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» Legion World » LEGION OUTPOST » Bits o' Legionnaire Business » Critic's Corner (post here about any fanart or fanfic) (Page 8)

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Author Topic: Critic's Corner (post here about any fanart or fanfic)
Lard Lad
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Next chapter's up, fellas...hope you enjoy!

Also, Des, I was originally gonna use Cobalt and Loser for that sequence, but it felt weird to use Loser in a "present" sequence with his continued absence. So I chose Faraway as another close friend. Turns out, it worked really well because it made sense for Cobalt to tell the story to someone who wasn't there at the time. Loser does appear in the flashback sequences in a prominent role, however!

Originally, the flashback was supposed to only take up two chapters, but I've decided to expand it to three since there's so much to tell. could've done it in two, but the second would've been inordinately longer than all the other chapters. Plus, it would've taken that much longer to write and post!

Anyhow, hope you like! And I'm waiting for more from you, Des!

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"Suck it, depressos!"--M. Lash

From: The Underbelly of Society | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lard Lad
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By the way, Loosh...just had a chance to read what you've got so far. I'm liking it a lot! You've got the most breezy, conversational style...can't wait for more!

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"Suck it, depressos!"--M. Lash

From: The Underbelly of Society | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bevis
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Thanking you kindly Lardy. I have to admit I'm making it up as I go along though. I have the basic ideas worked out but things keep happening as I'm typing the next chapter. The whole Lucien Lad/Time Mouse Trapper thing wasn't originally a part of the story at all but once Cobie (I think) mentioned that it had been established that the TMT was an AU version of Lash, who was laso the first person from the LMBP that I met, it made sense that there should eb the old 'animosity through time' thing going on. Their origins are going to be tied together even more as we go down the line. Also Cru wasn't going to be in it before but I just liked the idea of another LMBPer being involved as well. Now whether Crujetya is our Cru or an ancestress or what i think I shall leave up to others to decide (and it's the kind of thing that is probably good to leave hanging in case someone else wants to take it up down the line somewhere and run with it). That being said if the story goes the way that I plan it going then most of the LMBP (as a group) will turn up as well *before* Lucien joins them. Ooh, having a character who is all time displaced makes for so much fun when it comes to bringing in established characters. [Big Grin]

And I have to say that I'm liking yor new story Lardy. It's nice to go back and visit the very early days of the LMBP and see where Lardy has come from.

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Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)

From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lard Lad
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Thanks for the kind words, Loosh! As this story idea fleshed out in my mind, I thought it would be crucial for setting up where the character is going while also telling more about where he's been.

The flashback part gives you an idea of why the character is the way he is now. Why's he so into instant gratification? Why no love relationships? Why's he such a party animal? Well, we're seeing now how he was once very diferent and how being more open and loving really cost him.

And as the story progresses, we'll understand more why he'll someday be "Dark Lard". Suffice it to say, I'm really into this story! And being able to fill in some backstory in the LMB's history is a big part of the fun, too. (Incidentally, I see the "traitor" backstory as taking sometime before the road trip and your joining, so no Lucien Lad...hope that doesn't hurt your feelings! [Smile] )

Eagerly awaiting some more of your Loosh original......

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"Suck it, depressos!"--M. Lash

From: The Underbelly of Society | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dev - Em
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I just started a onevision to flesh out the Dev Em character for good.

Feedback is always welcome.

From: Turn around... | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Proty II
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Off to a good start, though I still like my version better. [Smile]

By the way, I was stuck doing mindless work all afternoon so I took advantage of it by reading the first two pages of The Price of Security. I'm hooked. Great stuff, Cobie.

I admit to being a bit intimidated by the tag team stuff. I don't think I'm knowledgable enough to tackle that yet. But everything I HAVE read tells me I've fallen in with a group of very talented people.

For those who want to see my take on Dev-em, you'll have to join my group. It's far to perverted to post on a family message board like this.


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HyperionRanch/

Erotic M/M stories with an emphasis on B&D. Meet your favorite characters from Pine Valley, the 30th Century, Middle Earth, West Hollywood, Graymarye, Amazona, and Major League Soccer at Hyperion Ranch!

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Yes, but now I'm back! I'm back FROM the future!

Vist Hyperion Ranch!
Guided tours of Chateau Crowbar now available!

http://hometown.aol.com/kidcrowbar/myhomepage/ranch.html

From: Hyperion Ranch, California | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cobalt Kid
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Proty, thanks for the kind words! I've read the first two posts on your thread (including that really nice poem) and like what I'm reading so far. I promise to get to all of it soon enough! And don't worry about the tag threads, hop on in and start posting! Continuity can be fixed, and we're always looking for a post that makes us laugh or smile!

