cleome46
or you can do the confusion 'til your head falls off
posted
Lard Lad's utility belt holds multiple specialized, pocket-sized song mixes that can be used to soothe the savage breasts of even his most formidable foes. It's easy for him to bring a battle to a swift end without destroying an entire city block, angering law enforcement or terrifying the public;He simply pops out the correct mix for broadcasting and sedates the enemy before he/she can strike a single blow.
Next: Wrecking Crew
-------------------- Hey, Kids! My "Cranky and Kitschy" collage art is now viewable on flickr. Drop by and tell me that I sent you.
From: Vanity, OR | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
Lardy can cast magical spells using cheese. Some sort of cheese is always a component of the spell and the spell only affects cheeses.
Next: April Showers
-------------------- Five billion years from now the Sun will go nova and obliterate the Earth. Don't sweat the small stuff!
From: Boston | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Lardy has the power to spy on women named April when they are in the shower. He can only do this for short periods or his eyes tend to fog up.
Next: Waxy, Yellow Buildup
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
When squeezing his eyes shut and holding his nose, Lard Lad can shoot large gobs of wax out of his ears, taking out any evil doers who happen to be standing on either of him.
Next: Hot Pockets
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
LardLad has the ability to instantly heat food to the perfect eating temperture, even from a frozen state. This only works on pizza pockets however.
NEXT: Collector's Edition
From: Fort McMurray | Registered: Nov 2004
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cleome46
or you can do the confusion 'til your head falls off
posted
Lard Lad's patented "Mylar Touch" can proof your most prized sequential literature against the ravages of time and nature-- without the need for any cumbersome and expensive bag 'n board paraphernalia.
Next: Presidential Timber
-------------------- Hey, Kids! My "Cranky and Kitschy" collage art is now viewable on flickr. Drop by and tell me that I sent you.
From: Vanity, OR | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
Lard Lad can fashion realistic decoys of all the presidents out of scraps of lumber. This power proved very useful during the "Revolt of the Girl First Ladies!"
Next: Cablevision
-------------------- Five billion years from now the Sun will go nova and obliterate the Earth. Don't sweat the small stuff!
From: Boston | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Quite a straight-forward power, Lardy has the ability to shoot a finely focused laser from his eyes toward a television at just the right frequency to toggle through over 120 channels. Very handy when the remote slips in between the couch cushions, or into other... ahem... hidden places.
Next: A Chicken in Every Pot
-------------------- See Here for the latest update on the 2013 Chicago Gathering (now including tentative attendance list)
Registered: Feb 2008
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Arm Fall Off Boy
Now starring in his own DC Comic, September 2011!
posted
Once, while foiling a string of robberies at Pottery Barn, Lardy put a live chicken in every pot. Then, he staked it out, and when the thief returned, every where he went, a chicken squawked. Lardy then captured him!
Next: Happy Meal
-------------------- Long Live all them Legions!
From: North Carolina | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Lard Lad can eat a meal and then a few hours later shoot small plastic toys out of his butt. It makes him a very popular guest at orphanages during the holidays...along with Disinfectant Damsel.
Next: Hopscotch
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
If Lard Lad hops over any 8 ounce glass containing any liquid, it turns into a fine 12 year Scotch. He is limited to 25 glasses per hour.
Next: Tinker Bell
-------------------- Five billion years from now the Sun will go nova and obliterate the Earth. Don't sweat the small stuff!
From: Boston | Registered: Aug 2003
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Arm Fall Off Boy
Now starring in his own DC Comic, September 2011!
posted
Just by saying the words "Tinker Bell!" Lardy shrinks to a height of 4 inches, and is able to go inside many complex machines, like a clothes dryer to retrieve missing socks.
Next: Saturated Fat
-------------------- Long Live all them Legions!
From: North Carolina | Registered: Feb 2008
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cleome46
or you can do the confusion 'til your head falls off
posted
"Saturation" means "maximum unity of one substance with another substance." Much in the same way, Lardy has an innate ability to seat fat single folks next to skinny single folks at all his posh dinner parties and have them cooing to one another like the proverbial lovebirds by party's end. Countless size-contrasting couples have attributed their long and happy relationships to "that awesome dinner party at Lardy's place."
Next: BB Gun
-------------------- Hey, Kids! My "Cranky and Kitschy" collage art is now viewable on flickr. Drop by and tell me that I sent you.
From: Vanity, OR | Registered: Dec 2008
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Arm Fall Off Boy
Now starring in his own DC Comic, September 2011!
posted
BB stands for "Big Butt." Due to his tremendously large bottom, Lardy is able to carry his backup weapon of choice between his own buttocks.
Next: Buffalo Wings
-------------------- Long Live all them Legions!
From: North Carolina | Registered: Feb 2008
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