicker Lass who had destroyed the universe! But what really happened was that she had stapled her dead brothers Nads to her own vagina and then absorbed the universe into those same Nads! When Pagan Lass kicked him in the Nads, the universe was shot back out, and the Nads were destroyed!
Nads Kicker Lass soon decided that she could live this way no longer, and became a porn star named "Le Femme Dominique", the dominatrix who actually enjoyed having herself kicked in the vagina after kicking her sex-slaves in the Nads! Gross!
Meanwhile, while the universe was restored, everything was proceeding directly as it had before, with the small exception of black holes opening up all over space, and a book of magic suddenly appearing on Cobalt Kid's security office desk, which will be important many pages from now once all of the current storylines are finished!
The various LMBers were still approaching there destinations...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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