And Dev, great to see you writing a Onevision too! I'm interested to see where this goes!

Lots of great stuff coming out here lately!

-Belinda, Fun and Games seems to be off to a great start! As always, I love your style of writing!
-Lardy, I really like the way you've brought in Tsarin to the story (not to mention Loser and Shady). Great stuff! As I've said before, I love reading about the LMB's past, and this is a treat.
-Bevis, I really like you're style of writing too. I feel like I'm just breezing through your posts, caught up in the story. And it appears that we're finally getting to the origin of Lucien Lad, at least, maybe we are...

From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Proty II
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I probably should have footnoted the poem but I figured everyone would recognize it. I keep forgetting that I'm from the Earth K universe and not everyone grew up with my music. "Legionnaire Heroes" is actually a song, and it's supposed to be sung to the tune of "Celluloid Heroes" by Ray Davies and the Kinks. I just changed some of the words is all.

One of the other songs I posted (in the subdebutante topic, I think), "Queen Team" is based on Petula Clark's "Downtown".

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Yes, but now I'm back! I'm back FROM the future!

Vist Hyperion Ranch!
Guided tours of Chateau Crowbar now available!

http://hometown.aol.com/kidcrowbar/myhomepage/ranch.html

From: Hyperion Ranch, California | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lard Lad
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Thanks, Cobalt...though honesty, if I'm gonna write a story with a part featuring the early days of the LMB, it makes since to use early LMBers! With Tsarin, in particular, I remembered how we portrayed him as the LMB scientist around that time. And using him enabled me to go on a "CSI: LMBP" riff in that last chapter! What fun!

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"Suck it, depressos!"--M. Lash

From: The Underbelly of Society | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cobalt Kid
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I figure most people read this thread (or at least hope [Smile] ), so just to let everyone know who doesn't check out the "Gallery Exhibits?" thread:

On April 1st, a good deal of us are planning an all Mano-exhibit, where all the artists draw a pick of Mano and any writers who want to contribute can write a story (most likely a short story, but longer ones are welcome!). We're planning to do this every month on the 1st of the month, and we'll be voting for who to do next month in the thread!

Join on in, it's gonna be fun! Thank Monkey-Eater Lad for the idea, and Drake, Gary and others for going with it! I know I'm looking to join in on the fun!

From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harbinger
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I haven't posted as much as I'd like to have of late due to working commitments and need to take this opportunity to say what a totally RAWKIN' forum this is!

There's more talent here and more support and great people than anywhere else I've ever posted!

Take a well deserved bow you guys, you know you are the best!

[Love] to you all

Bee xx

ps - [Poke Joke] now if only Abin Quank could pick up on his Ronn Karr story it would be perfect here [Big Grin]

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"Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.

From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cobalt Kid
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Well, after some encouragement from Belinda, I've been able to get my inspiration back and continue writing my story!

I've added five more 'chapters', and am glad to see the story moving along. I have a definate middle and end in mind, and I promise to get to them when I can!

I hope everyone else continues their stories, we've still got great stuff coming from Chuck, Lardy, Bevis, EDE, Dev, Lash, and of course Danny B and Belinda! And now Numf is finally giving us some more stories! Keep 'em coming! We need more!

Now to see if we can get the tag threads back on track! I see Sonnie has started up the Ongoing one again, I'll try to get to it soon, but now I'm tired [Smile]

And check out the Mano Wing and Teeds "Missing a Muse" galleries too, great stuff! (I plan to post in the latter ASAP, I promised Teeds I would [Smile] )!

For those interested, here is Princess Tarina, the new character that is in the latest chapters:
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[ April 07, 2004, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]

From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tempest
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Man, I just love the way you draw, or who ever is drawing these pics, hey, I would love to see all that you've done, you can email them to me at pizzazztiger@yahoo.com
that would be great, thanks

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And to show I bear no ill will, I, too, shall bestow a gift...

From: The Mansion | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Abin Quank
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Cobie, IB, Numf, Binger, Cramer, EDE, Lash, and anyone else out there who feels like adding a few lines...

Ongoing is up and running again...

Eddie talked Phineas into doubling all of the writers pay...

And Trixie is always willing to give a few "Pointers" to keep you perked up...

So Post Guys and Gals!

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Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!

With a Power Ring...

From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cobalt Kid
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Welcome Back Chuck!

Just wanted to say that there has been some great stuff by Mystery Lad, Korbal, and EmeraldEmpress! And great new pic Drake!

Sometimes it's hard to reply to each individual thread, so hopefully everyone still checks here for comments on all the stories!

And where are the next installments from Abin, 'Binger, Lardy, Bevis, EDE, Wayne, Dev and so many others?

*Oh yeah, and if you're not reading Matter-Eater Lad the series, shame on you!*

From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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